A/N: Again, you had to wait a long long time for this chapter... and we're truly sorry... but yeah, appearently you'll have to wait for most of the chapters... so, yeah... sorry about that.

And the last time Keet said that I'm the one who manages to write a lot at once... but that's soooooo wrong!! I mean, this chapter is about 90 hers!! I barely added something to this chapter... only the beginning and the end... but everything in between is thanks to her. So please, don't blame her... blame me, or the stupid time difference!!

So about this chapter, we know it's about a really serious subject, and we're both not joking about it. We just needed something dramatic to make Meredith realize she can't stay in Seattle, not with him. Though we can reassure you, she won't get anorexic or something like that.

Okay, now enjoy the chapter... and review review... the more reviews we get the faster we're gonna write the next chapter... lol...

xoxo Vivi

Disclaimer: Unfortunately we don't own Grey's Anatomy... but after all it's not that bad. Because fortunately Shonda owns it, and she's doing an awesome job with it... I mean, last episode definitely rocked!! And we got some awesomely cute MD moments!! YAY... all that's left to say is: I WANT A KIDNEY IN A JAR!! xD

Chapter 6: Courage:

Throughout the next few months, not a lot had changed, though a few things had.

Meredith and Derek become friends. Sort of. Actually, you wouldn't really call it friends, they talked sometimes... but they're conversations progressed only to simple small talk like "How are you?" or "Any good surgeries today?".

Meredith and Mark grew closer as time went on, you could probably say they became best friends. Okay, there was still Christina...but most of the time it was easier for Meredith to talk to Mark. Meredith found him easier to relate to; probably since he was the only other member of 'The Dirty Mistresses Club'. They had meetings almost every night at Joe's, before stumbling home and sleeping the effects that consistent consumption of alcohol had on them both.

And Mark and Derek managed to become friends again. They weren't as close as they had once been before; when Derek was still in New York. More importantly, before Mark slept with and fell in love with his wife. But they at least talked, and not in the same way Meredith and Derek did. They got along, and were able to have natural, real conversations, as long as neither of them brought up Meredith or Addison.

This month was Meredith's last month as an intern, that's if she passed the test, which Mark kept reassuring her that she would. But she seemed to be worrying a lot more about something else. Both, Mark and Christina had realized that a long time ago, but she wouldn't tell either of them what it was. Though, if they had any brains, they would have been able to guess it. Meredith was sure they would if they got desperate about her. Since Derek had chosen Addison, Meredith's physical and emotional health had gone down hill fast. She was barely eating, and even when she did she usually threw whatever she managed to get down up again the following morning when the alcohol wore off and she was left with the remains - a headache and puking her guts into the toilet bowl. But by now, this had become her morning ritual. She was over worked, and she was over exhausted. She was thin when she was dating Derek. When they had been happy, she was thin. But now she was almost unbareable to look at. She refused to eat anything at work, unless Mark threatened to force feed her, then she would swallow a couple of lettuce leaves and be done, unable to stomach any more. Her scrub size had gone from XS to XXS in only 2 months. Day after day, Meredith grew more exhausted, and thinner. She could barely walk the hospital's surgical floor without having to sit down on a chair. And this day was no different. Actually, this day was worse. Bailey was giving out orders to her suck-ups and Meredith's head was spinning. She lent on the nurses station bench to support her small body mass as the room spun at record breaking speed…before everything went black.

When Meredith woke, all she heard was the distant and faint beeping of monitors, before she felt the warm touch of a hand over hers, bringing her racing back to reality.

"Hey." Mark smiled sympathetically at her.

"What happened?" Meredith choked.

"You don't remember?" He asked sweetly. She remembered feeling like she always did, all the time. Her head spinning, her hangover taking over almost every logical though, the nausea she felt when she simply looked at food. Just the usual stuff that had become almost second nature to her.

"No." She almost cried while shaking her head slowly. She realized immediately that she shouldn't have done that, and her mind went spinning again. She shut her eyes, trying to block it out. Block everything out, but that just made it worse. Images of her and Derek and Addison came spinning like a whirlpool back into her mind, stuck on replay.

"You collapsed Meredith." He looked at her sadly.

"Why?" she asked as a few stray tears leaked from her shining eyes.

"You were dehydrated and over-exhausted. You barely slept the last weeks. You're overworked Meredith. But most importantly, you are suffering from a mild case of malnutrition and you are anemic." He said flatly as he watched her face for any reactions. It was blank. Which hurt Mark more than if she had any other reaction to the news.

"Malnutrition? How? Anemia…deficiency of hemoglobin in red blood cells. Oh my god." She stated as she thought about how this had happened.

"Meredith…" Mark started "You have barely eaten anything these past few months. And when you did, it was a lettuce leaf that you threw up the next morning after excessive alcohol consumption. You weren't getting anywhere near enough food to continue on like this." He explained solemnly as he waited for her to absorb the news.

"How bad is it?" she asked shakily.

"It's pretty bad Meredith. If you had gone another couple of weeks, Dr. Bailey said that you might have become anorexic." He said as a tear slipped down his cheek at the thought of the possibility of losing this beautiful girl, and his best friend.

"Oh my god. I'm a doctor. I should have realized. I should have known. I just…I got so caught up in trying to work, trying to block everything out, and I got so used to not being hungry that it became a habit not to eat. I work at a hospital…didn't anyone else see it? Didn't you see it?" she asked as she removed her hand from his comforting one.

"I did. We all did. We thought you would deal with it when you were ready. We tried to make you eat, but Christina told me that you would come around eventually…and that 'eventually'…well…it never came. I waited for it. I waited for you to realize that none of your clothes fit you anymore, and that you were constantly exhausted…but you didn't. And I was going to speak to you tonight. But it appears that your body spoke to you first." He sighed.

"Oh Mark. I am so sorry. I didn't even realize. When my clothes stopped fitting…I just bought new ones…and the exhaustion…I thought that was from the late nights and excessive alcohol consumption. But it wasn't. It was my body telling me to eat something." She sighed as she recalled almost everyday of the past few months, how she put off eating as much as possible, because eating gave her time to stop and think. And thinking was not good. Thinking consisted of…

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Derek." Meredith finished her thought out loud.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" he asked sweetly with his McDreamy smile as he made his was closer to her bed.

"I've never been better." She joked, but wore a stern, serious expression on her features.

"Mark. Could you give us a minute…please?" Derek begged with his eyes.

"Okay." He hesitated. "I'll be right outside if you need me." He smiled down at Meredith before exiting the room, leaving all the awkwardness trapped inside.

"Hi." Derek smiled again, even sweeter than the smile he gave her before, if that was possible. Meredith could drown in that smile. And those eyes. And those lips. Definitely those lips. No. bad thoughts. And very bad time to be thinking about those thoughts. Meredith told herself as her cheeks flushed a light pink colour. "You okay?" Derek asked. "Your face has turned a little flustered." He smiled.

"Yeah. I'm okay. What are you here for?" she asked him seriously, just wanting Mark to come in and continue comforting her.

"Meredith. You collapsed from malnutrition, and you barely eat. And we're friends. Friends do things like this and they care."

"Okay." She looked up at him expectantly, like something was missing. Of course something was missing. Derek wasn't hers anymore. And soon she wouldn't have to see him any more. And life would be good.

"When do you get out of here?"

"Tomorrow. As long as I promise Dr. Bailey I'll eat. Not like I will have much choice, I spend my days with her." Meredith half smiled.

"Okay. That's good. We are all here to take care of you Mer." Derek smiled sadly as he took her hand in his. As he did this, Meredith body began to heat up and jolts of electricity shocked their way through her. God Meredith! He's holding your hand! Get a grip. She told herself, but that didn't help her. He's married. Pig-headed, adulterous married. And his wife is your boss. And she is impossible to hate. "Mer?" Derek asked, concern lacing his voice. "You okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah. What did you say?"

"I asked if you wanted anything from the cafeteria."

"Oh. No thanks. I'm fine."

"Mmm." He nodded sadly.

"What?"

"You're always 'fine'. That's the thing Meredith. You've just been diagnosed with malnutrition and anemia and you collapsed this morning. And you're 'fine'. We're supposed to be friends, and we don't even have conversations. We never talk."

"We talk Derek. We're talking right now."

"That's not the point, Mer. I talk to my scrub nurses more than I talk to you. And this conversation is only still going because you can't make up an excuse to leave, and you can't run away, because you're on strict bed rest. We need to talk. I need you to understand why I did what I did." He said as a single tear slipped down his face and he brushed it away quickly with his free hand.

"I need to talk to you, too." She said sadly.

"Okay."

"Come over tomorrow night. I have the house to myself, so we can talk without being interrupted."

"What time?"

"Around…6?" she asked.

"Sure." He said. "And Mer. I love you." He smiled. Meredith looked at him with shock and anger.

"Get out!" she told him flatly, showing none of the emotion that she felt.

"What?"

"You heard me. Get OUT!" she yelled at him.

"But…"

"Out!"

"Okay." He turned away defeated just as Mark entered the room. He turned to Derek and glared at him for a moment.

"You okay?" Mark asked.

"No. I'm not okay." She sobbed as Mark climbed in behind her and held her shaking body. As her tears and sobs began to subside into the occasional sniff, Mark stroked her hair in a soothing way.

"What happened? What did he do this time." He asked after she had been quiet for a while.

"He..." she started trying to catch her breath. "He... err... nothing." she trailed off, not able to repeat what Derek had told her just a few minutes ago.

"I think I'm gonna go." Mark said slowly. "That's if you're okay with it." he added now standing in front of her.

"Sure, go." she smiled rolling her eyes. "Just... don't be too mean to him." he added. The last few times she ended up in tears because of Derek, Mark always got after him and kicked his ass for being one.

/

"Why the hell didn't you tell me you collapsed??" Christina barged into her room without even bothering knocking.

"I couldn't really walk down the hospital in this beautiful dress." she said sarcastically pointing to her gown.

Christina sat down on the edge of her bed and just kept talking to her, in her typical Christina way, denying everything.

By the end of the day everyone had shown up in her room. Izzie, of course, came in right after Christina, followed by George, and later Alex. Even Addison came to visit, before she was paged, and she seemed really sorry. Though Meredith wasn't really sure what she was sorry for.

She liked being surrounded by her friends; they made her feel like she could get through it all. She really started to believe she could make it. Though there was one person who kept glaring at her from outside her room who she wished would just disappear. He knew she wouldn't want him in there, that she couldn't deal with him right now. But he couldn't help himself, he had to see that she was getting better, he had to see her smiling. He didn't care that him and Addison would probably argue about it later, because of the amount of time he was spending at the hospital, but he didn't care, because his 'friend' was sick, and he was going to be there for her.

It was kinda funny, everyone used to call him the jealous one, even Addison. And now she was the one acting jealous, always wanting to know where he was when he came home later than usual. But after all, didn't she have all reasons to be jealous? She knew he wasn't cheating on her, but she also knew that his heart wasn't hers. It hadn't been hers for quite a long time, she had even started doubting whether it had ever been hers.

"Good night, Derek." Meredith whispered into the cold emptiness of her hospital room. He was still standing outside her room, occasionally glancing at her and holding her gaze, before one of them broke it. Just her and him. Like it used to be. The only difference being the fact that he was standing outside her room, and not next to her, reassuring her that everything was going to be okay. But Meredith knew better than to trust her stupid brain. She knew that everything wasn't going to be okay. She knew that it might possibly never be okay again.

"Good night." she echoed into the still silence before falling asleep.