Ch 23

Notes: I apologize if Naruto seemed unusually stupid in the last chapter. He's not really stupid; he's just fascinated with magic and easily amused. I was actually trying to convey how easily he accepts odd things; so long as they aren't creepy (he's superstitious). That, and the bubbles were too funny to delete.

The four young people halted once they were inside the castle, looking this way and that in awe. The castle was huge! The courtyard itself was enough to keep them busy sightseeing.

"Whoa…" Naruto said, looking around. "This place is so cool! Hey, there's cherry trees over there!" He ran over to the trees and grabbed a half-dozen of the fruit. Popping one in his mouth, he bit down, only to immediately spit it out when it proved harder than he'd expected. "Blech! Hard as a rock!" Said cherry landed none-too-gently on a stone two feet away.

KABOOOOOM!! "Yaaah!!" The blast knocked Naruto off his feet, and the remaining five cherries tumbled from his hands.

KA-BA-BA-BA-BOOOOOOOOM!!

The resulting explosion, five-fold stronger than the first, threw Naruto several feet back and left his clothes and his person smoking and sooty. "O-ouch…" was all he could croak out.

"Oh, dear." a voice said. "Are you all right?"

They turned around.

Ino gaped. She flat-out gaped like a fish, jaw almost touching the ground. There was a woman… horse… thing, and she wasn't wearing any type of clothing at all! And of course, being horse-sized everything was larger. Everything. Specifically, two somethings which had her staring like an idiot while the boys were probably passing out from nosebleeds.

She managed to sneak a glance at the boys and realized that while they weren't being bled dry, they were most certainly not oblivious.

Naruto was staring in much the same awe she was. Ed was as red as that coat of his, and looked like he was either going to jump and run or pass out at any moment. Negi was blushing slightly, but otherwise seemed fine. Well, he was only ten or so…

Slowly, Naruto's stunned look changed into a grin of mischievous respect. "Heh, Oba-san, you're almost as good as my Orioke no Jutsu."

The horse-woman swished her tail and gave him a smile. "I'll take that as a compliment, though I'm not sure what you're referring to." she said.

"It's this thing where I turn into a hot naked woman and make all the guys around me pass out." Naruto said. "It's awesome!"

"Naked?" She seemed surprised. "You make them freak out, and you don't even need to wear panties to do it? That's a powerful Talent."

"What are you talking about?" Ino blurted out. "It's a perverted technique, not a talent!"

"Not a talent, dear, a Talent. A magic talent."

"It's not magic…" Ino looked confused.

"Maybe it is, Ino-san." Negi said. "Excuse me, Ma'am." he said to the centaur lady. "We're not natives of Xanth. Could you explain in greater detail?"

"Mundanes?" she looked surprised.

"Not quite Ma'am." Negi shook his head. "We're from another dimension. Multiple other dimensions, actually, and none of us are what could be termed 'mundane'."

"My apologies then. I'd be happy to explain. Firstly, I'll introduce myself. My name is Cherie Centaur. This," Cherie indicated their surroundings, "Is Castle Roogna, the capital of the land of Xanth."

Her tail flicked lightly against her side. "Here in Xanth, every human and some semi-human species are born with a Magic Talent, which grows and matures as they do, until it manifests at or around puberty. Of course, more powerful talents tend to manifest themselves earlier. Each talent occurs once, and only once, at a time, and each person has only one talent. These talents range from something as simple and useless as the ability to create a small discoloration on a surface—a spot on a wall—to such complex and powerful Talents as living transfiguration. The former King Trent had that Talent, the ability to transform any living creature into any other living creature, regardless of the mundane laws of science."

Ed stared at her with fascination, tugging absently on his braid. At first he had been shocked and embarrassed by her lack of clothing. Then he had been astonished by her ability to speak and function in a normal and seemingly natural fashion—as a semi-human creature, she was a great deal like a chimera. Finally, when she began her explanation, he was transfixed by her academic bend and her apparent knowledge of science.

"So, everyone in Xanth has a magic talent?" Naruto said, interrupting Ed's thoughts. "What about people who aren't from Xanth, like us?"

"An astute question." Cherie smiled, causing Naruto to blush and rub the back of his head awkwardly, grinning. "In most cases, such people are mundane, that is, coming from the part of our world which is outside of Xanth, collectively called Mundania. If a mundane were to live in Xanth for an extended period—several years at least—they would slowly absorb the magical ambience and develop a magic Talent. Dimensional travelers such as you fall into one of two cases. Either they retain their own natural gifts as determined by their world of origin, or they temporarily lose those abilities in exchange for a magical Talent for the duration of their stay."

"Of course!" Negi snapped his fingers, smiling. "Naruto-san and Ino-san have lost their ability to mold chakra, which means that they must have gained magic Talents. I lost my normal magical abilities, so I must also have a magical Talent. And Ed…" he looked at the blond alchemist. "Ed, can you still use your alchemy?"

Ed shrugged. "Don't know. Let's find out." Clapping his hands, he knelt and placed them against the ground, brows knitting slightly in concentration. A sharp spur of stone erupted from the earth, bringing a smile to Negi's face.

"Looks like it still works, Ed!" he smiled perkily.

"Man, that is so not fair!" Naruto complained. "Why does Ed get to keep his alchemy but I don't get my chakra?"

Ed wasn't smiling. Instead, he frowned at the spike as though it confused and annoyed him.

"Ed?" Negi asked, looking concerned. "You don't look too happy that you kept your alchemy."

Ed's scowl deepened. "There weren't any sparks." he said.

"Huh?" Naruto squinched his eyes up confusedly.

"Usually, when I use alchemy, there's a slight discharge of alchemic energy, similar in form to electricity and soft light. In this case, there wasn't. I don't think this was my alchemy at all."

"Then what do you think it is?"

"I think it's my Talent." Ed grimaced at the notion. "I think this exchange switched my scientific alchemy for…" he made a face. "…magic alchemy."

Cherie stomped a hind hoof thoughtfully, nodding contemplatively. "That would make sense." she said. "Magic often works in efficient ways; it would be simplest to run in a well-worn track, meaning that your Talent would resemble some ability or attribute which was already present in you."

"And since Talents never repeat," Negi said in a flash of inspiration, "Any shared ability, such as Ino-san and Naruto-san's chakra molding, wouldn't be considered."

"Exactly." Cherie nodded. "Which narrows down your list of Talents to try out considerably, doesn't it?"

"So, what're our Talents?" Naruto asked eagerly.

"It's probably something you do a lot, Naruto-san." Negi said. "So… maybe your kage bunshin?"

"Rock! Majo-bunshin!" Naruto exclaimed. "Lemme try it!" He dropped easily into a combat stance, clasping his hands in the proper seal. "Majo Bunshin no Jutsu!" he shouted.

Nothing happened.

"What?"

"Nothing happened, Naruto-san."

"I KNOW that, Negi!" Naruto shouted. "Why not?!"

"Maybe that isn't your magic Talent." Ed shrugged. "Try something else."

"Like what? Rasengan doesn't work. If Kage Bunshin won't work, Tajuu Kage Bunshin won't work either." Naruto scratched his head. "Maybe kuchiyose no jutsu?" He quickly bit his thumb and formed the necessary seals before slapping the ground and shouting out "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

Again nothing happened.

"What?! This sucks!" Naruto yelled. "I can't summon Gamabunta either? Not even Gamakichi or Gamatatsu? Not even a freakin' tadpole?!"

"Calm down, Naruto-san!" Negi exclaimed. "You still have a few more left to try, right? And maybe it's not a jutsu. Maybe it's just something that's naturally yours."

"Like what, a magical obsession with ramen?" Ed asked sarcastically.

"Ed!" Negi protested.

"What? It could happen." Ed shrugged.

"Dammit, don't make fun of me!" Naruto yelled at Ed.

"Or maybe it's a magically loud and obnoxious voice…"

"DAMMIT, ED!" Naruto shouted. "I'll show you! My magic talent is definitely gonna be my most dangerous technique! It'll be freakin' awesome!" He struck a pose. "ORIOKE NO JUTSU!"

This time, something happened.

Without a bang, without a cloud or even a wisp of smoke, Naruto was transformed into a shockingly striking figure. And what a figure! From dainty feet, to shapely legs, to smoothly rounded hips and narrow waist, to perfectly matured and full breasts, to cutely sexy face and perky blonde ponytails, she was a flawless example of exquisite female anatomy.

"Moh, Ed-kun." s/he pouted at him. "You're so mean to me."

Ed turned redder than his coat and fell over backwards, spluttering incoherently.

Negi blushed furiously and began waving his arms about frantically and pointlessly, stammering nonsense.

Cherie blinked in surprise, but didn't seem too scandalized. Then again, she didn't wear clothes either.

Ino exploded in rage. "NARUTO NO BAKA!!" she screeched, punching him nearly as hard as Sakura. "You… you… you pervert! Why did your Talent have to be the single most ridiculous, perverted, useless thing you can do?!"

When he landed from his impromptu flying lesson—hard—Naruto changed back into his usual self. "OWWW!!" he yelled in pain.

"Actually, that's quite a useful Talent." Cherie remarked. "Literal Transgenderism. And if I'm not mistaken, you can keep or discard your clothing as you so desire. Truly fascinating. Next time, I would suggest giving your female form panties for additional affect."

"WHAT?" Ino yelled. "You can't possibly be supporting this!"

"Why not? As I said, it's a useful Talent. Awkward for you humans, perhaps, but useful. There are many Talents that are virtually useless, such as the ability to change the color of one's urine."

Naruto made a gagging noise at that imagery.

"Ewww." Ino said. "Is that a real Talent? I wouldn't even call that a Talent…"

Cherie shrugged, an interesting motion of shoulders and upper torso that caught the boys' attention. "Magician Bink has mentioned a man from his village claiming that ability as his Talent, and the Magician is an honest man."

Negi was the first to shake his head and snap out of it, speaking up again. "Um, Cherie, Ma'am, why did you say that Naruto-san should wear panties for added affect?"

"Because Xanth has so much magic, there are many supernatural phenomena that we call incidental magic here." Cherie explained. "For example, every human or semi-human creature speaks the same language, even mundanes who have never been here before. I was referring to the magic power of panties. Any man who sees a woman in her panties will immediately freak out, the symptoms being paralysis, glazed eyes, muscle rigidity, and occasionally, memory loss."

"Really…" Naruto said, a look that could only be called pure mischief spreading across his face. "Is that so… heheheh." He gave an evil snicker. "I like this place already."

"Great, you've created a monster." Ino said, giving Naruto a disgusted look. "As if he wasn't bad enough already."

"What's your Talent, Ino-san?" Negi asked suddenly. "If Naruto's is Literal Transgenderism, based off of his Orioke no Jutsu, what's yours?"

"That's obvious, Negi-kun." Ino said, tossing her head. "It's beauty. I'm not just beautiful, I'm magically beautiful."

"Pfft, yeah right." Naruto said, Ed nodding his agreement. "If you were magically beautiful, you'd look different. Or do you just get ugly here without magic?"

"WHY YOU JERKS!!" Ino snarled furiously. "I'm beautiful; I am!" She grabbed the two blondes by their collars and started shaking them. "Look at this face! LOOK AT THIS FACE AND TELL ME I'M PRETTY!!"

"Noooooo!" Naruto wailed in mock-fear, as Ed scrabbled at his neck, trying not to choke.

"Actually, I'm afraid your Talent can't be magical beauty." Cherie said, almost apologetically. "Because that's my Talent."

They all stopped in what they were doing to stare blankly at her for a few moments.

"…what?" Naruto said. "You mean you're not all sexy without magic?"

"I didn't say that." Cherie frowned. "I'm simply not as pretty. And I'd rather not speak of obscenities please."

"Obscenities?" Negi asked, curious and a bit lost.

"Among traditional Centaurs, magic Talents are considered obscene, much as humans consider natural functions such as defecation to be obscene."

"Oh."

"I don't get it." Naruto whispered to Ed.

"She said that most centaurs think having a magic Talent is like taking a dump in public." Ed replied, making a disgusted face.

"Oh. Eww."

"So, if Ino-san's Talent isn't beauty," Negi said, avoiding all sensitive subjects nicely. "What is it?"

"Prob'ly her Shintenshin no Jutsu." Naruto said. "I mean, that's the only special thing about her, isn't it?"

"Shut up, idiot." Ed hissed. "Do you want to die?"

Indeed, Ino was glaring death at the two blonds she still held in her grip.

"Shintenshin no Jutsu?" Cherie asked curiously, her pronunciation oddly accurate. "May I ask what that is?"

Ino sighed, glaring at the boys once more before releasing them. "It's basically the ability to possess someone." she said.

"My, that would be a useful Talent, if it is indeed your Talent." Cherie said approvingly, causing Ino to give Naruto a superior smile.

He stuck his tongue out at her. Ed smacked him on the back of his head, causing him to bite his tongue. "OW! Ed, you made me bite my tongue!" Naruto protested.

"Then don't stick it out, stupid."

"Quit it, both of you!" Ino ordered, and they shut up. "Cherie-san," Ino said more politely to the centaur lady. "May I test my Talent on you? I'd rather not possess an idiot, especially if it's a boy."

"But… I'm not an idiot…" Negi protested faintly, looking lost and adorably confused.

"I don't mind." Cherie said. "But please leave my body quickly if you do succeed."

"Oh, sure." Ino agreed readily. "Now then…" she made the necessary seal and aimed it at Cherie. "Shintenshin no Jutsu!" She fell over, and Negi hurriedly caught her.

"Ino-san, are you alright?" the little magician asked anxiously.

"I'm fine, Negi-kun." Cherie said, and Negi's head snapped around to look at her. "It worked. Possession really is my Talent!" she smirked, the expression looking odd on Cherie's lovely face.

"Congratulations, Ino-san!" Negi gave her a brilliant smile.

"Aww, you're so cute!" Ino giggled in Cherie's body, making it shake a little and making the boys stare again. "And you're perverts!" she shouted, spinning around and kicking Naruto in the chest, covering her own in the process. Ed barely managed to throw himself flat in time to be missed.

"Ah, Ino-san!" Negi exclaimed. "Shouldn't you return to your own body now? Cherie asked you to leave her body quickly."

"You're right." Ino said, lacing her fingers together. "Release!"

After a moment, Ino stirred, and Cherie turned back around, in control once more. "My," she said. "That is an odd feeling."

"Yeah." Ino agreed. "And it means that Negi's the only one left. What's your Talent, short stuff?"

"I don't know." Negi said. "I thought it might be wind manipulation, since I can still hear and smell things from far away, but I tried all of my spells on the way here and none of them work…" he looked despondent. "I think maybe it's something completely useless that I haven't thought of yet." he said, tearing up. "What if… what if I'm useless here? A deadweight? What if I don't have a Talent?" He looked so completely worried and adorable that Ino and Cherie both hugged him, the centaur lady kneeling down on her forelegs in order to do so.

"Don't worry, Negi-kun!" Ino said fiercely, almost crying herself. "I'm sure we just haven't figured it out yet! You're a magic genius, remember? You've got to have a Talent!"

"Don't cry, dear." Cherie said soothingly, stroking his hair. "I'm sure you have a wonderful Talent."

"Really?" Negi asked, eyes huge and hopeful in a face so incredibly cute that the two females immediately assured him that yes, yes he surely had a perfect Talent, just for him.

"I… I want to throw up." Naruto said.

"I know what you mean." Ed agreed. "That's just disgusting the way they're fawning over him like that."

They sighed together. "Sad thing is," they said simultaneously. "I almost did the same thing. And damned if I know why! Eh?" They blinked and looked at each other. "That's it!"

"Negi, we figured out your Talent!" Naruto shouted.

"What?" Ino said, startled.

"Yeah!" Naruto grinned. "He's cute."

"Well, duh, Naruto!" Ino said. "He's always been cute!"

"No, he means magically cute." Ed said, also smirking. "He's so cute that he's just irresistible. Everyone wants to make him happy and safe. That's why you two are goo-ing over him like moms with a baby."

"I'm not goo-ing!" Ino protested, hugging Negi to herself.

"Ino-san, you're squishing me." Negi said.

"Eh?" Ino looked down and realized what she was doing. She let go immediately. "I… okay, so I was goo-ing!" she said. "Cherie-san was doing it too!"

"Duh, Ino, that's what we said!" Naruto scoffed. "You two're all mushy over him."

"You're right." Cherie said, standing back up. "Ineffable Adorability. I'd heard of the Talent of being Ineffably Charming before, so that makes sense."

"See, Ino?" Naruto grinned at her.

"Okay, I guess you're right." she sighed. "So Ed's Talent is Alchemy, Naruto's is Literal Transgenderism, mine is Possession, and Negi's is Ineffable Adorability. Wait, that's hard to say. Negi's Talent is Unspeakable Cuteness."

"Um, I like the other way better." Negi said.

"Why? It's a mouthful."

"It sounds less… cutesy."

"But you are cute."

"It sounds less girly cutesy!"

"Oh. Okay, fine, you're Ineffably Adorable."

"Thank you."