It's Always the Quiet Ones.
Chapter Two.
Last year, I took advantage of Remus's condition and tried to feed Snivellus to him. That was the only time I've ever had to even apologize to him, let alone beg for forgiveness. Usually stuff just passed. He knows I'm sorry, and we just move on and pretend it didn't happen.
This wasn't another Whomping Willow Incident, but by the time I stepped out of the shower that morning, I knew I would have to apologize. I knew Remus well enough to know that this wouldn't just roll off his back.
So I pulled on some clothes and went to find him.
It seemed unlikely that he would be in his bed, so close to where I would eventually reappear, but I decided to check anyway, and it was a good thing I did.
The curtains were charmed shut, so I knew he was in there. Even after the Incident, he hadn't used magic to keep me at bay...
Of course, he'd used Madam Pomfrey instead, who was a lot more effective than any spell.
I poked at the curtains. They wiggled, but did not open. "Remus?" I called in a whisper. James and Peter were still asleep, after all.
"No," came Remus's shaky reply.
I slipped into humor. "That wasn't a yes or no question. Remus, let me in." Okay, so humor didn't come out quite as silly as I had hoped. It was also ineffective. The curtains stayed firmly closed, and Remus didn't even answer.
So I pulled out my wand. I didn't know what locking charm Remus used on his curtains, but I knew which one I used and decided to try that.
I lifted that charm and tried the curtains again.
No such luck. Remus knew his friends too well. And his charms.
That's when an idea occurred to me.
The bed was a canopy. That meant the curtains hung from beams between the tall bed posts. The posts did not reach the ceiling.
I scaled one of the posts, preparing to drop into Remus's bed once I got to the top. But his sad voice stopped me halfway. "You don't get it, do you?" he said.
I dropped back to the floor. "Get what?"
A sigh from inside the bed. "Privacy. Have you heard of it?" he said.
"Remus, I know, I'm sorry," I began, climbing the bed post once again. "I want to apologize, but I want to apologize to your face." My head poked over the top of the curtain and I looked down at him. He appeared to be curled into a fetal position, buried under the covers with his head under a pillow.
In other words, I couldn't see an inch of him.
The body under the covers twitched, and Remus's head poked out from beneath them to look at me. "Do you even realize what you're doing?" he asked. "Do you realize that you're climbing my bed curtains to get past my locking charms because you want to apologize for invading my privacy? What do you think you're doing now?"
I groaned and slipped back to the floor once again. What was wrong with me?
"Fuck, Remus, I'm sorry," I moaned into my hands. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
"I know you're sorry, just... Just go away. We'll talk about this later."
I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see me. "Right. Later," I said.
Then I fled the dorm, not stopping until I arrived in the farthest corner of the common room. There, I curled into an overstuffed armchair and buried my head in my hands.
About a quarter hour passed before I was pulled from my self-abusive thoughts by my friends.
Well, two of my friends.
Actually, which two friends it was surprised me. It wasn't Remus who was missing... It was James.
"We tried everything. He will not wake up," said Peter.
"Kept begging for five more minutes, and we just had to let him," added Remus.
Peter rubbed his head, wincing. "That guy is dangerous when he wants something."
"You're telling me," muttered Lily Evans as she walked past them and out through the portrait hole.
I chuckled uneasily. "Breakfast then, shall we?" I said.
On the way down to the great hall, Remus chatted away with Peter as if nothing was wrong. He even tried to include me in the conversation. I tried my best to join in the charade of normalcy, but my mind wasn't with the conversation.
I just couldn't understand it! Remus should have still been off feeling mortified, not making conversation with Peter, and especially not making conversation with me!
He should have been furious with me! I'd walked in, knowingly and with malice aforethought, on him doing the most private thing a 17 year old bloke can do.
Well, aside from trying on women's clothing or something, and parading around in it in front of mirrors. That's pretty private too.
Not that I ever did that. I'm just saying...
Theoretically...
Anyway. Point is, Remus should have been blushing every time he looked at me.
And don't get me wrong, I wasn't wishing he was mad at me. I was just... confused.
Why was it me that was having such a hard time pretending like nothing had happened? Why was it me that was only partway paying attention to the conversation?
Why did my brain keep flashing back to that image of him, hunched over in the shower?
I was a mess, and he was fine, and that wasn't the way it should have been.