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He turns to me, his eyes wide. "Oh, Bella… love, did you believe me? Did you ever believe I didn't? Bella, I love you. I always have, and I always will, and I hope you can still love me… but I don't expect it. I can't ask such an impossibility, after everything I've done to you."

My heart is beating again. No matter that it has stopped, this organ is no longer useless. Instead, it is alive, and vital. It is his.

I won't go so far as to say I believe him. More relief than belief. My hope is not shot down.

It is allowed to build, instead.

"Edward. Edward. Please, don't be lying."

His face is agonized. "Can you believe that of me? I suppose you have every right to, after all this. Love, I swear never to leave your side again…"

"Don't! Don't you dare make me a promise you'll only break."

He winces. "I guess I deserve that. But I swear to you, I am not lying."

"I didn't say you were lying. I just… I can't accept a promise." I have difficulty putting into words something I scarcely can understand in my own thoughts. "The reason… I suppose… I still don't trust myself. If I have your promise… you'll be stuck. If you don't want me, and you're trapped. I can't stand that. It's worse than anything. I can't stand to see you hurt."

Again, he turns away, from me to his thoughts. His mutterings are clearly decipherable to my vampire's ears. "You… you monster. You will never earn her love back. You monster."

I speak deliberately and slowly, as much to convince myself as him. "Edward, listen to me. You do not earn love. It is given to you. You can try to deserve it, but people love you in spite of what you do, not because of it."

"You love me?"

I roll my eyes. This is surprising, the recovery of my ability to make sarcastic motions, as I have been previously unable to do anything resembling levity. "I dressed up as a boy and followed you across a continent and a half. I should think I have some actual motivation for doing this. It seems an unlikely whim, to me. I mean, I've been wrong before…"

He laughs. I realize it is the first laugh of his I've heard since I came here. Perhaps my soul is not the only one drained by our parting.

"Oh, love. I have missed you."

I hear my heart leap at the words. "And I you."

"Bella, I know these are just words. I know they don't mean anything. But I love you more than anything else in the world."

"You're wrong. They mean the most." Now a hero is he, who only tells a lie, and swears by it…

No. I cannot believe it is a lie. Maybe hope will destroy me, but despair will also do the trick.

"Edward, I know I shouldn't ask you this. I know it'll hurt you. But I have to know… why did you leave me?"

He looks away again, and I turn with his head. I can't stand not seeing him. That is how madly I love him, especially now. I shall allow the joy to set in later, when I'm not so busy. It will overwhelm.

I need to have my wits with me now. This conversation will have to be very careful if I want to prove his love without hurting him.

"I love you. You have to know that. I always did, and I always will. You are the most important thing in my world and always were. But… that night, in the tent…"

"I knew that was a bad idea," I grumble, and Edward laughs.

"Jacob asked me for a year, to see if he could fix you without me there. He also said he wanted only one thing from me in return for healing you. And I decided he was right. I was going to have to take your soul, very soon, and the idea terrified me. It was a decision partially out of fear. I was paralyzed to damn you. And he asked. I thought only I would be hurt. A negligible price. I was almost glad to pay it."

"You left because Jake told you to?" That seems ridiculous.

"You could put it that way… but why aren't you with him?"

"He imprinted. You weren't gone a month before he reappeared toting this gorgeous stranger." The memory twists my face in agony, before I remember I would not be here without first being left by Jake.

"Oh, Bella… love, I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry? I'm happy for him. Now he has something, something better… something like you and me." I blush-smile again, worried I am going to scare him somehow, and glad I am past embarrassing human responses.

"Indeed." Edward traces my face with a single finger, and though there is not so dramatic a physical response, my heart is far from unaffected. He smiles. I see there is still guilt there, but he will never let me see it again. Instead, it is his mask, a perfect one crafted of stone and love.

He bends that face to me, catches my lips with his. Our mouths press together. Unlike our last reunion, he is even gentler than he was with my fragile human self. He seems almost anxious.

I have no such qualms. If he wants me, really wants me, I see no reason not to give myself to him.

His arms lock around my waist as I press my body into his.

I feel his lips smile around mine. He pulls his head back a fraction and whispers, "I wish I could have said good-bye like this."

"Never say good-bye again," I reply, suddenly terrified.

He kisses me again.

My hands work their way into his hair without my conscious command. It is very soft beneath my fingers, like strands of silk. Again, he smiles.

This is where I belong, and if I don't trust him completely yet… that doesn't really matter.

"So, wedding's back on?" Alice interjects.

Edward and I share a meaningful look. I want to marry him. I've realized that. I want to know he will never love another. I want a guarantee with a ring and a certificate. My Edward, mine and no one else's. I want him to promise a promise that's sacred to him, that he won't be able to break, that he holds paramount. Something he wants to swear. He wanted me to marry me… I think he will still, I think he will ever leave once I want to wed him. It is another step towards believing.

"Alice, don't be ridiculous. I am totally unworthy of Bella's forgiveness, much less her hand in marriage. She shall forgive me when she feels ready. And I shan't ask for anything more, an instant before she's ready."

Alice pouts.

I turn to Edward. "I still want to marry you. Actually, I really want to marry you. More than I did before… there's nothing in my life but you. Not that there ever was."

He stares at me, ridiculously beautiful, disbelieving. "Really? Oh, Bella… I don't deserve you."

"You're so wrong."

Alice scoffs. "Okay, wedding back on. Once we defeat the evil vengeance-obsessed… oops, I'm not allowed to tell you that. But after we, erm, settle down again, I'll make you the perfect wedding! I love you! Bye!"

She dances off. "I'll have to buy a new dress… and talk to Esme, and…"

The energetic chattering trails off as she disappears, leaving us alone.

"Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella, I love you. You want to marry me? The most precious angel in the world, willingly giving herself for eternity to a demon who betrayed her time and again?"

"Could we cut the 'I'm so unworthy' crap? It gets sort of tedious."

"Your wish, my command."

I see the first shadow of his smile, the one that once belonged to me, ghost across his face. His light-heartedness is beautiful. After a while, it spreads, to the same smile he wore when he first proposed, wider than I can imagine, like angels in heaven. Glorious.

"I will get you the ring as soon as I can. Once they tell us what on earth is going on, I'll evaluate the situation, figure out how dangerous it is, and whether or not I can get the ring back."

"The ring doesn't matter, except… it was your mother's. I think that matters. That's the only thing that does. I don't care about diamonds. You're the only shining thing in my life, and I don't care what else sparkles as long as you're near me."

He smiles. It isn't the glorious smile, the angel in bliss smile, but it's a different kind of joy. The smile that used to be mine every day, crooked, gleaming even in total darkness, perfect and happy. Finally, I see the man who was mine.

I wish I knew he still was. The smile goes a little way towards proving that, though.

"You are fantastic, Bella. Unbelievable. I can't imagine any woman as unselfish as you."

I smile too.

Love, sweet love, never leave me again. Love, love, stay here forever… forever. I don't need anything more than that.

That's all.

He didn't look up, and I sigh. Nothing had gotten through to him, no matter how hard I tried to transmit my thoughts. Evidently I couldn't access Edward's mind anymore than he could mine.

"Bella?" Esme asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you dress up like a boy? Seems kind of excessive."

"Well… It wasn't my idea."

"Whose was it?"

"Alice's."

Alice spun indignantly and glared at me. "No it wasn't!"

Time for another admission. Another lie. Will this one be as easily forgiven? "Well, you wouldn't remember it. I can control thoughts. I lied about my power. So I told you who I was and then I took the memory away. So Edward couldn't read it."

"Why didn't you just tell us who you were?"

"Because I…" I thought Carlisle had told them this. "I didn't… I didn't know if you'd want me… if Edward… I…" I couldn't say it, not with him staring blankly right at me. It was impossible to admit how I'd believed his lies, not with those eyes poring into my soul.

"I have a confession to make, to all of you." Edward saves me. "Bella didn't leave me… I left her. I lied to all of you because I couldn't bear living without her if all of you hated me."

"Oh, Edward." This is Esme, who goes to her son, as little able to stand the guilt on his face as I am. "We will always love you, no matter what you do."

"I know… but you'd go back. You wouldn't let me leave her twice, and you'd have been right. Because I thought that if we left her alone, she could be happy, with Jacob, and because I couldn't, couldn't take her soul… I'm sorry."

There is a heavy silence. The first to react is Alice. She stands, looks at Edward, and hurls herself at him.

"Alice!" Jasper screams.

She is a tiny irate ball of fury. "How could you? How could you? Why didn't I see this? Edward, how could you?"

He doesn't react at all. Her fists are pummeling into him, and he doesn't so much as move. Not only does he not try to fend her off, which he could, since she's so small, he doesn't even try to move away. He just sits in the sand as she attacks.

We watch in stunned silence for a second. Finally, Jasper reacts. "Alice! Leave him alone."

"Jazz, he… he… he… I didn't even get to say good-bye… he…"

"I know, Alice, I know. But he's still your brother. It's called a mistake. Now leave him alone, please."

She does, but Edward still doesn't move.

My turn. "Edward? Please. Please, don't hate yourself. We all love you, and you know it."

"Why?"

"There isn't any why about loving someone. You just do."

Of course, he deserves so much more than I can give him. He is perfect in every way. There are a lot of reasons to love him… but even if he was the monster he thinks he is, he'd still be the only one for me.

The moon had set and the sun sparkled crystal in the pink sky before anyone spoke again. Finally, sitting in silence in his arms, I realize we must do something. "Edward, what's going on?"

"I don't know, love."

"Alice? Esme? Emmett? Please, someone tell me. I want to be with my family in our home after all this time." I am being slightly manipulative, playing off guilt just like that night in the tent. Of course, it isn't their fault. It isn't anyone's fault. But I know they'll succumb to my manipulation- vampires seem particularly susceptible to guilt trips.

It is Esme who breaks down first. "Carlisle, please tell her. Please."

And he can't say no to her… who does that remind us of? "Bella's right. It's hard to do, but it isn't fair to keep our family in the dark. And she's always been one of us."

These words are warming. I've always seen things that way, I just didn't know they did.

"The reason we fled our house is because, obviously, we were being chased. The reason we didn't tell either of you… is because it's someone we'd never expect. Our own closest friends, leading a vendetta against us? It's hurtful."

"Who is it?" I snap, unusually harsh because I'm sick of the stalling.

"You remember Laurent? And Irena. And Tanya…"

A horrible realization begins to dawn. "You mean the other vegetarians…"

"Yes."

"And that's why you didn't want to tell me," Edward interjects. "Because Tanya attacked because of me, and you didn't want to say it…"

"Yes."

"It wasn't just them, though," Emmett adds. "Jane was there, and Alec, on Marcus' orders… otherwise we could've taken them."

"Marcus was never pleased I almost got them to kill me… Aro wouldn't let him die when he lost his mate."

I grimace at the pain of that. The idea that Edward almost died, and because of me, no less… it is agonizing. Yet I would not want him to have to feel the pain I know I possess whenever he leaves. "And Irena must have really cared for Laurent if…"

Carlisle nods. "They were our closest friends, almost family. I never considered it. Not so dear Alice watched, but definitely never a threat. I can still hardly believe it. I suppose I should have noticed a change in our relationship when they risked our lives for Irena's vengeance back in June, but…"

"It was painful to consider. And I suppose I understand. They're a family, just as we are. If two of us had lost our spouses because of them, I wouldn't be surprised if we did the same."

"I never told Tanya…" Edward protests. His words trail off as he realizes what he said didn't matter. How she perceives him is what motivated this attack. "Will we ever be able to go back?"

"Of course," I say. "I can sneak us in, make them forget they ever wanted to hurt any of us."

"Bella, you don't need to…"

"I'm part of this family now, remember?"

They smile. Despite the fact I've never met the Denali clan, I know how my family sees them… yet the most important thing is that we are together and, probably, safe.

I alone return to England. I am somewhat unhappy to have to leave them, but I know they will not leave. Even if Edward wanted to take this opportunity to rid himself of me, Alice wouldn't do that. Right?

No, I am fairly confident they will wait for my signal.

I've been given a cell phone to contact them when I clear the house. Edward struggled valiantly. "I'm not letting her go in there alone! Damn it! Damn them all! I can't do this! She isn't going to die."

His protests broke my heart- and healed it. It is comforting to know he cares, literally, whether I live or die, even if I cannot trust it and his pain is as always mine.

"Edward, no one is going to get killed. I'll be fine. I promise."

"How can you know?"

More manipulation had transpired then. I had to make my family safe. And I couldn't know. I couldn't know my new powers would be enough, that I could fight off all these vampires… yet I also could scarcely let my family be killed what was basically because of me. "Have I ever broken a promise to the one I love?" Just the slightest emphasis… not too much pain.

It hurt him. But it worked. He had let me go, with many half-teasing threats and the final promise, "Bella, if you don't come back, I will kill myself. "

It was the only thing that could make me so desperate to succeed. My life is worthless, but if his, infinitely precious, depends on mine continuing, I will fight until the end of time to live for him.

I sneak toward the house. The forest is thick and dark, even though it is the morning. All the light is blocked.

It is quite the metaphor, I realize. This is the life I wanted. My dawn has broken. I have everything I wanted. My one true love hasn't yet married me, but we're engaged… and we are together. I don't have to fight him to change me any longer. I will live forever. Should he leave, as he very well might, I can simply chase him- it worked just fine last time.

Everything is bright. Everything is full of hope and probabilities. I am going to spend eternity with Edward, it would seem. Why then can't I believe it?

Because once before- no, twice- I had this lovely life lined up. Everything shone beautiful and bright and perfect. Both times, he left, and plunged me into nothingness. That darkness is the forest, shading the light that looms. I cannot trust that my life can be perfect, not when it has betrayed me. Not when I cannot deserve him, not now and not ever.

Third time's the charm.

Maybe this time he won't leave.

Can I bring myself to believe it?

I run faster toward the yellow house.

I will do this. I will, I will, I will. I will escape from this endless forest of doubt. I will conquer these enemies, I will defeat my own demons, I will be with the one I love.

I will.

Won't I?

I sneak into my own home through the window. The irony does not escape me. It is rather akin to the way I regained my life. However, I have more important things to think about. Edward's life is in my hands… and I have to protect it at any cost. It would not even be a choice, should I have to choose between the rest of my family and him. That is something we all know, that the bonds of love overcome all else. It is why we can contain our thirst.

Because nothing can compare to our love. It is the most powerful thing in the universe. We all know this. It is why I will single-handedly fight all these older, stronger vampires. Strange, how my old fears of losing my reason after the change turned so thoroughly unrequited. There is nothing I can prevent… I have my bloodlust, true. It is unmanageable around humans, but I have so many more important things to worry about.

Like the fact that Tanya and Irena are nearly a thousand years old. Jane's power doesn't work on me, and I'm still not entirely sure what the extent of Alec's is. Irena and Tanya don't have powers, and my own is quite formidable. However, they are all so much older, and Carmen, Eleazer, and Kate may be there… a clan sticks together.

But I have more to fight for. I have Edward.

It will be enough.

I am in his room. The very first thing I do is grab the ring. I place it gently on my finger, knowing he'd rather put it there themselves, hoping he will repeat his proposal when I return. If I return… no, I have to.

For Edward. I have Edward.

To give myself courage, befor ethe fight, I approach his bed, the one that should have been mine too, and press my nose to the sheets. This room may have held nothing but pain for him, yet it will comfort me. He was there. I can smell him. Though my senses are so much stronger, it is absolutely perfect. The change hasn't changed how he affects me.

The lingering scent is so sweet.

I wonder if I retain my smell. Maybe not. I'll have to ask him… when I get back. Which I will, because he wants me to. Sheer willpower will carry the day here.

I prepare myself to go downstairs and leave the comfort of this room. Yet, although my family is far away, I do not face the fight alone. Edward is here. Not in body, but in the fervor of my love. And maybe he doesn't return it. I can never be sure again of the impossible, that he wants me forever.

But I know he said he did. So I will be able to fight for him, even if he is an unwilling champion.

The stairs confront me. I take the first step when I hear a voice. It is utterly unexpected.

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