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"I am so sorry, Carlisle, Esme. Please, forgive us…"

Carlisle stands stiffly. He may speak his mind to me, but I don't think he would do so to these former friends.

Emmett is not so inhibited. "What the hell? How could you? I thought you were our friends…" He moves somewhat menacingly towards Carmen, the nearest of them, currently sitting on the couch he stands by.

Eleazer growls at him, but Emmett doesn't retreat. This is getting very dangerous. They both look about to attack.

"Stop it!" I holler. "Don't fight, for God's sake!"

Carmen strokes Eleazer's arm as Rosalie calms Emmett, and soon the two are somewhat less confrontational. I am relieved. I really have had enough battles for a single day.

"I'm sorry. Really, truly, sorry… a combination of hurt and fear and revenge… it was unstoppable. It took us over just as the thirst did. I'm so sorry."

I can see the scene replaying in all five minds, that heady mixture of lust for revenge and love and safety mingling. Jane is a terrifying creature. To those of us who have known the greatest physical pain- the change- the idea of something surpassing it as her power supposedly can is absolutely horrific.

And then, where Jane is, the Volturi follow. If they did not comply with the plan to kill us, they themselves would die… painfully.

Mixing with that was the unity the women of Denali felt. They were as much one as separate entities… truly sisters. A single soul split between four bodies, it seemed. I could see it in their minds, that if one suffered they all did.

I could relate to that.

I pass these emotions and musings to the other minds, sharing from one to the other what had happened, the reasons behind their betrayal. I see nods and slight smiles acknowledging my actions. I also hear ruminations, my family members considering what they've seen.

Edward proposes something. "I have a suggestion. How about a truce? Everything just returns to the way it is? It'll be safer than usual, since we're usually pretty close together. We'll stay here, and you'll return to Denali."

I am surprised he has found it within himself to forgive them… in a good way. I would say I am proud of him, if he were mine to feel such emotions for.

The vampires nod. "That works for us… I'm sorry."

Carlisle nods. "So, are we agreed?"

"Yes."

"If you'd excuse us… I think it's best we go home and figure out how to ascertain this never happens again."

Again, Carlisle's head bobs. The other clan takes this as it is meant… a dismissal. They understand that, though forgiven, they are far from our good graces. With a final look around at us, they stand as one, lifting themselves elegantly and swiftly. They lunge to the door.

In seconds, they are gone. The door rattles with the speed of their departure, the room swirling with wind from the sheer speed. Finally, I am alone with my family in our home, a thing delayed much from my original intent. Our life is going to start now.

And I don't know where to begin.

Fortunately, I don't have to. Someone else takes the lead. In fact, there is only a second of quiet relief before I am enveloped in muscular arms.

"You rock!"

I laugh into his shoulder. "Thanks, Emmett."

My brother picks me up and swings me around.

"Oh, I owe you an arm-wrestle," I recall.

Emmett spins to Edward, sticking his tongue out. "But I hate losing! Stupid newborns."

I cackle. "Didn't you think I rocked like four seconds ago?"

"People can change."

We all laugh, a tumultuous roar of gaiety and relief. We could have died. To people totally in love, death is unacceptable. It could hurt the one you love.

That's the way I see the world, anyway. I must never hurt Edward, and thus I must safeguard myself so long as he says he loves me. Even if it isn't true.

I can't think that way, though. Not here and now, not with so much newly restored affection, not in this beautiful moment. Doubts have their all-consuming heart-rending place, but this is not it. This is a place to find shelter from the fear and pain, to pretend everything will ever be always okay again.

Esme is the second person to rush to me with an embrace. Her skin no longer feels freezing. It is just the warmth of human contact I feel when I touch her, though neither of us are. "Bella, my dear daughter, I am so proud of you."

"Thank you, Esme." I grin against her touch.

Carlisle and Jasper aren't quite so forthright with their affection. However, I can feel Jasper's praise radiate through the room, his exceptional power expressing perfectly the emotion of the moment.

Carlisle smiles widely. "Well, I think no one else had quite so stormy a welcome to our family as you, Bella. But you're really one of us now. Welcome to the family."

I laugh. "Thank you."

Rosalie looks at me. It is unfamiliar to have her eyes truly meet mine, to see what she thinks. She doesn't say it aloud, but I hear clearly, I'm sorry I've been so abhorrent, Bella. I still think you made the wrong decision, but it isn't reversible. Friends?

Sisters.

She smiles widely at my response. It is one step further toward healing our often troubled relationship, and I don't want to spend the rest of eternity in a house with someone who loathes me. The better Rosalie and I get along, the happier I'll be.

There is, to put it in theatrical terms, a beat. The silence lasts all of a second until it is broken by a light noise.

Edward's voice is music. Not just to my ears… it isn't just perfect for me, it is truly the most ideal sound in the universe. "So, what now? How shall we fill up the rest of eternity?"

We look around at each other, unsure. Finally, someone comes up with a suggestion.

"I know where to start."

"How?"

Alice giggles. "Bella, let's get you out of drag."

Shopping. Why, dear God, why? Why me? Of all the horrors I've suffered, I do think this takes the cake. Alice practically throws me into the Porsche.

"All right. London! Great city. Nice shopping. Good restaurants. Be better if we could eat. I'm so excited!"

"Alice… it's not… I'm a newborn. You can't just take me into a city full of people. I could kill someone." I'm trying to impress upon her that this isn't a price we can pay for her fun. That her ideas of what's enjoyable aren't worth the cost that very well might have to be paid.

"Oh, right." She frowns. "Well, you can wait outside town. I'll just buy the clothes and take them to the car for you to try on. And your eyes are red. Hmm, that could be interesting. I think white would look great with that, or maybe grey with your skin tone."

I kick her chair. "You're being silly."

"What, how many times in my life am I going to get the chance to figure out what complements the appearance of a newborn vampire?"

"No one but the family's going to see me anyway. Why does it matter?"

"Edward."

The one word is totally impossible to argue with. I sigh. I wish I could argue with her, ever, at all. She's so mean, toying with my emotions this shameless way. She knows my buttons so well. "All right. So the plan is, you go into town, pick out stuff, buy it, bring it back here, force me to try it on, and then return anything you don't like."

"Yep."

I shake my head and sigh. "Alice, Alice, Alice. However did I do without you all this time?"

"I'm sure your wardrobe is very glad I'm back. And I notice 'Jacob' had excellent taste, thanks to me. Just like Jazz…"

"You dress him?"

"And Edward."

I laugh aloud. "Remind me to humiliate him with that someday."

"All right. Though your memory is now happily without those inconvenient human holes."

Those are her final words. She bounds from the car, disappearing into the city. I sit alone, bored already almost beyond belief. Fortunately, the car still possesses its keys, and I am able to turn on the radio.

Mindless music, not the sort I usually enjoy, is zipping through the air. It fills my ears. I am careful not to listen to the lyrics. I may have Edward, but I am never far from the pain. So to safeguard myself, I merely bop to the beat and wait.

I guess I can never outrun waiting. Maybe it's simply an accursed part of my life I must always be left behind, even in so tedious a venture.

My new vampiric existence certainly hasn't prevented it as I'd hoped. Chasing the Volturi turned out fruitless. The whole goal of my transformation was to go to him, not the other way around.

I can scarcely stand the wait. I want to be back with Edward. I want him to promise he loves me one more time.

I want to marry him.

I am ready for my dream to come to life.

Fortunately, Alice gives up on the shopping venture by midnight. I am once again decidedly female in appearance. It may or may not be a relief- there was far less risk of being forced into heels in male costume, though when Alice is in question, no one is safe from those deathtraps.

I grumble at her the entire way home… a ride much shorter than I find at all reasonable. Evidently, the change has not instilled in me the same disregard for traffic regulations it did in the others. I am glad to maintain my identity, but Alice has no sympathy for my weakness. "Oh, Bella. Shut up. You'll see Edward sooner this way."

"Have you no shame?"

"None. Now, if you have to throw up, don't do it on your new clothes."

"Vampire."

"Right… I'm so used to pandering to your human weaknesses. Maybe that's just me being silly."

I smack her. Not hard, since I'm being careful with my newfound strength. She laughs.

"And remind me to kill Edward sometime soon. Bella, in all seriousness… I'm so sorry. I should have seen it, I don't know how I didn't. I should have done anything. Something."

"It's not your fault. He probably was really careful, playing off the holes in your vision…" Of course, I didn't blame him, either. I was never one to hold him hostage at my side. But Alice had no reason for guilt. She had never wanted to abandon me.

"Thanks, Bella. I'm never letting him be an idiot like that again. You know he loves you, right?"

My answering grunt of assent was unconvincing. How can a grunt be unconvincing? The whole reason I didn't use my words was out of fear that my voice would break into an indeterminate mumble, or worse, that I would break down into sobs.

"You don't sound very confidant."

"How can I be? Alice, I'm nothing compared to him. I can't be good enough, no matter how much I want to, and he'll always leave me… always, because he can't love me as much as I love him."

I am, in fact, breaking down. Fantastic.

Alice sighs and places a hand on my shoulder. "Bella, I know how you feel. Being afraid is part of being in love. When I met Jasper, I was so afraid that I didn't know how to be normal for him, to compare to Maria, who'd taught him our ways. I was utterly dependant on him, practically a savage. And I asked so much of him, so soon. On top of it all, I still don't feel like I deserve him. I think it's just part of life. When you love someone that much, nothing can ever be enough for them."

"Honestly, though, you're insecure? You? But you're… so beautiful."

Alice laughs. "Bella, have you looked in a mirror recently?"

"I was dressed as a guy."

"Good point. But honestly, before that?"

"Yeah." And I didn't compare to any of the Cullen women. My appearance would never be exceptional.

"You need to see yourself more clearly… and I am insulted. I find my work on your looks most satisfactory. I think someone else will agree with me."

Speak of the devil…

His smile is blindingly wide as he swings the door open, his arms surrounding me immediately. I drown in the comfort of his touch. It is like being submerged in a rock.

"Oh, Edward! I missed you."

"And I you." I think we both know we're not talking about the shopping trip.

His hands move in a blur over my skin, and traces down the sleeve of my shirt. As it reaches my finger, he pauses.

I feel a slight tug. Before I can register what has happened, he is kneeling before me, the ring I'd restored to my finger in his hand, glittering like his skin in the fire of sunlight.

I feel the empty useless heart in my chest flap around, sploshing a bit in the blood that is not my own.

"Bella. Isabella Marie Swan, my love, my angel, the only brightness in my dark existence. I do not deserve this forgiveness. I do not deserve you. Yet, I promise I will spend the remainder of our shared eternity attempting to regain your trust. Bella, my sweet Bella, my only one, I ask now for what I too recently and yet an agonizing length ago so callously discarded. I wanted only the best for you, and yet I promise that this time it will be different. I will never leave again. I will be yours forever… Please, Bella… I promise to love you forever. Will you be mine?"

This time, I cannot resist the urge to be ridiculously mushy. "I already am. Yes, Edward, I will marry you."

His mouth widens in something akin to agony and his hands hit the ground. It is a paroxysm of grief that lies beyond my understanding. The emotion is incomprehensible. Does he not want to marry me? Could the concept be so miserable? Why then would he ask?

I grip my stomach, desperately attempting to stifle the pain in order to maintain my (at this point extremely necessary) cognitive function. It feels like my innards are falling out.

There is a moment's pain. It feels like an eternity. Finally, Edward raises his head from the ground, his arms still prostrated in a wide bow, embracing the earth. The grief is not gone from his eyes.

"Bella, my love, I'm so sorry…"

The words trail off, and the meaning hits my soul, deep, striking me like a physical blow. The pain is far greater than anything a true wound could cause. My heart is so much more vulnerable.

The pain as it shatters yet again is so much worse.

I do not know what to say or do or where to go or how on earth I'll survive it again or why he keeps doing this. Why does he keep leaving me again and again, coming back and then realizing I'm repulsive and unworthy and then returning, promising he loves me, and leaving again…

Does he know what the cost in my hurt is?

"No…" I whisper, and finally I see a spark in his eyes light.

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