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"Bella! Bella, I'm so sorry. Why did you take revenge this way?" he practically screams. And then he runs away.
This, children, is called an overreaction.
"I'd better go after him, Jake. He's going to hurt someone if I don't go talk some sense into him."
"What's going on?"
I roll my eyes. "Edward thinks I'm cheating on him. He has self-esteem problems, you know. It's not really his fault."
"Why are you making excuses for him? Shouldn't you be…"
"No, because I know how totally ridiculous this whole thing is."
"He seems to be taking it pretty seriously."
"Haven't you realized? Edward takes everything seriously. So, before this gets any more serious, I'm going. Bye, Jake. I'll be back."
He nods, and I run out the door. I can't afford to think. I have to keep the façade of sarcasm and busy action up before I can lose it, because I have to go catch my idiot fiancé before something really bad happens.
See, even my thoughts are safe. I'm not wondering about, say, if he'll forgive me, or how high the odds are he'll leave again…
Oops.
"Alice!" I call. She bobs up by my side in an instant.
"Want to help plan a wedding?"
I groan. "I need help getting the groom first."
"What's he done now?"
"He walked in on me sharing a friendly hug with Jake. Obviously he's assumed I no longer love him and am busy throwing away my innocence. So I've got to get him."
"You weren't…"
"Alice. He's imprinted. I'm engaged. We aren't exactly single, sweetie."
She grins. I lead her off to find him. We run together as fast as we can. Alice was selected for the task for many reasons. First, she's my best friend. Second, she's fastest. Third, she's the only one who can talk sense into Edward.
The ground disappears speedily. We run faster than I can even comprehend, faster than Edward can- hopefully. I follow his smell, so familiar. I knew it even as a human, so in my new immortal body it is practically a part of myself. The trail is perfectly strong, leading through the woods.
The perfect smell goes on into the dark greenness. I beckon Alice on, but she shakes her head. "No, Bella. You fix this yourself. I'm staying here."
I groan. "Please?"
"Nope."
The golden moonlight filters down as I run alone after the only real love I've ever known. I can't stand this. I have to find him. I have to tell him how much I love him. I have to tell him it's only him I love. I have to get him back.
It's really kind of funny. That he's jealous of Jake. The only reason I love Jake is because… because he fixed me when Edward left. And now he's left because I love Jake.
I laugh at the irony. It is so bitter a sound I don't believe it myself. It rings hollowly off the trees, broken like my heart as it bounces back into my ears.
He is curled in a little ball of agony. It mirrors my pain. I find him on the forest floor, and I can't stand to see him so weak.
"Edward? Edward?"
He turns his head half-heartedly. "Why are you here? Do you want to hurt me again? I'm sorry…"
"Are you all right?"
He laughs cynically. No answer is made. I sigh and try another approach.
"I never meant to hurt you."
He doesn't seem to believe me, not at all. It's almost like he thinks it's ridiculous. "Right." I am stung by the sarcasm, so I try further honesty in return.
"Edward, I wasn't… it's a misunderstanding. I was just giving my friend a hug."
"Your friend that you're in love with." I've never seen him so caustic before, like he's trying to keep me away… no. No. God, no. Anything but that! I try again.
"When I was human. But it's a different lifetime now, Edward. I'm a different person. I can barely stand the smell of him. He's a friend. And he's imprinted. He's got something so much better than I could give him, even if I were inclined to, which I'm not. Because I love you. I only want to be with you."
"Really?" He doesn't sound hopeful.
"Really. Now get up."
"You… I… do you… I…" he can't find the words. I recognize the feeling. I kneel beside him, stroking his soft hair. My hand tingles at the contact.
"Please. I'm telling the truth."
"Do you promise?" his voice is pitifully weak.
"I promise. I promise I love you. Do you love me?" I have to know. Can he stay with me? Will he? Can he forgive me? I pray it is possible. I need this. I can't live without him again.
"What?"
"Edward. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you. I don't love Jacob, not anymore."
"Please don't lie to me." It is a plea I once said to him, a long time ago, another life. I recognize my own pain. I begin to suspect he doesn't want to hurt me, and yet he has. He doesn't want me… or does he? I can't be sure.
"I'm not lying." It's hurting me. He is not the victim here. I wasn't doing anything wrong. "Don't accuse me of it. I would never do that. Never."
"You've lied before."
His words are a whiplash, a smack. I feel them strike me. "Not to you. Never to you."
"That's not true. You're lying." He doesn't seem to believe himself.
"You don't love me. You never loved me. I wonder if Jake will kill me, or if I have to go irritate the Volturi." And in that second, I believe it. I can't stand to live without him. I can't do this again. I've given everything, and he just keeps taking it away. Again and again. There is nothing left. I have to give up. I have to stop fighting, or it'll just keep going, again and again and again…
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