It had been a few days since Matsuda's rescue, and also a few days since you had started avoiding L. Currently, you were walking down the hall towards the main room, a new day of investigating ahead of you. 'Why has it been so hard to talk to him? Maybe it would have been better if I had never realised the truth…'
You sighed, loudly. "Problems with Ryuuzaki?" a deep voice interrupted your thoughts.
Jumping slightly, you swallowed and turned to Mogi, "Wh-what makes you think that?"
"That's your usual expression whenever you're fighting with Ryuuzaki…am I wrong?" the calm investigator replied.
You sighed again, annoyed that you were getting so easy to read. "Am I slipping, Mogi-san?"
He looked into your face for a minute, seeming to think very carefully about your question. The sound of your soft shoes falling upon the tiles was the only noise between you two as you walked in silence. "No…I don't think that's it. You're still the same in many ways, except…I think that whenever you think of Ryuuzaki…you suddenly seem to show everything you feel on your face and in your actions."
Startled, you perused his words. 'Only Ryu-kun can make open up?'
"Good morning, Mogi-san, Ahiru-chan," Yagami greeted, smiling at you both.
You looked around in confusion, not having realised that you had reached the main room so quickly. "Good morning, Chief," Mogi returned, leaving your side to walk closer to the front of the room.
"Oh…um, good morning Yagami-san, Matsuda-kun, Light-kun…Ryu-kun," you said, pausing before acknowledging the dark-haired detective.
Each nodded at you in turn, L sparing you a curious glance. You quickly turned your eyes away and seated yourself in your high-backed leather chair. Expertly wielding a screwdriver, you quickly immersed yourself in your work, completely blocking out the investigators. Smiling to yourself, you felt pleased with your progress. 'Another couple of full days on this and it should be finished…L should be happy with that…L…'
Your thoughts drifted off and you stared listlessly at the plain-whitewashed wall. Someone tapped you on the shoulder and you turned to face Yagami Souchirou, blinking in surprise. "Yagami-san?"
"Your phone, Ahiru-chan?" he said, looking pointedly at your desk.
"Hmm?" you mumbled, frowning slightly.
It was then you realised that your phone was vibrating slowly across your desk. You nodded to Yagami in apologetic thanks and lurched for your phone. Answering it in a low tone, you quickly perked up when you recognised the voice. "Grandma?"
"Yes, dear. I was just wondering if you'd like to accompany me to the park for a walk today," your grandma questioned, her voice sounding hopeful.
Glancing at your work, you decided that it could wait until you got back. "Ryu-kun, I'm going out for a bit," you said, barely even making eye contact with the investigator.
As you left the room, he watched you, his deep eyes questioning and confused.
"Grandma!" you called out, catching sight of her sitting on a park bench.
Her face lit up as you came closer, standing up to pull you into her welcoming arms. Releasing each other, your grandmother stepped back to beam at you. "Ren-chan, I'm glad you came."
"I had to leave work but any excuse to leave that gloomy place is welcome," you laughed, keeping pace alongside her as you walked through the park.
Your grandmother looked at you seriously. "You don't like your work?"
"No, I do like my work…it's just a little…hitch I'm having a problem with," you smiled, gazing into the distance.
"A man?" your grandmother probed, eyes twinkling with years of experience.
You started,
surprised again at being found out so easily. Your grandmother
chuckled at your response, obviously amused by your embarrassment.
"That confirms it then. What's he like? He must be something to
catch the eye of my
granddaughter."
His
face flashed across your mind, and you couldn't help but smile. "He
is
quite something…he's a genius in all respects, and completely
obvious to all womankind."
Your grandmother's eyebrows rose, "He doesn't notice you? He must be blind."
Truthfully, you replied, "Oh, he notices alright. He notices everything, but whether he understands it is another question."
"I'm back," you chorused, swinging your bag happily by your side.
The occupants of the room turned and tilted their heads in greeting before turning back to their independent work. Just as were about to sit down, a voice interrupted you. "Ahiru-chan, I apologise for the inconvenience, but I have reason to speak with you."
Swallowing, you nodded at the genius and followed him and Light to the bare room you had used before. "Sorry, Light-kun," L said before closing the door behind him, leaving an annoyed Light stranded alone in the hallway.
He turned back to you, his expression stoic and business-like. "Ahiru-chan, you've been going out often to visit your grandmother. Whilst I have no quarrel with this, your work has been steadily decreasing in quality and you have been spending a considerably less amount of time finishing the computer I commissioned you for."
Your mouth hung open in absolute shock. The words delivered in such an emotionless way cut deeper than if he had screamed them at you. "I-I'm sorry, Ryu-kun. I've just been so…overwhelmed by it. I haven't really thought about what you must be thinking about me," you murmured, wanting to escape the room as quickly as possible.
'What I must be thinking? Did she even understand what I meant?'
"I just want to make sure that your work isn't suffering because of your…outside activities," L said, trying to keep your wandering gaze.
'Outside activities? He makes it sound as though I'm out partying or drinking every day…not spending time with my grandma!'
"I don't appreciate your choice of words, Ryu-kun," you said, trying to keep your voice level.
L sighed heavily, obviously exasperated. "Only you, Ahiru-chan."
You frowned; his tone had made it obvious that the words were derogatory. Crossing your arms in annoyance, you took a deep breath to calm both your nerves and irritation. 'How can I feel such conflicting feelings for him? On one hand, I feel so nervous around him because of the way he makes me feel, yet…at the same time, he's the one that can make me jump from happy to angry in record time…'
"How you mean, Ryu-kun?"
The detective stared at the ceiling, his eyes searching the immaculate white paint for the barest hint of how to answer your query without escalating your agitation. You snapped, all the bitterness you felt at L for Aizawa's departure poured out to soak your words with malice, "What do you mean only you? Only me who gets this angry? Only me who doesn't spend every waking minute working on this investigation? Or only me who you can't manipulate or pay into subservience?"
The target of your accusations stood stock still, not used to being treated with such open disdain. He found it hard to form words, and even if he could, he wouldn't know what to say. "Is that what you think of me, Ahiru-chan?" he eventually asked, his eyes fixed to a point inches above the top of your head.
Struck by the sudden change in his demeanour, you regretted your harsh words. 'I didn't think it would make him look so…forlorn.'
"Uh, forget I said anything!" you dismissed, suddenly feeling worried.
"No, Ahiru-chan, tell me what you think of me."
His expression was unreadable, somewhere between apathy and distress. You hadn't seen him this vulnerable in a long time, and you had hoped to never again see his eyes so distraught. Squirming, you felt unable to think of an answer. 'Tell him how you really feel! No, don't admit to anything!'
Two opposing sides of your brain fought for domination, both of them fighting to get you to either open up or run from your feelings. "I…honestly…think…you're one of the most confusing and… and annoying people I've ever met. Sometimes I think you're the kindest, most generous person that ever lived…and then other times I think you're so self-obsessed and egotistic and that you live by no moral code whatsoever. The way you hide secrets from everyone, the way you never admit the whole truth and keep everyone in the dark, you wouldn't believe how absolutely infuriating that is."
L's face shadowed, his body turning away from you. The corner of your mouth curled up in amusement. "But…that's why I admire you so much…Ryu-kun, and that's why, no matter what…I'll always be on your side."
L turned back to face you, not expecting your answer. His dark eyes searched your own, and he took a step towards you. He took another and you realised he was coming awfully close, however, you didn't feel uncomfortable in his proximity. The look in his eyes seemed almost as though he was seeking permission for something. You didn't move, you didn't want to; you liked being this close to the sweet-smelling detective. One of his hands rose, moving to cup the side of your face. Suddenly the hand was yanked away and a voice sounded through the door. "Ryuuzaki, have you finished yet? We don't have much time to spend if we're serious about catching Kira."
Light was tugging on the chain connected to L's wrist, impatient to get back to work. The expression on L's face passed from masked aggravation to submission. "I'm sorry, Ahiru, we must continue this another time."
With that said, he was out of the door and down the hall before you could even think to speak. In his wake, he left you feeling as though you had once again nearly grasped something only to have it slip through your fingers.