Reaching your grandmother's apartment, you tipped the taxi driver and pulled your bags out of the trunk. Smiling at the driver, he nodded in return and pulled off from the curb, leaving you alone on the sidewalk. Hauling your bags across to the building, you knocked on her front door. It opened slightly and you saw her face appear in the opening to peer outside. "Ren?" she queried, as though she didn't believe it was really you standing there.
You nodded, not trusting your throat enough to speak. She fully opened the door and gestured for you to enter. You dragged your bags inside and dropped them in her living room. "Do you mind…if I stay here for a while?" you mumbled, feeling immensely exhausted.
She shook her head in reply and you sat down on the couch, your head in your hands. "Ren-chan?" your grandmother asked, worry etched across her expression, "What happened? Were you…fired?"
You emitted a short bitter laugh, "Yeah…I was fired."
Feeling a depression in the couch and warmth at your side, you knew your grandmother had sat down beside you to offer you support. "It's okay, Ren…just tell me everything, and no more of these lies about L being your company boss."
You glanced up in surprise, confusion showing in your eyes. She smiled at your reaction, and said, "You didn't have me fooled for one minute. I knew what you were, what you did and who you were working for all along."
"What? Then why did you pretend you didn't know?" you questioned, forgetting your despair in the face of this new discovery.
"It was easier. On me and you…and it also prevented a certain conversation with your 'Ryuuaki-san'".
"He was never mine," you murmured, feeling despair hovering over your head again.
"Oh…so he's the reason for this…" your grandmother trailed off.
"Yeah…" you started, "Well, if you know so much then you should know that we were investigating Kira and that I was assisting in the investigation…Ryuuzaki offered me a place to stay if I built him a computer so I stayed until it was finished…and then he told me…that I wasn't necessary anymore."
Your grandmother's eyes widened at the information, and she took the time to contemplate before she spoke. "And that's why you left?"
Nodding, you spat out bitterly, "I must have been fooling myself to think for even one second that I meant more to him than just an IQ…"
Your vision began to blur and you felt tears cascading down your face. You buried your face in your hands again, not wanting to admit to yourself that it could hurt this much. Your grandmother rubbed circles on your back, making soft soothing noises. You sobbed even more at your grandmother's sympathetic touch. Feeling helpless in the situation, your grandmother thought to herself, 'I know it hurts…but it's for your own good, Ren-chan…'
Waking up, you rubbed your eyes and climbed out from underneath the covers of your bed. Fully opening your eyes, you felt panicked. 'What happened?! Where am I?!'
It was then that you remembered the events of the last few days. Feeling tears prickling at your eyes, you roughly whipped them away and exited your temporary room with a smile on your face. "Good morning, Ren-chan. How are you feeling?" your grandmother asked as you entered the kitchen.
A delicious aroma reached your nose and your stomach growled. "Alright, but I'd be even better if I find out what smells so good right now," you laughed, moving closer to the frying pan on the stove top.
"Pancakes, but you'll have to wait a few more minutes before it's finished cooking," your grandmother smiled, standing at the stove wearing a crisp, white apron.
Looking at her smiling face made you feel nostalgic. 'I wish Mum and Dad were still alive…sitting here at this table with me while Grandma cooks us breakfast…'
A flash of bitterness crossed your expression, 'I guess the whole reason that it is just us, is because of her.'
You sighed as you watched her expertly flip the pancakes, 'But still…everything she's done since she…changed…now I can't help but love her…'
She placed a pile of pancakes on a plate and brought them over the table. Putting the plate in front of you, she sat down opposite and calmly watched you eat. Feeling awkward under her gaze, you sent a questioning look to her. "I already ate…and watching you…makes me happy," she replied, looking away.
Grinning, you went back to eating your enticing breakfast. Once you had finished, you thanked her for the meal and washed your plate in the sink. "What are your plans for today, Grandma?" you queried, wondering what you were going to do with your day.
"I was going to go to the shelter. You're welcome to accompany me, Ren-chan," she answered, her lips curled up at the edges.
You nodded and asked if you could possibly stop at the park on the way home. Whilst moving towards the front door, she replied, "Sure, now you better get dressed and we then we can go."
Spending time at the shelter helped you recover a little from yesterday's happenings. It calmed you and made you wonder if you could spend the rest of your life like this. You exited the shelter with your grandmother walking beside you, and for the first time since the day at Disneyland, you felt truly happy. 'Maybe I could get used to this lifestyle…maybe I could just drop out of the detective business altogether and live a happy, fulfilled life…forget everything I've ever been through…forget the name Ahiru…forget the name L…?'
You snapped out of your thoughts, surprised by where they had turned. Even when thinking about something completely unrelated, your thoughts drifted back to him. Shaking your head in irritation earned you a look from your grandmother. "Is something on your mind?" she asked, as you walked down the street towards the park.
Deciding to tell her the truth, you sought her opinion, "Grandma, do you think I could get used to this life?"
She tilted her head up to look at the sky, "Anything's possible, Ren-chan. But more importantly, what I've learnt …is that you have to do something you love."
"Love…" you trailed off, drifting back into your previous thoughts.
You finally reached the park and you wandered through, no particular objective in mind. "Grandma…do you ever regret doing what you did?" you suddenly asked, catching her by surprise.
"That's an awfully heavy question, Ren…" she choked out.
"Please, just answer," you said, a pleading tone entering your voice.
"Of course I do…every day. Sometimes I find myself thinking…about what life might have been like if I'd chosen a different path…" she admitted, her voice becoming fraught with emotion.
Although you had expected such a reaction, you didn't expect the sadness in her voice. You felt like you should apologise for bringing up the topic but you needed the answer. You needed to know if she wondered the same thing as you. If she wished she could take it all back, live a normal life. In a small voice, you whispered, "I forgive you."
Her eyes darted to you, surprise showing on her face. "What?"
Turning to face her, you repeated those three words. "I forgive you."
Her mouth quirked upward, relief and delight shining in her watery eyes. She flung her arms around you and whispered thank you. "I thought I'd never hear you say that," she said, smiling.
All the bitterness you felt towards her for everything she had done had melted away, long gone. You had made your decision, you had decided on forgiveness. "Let's go home, Grandma," you said, releasing her from your embrace and turning to face the direction of her apartment.
Days passed and you busied yourself in working with your grandmother. Your phone rang repeatedly but you never answered it, leaving it to ring out until the person gave up and it resorted back to peaceful stillness. You gradually got used to the rhythm of daily life and found that you were even starting to enjoy a mediocre existence. However, you were thrown back into the thick of things with just one phone call from a terrified investigator.
The phone rang and rang, calling for you to answer the person waiting for you on the other line. It stopped and you released a heavy sigh. However, only seconds later, it rang again, seemingly more urgently this time. Exhaling in annoyance, you decided to answer it. Pulling yourself off the couch where you had been reading, you stumbled over to your phone and looked at the caller I.D. Not recognising the number, you debated about whether to answer. The shrill tone hurt your eardrums and you made a mental note to change your ring tone to something quieter. Pressing the button, you lifted the phone to your ear. A panicked voice called out, "Ahiru! Ahiru, is that you??"
"Matsuda?" you asked, disbelieving.
"Ahiru, thank god! I didn't want to believe him!"
"Wait, believe who?"
"Ryuuzaki-san…he told us you were dead!" the investigator burst out, relief evident in his voice.
"What, why?" you queried, confused.
"I think…he was trying to protect you. That was his plan all along; it was the reason he sent you away. He told me the truth in the letter he left for me when he…when he…"
'He was trying to protect me? That sounds like something he would do…but why then? I was in danger before…why that particular day?'
"When he what, Matsuda-kun?" you asked, realising that Matsuda had trailed off.
"Well…I didn't believe that you really could have died in a freak car crash, but I couldn't bring myself to call you…what if it was true? But…I had to call you today because…well, Ahiru-chan…Ryuuzaki is dead."