"I'm sorry, what?" you asked, making a mental note to get your hearing checked.
"He's…dead, Ahiru-chan," Matsuda said, sounding very much as though he wanted to never speak those words again.
'That can't be right. Ryu-kun always has another plan. He escaped somehow, I know it…he can't be dead, can he?.'
"How?"
"Kira," Matsuda explained, his voice straining, "They must have found out Ryuuzaki-san's real name…and used it."
'It seems unlikely…that they would just find out like that…it's too convenient,' you thought, biting your lip to control your emotions.
"Ahiru-chan…I think I know what you're doing. And I'm sorry for telling you this, but he's really…gone. Please accept this as the truth!" Matsuda called through the phone, pinpointing your thoughts exactly.
"I'm coming to headquarters, let everyone know," you said, briskly, already planning how to get there in the shortest amount of time possible.
"Ahiru-chan…Ryuuzaki-san pretended you had died for a reason. Do you want to disrespect his memory by going against a safeguard he laid down to protect you?"
His words made you feel both angry and indecisive Angry because Matsuda had managed to manipulate the situation to his advantage, and indecisive because you were unsure if you really wanted to confirm his words. 'If I go, I'll be going against Ryu-kun…and he must have done this for a good reason. But…if I don't, I won't ever have the chance to see him again…'
"Matsuda-kun, who are you talking to?" inquired a voice on the other line, one you recognised as belonging to long-time suspect, Yagami Light.
"Uh, no one! I mean…just a friend," Matsuda stammered, caught off-guard by Light's probing question.
"Okay, just tell me when you're finished…we need to have a meeting about what our next course of action should be," Light said, you could hear his voice fading as he walked away.
You frowned, 'It's been less than a day and he's already reorganizing everyone…'
"Ahiru-chan, just please don't come. It would complicate things even more right now…I'll call you tomorrow when I know the date of the funeral. Bye," Matsuda finished quickly, hanging up the phone before you could protest.
Your hand dropped to your side and your eyes stared blankly at the whitewashed wall. Standing up, you walked into your room and closed the door behind you, ignoring your grandmother's calls asking you what you wanted to have for dinner. Reaching your bed, you sat down, uncharacteristically still. Turning your head to face the bedside table, you unlocked a drawer to find a metal photo frame. Pulling it free from its hiding place, you suddenly felt it hit you. "He's gone…he's really gone…" you mumbled, your voice strangely higher pitched than normal.
Pictures of you two together flashed through your mind, leaving scratches and rips in their wake. Grasping the metal edge of the frame, you brought it up to your face to see the two occupants. Your face smiled back at you, filled with naïve happiness, unaware of the pain you'd later feel. Moving your eyes almost reluctantly over to the other person in the picture, you felt as though someone had gripped you by the throat. Tears began to form in your eyes as you looked down at the man you had tried to share a special bond with. "After all of the planning you did…it's ironic that you'd be the one to die, L…" you managed to murmur, the intense sadness inhibiting your ability to speak.
You kept staring down at the detective, not wanting to believe the truth that was so clearly presented in front of your own eyes. "You wanted to catch Kira so much…to prove that you were better than him…but in the end, you were the one who lost it all," you said, smiling sadly.
"Maybe I should have done something, demanded that you leave and save your life before it came to this…maybe I should have told you the truth, instead of hiding behind veiled gestures and vague words," you wept, feeling the cruel emotion of regret sweeping through you.
Releasing a laugh which sounded bitter even to your own ears, you glanced down at the photo one last time before laying it face down on the table. "Maybe," you started, lying down on your bed and closing your tear-filled eyes, "I should have told you I loved you…"
Your grandmother leaned against the wall outside your room. She had heard you crying, and the sound tore at her very heart. However, she had remained silent, waiting for your sobs to cease. Judging you to be sleeping, she opened the door quietly and glanced in. You were curled up on your bed, hair fanning out across the pillow you laid on. Moving closer, she briefly touched your arm, wanting to make sure that you were alright. 'Well…as alright as someone in her situation could be. I'm so sorry, Ren-chan…Ryuuzaki-san told me everything, but he made me promise not to tell you the truth. And you found out anyway…though not the circumstances either of us would have liked…'
Looking down at you, she caught sight of the tears that had dried on your face. Her expression showed her sadness and she removed her hand from your arm. Turning quickly away, she left the room, no longer feeling as though she wanted to remain with your sleeping form.
Yawning sleepily, you sat up and looked around. 'Another day,' was your first thought.
Reaching out one hand you were surprised to find cool metal in place of your plastic hairbrush. Looking across, you felt the emotions almost overwhelm you again. Picking up the frame, you stared at it blankly before replacing it and pulling yourself out of bed. "Morning, Grandma," you called, seeing your grandmother cooking breakfast in the kitchen.
'Business as usual…'
"Your friend called earlier on your mobile, but you were still sleeping so I answered it for you. He told you to call him back as soon as you could. He said he had an important message for you," your grandmother said, her voice nonchalant.
"Was his name Matsuda?" you questioned, certain it was the young police officer.
"No…I'm pretty sure he said his name was…Matsui," your grandmother replied, briefly raising her head to take in your disheveled appearance.
You merely nodded in reply; Matsui had been Matsuda's fake name after all.
After breakfast, you eagerly phoned the detective; wanting to know what news he had for you. "Yes?" warily asked a voice.
"It's Ahiru, Matsuda-kun. So, do you know when the…funeral is?" you questioned, choking slightly over the word, funeral.
"It's today, actually. We're leaving in a few minutes. You should be able to…say goodbye after we've all left. Here, I'll give you the address."
You affirmed the address and were about to hang up when his voice cut in. "Oh, by the way, Ryuuzaki-san left you an envelope…I can leave it by the grave if you like."
"Oh…yeah, sure. That'd be great Matsuda. Thanks, you know…for doing this all for me," you said, sincerity showing in your voice.
"Well, it's got to be getting me some brownie points…only too happy to assist," Matsuda joked, his normal personality momentarily replacing his serious self.
"I appreciate it, Matsuda-kun," you said, hanging up the phone with a small smile upon your features.
Matsuda and the others had left only minutes before you arrived. You had nearly bumped into Light as he walked by himself back to the waiting car. 'He must have stayed longer…I guess he was the closest…I hope he's handling this alright…'
Approaching the common tombstone, you read the name before kneeling down to lay some flowers on his grave. Catching sight of the envelope obviously left for you by Matsuda, you retrieved it and hid it away inside your pocket. Your eyes then turned back to the cold stone before you. 'I know you'd probably think less of me, seeing me here blubbering away and giving you flowers…but it's really all I can do to deal with the space you've left.'
"This is my farewell to you, Ryu-kun. I hope you find happiness in your next life, more than this life ever spared you. I'm sorry I wasn't there in your final moments, but know that I will wish I had been every day for the rest of my life…"
You rose, dusting the dirt off your knees, before straightening up to stare at vivid blue sky. "I guess the only thing left to tell you now…is that you are the one who I will never release my bonds with…I will continue to love you until I join you in the afterlife…pray that we may meet again there."
Swiftly turning on your heel, you walked away from his gravestone, no longer wanting to see his name inscribed in golden letters on that cold, gray granite.
Arriving home later than you expected, you removed your shoes and moved over to sit on the couch in the living room. Remembering something, you reached into your pocket and drew out the plain, white envelope. Taking the utmost care, you opened it and pulled out a sheet of writing paper. You tried to recognise the style before realising that you had never seen L write. Smiling at your own stupidity, you looked down at the paper and began to read. The words on the paper caused your eyes to widen and your mouth to fall open in shock. Written on the paper, was the complete truth from the man once deemed the best three detectives in the world.