A/N: Of course it was Maria. And unfortunately, we're probably going to be bored to death with her crappy Playboy storyline. That can only be good if Santino is involved, preferably with a microphone and ample promo time.

I'm willing to start a pool on how bad we all think RAW is going to be tonight. One dollar buy ins? Sound good?

(I wrote that A/N Monday afternoon. Oh, how I was right about RAW)

"I…uh…" I'm not sure how to answer that. I mean, I'm pretty sure that I'm just going to work, right? I didn't know that was something I needed to think about. If anyone should be asking questions here, it's me.

"Answer my question!"

"Maria, I don't know what you're talking about." Well, I don't.

"Who is that?" she asked, stomping up in her ridiculously too high shoes and pointing at Alana. Now, isn't that a bit rude? I think so.

"She's--"

"I'm his girlfriend, thank you very much." What? "And who are you?" I have no idea what Alana is doing, and quite frankly, I'm scared.

"I'm--"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU ARE!" Yo! Who knew that Alana was a fan of The Rock? Nice! "All I know is that I am now and whoever you are is old and gross, so step, whore."

Maria let out some sort of disgusted squeal-slash-grunt and went away. Seriously, why is she here? Probably promoting that stupid "Bunnymania" thing. How lame.

"Alana, you didn't have to do that…"

"Yes. Yes I did. I'm not going to let some whore ruin my one day out of the clinic. Who was she, by the way?" she asked as we started walking.

"Maria. She's my ex-girlfriend."

Alana stopped walking, but I didn't notice at first. When I did notice, I turned around and just looked at her. I had no idea what the hell she was doing. She was looking at me as if I was crazy, though. That may be true, but I already knew that.

"You went out with that?"

"Yeah. I did go out with that."

"Were you drunk or on drugs or something?"

Okay, now that is just a ridiculous question! I held up my knuckles John Cena Word Life style, which I will never do again, and showed her that I had "DRUG FREE" tattooed on them. "Clearly, Alana, I have never been on drugs, nor do I ever intend to be."

I didn't think that was funny, but Alana did. Whatever. "Introduce me to some people, sir."

"Are you sure? I mean, after you met Maria…"

"What the hell am I supposed to do while you're out in the ring? Surely you don't expect me to sit by myself. I could always go and find Maria. She seemed like a nice girl."

Ooh, Alana is evil. Cunning, but evil.

"No, that's quite alright. Uh…Oh! Victoria!" Thank god she was just walking around. She's a lifesaver.

"What's up, Punk?"

"This is Alana. Can she chill with you while I have my match? I forgot that I'm first."

"Yeah, that's cool."

"Alright. Sweet. I'll see you two ladies later."

Okay, so I just had my ass handed to me my John Morrison and The Miz in a two on one handicap match. Well, that's pretty much the only way that The Miz can win a damn match, so more power to him.

"Dude, you totally got your ass kicked." I didn't want to hear that from her. I think she's making fun of me.

"Thanks, Alana. Did you meet anyone else?"

"Uh, that Edge guy."

…

That's not good.

"You met Edge?"

"Yeah, I met Edge."

Great! Just great! I have no chance in hell now. She met the one dude here that like every single chick falls for. Have the whores that Batista brings here end up leaving him before the night is over because they'd rather be with Edge. This is blasphemy!

"Did you like him?"

"Hm, why are you so concerned, Punk?"

Ooh, think fast.

"Well, Edge is a dangerous man to fall for, Alana. I'm just looking out for the best interests of my newest friend, if that's alright with you."

She raised her eyebrow at me. Holy crap, I think I'm caught. I'm a goner. She's figured me out. Damnit, I'm too obvious.

"Let's go get tattoos."

What?

"What?"

"I'm just kidding, dude. Are you done for tonight?" Is she so eager to get out of here? Am I that boring?

"Yeah, I guess. Why?"

"Let's go somewhere. Find some people and let's go have some fun."

"Okay, but we'll have to chill for a bit. Everyone's still gotta stay for their SmackDown tapings."

"Find some damn people!"

"Okay." Hm, who should we bring. Oh, look. There's Edge. "Hey, Edge, do you want to hang out with us after the show?"

"Sure, dude."

Wait a darn minute…Didn't I just go on an anti-Edge rant about how I want him as far away from Alana as possible? But I still invited him to hang out with her?

Wow, I'm a dumbass.

A/N: I hate John Cena. More than ever. Seriously. If you saw RAW, you know why.

THANK GOD FOR JARED FOGLE AND SANTINO MARELLA!

That is all.

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