Friends and Lovers
By Misha
Author's Notes- This part is all reflective. It's a bunch of diary entries outlining what is going on in the heads of the various characters. I did it this way so not only could you see what they were thinking, but to speed things up. By doing it this way, I tell you what they're feeling, I also cover a fair bit of time, bringing things up to the point I want them to be. Well, that's all for now, enjoy!
Chapter Thirty-Seven
01/21/01
God, this is so hard to write.
Last night, Chloe, she ended things between us. I know that it's because she lost her memory and that it might not be forever. But it certainly feels like it.
God, a week ago I was so happy. I had Chloe and everything was going good for us, now... Now everything's fallen apart.
God, in one day I learnt that Chloe was pregnant, that she lost the baby, and that she doesn't remember our love for one another.
How will I cope? It's like a horrible nightmare.
I love Chloe so much and she doesn't even remember a single thing we shared. She doesn't remember how in love we were...
Were. God, it sounds so strange to refer to Chloe and I in the past tense.
But I have to wonder, will I ever use the present tense again or is it over for good?
Will things ever be the way they were?
- Phillip
* * * * *
January 27th, 2001
Dear Diary,
Things are so strange right now.
I mean, on the one hand, I'm happy because Jase and I are together again and it's so good between us. In fact, it's better than it ever was before.
But, on the other hand, how can I be truly happy with all the stuff going on in my best friend's life?
It's been a week since the accident and... It doesn't like things are going to get back to normal any time soon.
Chloe still has no memory of her relationship Phillip or of anything that has happened in the last few months.
Because of that, nothing is the same. My only question, is, will it ever be again?
Talk to you Later,
Mimi
* * * * *
Jan. 31st, 2001,
I think my plan to show Chloe what we could have, might work.
I've been spending some time with her in the last few days and it's been good.
Since she and Phillip are no longer together I've been trying to charm her, so that when she inevitably regains her memory, she'll realize that she isn't mean to be with Phillip. She's meant to be with me.
The only problem is, while she can't remember ever having feelings for Phillip, it's obvious that she might have romantic feelings for Shawn. Which, is interesting to say the least.
But, I know that Shawn is no more suited for her than Phillip is.
I just have to make sure she knows that and I'm doing everything I can to make sure of that.
- Brady
* * * * *
February 2nd, 2001
Dear Diary,
Chloe still hasn't regained her memory and it doesn't look like she's going to any time soon.
It's so frustrating. My best friend doesn't even remember me.
More than that, it just makes things so much more complicated with Shawn.
Just as I was starting to wonder if maybe something could happen between us, this happens.
Shawn's been so devoted to Chloe, he's rarely apart from her, and it's obvious that he hasn't gotten over his feelings for her. No matter what he says or thinks.
More than that, the few times I've seen Chloe, I've gotten the impression that she might have feelings for Shawn now that she can't remember ever being in love with Phillip.
Also, Brady's making a move on Chloe. I knew he had a thing for her, but... It just makes things more complicated.
Even when, if, Chloe gets her memory back, I'd bet that things are still going to be complicated. We'll still have to deal with all that happened, the only difference is, Chloe will have her memory back.
But with all these emotions stirred up, I'm willing to bet that she's going to have one major choice on her hands.
And I know, whatever she chooses, it will affect all of us.
Forever Yours,
Belle
* * * * *
February 6th, 2001
I just have to get this stuff off my mind.
Since the accident, my feelings for Chloe have returned full force, if they ever went away. I love her. I always have.
But, even if she says that she wants something to happen between us, I know it can't. Not now. Not when she doesn't remember an important chapter of her life.
What I want to know, is, will it ever happen? Will we ever be together.
I thought the answer was no. But now, now I can't help but wonder again.
I like Belle, I'm even attracted to her, but... She's not Chloe. Nobody else ever will be.
The question is, will I ever get a chance with her?
- Shawn
* * * * * *
February 9th, 2001
Dearest Diary,
I keep wanting to remember, but I can't.
My mind's a total blank and it creeps me out. There are so many months of my life I don't remember.
So many significant events that just there aren't any more.
I was in love, I was pregnant, yet I can't remember any of it. It's almost as if it never happened. How is that possible?
How can I not remember falling in love with Phillip?
I've tried so hard to remember something, anything, but there's nothing there. I mean, I'm attracted to him, but... I'm certainly not head over heels in love with him.
I know I hurt him by ending things with him, but wouldn't it hurt him more for me to stay with him when I don't feel the way I used to and I don't know if I ever will again?
I know I'm hurting Belle too. I guess in the last few months we've become close, but now she's a stranger to me. At least Phillip I've known all my life, but Belle... I can't remember ever meeting her.
Or her brother. But, at least Brady doesn't expect anything of me. He doesn't expect me to remember and isn't hurt when I don't. He's just being supportive, yet I know he's attracted to me and he's certainly cute enough.
But I couldn't imagine anything ever happening there. Certainly not now. Not when my life is so confused.
Not when the only person I can imagine being with is Shawn.
I've had a small crush on Shawn for as long as I can remember.
It's almost ironic that appears that just as he was about to ask me out, I fell for someone else. Even though I can't remember, I think I know how it happened.
Phillip's so... So everything.
I guess I was flattered when he asked me out and a little dazzled, and I didn't know that Shawn would ever ask me out, so, of course I said yes. And then, I guess, I fell for him.
But maybe I shouldn't have, it certainly would have been simpler if I hadn't.
But I can't change the past, especially since I can't remember it.
I just have to deal and hope that someday, I'll remember.
As Confused as Ever,
Chloe
* * * * *