As Time Goes By

by Save-Ted24

Jude Harrison knew Tommy Quincy was the one when she was 11 years old. He left, but came back years later, and though their feelings are known, it doesn't mean everything's perfect in Jommyland.

9. 19th Nervous Breakdown

Chapter 9: 19th Nervous Breakdown

On the street I'm waiting
In my heart it's raining

Your eyes are holding up the sky
Your eyes make me weak, I don't know why
Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth
I thought my heart was bullet-proof
Now I'm dancing on the roof
And everybody knows I'm…

Tommy stopped the backing music and spoke to Jude through the intercom. "Jude what's up? That take was going really well. Why'd you stop?"

"Sorry, my heart's just not in it right now. I'm actually kind of tired of singing; can we take a break?" This was Jude's front for Tommy. The truth was she didn't want to sing the song for him ever…because it was about him. It made Jude uncomfortable singing about Tommy's eyes, while glancing at them every few seconds, knowing she had no right to gaze at them longingly. The only way to record this song was if Kwest produced it instead of Tommy.

Tommy sighed, but eventually gave in. He could physically tell that she was exhausted. He hit the intercom switch again. "Alright, but I'd like to finish this song up sometime this week. We've been working on it for too long. Although, I will say this, it's one of your best yet." She slouched on her stool, feeling even more uncomfortable than before. "I'll order some food."

25 minutes and two cartons of Chinese food later, Tommy and Jude were sprawled out on the floor of Studio A happily amused with their own form of entertainment. When it was just the two of them, hanging out like this, it was as if no one else existed. Those non-existent individuals were better off, considering they probably wouldn't understand the unusual conversations Jude and Tommy had.

"Okay…is this person famous?" Tommy asked as he shoved a hearty forkful of kung-pao chicken into his mouth. Jude simply shook her head violently in response. Taking a minute to swallow his food, he thought of his follow-up question. "Have I ever seen him?"

Jude looked at the ceiling with a skeptical brow. "Maybe. I don't watch you every minute of everyday, so I'm not entirely sure."

"Hey, you're cheating. You can only say yes, no, sometimes, or maybe. Other than that, keep your trap shut."

Jude looked at Tommy with an amused grin. "Wow, your hard-ass, competitive interior not only shows through music but also in stupid and childish games like 20 Questions. Your maturity astonishes me." Tommy gave Jude a menacing look and pointed his finger at her, an indication that she still shouldn't be talking. "Fine, sorry."

"Two more questions left." Tommy was lost in thought for a minute. "Is it even a he?"

"Sometimes."

"So, you're saying there is more than one person?"

"Yes. You loose."

"What?" Tommy stared at Jude in a state of confusion until it dawned on him why he 'lost'. "No, that last question wasn't for you to answer. It was more rhetorical. I was thinking out loud. I still get one more question."

"Nope. Game over. I win." Jude just sat in front of Tommy looking very smug about her victory.

He wasn't in the mood to fight this anymore. "Fine, whatever. So who was the person, or rather 'people', you were thinking of?"

Jude replied very nonchalantly. "A Jehovah's witness."

Tommy gawked at Jude for the next 20 seconds. He was so dumbfounded by Jude's response that he wasn't paying attention to anything else, including the noodle hanging from his lip. When Jude saw this, she burst out laughing. She wished she had brought a camera with her because the expression on his face was absolutely priceless.

After contemplating for a little while longer—and realizing food was hanging out of his mouth—Tommy was finally able to find his voice. "Are you a fucking psycho?"

Jude was momentarily taken aback. "Wow. Someone's in need of a bar of soap."

Tommy ignored her remark. "But seriously, Jude…seriously?"

"What are you going on about?"

"No one in their right mind would choose a Jehovah's Witness, let only possibly guess it. It defeats the purpose of the game."

Jude put a hand up to stop Tommy's ranting. "Okay, first of all, you of all people should know that I am not, nor have I ever been, in my right mind. Second, I believe the purpose of the game is to win. You couldn't guess what it was within 20 questions…therefore, I win."

Tommy considered her explanation for a second. "All I can say is 'touché' in relation to the first part of your statement, 'you suck' in regards to the second."

Jude laughed sadistically. "Ah, I love how easily I can get under your skin. It's a gift I wouldn't trade even for a bag of Peachy O's…maybe for two though."

"New topic." As Tommy pondered another conversation topic, he noticed Jude hadn't actually eaten much of the Chinese food in front of her. Most of the time, Jude just shifted the food around in the carton. He also noticed that, whether or not it was due to her current exhaustion, Jude looked slightly thinner and her skin wasn't glowing as vibrantly as it usually did. He made a mental note not to work her too hard for the next few weeks. "Are you on bad terms with sweet and sour chicken right now?"

Jude was absent-mindedly gazing at the fried chicken dipped in red sauce. At Tommy's comment she looked up. "What?" Her brain finally processed what he had just asked. "Oh…I'm not sure. It tastes different for some reason."

Tommy wasn't about to get on Jude's back about how she should be eating. He already knew the consequences of Sadie's actions, and didn't really want to be in the path of Jude's wrath. Sadie had also told him not to talk about it in front of her, so—for once—he felt okay with doing what he was told. "Hey, I don't blame you. To be honest, I don't think anyone really knows what they put in this junk. Chinese Food is heart attack and food-poisoning city." Tommy then stuffed more food into his mouth.

Jude shook her head in disgust. "Says the man cramming an entire carton down his esophagus. Are you fearless, Quincy?"

"Unequivocally. Meager things like a stopping heart couldn't possibly fathom how to defeat me. I'm practically a superhero."

"Tights and a cape, my favorite kind of man." Jude's comment instigated Tommy to gaze at Jude lovingly. She reciprocated, but within seconds new it had to stop. She haphazardly focused her attention on her uneaten food again. "So…I believe you were trying to come up with a new topic."

Tommy understood her intentions. "Right. Let's see here." They both sat in silence thinking of something to talk about. Tommy abruptly smacked his forehead as if he felt stupid for not thinking of this before. "How about music?"

Jude looked at Tommy for a second, waiting for him to expand. When he didn't, she put her two cents in. "Tommy, that's like the most vague discussion topic ever. What about music do you want to talk about?"

"Well, I was thinking we could play that game we did when you were 11. I'll tell you stuff I'm into now, and vice versa, and then we'll listen and rate them accordingly." Tommy looked at Jude with raised eyebrows, waiting for approval.

"I guess bringing back a childhood tradition does have potential." Tommy grinned knowingly. Jude just rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'll start…um…Remember That I Love You by Kimya Dawson, Exposition by this Chicago band called Wax on Radio, and Doolittle by Pixies."

"You can't use Pixies. You've been listening to those albums since you were 10. That's not something you've recently got into."

Jude stuck her tongue out at Tommy, and then thought for a minute about what her third album choice would be. "Fine. My last one's Ghosts by Sleeping at Last."

"Hm…out of the three artists you chose, I've only heard of one. Kimya Dawson's the shit."

Jude nodded her head fervently. "I know. She's like a chick with balls. I know Wax on Radio because I have a friend in Chicago and she told me all about them. They've got a very experimental sound to them. You know how I feel about bands that create their own sound."

"Pants off dance off?"

"I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response." Tommy was laughing at this point, so Jude waited until he was done amusing himself before continuing. "Anyway, the other band, Sleeping at Last, is…well, the best way to describe them is Radiohead meets soft Christian rock."

Tommy tilted his head to the side like a puppy, which Jude found adorable. "That doesn't sound appealing."

"It's a surprisingly cool combination. Some of the songs are pretty haunting, especially their title track."

A sigh escaped Tommy's lips, not unnoticed by Jude. "Okay, I'll give them a try. And now it's my turn…I gotta try and think of ones you don't know."

"I bet it can't be done," stated Jude rather smugly. "I have been known as quite the Music Guru around these parts."

"Alright then, ego maniac…how about Rubberneck by Toadies?"

"Possum Kingdom's a bitchin' song."

"Damn it." Tommy put his fingers to his lips, lost in thought and determined to stump Jude. "The Living End…their self-titled debut."

"Saw them play a couple years back. In my opinion, the very definition of punk music."

Tommy slammed his fist on his leg. As the Magic 8 Ball would say, "Outlook Not Good." Tommy noticed Jude's effervescent smirk. "Hey, wipe that grin off your cute little face. You haven't won yet. I still have one more shot."

Jude pretended to yawn out of boredom. "Whatever you say, Opie. Just make it snappy. I don't have all night to listen to you attempt to beat me at something."

Tommy was determined to not go down without a fight. Suddenly, as if a light bulb was hovering over his head, he got the answer he was looking for. "How about Germ-Free Adolescents by X-ray Specs?"

Jude opened her mouth to respond cockily, and then paused for a moment as a frown began to appear on her face. She slowly pressed her lips together again, a sign of defeat. Tommy smiled victoriously. Jude was done with being rendered speechless. "Alright, dork. You got me this time. But don't think of it as a usually occurrence."

Tommy could tell that deep down Jude was disappointed with being trumped. He stood up and stretched his hands out to help Jude up as well. She obliged and before they knew it they were staring at each other in silence, while Tommy absent-mindedly tucked a strand of hair behind Jude's ear. The pinkish hue developing in her cheeks was obvious. Jude quickly looked away, before anything else could happen.

Her discomfort was recognized by Tommy so he talked to make her forget. "I'll tell you what. How about we call a truce in regards to our music know-how war? These competitions have no point. The only thing necessary for us to know is that we're both superior as music experts compared to the rest of the world."

"Well put." Jude's newfound smile made her whole face light up. She suddenly felt the urge to hug Tommy, so she gave into her impulses just this once. "I honestly don't know what I'd do without you, Quincy." She spoke the words softly and into his chest.

The feel of Jude's petite hands wrapped around Tommy's torso was a surprise to him, but one he welcomed. Her words were full of honesty and compassion and he wished they could just stay in that moment forever.

The next two weeks dragged on monotonously for Tommy. Come into work, record with artists, record extra with Jude, and then either be hauled somewhere by Sadie or go home to sleep. The only change during that time was Jude. At first it was only Tommy that noticed the change in her appearance, but eventually interns became skeptical and even Darius told Jude to go home early on numerous occasions because she looked ill. Jude, of course, ignored the questioning looks and continued to be professional.

Jude hadn't sung in a few days due to her persistent writing frenzy. Tommy was currently trying to convince Jude to get in the studio and actually record some of the stuff she had written.

"Come on, Harrison. If you want your future fans to be able to hear these oh-so wonderful songs of yours, the key is to sing them into a mic so I can record them. Otherwise, how is everyone gonna know what you've got?" Tommy then used his signature look on the 18 year-old to try and make her give in to his request.

Jude wasn't feeling too hot, and singing was the last thing on her mind. But the primary thing that was on her mind was Tommy, and she found it very difficult to say no to him when he looked at her that way. "You're a dill weed, you know that?"

Tommy's expression changed from allure to perplexity as he helped her off the couch. "Hm. Remind me to add that to the list of names I never thought I'd hear someone call me."

Once in Studio A, both persons segregated to their usual spots in the room. "So, superstar," Tommy began as he got himself situated in his chair, "what song will we be putting down this evening?"

Jude really didn't care. She was just doing this to please Tommy. "I don't know…let's just do 'Time to be Your 21'. SME made a rough backing track for it so I could work on vocals. It's at the top of the stack on the left side of the soundboard."

Tommy retrieved the CD and put it in its proper place. "Alright, whenever you're ready." Jude nodded and seconds later the music filled her ears.

You never lied to me not once
It's not your fault that I can't trust
It's in my past, it's in my path and…

Jude stopped singing and put a hand to her head. Tommy was showed concern for Jude's action. "Jude, you okay? Look, you don't have to sing tonight. Why don't you go home and get some rest."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine. My head's just hurting a little." Jude took a couple of deep breaths and tried to clear her head. "See? All better now. Just play the track from the top again." Tommy did as Jude asked but kept a weary eye on her through the glass.

You never lied to me not once
It's not your fault that I can't trust
It's in my past, it's in my path and I can't go there
Making a mess out of this game
To see it all go up in flames
So tired of being ruthless and reckless

Time to be your only one
To almost be your way too young
Time to crash into the sun
Time to be your 21
Time to dream that love will last
Time to drive my car too fast
Time to walk before I run
Time to…

Before the rest of the words had a chance to come out of Jude's mouth, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she collapsed into a heap on the floor.

"Jude!" Tommy was out of his chair and on the other side of the glass partition in seconds. He kneeled on the ground next to Jude and slightly raised her upper half so he could rest her on his lap. "Jude? Jude, come on. Wake up." She wouldn't budge. Tommy turned his head towards the door, hoping someone would hear him. "Somebody call an ambulance!"

On the way to the emergency room, Tommy called Sadie to inform her of what was happening since she wasn't at work to witness the ordeal. She didn't answer her phone so he left a frantic voicemail instead.

Tommy exited the emergency vehicle after the paramedics wheeled Jude out. They all stampeded through the large doors of the emergency room. Tommy kept stealing glances at Jude's lifeless form, hoping that one of the times he looked she would suddenly open her eyes. His hopes diminished.

Soon the doctors took over and the paramedics left. It was at this point that a nurse stopped Tommy from going any further with Jude. "I'm sorry sir, but you're going to have to wait here. Now if you could just remain calm, a doctor will be with you shortly to ask you a few questions." Tommy didn't like this arrangement, but knew it wasn't a good idea to fight it.

He paced anxiously up and down the hall for minute—that seemed like hours—until, sure enough, a middle-aged man in a white coat with multi-colored pens in his breast pocket approached Tommy's edgy form. "Are you with the young lady that just came in?"

"Yes. Her name's Jude…Jude Harrison. Is she okay?" Tommy didn't remember the last time he was filled with so much fear.

"She has regained consciousness."

Tommy's relief washed over him like a monsoon. "Oh, thank god."

The doctor then pulled one of the colorful pens out of his pocket and made visible the clipboard he was holding behind his back. "I am concerned though, at why this happened. Her blackout lasted longer then usual, and I was hoping you could provide me with any information that could prevent a future incident from occurring."

"Of course." Tommy gaped at the doctor, waiting for his first question.

"Is she currently, or has she ever been, subject to substance abuse?"

"No!" Tommy looked at the withered man in front of him incredulously. To be truthful, he wasn't entirely sure whether Jude has taken drugs at all, but he was fairly certain that would not have been the cause of her fainting.

The doctor wrote something on his clipboard before continuing. "Does she have any ailments or conditions that we should be made aware about?"

Tommy thought for a moment before replying. "She has diabetes."

"A diabetic?" The man was about to write something else down, but a soft, female voice stopped him.

"She's not a diabetic."

Both Tommy and the short doctor peered around to locate where the voice was coming from. Their eyes both landed on Sadie. The doctor spoke first. "I'm sorry, miss, but who are you?"

Sadie took slow steps toward the two men. "I'm the girl's sister." She glanced at Tommy, who had a puzzled expression that didn't plan on vanishing. She then turned her eyes back to the man with the PhD. "She doesn't have diabetes. The problem is lack of nutrition. You see, Jude has suffered from multiple eating disorders in the past, and I'm afraid she has gone into a relapse."

Tommy was speechless as he stared at Sadie unblinkingly. The doctor nodded his head as realization came to him. "I see. Miss, if you could come with me, there are a few important documents I will need for you to fill out regarding your sister." Sadie looked up at Tommy one last time—only to find vacant eyes—before heading down the hallway with the man in the white coat.

The next morning, Tommy went back to the hospital. After recovering from his initial shock over Sadie's truthful statement, Tommy went through a whole range of emotions. His thoughts were racing around so fast, and he knew he wasn't going to be much help to Jude in her present state, so he decided to leave and attempt sleep. Now Tommy was sitting in a cold, plastic chair with a bouquet of flowers in his hands, waiting to visit his Jude.

The same nurse that stopped him in the hall last night came out of Jude's room to talk to Tommy. "I'm afraid she does not wish to have any visitors right now." Tommy's face sunk. The nurse observed this behavior and felt a twinge of empathy for the young man. "If you would like, I could give her those flowers for you."

Tommy didn't understand why Jude didn't want to see him, but he wasn't about to waste the flowers he bought specifically for her. "Yeah, that would be great. Thanks." He handed the woman the bouquet and turned around to exit the depressing medical building.

Jude sat up in her bed as her mother continued to gush over her. "Mom, I'm okay. I'm just a stupid teenager who did a really stupid thing. I realize now that my selfish thoughts aren't worth causing you guys this kind of pain." Jude addressed the last part to her father and sister as well, who were sitting in chairs on the other side of the bed.

"Honey," Jude's father initiated before getting up to stand by his youngest, "we just don't want to see you so sad and unhappy with yourself. You are honestly the best person I've ever known, and I don't want you thinking any differently."

"Here! Here!" Sadie chimed in. Jude smiled at her sister apologetically.

Mrs. Harrison changed the subject as she played with her daughter's hair. "So, the doctor said you can be released tomorrow morning, that way we can take you back home and start your recovery. Maybe do a little home schooling so you can graduate with the rest of the kids in a month."

Jude furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait, what do you mean 'back home'? Do you mean my old home? Because I'd be much more at 'home' at Sadie's place."

Jude's parents were surprised by their daughter's words. Mr. Harrison tried to think of something to say. "Well, uh…"

"It's okay guys," came Sadie's friendly voice. "It is technically her home now. And I can make room for you guys to stay at the apartment with us for a week or so. That is, if that's what you want?"

The Harrisons' responded with smiles, which was all Sadie needed. "Okay, why don't you go home to get whatever stuff you need and I'll watch over Jude."

"Alright, dear." Mrs. Harrison kissed both of her daughters on the forehead before walking out of the hospital with her husband.

Jude played with the fringe on the hospital blanket she was wrapped in. "Wow."

"What?"

"It just kind of feels like I'm five and you're babysitting me, that's all. You better not be getting paid for this."

Sadie lightly chuckled at Jude's observation, glad to see her definitive humor was back. "Don't worry. The older you got, the more my rate decreased, so I'm technically not getting much out of this." Sadie got out of her chair to sit at the foot of Jude's bed.

Jude now attempted to make the conversation more serious. "You really don't have to stay, Sadie. I now know that not eating for days is quite painful, and am in no rush to do it again anytime soon…or ever, for that matter." As much as the next words would cause her pain, Jude knew they had to be said to assure Sadie of her sincerity. "Why don't you go see Tommy? The two of you could have some quality alone time, or whatever."

Sadie's eyes darted to the white tiles on the ground. "I don't think that's gonna be happening anytime soon."

Jude was confused. "Why? It's not like you need to watch me 24/7. You should go off and do whatever."

"No. I mean me and Tommy." Jude stared at her older sister, waiting for a clearer explanation. Sadie finally found the courage to say the words she was dreading. "Tommy broke up with me."

So many different feelings coursed through Jude because of those five words. She was disappointed, elated, sad, and hopeful, but most of all, she was bewildered. "What? Why?"

Tears started to form in Sadie's eyes as she spoke. "I don't know. He said something about me lying to him and that he can't trust me." She wiped at the few drops that strayed from her eyes. "But I don't think that's really fair of him, because I didn't do it just to lie to him. I was trying to protect my only sister and he obviously didn't understand that."

Jude felt sympathetic for the situation her sister was put in. "That asshole." She squeezed her sister's hand to show her support. "Fuck guys. Who needs them anyway?"

Tommy paused the movie he was watching to get another orange juice fix. He recently became addicted to the stuff, and he didn't even know why, especially since vodka hadn't even been its companion. The orange juice was refreshing and he needed that sunny, happy feeling to take over in his chest so he wouldn't concentrate too much on the sad feelings that came up when he thought of Jude.

The doorbell rang as Tommy was filling his cup to the brim. He put the juice carton back in the fridge and made a bee line for the front door. Quickly jarring the heavy door open, Tommy was shocked by the person standing on the other side. "Jude?"