So, these past two chapters have been difficult for me to right, and they seemed kind of boring also. This one is really short because I'm kind of having a brain fart. I'm the kind of person that can't stick to one project, I need to multi-task (Hey, has anyone seen that old Red Roof Inn commercial where the guy says "Multi-tasking!" in a sing-song voice…that was funny and I don't know why).
So, I decided that in order to clear my head and hopefully be able to continue this story eventually, I'm going to take a short break and start working on a new one. I already have the idea and am almost done mapping it out. It should be awesome because it's a mash-up of Instant Star and a Jane Austen novel (she kicks major feminine ass!).
By the time I start working on this one again hopefully it will stop being dull and have more elements of sarcastic Jude…I like sarcasm more than soap opera drama most of the time.
Btw, has anyone noticed that all my chapters are song titles? Just curious. Some seem obvious, while others are more obscure.
Chapter 11: Growing Up (Falling Down)
Tommy made sure he met Jude precisely at 3pm. He was afraid he might miss her if he arrived even a minute late. He got out of his viper and moved closer to the playground, immediately noticing his blonde-haired beauty sitting motionless on one of the swings. She looked as if transfixed by something on the ground below her, and her long hair covered her face, making it difficult for Tommy to discover Jude's current mood.
Jude didn't hear Tommy approaching until his heavy steps crunched against the gravel pit. Out of the corner of her eye she could make out a pair of "Rowdy" Graffiti Joggers by unltd. Jude only knew one person arrogant enough to wear shoes that loud. She slowly raised her head to look at Tommy's face, wondering if his features had changed at all since she left his apartment 14 hours ago.
His eyes were slightly sullen; not noticeable enough for any bystander to take into account, but enough for Jude to understand that her note had injured him, and she felt horrible knowing that it wouldn't stop there. She rested her forehead against the chain of the swing she occupied, gazing up at Tommy, wishing her nonverbal cues were all she needed to depend on to communicate with him.
Tommy, however, was not really in the mood to reason with her sad facial expressions. "Alright, let's hear the brilliant excuse you've come up with this time."
"Tommy."
"No, seriously." Tommy began pacing, hands in his jean pockets, everywhere and anywhere in front of the swing set. "Hell, I'll even give it a shot…is it the age difference? I mean, we're like, what, five years apart? Yep, that's definitely incentive enough for a girl to think twice about a relationship."
"Tommy." Jude was starting to get a little pissed at the way he was treating her, though she knew he had every right to be angry with her considering the way she left things.
"Or…maybe it's the publicity. Lord knows the press would have a field day with an artist-producer pairing, so you feel that the best way to avoid a situation of this magnitude is to just quit while you're ahead."
"God damn it, Tommy, you don't know when to stop!" Anger, fear, and sadness coursed throughout her entire body, the gush of emotions forcing her to stand up and start pacing as well. "Before you make any more ridiculous insinuations, it's probably best that you sit down, shut the hell up, and let me explain myself!" Tommy was somewhat intimidated by Jude's tone, so instead of coming up with a retort, he did as he was told.
After clearing her head of all of the frustration she was feeling, Jude suddenly felt bad for yelling at Tommy. He had every right to be mad at her considering the ambiguous wording of her note. It was time to set things straight. No more lying; no more misunderstandings. She took slow steps back toward the swing she rose out of only minutes ago, and sat back down, unable to look at Tommy in her moment of confession.
"There are…things, things that you don't know or understand. Things I didn't realize would be a problem until last night, which is why I left and asked to talk to you here." She felt her hands shaking, and resulted in balling them into fists so the spasms were less noticeable. "The first time I was hospitalized for starving myself, my parents and Sadie were completely dumbfounded, yet terrified at the same time. They didn't know why I would do something so drastic, and were relentless about the cause of my actions. To get them off my back, I just told them it was peer pressure…and mentioned something about the boys at my school."
"Yeah, that's what Sadie told me." Tommy was listening intently now, determined to discover the root of her anxiety.
"That wasn't the truth. No one, other than myself, really knew the truth in the matter." Jude tried to slow her breathing because she could feel her heart racing uncontrollably. "I couldn't tell my own flesh and blood the truth because that would mean I'd have to tell them that I was in love with you, and I hadn't ever prepared myself for how my sister would react to that declaration."
There was a stilled silence for a few seconds. It was almost as if the wind had hushed its daily routine of blowing the trees so it could also hear what Jude had to say. Tommy seemed somewhat disturbed by her answer. "So…are you trying to tell me that I'm the reason you made yourself sick? Because I didn't intend for this all to happen, Jude. If I knew that you felt that way all those years ago, I could have…"
"No, Tommy. Don't beat yourself up over this, because it's not all your fault. I lost control of my emotions, I honestly didn't know what I was doing. I was young and naïve…"
"Yeah, but you developed an eating disorder because I left you without even saying so much as a goodbye." He shot out of the swing like a slingshot and started up his ritualistic pacing. Pacing had become a habit when he was around Jude because he honestly wasn't sure what to think or say anymore.
"Tommy, what did I just tell you? It's not your fault."
"Yes it is, because I could have prevented it." A painful sense of guilt crept up in his throat, making it difficult to swallow. "I probably caused your relapse too by dating your sister again." Jude just looked off into the distance and refused to respond to his assertion. Though it was basically true, she didn't want to have to tell him that. It didn't matter anyway, because he understood her answer by noticing her distant look.
Tommy knelt down in front of Jude seized Jude's hands possessively. "Jude, I can't begin to describe how truly sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you. I only dated her again because I thought it would help get my mind off of you, but it obviously didn't work." He placed a hand on her soft cheek. "I love you, Jude. If you just give me a chance, I know I can more than make up for any pain I've caused you in the past."
Jude loved this side of Tommy. He was like the Tommy in her dreams, only better. His endearing thoughtfulness made her want to succumb to his pleading, but determination allowed her to prevent what could possibly become one of the biggest mistakes she would ever make.
She reached up for the hand that rested against her cheek and gently brought his knuckles up to her lips, kissing them softly and sensually. "Tommy, I love you too, but we can't be together…at least, not right now." She then proceeded to place his hand back by his side, away from anymore physical contact with her.
Tommy stood back up, looking at Jude incredulously. "No, see you've got it all wrong. When two people say that they love each other, it means they're supposed to be together. So why don't you just let things run their course, you know, the way they're supposed to."
"Tommy, if we start a relationship now we'll just end up destroying each other." His eyes squinted in confusion, so Jude willingly elaborated. "Our lives are public considering your status in the entertainment industry, and more so now that my first single has hit the airwaves." Tommy rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, intended for Jude's notice. "There's also…" Jude couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence; she fidgeted uncomfortable, incessantly digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands to keep from bursting. She never thought in her wildest dreams that terms would have to come to this. She hated when she had to listen to the rational thoughts that floated inside her head.
Tommy prodded her to continue. He was somewhat curious to see if her reasoning had the potential to make sense in his mind. If it didn't, he'd have to live miserably, knowing that for some stupid reason he couldn't have Jude. "There's also what? What else is keeping you from being with me, Jude?"
She felt like crying, like breaking down and giving into him. He was her only, and yet she currently found herself sitting in the middle of a school playground, attempting to peacefully discontinue their relationship. This was D-Day for Jude. A day she would constantly think about and regret, but would secretly understand, in the back of her mind, that it was the right thing to do.
Tommy waited with bated breath as Jude found the courage to continue. "Well, there's always the chance that…" Jude needed to make sure she used her words delicately in this situation. "Tommy, I'm not the most patient and forgiving person. I overreact, I always focus on the worst part of any situation, and I have lived so many years of my life in sadness because I my mind was wrapped in thoughts of you."
Tommy made a start to console Jude, wanting to tell her that he was here for her now, but Jude had to finish what she had to say without any interjections. She raised a hand in his direction to plead with him to let her finish first. He obeyed without hesitation; she had a mysterious power over him. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm irrational when I'm around you…whether I like it or not. And if something were to happen in the future, something that I may have trouble forgiving you for…well, I'm not sure how I'll be able to deal with losing you again."
It was as if she was speaking in code, like she always did when she was with her sister. But this time, she was trying to explain something to Tommy, and he just didn't get it. He played her words over and over again in his brain, until finally a connection was made. His eyes grew wide in shock. "Jude I have told you already that I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you." Tommy felt almost hurt by Jude's insinuations. She obviously still didn't believe he truly loved her, otherwise she wouldn't believe that he might possible do something in the future to compromise their relationship.
"Not intentionally, of course. I know you wouldn't hurt me on your own will." Now Tommy really was confused. What does she think is going to happen? Jude could visibly see the confounded lines etched on his forehead. "Neither of us truly know what's going to happen in the next few months, let alone five minutes from now. Accidents happen, mistakes are made, and we usually don't expect it…nor can we even plan for it."
Jude got up from the swing. Tommy was still at her feet, so she grabbed his hands to help him up as well. She placed a hand on his warm cheek. It was rough. He was probably too frazzled from her letter this morning to even think of shaving off his 5 o'clock shadow. It didn't matter; she liked it all the same. Jude smiled and kissed the cheek her hand had occupied mere seconds ago.
Tommy didn't know whether Jude was trying to say something with these loving gestures. He wouldn't dream of pushing her away, but his body remained rigid and indifferent because he didn't know how to handle her mixed signals. Jude looked up into his eyes, not willing anything to tear her from her gaze. "You know, I'm still trying to get used to the idea of you actually wanting to be with me. It's so surreal and bizarre and…I just don't want to ruin this perfect thing we could have by jumping into this relationship so quickly."
Tommy wrapped his arms tightly around Jude's tiny waist. He was finally starting to understand Jude's view of their situation. They were both still young, especially Jude, and had plenty of time to carry on their romance in the future. They would be naïve if they expected to become the ideal couple that had no worries or troubles to disrupt their love. And Jude was right. Things happen, and not everyone is expected to be so understanding when on the other side of the spectrum. "So, what you're saying is that we should wait."
"Of course, Quincy." Jude fell into his embrace, her cheek resting against his chest. "I could never give you up completely." The pair held each other in silence, immersed in warmth and bliss, even if it was only for a few solitary moments. As a thought came to Jude, she leaned out of his arms to stare up at him again. "After all, you did break up with my sister only days ago. I'm not sure how she would handle us being an 'us' so suddenly."
Tommy smiled in agreement. "Touché." He tilted his head and inched closer to hers, hoping for one last kiss before they had to go back to being just friends. Jude wasn't one to deny Tommy something that he wanted, especially if it happened to be her lips. She closed her eyes in anticipation. Just as his lips were about to make their initial descent onto hers, a bell rang. Jude turned her head in response to the sound, causing Tommy to forcefully crash into her cheek.
"What was that? A fire alarm?"
"It's probably nothing." He used his forefinger and thumb to turn her head toward him. "Now, where were we?" Jude smiled like a schoolgirl at his obvious hunger. Schoolgirl? School? Jude turned her head again to focus on the elementary school 50 feet away. As if on cue, many of the exits in the school simultaneously opened in haste. An abundance of children in uniform, ranging from 7-11 years old, pounded the pavement in a hurry toward their destination, be it bus or car. It was clear that some kids were making their way toward the playground, probably to pass the time until their parents came to pick them up.
"Tommy, I think this is our cue to leave." She loosened the hold he had on her, and grabbed his hand, forcing him to walk in the direction toward their cars.
Tommy groaned. "Of course school has to let out right as I get you to succumb to me."
Jude halted her steps. She turned around and punched him hard in the arm. "You know, just for that, these lips are officially sealed." She continued to walk and added a "no smooch for you" in her best Soup Nazi impersonation. Tommy followed closely behind. He started whistling "Cruella De Vil", hoping to intentionally piss Jude off. "Wow, you really want to get on my bad side don't you?" She turned her head so Tommy could see her stick out her tongue at him.
Tommy just laughed. He thought it was cute the way her face scrunched up when she wanted to act like a kid. His conversation with Jude was better than he thought it was going to be. Even though they wouldn't be together 'technically', their future did look bright. They both loved each other unconditionally and that's all that mattered. It shouldn't be too difficult to resist the urge to kiss Jude once in a while.
Boy was he in for a rude awakening.