Rain (part 4)

If only the rain could talk…

I'm sure it would tell me…

How to wash away this pain…

Haruhi walked slowly, taking her steps as though every inch of concrete was stretching into a mile. Her tears had dried up already and she was left in a dazed state, like daydreaming, only it felt more like a nightmare. She wasn't sure why she walked out, or why she even dared to say she quit the host club. Her temper had got the better of her and she didn't want to admit it, but she was regretting her actions so much that she just wanted to run back, say she was sorry and forget all about those gripping heartbeats she felt every time she thought of Kyouya, or hear his voice or see his lonely figure by the—

No!

She stopped, shook her head violently and stomped her feet like a helpless child in a tantrum. Her pride flared up inside her all of a sudden. She will never forgive Kyouya for what he did! No! No matter what the reason was, she'll scorn past it and hate him for the rest of her life!

But…

The image of Kyouya kissing her in the rain would not let her have a moment's peace. Every time she came close to a resolution of erasing him from her memory, his deep, black eyes and sultry lips would invade her imagination and crush every other thought in her mind.

Why? Why wouldn't it go away? That kiss meant nothing! Kyouya said so himself! It was just another one of his dirty tricks!

…right?

Haruhi wanted to believe the logic of the situation, but it was too hard. Especially since she felt something in his kiss that awakened something else inside of her that she never knew existed. In fact, she was so unaware of that something that she didn't even know what it was or how to describe it. Has she ever in her life felt that way before?

"Haruhi! Wait! Stop!"

Haruhi looked back and saw Tamaki chasing her down the sidewalk.

"Tamaki-senpai?"

Tamaki came up to her and bent down, breathing heavily. He then straightened up and looked down at Haruhi, whose sad, brown eyes touched his fatherly (or so he thought) heart that he wanted nothing else than to hug her tightly. But he restrained himself and tried hard to keep his composure.

"Haruhi, as President of the Host Club," he said in an official, impersonal tone. "I am imploring you, don't leave us. Whatever is happening between you and Kyouya, we will try to fix it, but please don't put the rest of us in this trying situation. Come back, and we'll work on it together."

He extended a hand towards her and honestly thought that he was making a polite, well thought-out speech. But Haruhi's expression surprised him. She was looking at him, but he felt she wasn't really seeing him.

"Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi began. "I want nothing more than to come back, but I have made my decision. I can't face him ever again."

Tamaki bent his head as Haruhi turned her back on him and began to walk away.

"Wait," he insisted.

Haruhi stopped but refused to look back. "Yes?"

"Kyouya…" Tamaki said slowly, his heart beginning to pound faster. "Do you…do you…Haruhi, do you…"—why was it so hard to ask her that question? Didn't he run after her precisely to ask it?—"Haruhi…do you…"

"Tamaki-senpai…" Haruhi whispered.

"Do you…" Tamaki stammered. "Do you hate Kyouya?" That was the exact opposite of what he wanted to ask and Tamaki hit his head for it.

Silence. A bitter, biting silence that pierced both their hearts; each in turn battling with an inner demon inside the pit of their stomachs, trying to resolve their feelings and thoughts.

"I…" Haruhi started. "I—don't…hate him."

"Then you lo—"

"NO!" Haruhi suddenly cried out.

Tamaki's eyes widened with shock. "I haven't finished my—"

"Goodbye, Tamaki-senpai." And with that, Haruhi ran away from him, quickly disappearing from his sight, leaving him standing there, the image of her running away playing over and over in his mind.

X X X

Ok…

I kissed her…

And then I ignored her…

And now she hates me…

How do you solve this?

Kyouya wanted so much to believe that he was thinking of accounting the Host Club's expenses, of designing the new layout for the magazine's next issue, of planning the motif for the next club operation…

But no…

Haruhi's face, her words, her tears…only those filled his mind.

He sat back on his chair, removed his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and heaving a heavy sigh that came from deep within him. He gave up pretending to concentrate in his work. He couldn't stay still either and kept moving his feet, turning his chair around in circles. He wondered, worried, how in the world he was going to fix everything. He told Tamaki, calm and composed, that it was nothing he couldn't handle. His self-confidence made everything look so easy. He's been able to solve problems before in a snap of his finger. But for the first time in his life, confident, intelligent and capable Kyouya was at a loss on what to do. He was still a dunce when it came to problems of love. It was the first time he's ever fallen for anyone. It was the first time that a girl has ever roused in him something more than just idle curiosity.

Then, despite himself, he chuckled. Haruhi's not an ordinary girl, he mused.

He got up and closed his laptop. He walked out of the curtains and found that everyone had left. As he made his way to the door, his cell phone rang and stopped him before he could grip the doorknob. He took out his phone and looked at the blinking screen.

Tamaki…

Kyouya stood still, looking silently at the cell phone in his hand.

Should I answer it…or not?

He shook his head. Why should I be afraid of Tamaki? This is crazy, I should just answer it…

But he didn't answer it. Instead, he stared at it until the blinking lights and the ringing stopped, leaving a missed call message with Tamaki's name on the screen.

I guess I'm not ready to talk to anyone… Maybe I should leave for a while?

The image of Haruhi crying flashed inside his mind. He frowned. He loves her. He does!

But…He's hurting her so much…he's making her cry all the time. He was bad at expressing his feelings, always has been. And whatever sincere emotions he felt, he would display the opposite because that was how he was raised. His father taught him not to show his true feelings because it would give opportunities for others to predict what he's thinking or what he would do. And to be a good businessman, one must not let anyone be able to do that. And so he lived by that rule, never knowing he was closing himself up to the possibilities of love and relationships. He's always passed himself off as someone who is exceedingly gifted in everything, and he has proved it, too. But in love? He was a total failure, and even plain cruel.

Maybe I should go. Just to give Haruhi time to heal her broken feelings, forget about what I did to her and give her strength to be happy again…

Kyouya bent his head, standing alone in the dark room. Tamaki…Is this the right thing to do? Help me to decide…

And then he remembered.

By hurting Haruhi, he also hurt the others. Haruhi brought amazing color in the club and gathered them in the warmth of her smiles and unhesitating friendliness. It made them stronger, even led them to believe that they were a real family, more than Tamaki was able to do. And she did it unconsciously. She made them happier.

Without Haruhi, everyone in this club would go on hurting. And the only way to bring her back is for me to…

Kyouya put his cell phone back in his pocket and held out his hand, turned the doorknob and stepped out of the dark room, into the hazy shadows of the empty hallway. He closed the door.

…is for me to go away…

Note from the author:

Thank you guys for being supportive of my story! I really appreciate it. I'm sorry if I'm late in updating my stories. (Writer's block, yikes!) But I promise that you won't be disappointed with this one.

Anyway, I have new twists in store for you in the story.

Yes, Kyouya's going away. Will he come back? More exciting events in the next chapters!