Rain (part 8)
Note from the Author:
I'm sorry to say this, but this is the last chapter of Rain. :( Hope you enjoy it! :)
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It was him.
Kyouya.
For what seemed like an eternity, Haruhi held her breath and gazed into his eyes, filled with mixed emotions of shock, distress and happiness. He looked straight into her eyes, gazing with all the seriousness and tenderness of a deep and meaningful affection.
That was when she noticed that he wasn't wearing his glasses and his raven eyes were pulling her heart closer and closer to him. She dared not move for she was scared that he might stop holding her. His warm embrace, his strong arms clutching her by the waist, were all she cared to have at that moment.
He didn't speak, nor did she. They only held on to each other, wrapped in the reverie of a silence more expressive than speech.
And then…he began to sway her gently, smiling a little. Haruhi felt as if all the weight of the anxiety she was feeling for the past two months were slowly melting away under the tender movements of his body and the shyness of his smile.
He's here, she thought, closing her eyes and swelling with bliss.
"That dress looks wonderful on you," he said in a low tone.
"Thank you," she whispered back, blushing. "You bought it."
And then his smile widened and a small laugh escaped him. "That's right, I did," he said.
Haruhi smiled, too, getting more comfortable now. Her heart was slowly relaxing into a steady rhythm, a rhythm following the beat of their dance. And then she understood why he had to meet her this way.
She was, she admitted to herself, being guarded on her emotions and her reactions even though she had already forgotten the pain of the past. She was bent on seeing Kyouya, but on the back of her mind, she imagined their first meeting to find her shy, timid and unable to speak to him. The space of time when he would walk towards her would allow her to build a wall of pretention and move according to it, thus removing any more hope for a natural growth of conversation and even affection forever afterwards.
He had to meet her by surprise, to catch her like a little chick just out of the shell and opening its eyes for the first time, so that she would not have any time to set herself up to any form of prejudice against him by giving room for her to remember the past. He had to build up her suspense to make her desperate and more unaware of her feelings so that at their first meeting, she would see in him a new version of Kyouya and not the old one who hurt her.
"It was all planned, wasn't it?" Haruhi asked for his confirmation, which would prove all that she thought right.
He nodded. "I had to make you see me for what I am now," he said. "Not the fool I was before."
"I'm thankful for it. I would've set myself against you if you had met me any other way after your disappearance. I would've remembered what happened between us and ruin the chance of us starting over afresh. And now, I have to ask, who are you?"
"Come on," he said, stopping and taking her hand. "Let's talk."
He led her out to one of the gardens around the plaza. He walked in front of her, his hand holding hers so firmly and he seemed to her so sure of what he was doing now than before he left. They came to a little pavilion with barely any light and overgrown with flowery vines that perfumed the night air with the scent of warm honey. It gave Haruhi a sense of calm serenity, which prepared her for the revelations she was about to hear.
Kyouya turned to her, still holding her hand. She noticed that he had been holding it since their meeting and had never endeavored to let go.
"First, I want to talk about that night in the rain," he said.
Haruhi nodded and gestured to him that she was ready to listen.
He sighed in an attempt to banish a heaviness she couldn't perceive. He then said, "I must tell you now and first of all, Haruhi," he continued. "That I'm in love with you."
Haruhi's eyes widened and she was about to reply when he held her lips and stopped her.
"I know you also have a lot to say about that," he said. "But before anything, you have to hear this. I love you. You've captured me ever since that day at the beach when you said I'm not interested in anything that had no merits for me. It was true and you had delved deeper into my character without my knowing it. And then I started noticing you, watching you carefully all the time, keeping tabs on your actions, the words you say, everything! I tried to stop, but everyday you brought on something new to attract my attention. You made me laugh, you made me think and you almost made me go crazy trying to forget your face every single night."
He was saying all of this with a look of utmost sincerity and every time he found something too difficult to say, his grip on her hand became tight for a few moments until he had said it.
"Haruhi," he whispered.
Silence.
"Y-yes?" she answered, hesitating.
"That day…when I caught you looking at me…I suddenly felt this irresistible urge to kiss you and tell you how much I love you. I tried to dissuade it so I left and I was getting paranoid. You began to avoid me and it made me think the absurd probability that you might have discovered my feelings for you and I panicked. So, in an attempt to make you angry and forget it, I played a prank on you and sent my driver to pick you up and tease you. It succeeded. He told me how upset you were and how you were already near crying when you left.
"After hearing that, my conscience got the better of me and I regretted what I did. So much, in fact, that I left home on foot with the idea of going to your house and apologizing. Halfway there, I decided to turn back when it began to rain. Your house was nearer than mine and my cell phone was already soaking wet and perfectly useless, so I thought the best idea was to go straight to your house. And then I met you on the street, I saw you crying. I couldn't bear it so I walked directly to you to comfort you but I did the unthinkable and kissed you. You can't imagine my embarrassment when I brought you home. I didn't know how you felt about what I did. It increased when your father insisted that I stay the night. I couldn't face you so I kept my back turned, and I got up very early in the morning so that you won't have to see me when you wake up."
Haruhi's heart was beating wildly. So this was his side of the story. This was why he had acted strangely and had retaliated so cruelly when he caught her staring.
But Kyouya wasn't done. There was much to explain and Haruhi, in an attempt to help him on, gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.
"And then it was my turn to start avoiding you. I thought you were angry with me and like a coward I didn't want to confront it. I saw what happened to you. You were always in a daydream after that night and I thought you were just biding your time to tell me how you felt. I kept behind those curtains, afraid to go out and pretending that I was working. And then I heard your voice asking to come in. I couldn't let you in! I didn't want to see you after what I did. I was too ashamed. I tried every excuse to make you go away but you waved it all aside and came in by force. I didn't want you to see me panicking and afraid so I decided to look indifferent and be so about everything you will say.
"And when you kissed me…I almost lost myself in it and was about to give in when my fear made me think that you might be doing it to take revenge on me. I'm sorry if I'm offending you by saying it but I was too confused with my own feelings to be thinking clearly. I ended up pushing you away and insulting you. But let me tell you that I regretted everything I did right after you said you quit the Host Club. And then I didn't know how to bring you back. You were apparently disgusted with me, and I couldn't blame you. I was, too, with myself. I treated you badly, and I couldn't figure out how to fix it. I told Tamaki how I felt but there was little he could say to help me. And the only solution I could think of was to go away, settle my own mind and to give you time to heal your hurt feelings."
"Where did you go?" Haruhi asked.
"I went to our summer house in Sapporo."
"That's really far. You stayed there for two months?"
"Yes," Kyouya replied. "Our summer house is very well-stocked with everything I needed so it wasn't an unpleasant stay altogether. But I did much thinking there and when I finally decided that I was ready to start over and had finally admitted to myself that I love you without struggling to suppress it, I instantly came back. I went, first of all, to see Tamaki. I had to know, before seeing you, how you were and if you had gotten over what had happened between us. He said you were back to your old self, but he that even though you could already talk about me without feeling any pain, you were still unsure about your feelings. We talked over a lot of things about you and what I could do to help you along.
"Remember when I sent you that note, the one that said I was coming back that day? Well, I had already been back for a week before I sent it. Tamaki and I planned everything. He told me to observe your actions once you received it, just to be sure that you were ready to meet me. And he also planned that feat where I would talk to everyone but you. He said it would help you to decide on your own feelings."
"Tamaki-senpai planned that?"
"Yes. I owe so much to him," Kyouya said. "He made everything secure for me when I was away."
"Wait," Haruhi said. "If you only told Tamaki-senpai, how come the others seemed to be in on the plan for tonight?"
"Tamaki told them everything. It was no use hiding it to them, they are our best friends and he saw that I needed as much help as I could get. I mean, I've never felt this way before." He stopped then and waited for her.
Haruhi looked straight into his eyes. "Well…" she murmured. "I guess it's my turn, isn't it?"
Kyouya didn't move, nor did he say anything. He kept his eyes on hers and waited for what she would say.
"I also struggled with my own feelings, and all of it only came to the surface that night when you kissed me. There's nothing much to tell on my part, just that I found myself trapped in a world I never want to be in again. You have hurt me deeply, and it took all my strength to regain myself and be what I am now before you. But I don't care about that now. I don't care about anything else in the world. I only care about this moment, right here with you. And I think it's only right that I should tell you now that I love you. I love you, Kyouya."
There was a moment when the two of them held their breaths, locked in each other's gaze and feeling a world of emotion in their hearts. And then, Kyouya slowly touched her chin, and pulled her closer and closer…until their lips almost touched. And he whispered, "Haruhi…"
What little light they had was heightened by the sudden rush of clouds, revealing the full moon, and it lent its light to the glowing faces of the lovers as they kissed amidst the scents of the night flowers.
XXX
When he saw Kyouya leading Haruhi out into the gardens, Tamaki watched them with both sadness and happiness fighting in his heart. And now, as he saw them kissing from the shadows, he turned away with a trembling sigh and looked up at the full moon.
Whenever he thought of Haruhi and of Kyouya, of the two of them together, something thrashed about inside him that he dared not acknowledge. He tried in vain to resist knowing what it was and helped Haruhi and Kyouya to end up together with all that was in is power so that he wouldn't have time to think about it.
But now…now he knew what it was. It reared its ugly head as soon as he saw them kiss.
It was jealousy.
Yes, he was jealous. But his feelings for Haruhi were still far from love. It was full of affection, yes, but he liked to think that it was not the same as what Kyouya felt for her. And when he saw how happy Kyouya had made Haruhi, he found the strength to smile and say to himself, "I'm happy for you both."
With that, he walked back to the party.
XXX
Haruhi couldn't tell how happy she was; just that it was too much for words to express. They were walking further in the grounds of the school now, talking and laughing, much at ease with each other. She found that they both had so much in common after all, and there was little character that they didn't share. She watched as Kyouya animatedly told her stories about himself and she saw on his face new expressions that she had never seen before. He was relaxed and had given up his mask. He had torn down the walls he had built around himself.
This was the Kyouya without the glasses. He was easy, comfortable and loving. But he still held that walk, that stand, that pride of self-assurance and she liked seeing it in him because with the revelation of the other side of his character, it made him stronger in her eyes.
As they turned down a grassy lane, Haruhi felt something small and wet drop on her left cheek. Her surprised expression caught Kyouya's attention and looked at where she was pointing. He saw that it was a tiny drop of water and he wiped it away with his fingers, but as he did so, another drop took its place. And then another fell on his own cheek, on his head, his shoulders and soon, a light rain began to fall.
Haruhi panicked. "Let's run, Kyouya! To the pavilion!" she cried, about to run towards it.
But Kyouya grabbed her hand and pulled her back. The rain became a little heavier and Haruhi tried in vain to free herself from Kyouya's grip. He had a mischievous smile on his face and Haruhi then figured that he intended to stay where he was and enjoy the rain.
"No…" she pleaded. "No! Kyouya, let me go! Let me go—no!"
A heavy rain ensued and Haruhi was soon dripping wet. "No!" she screamed again. "My dress! My hair!"
Kyouya laughed so strongly at Haruhi's complains that soon, she found herself laughing, too.
"Come on, Haruhi, it's just a little rain," Kyouya said. "It's not going to hurt you."
"The rain won't, but the cold will," Haruhi protested.
"Here, wear my coat," Kyouya offered.
Haruhi laughed. "It's soaking," she said. "I don't think it will help."
"Maybe this will help." And he wrapped his arms around her, so tightly and so warmly, that Haruhi soon felt the rain and the world vanish before her, leaving her only with Kyouya and his tender embrace.
END
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Footnotes:
This beach scene that Kyouya mentioned can be found in Ouran High School Host Club episode 8 : The Sun, The Sea and the Host Club