Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children and PlayStation are owned by Square Enix and Sony, respectively, meaning they do not belong to me. I am in no way, shape, and/or form claiming to be the owner/creator of these concepts, though I do claim any characters not apart of the original Final Fantasy VII or Advent Children storylines (such as Rayne, Marcus, and Kale) mine. As such, I would appreciate fellow authors and readers to give credit where credit is due and not steal any of my characters and/or concepts. Thank you, and have a pleasant day.
(Bad First Evening at Gold Saucer)
"What are you going to call him?" Kale, who was sitting beside Astrid, whispered, looking at the sleeping kitten in Astrid's arms.
She thought about it for a moment, covering the kit with part of her jacket when he stirred, "Shade."
The kitten squirmed, then settled down.
Astrid sighed, looking up at Rufus, who was sitting on her other side, and asking, "When'll we get there?"
"About another hour." He answered, turning to glance at her, "We'll probably end up staying the night there."
"Fine by me." Astrid said, smirking and laying her head back. 'Oh, the riches that await me in the Gold Saucer vaults…'
"Miss Cray—"
"Astrid." She corrected without opening her eyes.
Tseng paused, then went on, "…Astrid," ('He had to choke that one out, didn't he?') "Didn't you once mention having a fair sized amount of money at Gold Saucer?"
Astrid's eyes snapped open and widened as she turned to the Turk, "Wow… You have an amazing memory! How do you remember things like that?!"
Tseng frowned, "Astrid—"
"I mean, seriously!" She went on, "I only said that in passing about… what? A week ago? And you still remember!" She leaned back, smiling in astonishment, "Jeez, and I sometimes have problems remembering things that happened two days ago, but you, Tseng, you're just like 'kazang!' with your memory."
The leader of the Turks stared at her, his frown becoming more pronounced, "You… never answered my—"
"Goodnight!" Astrid turned on her side, closing her eyes and apparently falling asleep.
"…question." Tseng finished, blinking.
The passengers of the helicopter were silent.
Though falling asleep had been a ruse to get Tseng to stop asking questions, Astrid accidentally ended up falling asleep. When next she woke, her body was leaned almost completely forward in her seat, head pointing to the ground. The only thing that held her in place was her seatbelt.
"We're here." Rufus poked her arm, "You awake?"
"And in pain." She groaned, leaning back and squinting her eyes as her back cracked, "Crick in my neck, stiff spine, butt feels like it has a compound fracture… Ah, the conveniences of flying."
"At least Gold Saucer has comfortable beds." Reno said, standing as the door opened, "Now, let's get going, already!"
They had landed on Gold Saucer's helicopter pad, a recent addition Dio had the insight to add. …That, and he had bout his own helicopter.
After some stretching and yawns, Rufus led the way to the entrance gate, pulling out his wallet.
"No need." Astrid said, smiling to the attendant as they approached, "Hey, Thelma!"
The attendant turned to Astrid and smiled widely, screeching, "Astrid!!" She pulled Astrid into a hug, being mindful of the still sleeping hellkitten, when she was close enough, then held her back and looked her up and down, "You are looking fantastic! I was a bit worried when you stopped coming at your regular times."
"Yeah, I seem to be doing that to a lot of people lately." Astrid sheepishly admitted. "Anyway, my ticket is still good, right?"
Thelma rolled her eyes and batted Astrid's shoulder with the palm of her hand, "Don't be ridiculous, you know that we don't call them 'Lifetime Passes' for a reason!"
"And we'll all be covered by it?"
The attendant looked at Rufus, the Turks, and Kale, ticking them off with her finger, "Three… five… six plus you equals seven. Yep, considering the pass covers parties of eight or less, you're all covered!"
Astrid nodded and smiled, "Thanks, Thel. Have a nice evening."
"You too!" Thelma called as they walked in, "Let's catch up sometime, 'kay?"
"You got it!" Astrid called over her shoulder. In the entrance room, Astrid turned to Kale and smiled, "Okay, so where do you want to go?"
Kale looked at her with wide eyes, "I get to choose?"
Astrid shook her head and laughed, disturbing Shadow slightly, "Of course. Now, pick something. There's the Speed Square for the UFO shooting game, the Battle Square for the arena, the Chocobo Square for the chocobo races, the Ghost Square for the hotel, the Event Square for the theater, the Round Square for…" She trailed off, blinking, "Wow… I just realized that's an oxymoron."
Everyone deadpanned.
Shaking her head, she went on, "Anyway, the Round Square for the gondola, and the Wonder Square for the arcade. Where to?"
Kale thought about it, then smiled widely, "The Event Square!"
Astrid nodded, "A play it is, then. Follow me." She led them to the travel tube, stopping beside it and explaining to Kale, "It's just like a slide, only faster, safer, and full of pressurized air. Jump in and don't worry about landing, it's easier than your mind makes it out to be." With that, she jumped, tightening her grip on Shade only marginally.
The amphitheater was already dark when they came out of the chute, so they found some seats quickly and sat down, Astrid once again between Rufus and Kale.
After the murmurs had died, a man walked onto the stage and looked out at the crowd, spreading his arms and smiling, "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to tonight's performance of 'The Tale of Galdia'! Before we begin, we would like two members of the audience to step forward and claim the two lead roles!"
"I remember this," Astrid mumbled, leaning over to talk to Rufus, "It was ridiculous."
Unfortunately, Astrid realized too late that the speaker had heard her. She deadpanned when he narrowed his eyes at her, then smiled sinisterly.
"And we have found our damsel in distress! Please, step forward Princess Rosa!" He held out his hand, beckoning her.
Rufus and the Turks started laughing.
Astrid paled, "Hell. No."
The man's smile only widened as he waited.
"Go on, Astrid!" She looked at Kale, who was smiling excitedly at her, "It'll be so cool! I know you can do it!"
Putting on a weak, twitching smile, Astrid nodded, forcing herself to stand. She turned and handed Shade to Kale, then walked to the stage. 'Do it for the kid… Do it for the kid… Do it for the kid!' She found it hard, though, to not punch the man on the stage in the face.
The man, whose smile never lost its vindictiveness, grabbed Astrid by the waist and pulled her to his side, looking back over the crowd and shouting, "Our Princess!" He waited as the people cheered, looking at Rufus and the Turks when they started howling with laughter. "And we have also found our hero! Step forward, Legendary Hero!" He swept an arm out to the group.
Rufus and the Turks fell silent, looking between each other to find out who the man was pointing to.
"Come on, big guy!" The man went on, every smiling, "You know who you are."
"No."
Four of the five Shin-Ra members burst into laughter again, and Astrid's eye started to twitch.
The man laughed with glee, "Now, now, don't make me send someone out to get you!" At that, a man dressed in shiny purple robes and a man in armor stepped on stage.
"No."
The man sighed with mock-surrender, "Alright, then. I really didn't want to have to do this…" His face couldn't have disagreed with him more.
The man in the robes and the man in the armor walked offstage, grabbing the unwilling Shin-Ra employee and dragging him onstage.
"Our Legendary Hero!" The first man shouted when Rude was standing beside Astrid, summoning another round of cheers and peals laughter.
"And now!" The man said dramatically, handing Astrid to the armored man and bowing as she and Rude were taken backstage, "Let the show begin!" A cheery lute started playing and the man, now the Narrator, began his narration. "Long, long ago, an evil shadow appeared over the peaceful kingdom of Galdia…"
The stage darkened dramatically.
"Princess Rosa," The Narrator went on, "Was just kidnapped by the Evil Dragon King, Valvados. What will become of her? Just then, the Legendary Hero, Alfred, appears!"
"Alfred?!" Came Astrid's harsh whisper from stage right as Rude was pulled onstage by the man in the armor.
"Oh!" The Knight exclaimed, looking at Rude in shock, as if he hadn't just pulled him center stage. "Why, you must be the Legendary Hero, Alfred!" He paused, waiting for Rude to say his line.
Rude said nothing.
"That is such a gay name!" Astrid's voice, once again, hissed across the stage. "Honestly, who names a hero Alf—" She stopped abruptly, muffled screams telling the audience she had been forcibly silenced.
"Hey," The Knight whispered to Rude when all was silent, "It's your line!"
Rude still said nothing, his face deadpanned.
Reno and Rufus couldn't hold back small snorts of laughter.
The Knight blinked, "Yeah… well… Ahem! Oh! You must be the Legendary Hero, Alfred! I know it in my soul!"
"Improvisation and lies!" Astrid managed to hiss before she was, once again, silenced.
"Please," The Knight went on, glancing stage right nervously, "Please, save Princess Rosa! Now, please talk to the King!" The Knight pirouetted away to wait upstage right.
The King pirouetted onstage, falling to his knees before Rude. "Oh, Legendary Hero Alfred! You have come to save my beloved Rosa!" He turned dramatically, pointing to the painted mountain on the backdrop near stage right, "On the peak of the dangerous mountain dwells the Evil Dragon King, Valvados! It is he who kidnapped Princess Rosa! But…" He turned to Rude, looking him up and down for a moment, "You can't beat the Evil Dragon King now! Talk to the one who can help you!"
The King pirouetted away from Rude and to the Knight as the man in the purple robes appeared in a flash of purple smoke, waving his arms dramatically.
"I am the great wizard, Vorman!" 'Vorman' shouted , falling to his knees in front of Rude before asking, "What do you wish to know?"
Rude just stared at him silently, his lips pursed.
"Go, Mr. Rude!" Kale shouted, making Rude look at him.
Rude blinked, then sighed and shook his head, muttering, "The Evil Dragon King's weakness…"
"Ahh," 'Vorman' nodded sagely, "The weakness of the Evil Dragon King. It must be!" He shouted, throwing his head back and rubbing his temples, "It must be… Yes, it must be… True Love!" The wizard shouted, waving his arms over his head, "The power of love is the only weapon that can withstand the fangs of the Evil Dragon King!" He stepped back and joined the Knight and the King.
"Oh!" The Narrator shouted, jumping forward, "What is going to happen next?! Oh!" He turned stage right, pointing with a finger and clinging to Rude's arm, "Legendary Hero! Look!"
A 'dragon' walked in from stage right, one clawed arm draped around the bound, gagged, and gussied-up Astrid, who the actors had somehow managed to force into a puffy pink dress covered in glitter and rhinestones.
"Gaaaaaaaaaah!" The Dragon shouted, its head rolling, "I am the Evil Dragon King Valvados! I have not harmed the Princess, for I have been expecting you!" A human arm reached out of the dragon costume and ripped the gag out of Astrid's mouth, simultaneously untying her.
Everyone waited for Astrid to do or say something, but she just crossed her arms and glared off into space.
"Say something in character!" The Narrator hissed, narrowing his eyes at her.
Astrid glared at him, then remembered Kale waiting out in the crowd and sighed. Then, she surprised everyone.
She threw her head back dramatically, laying the back of one hand across her forehead and the other on her chest, moaning, "Please! Please help me, Legendary Hero Alfred! Please, save me from the Evil Dragon King Valvados!"
All of the actors froze where they were, staring at her in shock.
Out in the audience, Reno and Rufus started laughing again.
'Valvados' shook his head, then roared, "Gaaaaaaah! Here I come, Legendary Hero Alfred!"
"Quickly, now, Legendary Hero!" 'Vorman' shouted, "Here is what will happen to your beloved! A kiss! The power of True Love!"
Rude looked at the wizard with wide eyes, then looked at Astrid.
She glared at him, whispering, "Kiss me, Rude, and I'll kick you in the crotch!"
For a moment, Rude seriously looked like a deer in the headlights; like he was trapped between a rock and a hard place; like he was up Shit Creek without a paddle; like… well, you all get it.
Then, suddenly wanting to be off stage quickly, Rude stalked forward and grabbed Astrid by the waist, bending her backwards and planting a kiss right on her mouth.
Astrid froze, staring at him with wide, twitching eyes.
After a moment, Rude backed away and glared at the Dragon, telling him to 'get the fucking show on the road'.
The Dragon stuttered, then stumbled backwards, "Arrggaahh! Curses! The power of… Love!!" And with that, the Dragon fell over backwards, "Eeeeehhhhh…" And died… a stage death.
The King ran forward and addressed the audience, "Oh! Look! Love has triumphed! Now, let's all return and celebrate!"
"Yes, let's!" All of the cast, minus Rude and Astrid, shouted, "Yes, let's!"
After they had all walked off, and even Valvados had jumped up and exited, the Narrator came forward and bowed, "Oh, how profound the power of love. And so, the Legendary Hero Alfred and our story live happily ever after."
…Even after the amphitheater had been cleared and the actors had come back onstage to remove her dress, Astrid stayed frozen where she was, eye twitching all the while.
"Hey, Astrid?" Reno muttered, poking her shoulder, "Can we go in now? It's getting cold." When he got no response, the Turk turned to his partner and shook his head, "Rude, I think your 'kiss of love' killed her."
"I wanted the play to be over." Rude muttered, staring at something incredibly interesting by his feet.
Astrid twitched at this, turning and glaring at him, "You didn't have to kiss me on the fucking mouth, dolt! You were supposed to kiss me on the hand!"
"Even so, it was pretty convincing." Rufus said from his seat out in front of the stage. He looked at Astrid and grinned cockily, "Real passionate."
"Screw you, Shinra!" Astrid hissed, turning her glare on him.
"…I thought it was a good story…" Kale muttered, grabbing onto Astrid's pants and looking up at her.
She turned and nearly snapped at him, but caught herself at the sight of him looking up at her with wide eyes with the hellcat kit nestled in his arms, large blue eyes gazing up at her as well.
Astrid sighed and shook her head, "You're right, Kale, it was a good play. Sorry about that." She turned to Rude and shrugged, "Sorry."
The Turk just shook his head and looked away.
"Well, let's move on, shall we?" Rufus suggested, jumping to his feet and walking off.
Astrid pursed her lips and glared after him, not moving until Elena draped an arm over her shoulder and whispered, "You know you're just angry it wasn't Rufus up there kissing you."
Astrid glared at the Turk, "Did I ask for your opinion?"
But, both women knew that it was, for the most part, true, and it was a secret understanding they would take with them to the grave.