A/N: A few people had asked me to do another chapter of this with Olivia's point of view, I wasn't originally going to do it but my inability to leave well enough alone kicked in, plus I was bored on spare and in Law. So if this chapter sucks, that's my excuse lol. This is the last chapter, as I already have many more chapters of Meaning of Family to get done, plus the video.
"Olivia, open up!" Elliot shouted, banging on Olivia's door, loud enough that he knew she heard it, but not so loud as would make the neighbours call the police. Although, now that Elliot thought about it, his job would make that a useless call.
"Elliot, when someone locks the door, makes you use your key to get into the building, and is refusing to let you in, most people would assume that means go away!" he heard the sarcastic response snipe from the other side of the door, and almost laughed. That was Liv. She would only snap at him when she was hurt, not ever the millions of times he had pissed her off.
"Liv, I can grovel for forgiveness outside the door, or I can do it inside. Inside would be easier for both of us, because then you can actually see me on my knees," he shot back.
He heard a heavy sigh from behind the door, followed by what sounded like a sob, but the sound was so foreign coming from Olivia that he couldn't be sure he heard it.
He banged again on the door. "Look Liv, I know how you must feel..." he began, his hand poised to knock again, his body pushing against the door. The door swung open so suddenly that he stumbled forward and had to lean against the frame for support. Olivia stood in the doorway, her face streaked with tears, a harsh, incredulous look crossing her features.
"You know how I feel?!" the disbelief was evident her voice, which was strong despite her teary appearance.
"Well...I didn't quite mean it like that, Liv...I just...I meant that..." Elliot stumbled badly, fumbling until he finally fell silent and looked meekly at Olivia.
The angry look still on her face, she grabbed him by the shirt collar and shoved him into her apartment. Elliot stumbled into the living room. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Olivia's bedding was not on her bed, but rather on her couch, rumpled as if she had been sleeping there for at least a few days, if not more. Before he could dwell on that, Elliot felt a hand on his shoulder, then Olivia whirled him around to face her. She was standing in her classic defensive pose, and Elliot steeled himself for a long fight. But suddenly Olivia sighed, the fight visibly draining from her.
"What do you want from me, Elliot?" Olivia asked.
"I...I came here to beg, plead, and even beseech you for your forgiveness, if necessary," Elliot replied, trying futilely to lighten the mood.
"Why?" Olivia whispered.
"Why?" Elliot repeated dumbly.
"Why do you want my forgiveness?"
"Well, I...I mean...I guess because I hurt you, Liv. I said some things to you when I was going through a rough time that I didn't mean, and I hurt your feeling. You don't deserve that, so I've come to beg your forgiveness."
"For me?" Olivia shook her head, a wry smile on her face. "No, this is not about me, Elliot. Whenever you do this, you coming here is never about me."
Elliot stared. This wasn't the way he thought this conversation would go at all. He stood contemplating how to respond, when Olivia spoke again.
"This is about you, Elliot. And it is always about you. Crap piles up in your life, whether it's your fault or not, and you box it in. You keep it all inside you, piling more and more on, until you're like a bomb with a clock fixed to it, poised to go off at any second. So everybody treads on eggshells around you, hoping they're not the switch that will set you off. Inevitably, you shut yourself in somewhere, mostly in the cribs, just like today, and someone either sends me off to calm you down because I'm the only one who can do it, or I go up there on my own accord. Regardless of how I got there, it's me and you ready to go to battle. And it is always me that you explode on. That's what's happened here. It's all piled on, and you want my forgiveness to make yourself feel better, and I have given it to you a million times over to make your burden a little lighter, even though the gaping chasm this problem created is still there. But not tonight. "
Elliot hung his head in shame. He couldn't deny it. Olivia continued, her voice gaining more conviction, more strength, her tone becoming less gently, more angry and accusatory.
"I know that you know that this is the way it happens, Elliot. I suppose, in some way, I even blame myself for this. God knows I've enabled it. I set myself up to be yelled at, startled, and generally abused. I took too much of that as a child, so maybe I've told myself that this is the way all relationships work. But I can't do this anymore, Elliot. Calming you only lasts so long, then this whole thing repeats itself. "
The apartment was so silent that the duo could clearly hear the cars racing outside, through the busy Manhattan night.
"When did you stop caring about me, Elliot?" Olivia whispered, her voice dropping back down to silent and tear stained.
Elliot head snapped up at this.
"Liv, I have NEVER stopped caring about you!" he rasped desperately.
"No, Elliot maybe you haven't. I know you've always cared about me, before you've always shown it. But before, it was like you had a list of priorities, of the people most important to you. And if a person were high on that list, they would know it. You'd do anything to protect them, you'd support them through anything, and most of all, you'd make sure they know how much they mean to you, because we both know that life changes in a heartbeat, and you never know how long you'll have with that person. Kathy, the kids, the job, and even me – we were high on the list. We knew that. You made sure we knew that. And it felt – " Olivia paused here, to wipe away the flood of tears that had been coursing down her cheeks.
"- God, it felt so good to know that I meant that much to somebody. To know that I had someone that would care about me and protect me no matter what. You have no idea how good that feels when you've been alone your whole life."
Her eyes hardened, as if preparing her for the reality.
"But then, somewhere along the way, something changed. I don't know what happened exactly, but I guess the people higher up on the list's problems got bigger. And that affected you. It made your life harder. So many debts and obligations to so many people. Kathy, Eli, and now your mother and Kathleen. And then you didn't have the time or the energy to care about the other people. So I was the first to go."
Elliot felt tears pricking his eyelids now, but somehow felt unable to interrupt. God, coming here, he had been so sure he could reassure her how wonderful she was, how much she meant to him, but the things she was saying were too true to argue with. He felt a flash of disgust with himself. He had been treating Olivia shamefully. Fin and Olivia were so right. She deserved so much better than him.
"This goes way beyond the bounds of me being your best friend, Elliot. I don't even think I am your best friend anymore. Somewhere along the line, I became someone else to you. Now all I am is your emotional punching bag, and I can't do it anymore. This isn't like the last time I asked for a new partner. Then, I was scared and unsure of what was between you and me. This is different in so many ways. It can't continue like this. I can't continue like this."
By this time, they were both crying. Elliot, with tears silently tracking down his cheeks, and Olivia, who paused in between words to sob. They stood in silence for what felt like forever, until Elliot finally managed to choke out,
"I'm sorry," to which Olivia simply nodded, then the silence permeated once again.
"I think you should go." Olivia whispered, so softly Elliot almost didn't hear her.
And he wanted to fight it. He wanted to fight until they were them again. Until the heartbroken look that was tearing him up inside disappeared from her face. Until he could leave, feeling like he'd accomplished something. But that would be for all the wrong reasons, and Olivia was right. He couldn't keep doing this to her.
So he nodded and silently slipped out the door, with barely enough strength to go back to the now-silent cribs.
And that night in Manhattan, two souls cried for only themselves, knowing better than anyone how painful doing the right thing was.
A/N: That angsty enough for y 'all? Not to be overconfident, but with the exception of the last sentence, I'm very proud of this chapter. PLEASE leave a review!