A/N- Just btw, this is After Eclipse and before Breaking Dawn.
The next day: Rosalie POV
"Alright everyone, I sent Emmett out on a few errands so we have a couple hours to get this together." I grinned internally thinking of how he was looking for 954 Hummingbird Circle, in Candy Cane, Happyland. Edward and Alice cracked a grin as well.
I'm so glad today's Saturday! It all works out that way.
"I'm glad to let you guys know I have combined your marvelous plan with mine. It's twice as humiliating and comes in many different layers. First, we trade his cologne for skunk scent. Second, we make some minor adjustments to his jeep to where it won't go over 40 mph. Third, we have a little fun with Photoshop and have his head on my body in a bikini and give him long hair to back up the woman rumors and spread those around. I also suggest for that one we put that picture on his mud flaps that say 'honk if you want this'. For the grand finally, I say we blindfold him and lock him in his trunk. Then we should pretend to be the spirits of our cars and say we are haunting him because he threatened to paint us! We should record this on tape and then play it over the announcements! It's ingenious isn't it?" I exclaimed.
Bella's mouth was gaping open in a big 'o' shape. Alice looked positively delighted. Jasper, I could tell, was weighing the options in his mind and trying to figure out how we were going to do it. Edward was busy staring at Bella, amused by her facial expression. Carlisle and Esme had a concerned look that said that they were afraid we'd take it too far. Not a chance. Emmett deserved every bit of it.
Everybody rushed about fulfilling their assigned duties while I worked on his jeep. I had made him go on foot when I sent him off to do "errands".
Emmett POV
Now where is the state Happyland? I had never heard of it before. I decided the best way to go about this was to ask people. I decided to start at the mall because it always had a lot of people. The more people I could ask meant, the more likely I was to get an answer.
I whizzed over to the mall in Seattle (being very careful to make sure I wasn't seen) and walked in. Now where were the smartest people in the mall located? Well, people are always a lot more alert after they've eaten so I jogged over to the food court. A small boy wearing glasses (which is a sure sign of being smart, I know this from TV) was sitting eating pizza.
"Oh mister small boy, where is the state of Happyland located?" I asked gently.
For no reason at all he started to cry. A rumpled lady came over looking very unhappy.
"What's wrong Mrs. Lady? You look perturbed what's the matter?" I inquired feeling very gentlemanlike.
She started beating me with her very large, very heavy handbag. "You should be ashamed of yourself, a grown man making a little boy cry isn't very masculine!" she yelled very upset.
"I was just asking him where the state of Happyland is." I explained.
"What?" She screeched. "You just admitted your sexual intents towards him! You are a shame to humankind!"
I wanted to explain to her that I was in no way human and I was certainly not a gay pedophile but she bundled him up and whisked him away. The juicy morsels all looked my way. I just waved and continued about my business.
Who else could I ask? Well, old people are always smart so I went into the nearest store and asked the elderly cashier.
"Mrs. Elderly Person, I always heard old peoples were smart so where is the state Happyland?"
"I'm not old!" she cried indignantly "I'm just 37!" She huffed away in a stewing fury.
I was getting tired so I sat down on a bench to rest. Asking people questions sure took a lot out of me.
A man rushed out of a store wearing a mask and carrying a full bag. He threw the gun in his hand in the fountain. He was obviously a superhero because they wore masks and they were smart so I ran after him.
"Hey wait! Mr. Mask Person pleases! I just want to ask you a question!" I tackled him to the ground careful not to break him. Suddenly security guards appeared out of nowhere and handcuffed him. They started shaking my hand and thanking me. They took him away before I even got to ask him.
I decided the mall wasn't a good place to ask people after all. I was walking out of the mall when I noticed a poster advertising a job interview for male models. I suddenly remember my epiphany yesterday when I decided to become a model so I rushed over to the address listed.
The receptionist's cheeks turned red when I entered. I wondered at this strange phenomenon. Bella's did that a lot too. Maybe I'll ask her about it. I sat down in the waiting room chair and called her.
Jasper POV
Bella's phone rang and everyone was surprised when the caller id revealed it to be Emmett.
Everyone was feeling very curious as to why he would call her. Good thing we all had vampiric hearing so we could all hear both sides of the conversation.
"Umm... Hello Emmett. Why are you calling me?" Bella asked.
"I just wanted to know what it means when people's cheeks turn red." Emmett's muffled voice asked. As if on cue she blushed.
"Well Emmett, it happens for many reasons. It could happen if you're sick and have a fever, it can happen when you are having really strong emotions, it could happen if you're cold, lots of things really." She explained.
"Oh, well what's the most common?" He inquired.
"Why do you want to know?" she asked.
"Well when I walked into this building the receptionist turned red." He explained.
"Oh, umm… well that probably them blushing. It could mean they think you're attractive."
"Oh! Well that's good! Bye Bella, thank you." He hung up.
Rosalie was furious. "Why the hell would he think that's a good thing? He better not like her!" she stomped around until Alice grabbed her hand.
"Rosie, I promise you it's not that." She assured her.
"How do you know?" she wailed.
Alice tapped her head.
"Well what is her doing?" she protested. Alice was amused.
"Sweetie, it'll be funnier hearing it from him. I promise, okay?" Alice assured.
Both she and Edward had large amounts of humor and amusement. I really hate not knowing the reasons behind these things. It really would be easier if I could just read their minds. I was kind of with Rosalie, it did seem like he was happy that the receptionist thought he was attractive. I really couldn't thing of any reason that could make it be something else, but I guess they had one.
Alice POV
Emmett really is a strange little fellow. He was glad the receptionist (who was male by the way) thought he was attractive because he thought that increased his odds of getting the modeling job. He didn't even think of how Rosalie would take the information and what she would think he was doing.
I don't see how he ended up at a modeling agency when Rosalie sent him out on errands but Emmett doesn't have a very large attention span. I just hope he doesn't end up in trouble with Rosalie because of this. She was already mad enough at him. Sometimes I felt sorry for him, and then he calls me a midget and the feeling just vaporizes into very thin air.
I really want his explanation of things to be exactly like I saw in my vision because then my soul will be greatly warmed. It's going to be fantastic. Oh, and the incident with the handbag lady was riotous.
"Everyone get back to work." I warned.
I myself continued working with Photoshop to get the picture exactly right. It had to look natural, but the fact that it was Emmett also had to be easily recognizable. I almost had it perfected. This revenge would be sweet, although my opposite wasn't too bad; it did allow me to try out a new style after all, not only that, but I did get to dress Bella up. It just sucked not being able to be nice and talk to people and be happy.
I saved my work and showed it to Bella. She made a few pointers like making the body a little bigger so it could match the size of the head. We then changed the color of the bikini because red just wasn't his color. Perhaps a cool dark purple, I think that would look better with the combination of his hair and skin color. Or better yet a spicy green, it was an original color that looked good with his hair, skin, and eyes. Perfecto.
I gave Bella a congratulatory accomplishment hug. She smiled back at me. She really was a great sister. Edward couldn't have picked someone better to want to eat.
In the background I heard Edward growl at the fact that I called Bella something to eat. He really just doesn't look at the circumstance in which I was using it. It was complementary, really. Humph. I rolled my eyes at his idiotic stubbornness.
A couple hours later: Jasper POV
The door rang and there was Emmett feeling very accomplished. Rosalie immediately rushed in and demanded an account of what he'd been doing for the last 3 hours.
"First I went to the mall to find out where the state Happyland is. Which reminds me, I'm really, really, really sorry Rosalie, but I could never find out where that was. So anyways, I asked this little kid because he had glasses which means he was smart, but he started crying and this mean lady started hitting me with her purse and yelling at me." I could feel his sorrow and anguish about this event hovering in the air choking me and I started dry sobbing. Alice immediately rushed to my side, but everyone else just rolled their eyes, used to outbursts like this. Emmett continued with the rest of the story.
"Anyways I then asked this old lady because old ladies are smart but she then yelled at me and told me she wasn't old. I then saw a superhero but the police took him away before I could ask him. I think they're jealous they have better jobs than they do. I started to go out of the mall because I didn't have any luck there, but I saw a poster saying how to be a male model and I remembered that I wanted to be one so I went to the place. I then called Bella because the dude at the desk turned red, and she turns red, so I thought she might know why he turned red. And I filled out this really long form and it asked when I was born so I put it in, but when I turned it in, they yelled at me for lying. I then told them I wasn't lying and yelled that I quit. I then went to the park because I was feeling real sad and saw the duckies there and duckies make me happy. And then I thought, what happens when I leave and I get sad cause the duckies aren't there, so I took a ducky. He's real cute like and I love him and he goes quack!" Emmett was hopping up and down with excitement, which made me join him and we hopped around in a circle.
Rosalie was so relieved she jumped up and hugged us both. She then kissed Emmett and they started making out until Carlisle cleared his throat.
"Emmett calm down. You have to return the duck, he isn't yours." Carlisle lectured.
Emmett stuck out his bottom lip and pouted "No, he's mine."
"But Emmett, what if he gets sad because he misses his family? What would you do if someone took you from us?" Carlisle explained.
"I'd be really sad." He admitted.
"Well then you have to give ducky back so he's not sad."
Emmett sniffed.
"How about I do it for you, okay Emmett?" Bella asked. "That way you won't have to be so sad."
Emmett nodded his head and placed the duck in her arms. Bella and Edward left to go take the duck back home. Rosalie hugged Emmett and patted his back, comforting him.
"Its okay baby, he'll remember you." Rosalie crooned.
"He will?" Emmett asked teary eyed.
"Of course darling, don't worry. It's okay. I love you" she hugged him and led him upstairs.
I pulled Alice aside and asked. "Should we really continue doing the prank?"
"Yeah, he'll calm down in a minute and be fine. Emmett bounces back fast." She assured me. I held her close and kissed her gently.
Sure enough Emmett came bounding down the stairs pulling Rosalie behind him.
"Come on guys!" he called out. "I want to go jumping in the leaves!" Rosalie mouthed her apologies to us. I sensed it was the only way she could get him to calm down.