Part 3 – Chapter 43

Starsky awoke from his sleep four hours later and lay with his eyes closed listening to Hutch snoring softly in the chair by the bed. The brunet rolled his head on the pillow and looked at his partner as if seeing him for the first time. Hutch was semi lying on the chair, his head resting back against the chair back and his long blond neck stretched back. Jeez Blondie! You're gonna suffer when you wake up. But the blond looked so peaceful – almost angelic, back lit from the window with the late afternoon sun haloing his head that Starsky decided to let him slumber on for a while.

While things were quiet, the brunet allowed himself the luxury of thinking back. He braced himself for the skull crushing pains he'd experienced for weeks when he'd tried to remember his life, but none came and slowly he relaxed, allowing his memories to drift in and out of his consciousness without really concentrating on each one.

It felt so very comforting to have his life memories back with him. He'd never really appreciated them before, but with their absence had been pain and loneliness and, yes, he'd been scared. Scared of what he was, of what he may have missed, or indeed what he might have done. When the bounty hunter had come for him in Mexico and had told him that he'd skipped bail on an attempted murder wrap, his heart had plunged into his boots, the thoughts of being a criminal being so abhorrent to him that for a while he wondered whether it might not have been better for him to die right there and then.

Now he knew why he'd had those feelings. He was a cop, and, it appeared, a damned good one. So obviously the thought of being a criminal was going to have made him sick to his stomach.

There were other memories too, however, and those memories made him smile. For a while he thought of Juanita and the few days of love they'd shared. What they'd shared had been so tender and somehow fresh and unsullied that the feeling of her led in his arms was still with him. Starsky could feel the softness of her skin and could smell the perfume on her beautiful long, shiny black hair. But there were other women too he realised. The brunet's thoughts turned to those other women and he spent some time remembering the sheer joyousness that had been Terri, the fragile, confused woman that Emily had been and the way Rosie could make him feel when she became impassioned about the Huichol Indians or Mexican food. Each woman so different and yet they'd all meant so much to him in their own separate ways.

What of his men friends? Hutch, of course, was a constant in his life and even without his memories Starsky had known unshakably that there was a connection between the two of them. Traff too had been something special to him, although he'd never explored that with the soldier while he'd been at home. Now Starsky remembered the heat, the damp and the rain of Vietnam, the camaraderie of his platoon and the horrors of the POW camp. Traff had been with him through all of that and had rescued him from his own personal hell at the end of it. Friendship forged on the anvil of war would never fade he realised and Starsky thanked his lucky stars that he had Traff and Hutch around him. Dobey and Huggy also meant a lot to him and they too formed happier memories for him.

There were other men however, who had made his life less pleasant and the brunet shuddered at the thought. So many of his memories were of pain. Names like Ben Forrest, Vic Bellamy, Shane Lewis, Matwick and James Gunther floated into his mind, now to be accompanied by Edgar Fisher.

The bastard! There was no other way Starsky could think of the man and despite the fact that he felt like his body had been pushed under a pile driver, Starsky could hardly wait to get his hands on the evil man and put him away for ever. The thoughts of Fisher turned inevitably to the conversations they'd shared. Private conversations, whispered in the dead of night when Fisher had whispered that he was Starsky's friend and that he felt he should test that friendship. The brunet's stomach contracted at the thoughts of what Fisher had made him do and he screwed his eyes up tight, a low moan of shame escaping him.

As he shifted in his bed, Hutch heard the noises and woke, hissing at the stiffness in his back and neck. Slowly he levered himself into a sitting position and kneaded at his tired muscles.

'That'll teach ya to fall asleep in chairs Blintz. Your back always protests.'

'Hey, you remembered' Hutch said with a smile.

'Uh huh' Starsky said, easing himself out of the bed as much to rid himself of the thoughts of Edgar Fisher as anything. He stretched cautiously, not wanting Hutch to see just how much he was hurting. In truth, each and every muscle felt as though he'd given it its own personal 24 hour work out, and yet the return of his memory made up for the pains the EST had left him with. He walked round behind the blond and his strong capable fingers kneaded at the knots on Hutch's neck. The flaxen haired cop rotated his head and shoulders, prolonging the experience and accepting the touch from his friend.

'Hmmm, feels good Starsk. Almost as good as it feels having you back. But maybe you should get dressed huh?'

The brunet snickered as he looked down at the hospital standard issue gown, neatly tied at his neck, but leaving little to the imagination further down. 'I thought it was draughty! But I'm glad to be back. An' I'm even more glad that I'm gonna be able to get that flake behind bars where he belongs' Starsky said finishing the massage and giving a final pat of Hutch's shoulders. The blond looked dubious.

'I dunno Starsk. Are you sure you're up for this?' he asked, already knowing the answer.

'Wild horses wouldn't keep me away. After all he's put us through it's gonna give me so much pleasure.'

'But it's been less than 12 hours since you had your treatment buddy. You must feel like crap' Hutch continued.

'Well I'd be lying if I said I was A1 but I'm good. I can do this Hutch. I need to do this. Call it retribution or whatever ya like, but I need to arrest him if only for my own piece of mind.'

Hutch shrugged his shoulders. 'I know I'm not gonna be able to change your mind. Get yourself ready coz we have a lot to talk about.'

Starsky headed into the small bathroom. Stripping off the dreaded gown he got under the shower and turned up the temperature as hot as he could stand, allowing the water to pummel his stiff and sore muscles into mobility again. Even his jaw ached and with a shiver the brunet remembered watching as Hutch had had the dreaded shock treatment once before. (see Echoes, by this author). Then he'd felt sickened as he'd watched the blond's body arch off the bed as the current flowed. Hutch knuckles had shown white, his neck stretched back and the muscles corded. No wonder Starsky now felt as though he'd been hit by a freight train.

Now, he gathered that pain around him. It felt good – like a security blanket. Pain was something he understood and it was an ally now, keeping him sharp and keeping his mind in focus. He could take this pain and use it against the man who had caused it in the first place. Neat!

The water continued to beat at the curly haired man's shoulders and he soaped himself carefully, washing the last bubbles from his curls before turning the temperature gauge to cold. The needles of water stung him and he stayed as long as he could tolerate it before turning off the shower and stepping out to towel dry. Within a quarter of an hour he was glowing, dried and dressed in clean jeans and a plain white button up shirt, the sleeves carefully turned up to just below his elbow and the buttons at the neck open just enough to reveal a tuft of dark, springy hair below his throat. Finger combing his curls into some semblance of order, he padded out into the bedroom.

Beth had joined Hutch and the two were deep in conversation as the brunet walked in. They looked up and the woman smiled.

'How do you feel?' she asked.

'Like Dave Starsky, thank God' he responded with his own smile.

'And the memory?'

'Some of it's still a little fuzzy, but I remember a lot more than I did. An' most important, I remember that flake Fisher.'

'That's great Dave, but Hutch tells me you want to be the one to go out there tonight' Beth said with a note of worry in her voice.

Starsky pulled up a chair and sat with his elbows on the small table. 'Look, Doc. Don't think I'm not grateful for everythin' you've done for me, now and back in jail, but this is sumthin I gotta do. Now I've got my marbles back, I remember everythin' that bastard did to me more or less. I'm a cop, but I was his victim too, an' I feel like I need to do this. Does that make sense?'

'It does, but I think it's too soon.'

Starsky smiled grimly. 'Well as Fisher set the timetable, we don't have a whole lot of choice in the matter do we? Don't worry. I'm sore for sure, an' I feel like I could sleep for a week, but I'm good to go.'

'Do you need any pain meds? I could give you something to take the edge of the worst of it.'

The curly headed man shook his head. 'No, I'm fine. I want a clear head when I face him. I'm good.'

Hutch and Beth glanced at each other and the blond sighed. 'OK well, if you're sure you're gonna do this, we need to make sure it goes down properly.'

'Uh huh' Starsky nodded. 'Which means?'

'Which means, Fisher mustn't suspect that you're free of his influence, and for that, you need to be able to behave just like you did when he had you hypnotised' Hutch explained.

'And that would be how?' Was I a zombie or sumthin? Did I grow two heads? Throw me a line here Blondie.'

The blond grinned. 'I can do better than that. Remember when he phoned you first thing this morning?'

Starsky's brows knitted together in concentration. 'I remember he phoned, but what he said was kinda fuzzy.'

Beth got up, placed a video on the table and smiled. 'I'll um… I'll leave you two gentlemen with that. Shout if you need me huh?' The psychiatrist paused at the door and smiled. 'See you later' she said as she closed the door behind her.

'What's this?' the smaller man asked, examining the tape.

'Buddy, I'm sorry, we had to get as much evidence together as possible just in case your treatment failed and we needed to lure Fisher here, so we could nail him in the act. We knew he'd be pissed when you didn't turn up with the tapes the first time, so we um…. we had the CCTV turned on in your room so that we could video the call. At least you can see how you acted when he called. Just try to copy the body language when you get out there and he shouldn't suspect a thing' Hutch explained.

Starsky shrugged his shoulders. 'Ok, but why all the cloak and dagger stuff?'

Hutch inserted the video into the player. 'Just watch huh? After that we'll talk.'

The images on the TV flickered into life and showed Starsky asleep on the bed and the phone ringing. As the scene played out, the brunet watched himself intently on the small screen, observing how he sat on the edge of the bed, completely relaxed. His face was impassive, his voice low and monotone. He shivered involuntarily as he heard Fisher's voice.

'Where were you David? I missed you last night. Where are my tapes?'

'I um….I… I couldn't get out'.

'Couldn't? Or wouldn't? Aren't you my friend any more David? Don't you want to play our games?'

'No…. couldn't get away. They stopped me'

'David, I think you've forgotten your promise to me. You know I need to know you'll obey me, don't you?'

'Yeah…'

'Do you want me to test you again, David? I think I should, just to be sure.'

'No….'m sorry. I will get 'em. I just…'

'David listen to my voice. Listen only to my voice and I want you to do exactly as I say. Do you understand?'

'Yeah….only what you say….'

'I've missed this David. And I've missed my tapes. I used to listen to you on the tape, at night when I was in my bed. Do you know your voice becomes so husky……'

Hutch got up swiftly and turned off the tape and the television. 'So, can you copy that?' he asked, his voice a little more shaky than it should have been.

'Why did ya switch of off?' Starsky asked carefully, watching Hutch's featured close down as they did when his partner had something to hide.

'Well haven't ya seen enough?'

'I dunno. Have I? What exactly did Fisher do buddy? What're ya hidin' from me?'

'Nothin'. It's nothin' Starsk' Hutch hedged. 'The rest of it doesn't add anythin'. You just need to….'

The brunet got up and tried to turn on the TV again as Hutch tried to block him. Starsky pushed him gently out of the way. 'Blondie, he did this to me. I have a right to see, don't I?'

Hutch winced. 'Please, Starsk, you don't need to do this. Don't torture yourself huh?'

The brunet flicked on the TV and Video recorder and sat back down. 'Work with me' he grunted. 'I wanna see it all.'

The tape continued to play as Starsky watched in sick fascination, his hands starting to ball into fists as the tape played on.

'…….do you know your voice becomes so husky when you need release? It's so damned attractive David. I missed that. The younger boys weren't like that. They never lasted as long as you. I want to hear you do it again David. I want you to make love to yourself for me. Will you do that?'

'No, I… I don't…'

'David, listen to me. Only to my voice. I'm impressed that even now you can question me, but remember the pain David. Remember how it hurts when you remember, or when you disobey. Do you like the pain?'

'No….hurts….. don't wanna disobey.'

'Good, so now you're going to unzip your pants David and you're going to stroke yourself. You're going to make love to yourself just for me, and you're going to plead with me to let your have release.'

'That's so good David. I can hear your pain. I can hear you're so close. Tell me David. Tell me how you feel.'

'I need to cum. I need to….God, hurts…. I need….'

'Soon David, soon I'll let you release, but consider this a punishment for not following my orders. You won't disobey me again will you David?'

'No. Please lemme… I need to….'

On the screen, it was obvious what Starsky was doing, and the brunet felt sick to his stomach as he witnessed himself jacking off for the pleasure of the slimeball Fisher.

'Ok David. You can come for me now. You've done well'

Starsky could hear his own ragged breaths and his moan at the point of release and he looked down at his hands both ashamed and embarrassed. The tape continued its incriminating evidence.

'That was so good David. Thank you. And now your final instructions. I still want my tapes and I still need you to get them. Today, you will find some way to go back down into the city. You'll go to the metro and you'll get the tapes for me and return to the clinic. Tonight at 10:00 o'clock I will meet you in the pool house in the grounds and you'll hand them over. Is that clear?'

'Tapes….10:00 in the pool house. Bring tapes…..yeah.'

'And David, this time you won't fail me huh? This time, if you fail me, it'll be the last time. Is that clear?'

'Yeah….last time…..won't fail.'

'Good. Now David, sleep and when you wake you'll feel rested but without any memory of this call. Three. Two, one and sleep.'

There was silence on the room as the screen went blank and the two men stared at the ground.

'Who's seen this?' the brunet asked softly.

'Only me….. and Beth.'

The brunet stood decisively. 'Fine, when we need to use it, we cut the last part out completely. In the meantime, I'm gonna nail that fuckin' bastard if it's the last thing I do.'