I just wanna say a hugggggggggggggge thank you to my reviews, honestly you guys make me sooooo happy, especially coz I've been a bit depressed lately because of the 9/11 anniversary, plus I've been in hospital because of a car accident, so I'm also sorry for the long delay.
P.s, sorry if it's a bit short and not very good but I'm typing with one hand and I'm a bit drugged up, so apologies!
Please remember to review…. I might even heal faster!
Flashbacks are in italics.
It had been 6 weeks since that unfortunate encounter in Sarah's bedroom. 6 long weeks. 6 weeks had been and gone, yet all the pain that was there initially remained, imprinted in his heart like a tattoo that could never be removed.
Yet, he had long since forgiven her.
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"But why!?" Lucas cried, doing his best to pull away as Sarah held onto him tightly, "I just need to know why!"
"I don't know!" Sarah replied, pathetically, " I just got caught up in the moment!"
"You said that last time," Lucas just about whispered.
"I know! I know I did," Sarah sighed, caressing the boy's tear stained cheek, "and I know I said I'd never hurt you again, but I was drunk," she lied, " but what do you want me to say!?"
Lucas placed a hand on either side of Sarah's face, clasping her head in his hands tightly.
"Just say you'll never do it again….. please,"
Sarah listened as the boy infront of her pleaded with her, and for a split second, she thought her was going to collapse to his knees and grovel.
"I promise," she replied, without thinking, " I swear I won't hurt you. I would never do that."
Lucas exhaled deeply, his heart telling his to be satisfied with the answer he had just received. Choking back a sob, from overwhelming happiness or sadness he wasn't sure, he frantically buried his head in the crook of her neck, kissing it tenderly over and over again.
"I love you so much Sarah," he whispered, scared to let her go, from fear she would disappear for good.
He felt her sigh, her shoulders slumping, and her breath burning hot against his skin, even through the thickness of his sweat top.
"I know you do."
Lucas scrunched his eyes tight when she yet again refused to speak those three little words he so longed to hear.
"No, I mean, I really love you," he was pouring his heart out and he had never felt so vulnerable before in his life, "I've never felt this way before, you don't know how much you mean to me."
He was hoping that he would get Sarah to see sense. She was the only one for him, he wanted so desperately to be the only one for her.
"I love you," he whispered again, pulling her closer to him.
"I know you do." Those words were going to be the death of him.
His voice became even quieter, but with still enough volume for her to hear.
"Please," he pleaded, "just say it….. just once"
He didn't care how he sounded, he needed this.
"Lucas… don-"
He could hear the hesitation heavy in her words.
"Please," he begged once more, " just say it. Just say it once."
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She never did say it.
He had to forgive her. She was the only constant thing in his life right now. Sure, there was Haley, but lately she had become more distant, preoccupied with something else that he couldn't quite put his finger on. He didn't blame her. He was relieved as to the fact that she was starting to find something to do besides hang out with him because lately, his personal issued had started to weigh down upon him more that usual. He was terrified that she too would become crushed under his burden. Lilly was there also, but since the return of her father, Keith, she too had become more distant. However, yet again, he didn't blame her. He was so happy that his baby sister was properly getting to know her father, just like it was supposed to be. He was petrified that she would be doomed to suffer the pain he was still going though. She didn't need a constant barrage of questions polluting her innocent mind, the questions that still plagued his mind. What did I do wrong? Why don't I deserve love? Am I that repulsive that life without me is the only choice? He wouldn't allow her to follow in her big brothers' footsteps, no matter what. His mom was too busy with the drama in her own life that she rarely noticed him anymore. Ever since the whole Keith and Matt drama those 6 weeks ago, she had become even more tangled up with the both of them, constantly fighting with the both of them, but yet refusing to give up either of them. So she resorted to having a 'non-exclusive' relationship with both of them, of course telling the other that they were the only lover in her life. Frankly, it sickened Lucas that his own mother, who at one point was proud to show off her strength and independence, had fallen so low. He had confronted her about it once, but all that earned him was a slap across the face.
Touching his face, he still felt that sting as it felt the moment the force had landed upon his cheek.
How could so much change in such a short period of time? The Scott/ Roe residence, if possible, had taken an even steeper downward spiral into chaos, and at this point, any chance of return seemed impossible.
He couldn't remember a time where he had hated himself so much. His mere existence created so many problem that could of so easily been resolved by one simple abortion. He had gotten the fact that he was once so close to being aborted those 16 years ago thrown in his face over the past 16 years… from Matt of course. At first, he hadn't believed it, but when he had confronted his mother about it, and he had seen the guilty look etched across her face, and the tears cloud her vision, he knew it was true. Matt was right. Matt. He had gotten worse too. He never laid a finger on Karen or Lilly. He wasn't stupid. Karen could never find out what he was up to; he would lose his free-loading lifestyle, free house, and have to actually get a job. He could never touch Lilly. In fact, most of the time he went out of his way to please her for one simple reason… if he was in Lilly's good books, then he was in Karen's. That left Lucas. Matt hated the kid with a passion. He didn't have to have a legitimate reason to do so, he just hated him. Lucas, alone, had the capability to ruin everything he had set up here. So, he came to the realisation that he had to up the ante to get Lucas to keep his fat mouth shut. No matter what the consequences would be, or what damage his actions would cause.
Leaning against the counter of his mothers' café he groaned, snapping his eyes shut. His entire had been complaining from exhaustion and pain the whole day. Memories from Matt's most recent attack from the previous night haunted his tired mind. Attempting to relive himself from the added stress, which frankly, he just couldn't handle at this point, he shook his head. Big mistake. Angry throbbing pulsated throughout his head, and travelled down his neck. He gripped onto the dish towel that was located under his bruised fingers in an attempt to combat the pain. It didn't help much that today was Friday, and he had had to deal with the Friday night rush straight after school. Opening his eyes slightly, he glanced up at the clock. 10.55. silently thanking whatever higher power there was in the universe, he limped awkwardly around the side of the counter, preparing for the 11:00 closing time. The café was pretty much dead now anyway, except for the couple in the back corner.
Sighing, Lucas began to walk over to the pair, trying to walk as normally as he could.
"Sir, Madam," he began, exhaustion evident in his voice, "it's closing time. Thank you for coming but I have to lock up now."
The two were obviously too busy making out to even notice his presence. Rolling his eyes, he took a couple more steps towards them. He recognised the guy from school. He had a bad reputation for violence and trouble, which Lucas had experienced first hand a few times before. Lucas didn't wany ant trouble, but if he didn't get home on time, Matt would have yet another reason to beat up on him, and he just couldn't bear that thought, especially after last night.
"I'd be happy to change you're order to take out coffee's," Lucas reasoned, noticing the relatively full coffee mugs. But, yet again, he went unnoticed.
Growing agitated, Lucas cleared his throat, irritating his bruised windpipe. Finally the two parted, the male of the two giving Lucas a look that could kill.
Lucas, a little too fast for his own liking, took a step back. No matter how many times he had that look thrown at him at home and around school, he could never get used to it.
Taking a deep breath, he began to repeat his earlier offer, desperate to avoid any confrontation.
"Look Russ, I gotta lock up, but I can make your coffee's to g-"
The coffee pot he had been holding, crashed to the floor, as his eyes travelled to the left, spilling it's contents over the surface of the floor, and shattering into a million pieces…… just like his heart.
"Sarah!?"
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Exhaustion. Hurt. Defeat. His head was a swirl of emotions as he frantically drove to Haley's house. He had long given up on the possibility of getting home on time, not since his last fight with Sarah. Matt could unleash his fist with all the fury he had. Lucas no longer cared, because at this point, he couldn't feel anything. He was numb. He couldn't get the last words he had spoken out of his head
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"it's over, Sarah, I'm done," his voice was weak, completely deprived of all energy.
"You'll come back," Sarah sneered, "you always do."
"Not this time," Lucas replied, softly shaking his head.
Sarah laughed bitterly, "you will," she smirked, "and you wanna know why?"
She took a few steps towards him until she was right in his face.
"Because, you, Lucas Scott, are weak. You're so weak it's pathetic!"
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Getting out of his car, and entering Haley's house, he began to make his way up to her room. He needed someone to talk to. He frantically wiped away a few stray tears that lingered around his red, puffy eyes, not wanting too many questions to be asked about his current emotional state.
"Haley!" he called, turning into her room. He needed to sit down out of fear his legs would give way and he would crumble to the floor.
"Lucas!!" a flushed Haley shrieked, shooting up from the bed, pulling the covers over her naked body.
"Sorry!" he cried, hastily turning away, his cheeks flushing a deep crimson, "Sorry Hales, it's just I needed to t-"
He was cut short when a unnoticed occupant in the room awoke, and sleepily sat upon the bed.
"Haley," the boy whined, "what's going-"
That's when he noticed the blonde boy, standing in the entrance, looking like more of an emotional wreck than he had ever seen him. He watched as the blonde's eyes drifted between him and the girl that lay beside him.
The boy didn't quite know what to make of the blonde's expression. He looked lost, hurt, almost small, but the silence between the three of then was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable, so he reacted in the only way he knew how.
"What do you want!?"
Lucas didn't know how to react. His mouth hung open, he was so weak, but now he was fully focused. He hadn't realised he had been staring until the male occupant of the bed brought him back from his state of shock. He swallowed hard, only now noticing how dry his mouth was, and took a long shaky breath.
"Nathan?"
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Sorry if it was bad guys, like I said, I'm pretty banged up! Please review… I need it after being in the hospital for so long! Lots of love!