Disclaimer: Chapter title is from the book by Margaret Atwood.
Chapter 4 The Handmaiden's Tale
Present Time
"This is my confession to you Rex and I know once I say the words that you will hate me forever. I know if I were you I would. I never meant to keep this from you. I was on the verge of telling you when Brody came back into my life, our lives. You asked me once why I wasn't over you or how I could still be in love with you after ten years. And the answer is simple. It's Shane. Everyday I see more of his dad in him it scares me. Everyday I see the man I loved all those years ago in my son. In his smile, the way he walks, his mannerisms, and even the shared medical condition. I couldn't stop loving you after all these years because everyday I looked at and spent with Shane, I was reminded of that love. How could I fall out of love with you and love Shane more and more everyday? It was impossible. You two are like the same person most of the time it scares me. Sometimes I wondered if he was all Balsom or if there was some Morasco in him. Shane is very much like his dad Rex, he's so much like you that I couldn't help but still love you after all these years. Because falling out of love with you would be like if I stopped loving our son. And how could I do that? You've met that amazing boy and you love him too. I hope that someday you can forgive me for my deception, if I live long enough to earn back your forgiveness.
Rex I need to you listen very closely to my words. You are Shane's father and he will need you, because if you're reading this, I cannot protect him anymore. I know you didn't believe me before when I begged you to help me, but if you're reading this I know in my heart you believe me now. When I realized I was alone in this, my silence protected our son. I would give my life for our amazing son in a heart beat. I can't protect him now; I need you to be the one that protects him, loves him, cares for him, and show him what it means to be a strong man in this world. A strong man like his father is. I trusted Marcie with my secret and I trusted her with this letter. I have enclosed Shane's birth certificate. If you look under father, you will know from the very beginning, part of me wanted Shane and the rest of world to know the truth. Please take care of our son. Find it in your heart to forgive me. But most of all, protect that little boy from that monster that was unleashed on our family. Please do not let Brody lay one finger on our beautiful baby boy."
"Clear!" Michael ordered as he put the paddles for a fifth time on Shane. He pushed the button to send an electric pulse through the boy's body, but once again the heart monitors stayed flat line. "Charging," Michael ordered. "Come back to us buddy," he whispered to the little boy. "Clear," he instructed when the paddles where charged again. The doctor breathed a sigh of relief when his heart had started beating again. "Good job Shane," Michael said to the boy. He looked out the window and saw Rex's helpless expression staring back at him. He didn't know what to do but gave Rex a thumbs up sign, releasing even as he did it, how lame it looked.
Rex could breathe again when Shane's heart started beating again and his own heart started beating after the thumbs up sign from Michael. Rex felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Marcie on the corner of his eye. He rolled his shoulder to successfully knock Marcie's hand from his shoulder. He repeated the gesture when she put her hand on his shoulder again. The third time he took a step away from her to stop her from touching him again.
"What's wrong?" Marcie asked.
"I don't want to talk to you right now," Rex said as calm as he could.
"What's going on?"
"How long?" Rex said, his eyes still fixed on his son.
"How long what?" Marcie asked, not following his train of thought.
"How long have you been hiding the fact that I have a son from me?" Rex said as he turned to face her. His eyes shown with the mixture anger and fury that he felt as he bore into her.
"Rex I…it wasn't…"
"Spare me the details," Rex said, "my son almost died in there and I just founded out I had a son. That little boy might die thinking that despicable excuse for a human being is his father!" His tone rose with each passing word, at the end of his sentence he was screaming at her. Rex turned to see Michael exiting the room and walking towards John. He held a hand up to Marcie to silence her since he had to strain to hear what was wrong with Shane.
Marcie could see the conflict in his face how much he wanted to know what was going on with Shane. She saw the pain disappear as his face lightened. She guessed she remembered that he's Shane's real father and he has the consent to this privileged information.
"What he needs is surgery," Michael said, "but it's risky and I will need a parent's consent since there could be a safer treatment but I don't think it would work. But without parental consent…"
"You have to side on the error of caution," John finished for him.
"Right now I can't keep him stable for the OR. If I can get him stable I will have him rushed into the OR right away, but I need parental consent for the surgery I think would be best course of treatment for Shane," Michael sighed, "Gigi's lapsing into a coma and Brody is no where to be found. I put in a call to have…"
"Do whatever you need to do to save him," Rex said as he heard the end of the conversation.
"Rex you're not family…" John tried to say but he was cut off again by Rex.
"He's my son," Rex said with force.
"I know you think of him as your own…" John tried to say, but was interrupted again.
"He is my son," Rex said pulling out the letter from Gigi and Shane's birth certificate, "He's my son. If you don't believe it, it's right here in black and white. That is my son in there and I'll sign anything that means I have a chance to watch that little boy grow up."
"Where did you get this?" John asked.
"You mean did I make it?" Rex said, understanding the accusation in the question, "It's from Gigi. It's Shane's birth certificate. If you don't believe me, you can run a DNA test. But you're wasting your time. That little boy is mine and he needs better treatment that was he is getting. No offense Michael, but I can tell your hands are tied right now."
"John?" Michael said looking for his approval.
"Why didn't…"
"She found out after I disappeared on her over ten years ago," Rex explained, "When Brody died she thought it would be better her son believe his father was a war hero, not some slum who abandoned him and his mom. But she put my name on the birth certificate so that the truth would be there always. At least that's what her letter said."
John looked at the broken man before him and his heart broke a little for him after going through this with Marty all those years ago. He nodded to Michael as he handed back the letter and birth certificate back to Rex, "You heard the boy's father Michael. He has some papers to sign."
"Thank you," Rex said, "How is Gigi doing?"
"That I cannot answer for you Rex," Michael said, you could tell by his tone he wished he could."
"That's my family."
"No," Michael corrected, "You share a child, but you're not her husband, her brother. Hell you're not even her cousin twice removed on her mother's side…"
"Don't be glib," Rex warned.
"I don't mean to be glib," Michael said, "But the fact of the matter is, you're not family or her power of attorney…"
"Actually that is 100 accurate," Marcie said.
Rex turned at the sound of her voice and glared at her, "Go away…"
"What did you say?" John said coming to Marcie.
"Rex is her power of attorney," Marcie said handing job document in her hand, the other hand held a letter. Before John could grab it, Rex took it and started reading over the document.
"Give it back," John said trying to grab for it but Rex moved before he could.
"How is this possible?" Rex said looking at Marcie in confusion, giving John time to take the document from him.
"Is this not your signature," John said after a quick glance.
"Yes," Rex said, "But I don't remember signing it. I would have remembered Gigi saying 'Hey Rex incase Brody beats me into an unconscious state I would like you to have the privilege knowledge of my medical condition' yeah I think I would have remembered that."
"Now whose being glib," Michael mumbled under his breath. He knew Rex heard him when he saw Rex glare at him.
"It's been notarized and official," John pointed out, "You are her power of attorney."
"How is this possible?" Rex said looking at Marcie. The question alone seemed innocence, but the accusatory glare and tone implied that this was another secret she was keeping from him.
"Gigi wrote me a letter," Marcie explained to Rex and the others, "She didn't give it to me; she gave it to Natalie for safe keeping. Natalie forgot she had it until now. She said she rushed home and gave it to me when you went to talk to Michael. Inside I found the document."
"Hand it over," Rex said with his hand stretched out. He took it from her and read it about half way through when John snatched it from him. There was a temporary battle over how had possession, but Rex had won.
"Rex that could be evidence!" John chastised him.
"It's not," Rex said as he finished reading the letter before John snatched it from him and read it over quickly.
"You two remind me of small children," Marcie whispered softly before she heard John read the letter out loud. As he read the words out loud she could not help but to feel responsible for what had happened to Gigi. If she had only been honest with Rex from the start or been more persistent with Gigi, if she would have only seen the signs she would not be standing in the ER wondering if the woman would quickly became her best friend and her son would live to see another day. Marcie felt like a murder because of her silence…something she would never forgive herself for as long as she lived. She didn't deserve forgiveness; she deserved to be despised for the rest of her life as the people in this room feel for Brody Lovett; shear and utter hatred that bore deep into their hearts and souls.
"Dear Marcie,
I know right now you are blaming yourself for what is happening. You were a good friend to keep my secret and a good friend to Rex by continuing to pressure me into telling him. But I couldn't tell Rex that Shane was his son. Brody had threatened to kill Shane if I had told Rex about Shane. His exact words were "I will gut that boy like a fish if you ever tell Rex that he's Shane's father." I had to protect Rex's son from that monster. I do not blame you; I blame me for brining this monster into our lives. Part of me wanted to tell Rex anyways after all, he protected us with that whole Ramsey incident. But the other part of me, the stronger part told me that Rex doesn't believe you, you need to protect Shane. Maybe that does translate into lack of faith in Rex, but Shane is my life…without him I know I couldn't go on…especially if it was my fault that he was killed. I know Rex, he will be angry with you if he finds out, but I also know his heart. And his heart will forgive you. I'm just not sure how long it will take for his pride to forgive you too…especially if someone horrible happened to me.
I have enclosed a document that will allow Rex to do what he would want to be doing right now. I can only imagine the frenzy Michael is in right now because Rex will want to know what is wrong with me but cannot tell him anything. It's not Michael's fault that Rex likes to play Superman when it comes to me and our son. This is no way an attack on Michael and his ability to take care of me…because I know of our friendship by law he will not be allowed to attend to me or have any say in my case. I once told Rex that I trust him with my life and I've taken strides to make sure he can do what he wants to do…and that is to try and save me from whatever Brody has done to me. I have enclosed an official document that give Rex power of attorney incase I cannot make the medical decisions for myself. I trust Rex and I know his heart. He will do what is best for me and for our son. Rex does not know about it, I tricked him into signing it when I put it in with a bunch of other documents from BE that required his signature. I know that is awful, but if Rex knew what he would be signing, I don't think he would sign it. He didn't care enough to find out what was happening at that time. But I do know his Superman complex will be kicking into over drive right about now.
My dear friend, I hope that someday you can forgive me for the aguish and pain I have caused you by keeping this secret. I wanted to tell Rex so many times and I was about to at his wedding when Brody came. The second time Brody laid his hands on me I told him I was going to tell Rex and Shane the truth when Brody threatened that if I ever told anyone he would "gut Shane like a fish" because Rex would never be allowed to have him as a son. That is why I never told. I had to protect him from Brody. That is why I forced your silence. I did it for my son, Rex's son, I did it for Shane. Please do not carry any guilt with you. None of this was your fault. All blame lies on my own shoulders. I just pray to God every night that what I am doing does not put my son at risk. That is my only prayer, that Shane makes it through this ordeal alive and well.
Love,
Gigi
Rex tried to think of a time that Gigi could have pulled this on him and like a bolt of lightening it came to him quickly. He remembered a time at BE that Gigi brought in a stack of papers that required his signature. He remembered her being very nervous when he pulled what he now knew what her power of attorney. He brought her explanation without even looking it over with a glance. It was those eyes and the accusation that said, "Don't you trust me." He would have been angry at her if he didn't realize what she was doing. She was asking him to trust her, the way she was putting her trust him in…all without him knowing. He chuckled at the thought, "That is Morasco for you," he said, "making life more complicated than it needed to be. If she told me why, I would have signed it without any hesitation."
"She was afraid…."
"Shane doesn't have time for the trip down memory lane here," Michael said, gesturing Rex to follow him, "Shane is stable enough for surgery. He has serve internal bleeding from multiple stabs to his abdomen as well as the long cut. It has damaged his stomach and small intestines. We did a quick fix in the stomach wall in ER to keep the stomach acids from oozing into his intestines. Shane will need to have repair done to his intestines. I'm not going to lie to you Rex, it's a risky surgery and with a high morality rate."
"And if he doesn't have the surgery?"
"There is a greater chance of death," Michael said, "There needs to be repair done to his stomach as well. When Brody…." Michael couldn't bring himself to say the words; just mere thought of it was making him sick to his stomach, "The greatest damage is from the final stab wound. We have but a temporary repair and the surgeon will go in and fix the damage. We are hoping that Shane will be able to keep all of his small intestines, but right now it looks grim."
"How long is the surgery?"
"Could be up to 12 to 18 hours," Michael said, "It all depends on the damage. There could be damage we couldn't see. Shane keeps bleeding from somewhere which is why he keeps crashing. We can't find the link. We have been giving him as much blood as he needs." Michael handed the form and watched as Rex read through it quickly.
"Michael," Rex said, as he scribbled his signature down, "That's my little boy in there and I'd really like to see him grow up and out live me." He handed the forms back to Michael.
"We all do Rex," Michael said as he patted his shoulder with one hand and grabbed the clipboard with the other.
"Can I see him before he goes into surgery?" Rex asked.
"Yeah," Michael said, "Make it brief though, we don't have a lot of time."
Rex nodded as he followed Michael into Shane's room. He was waiting hours for this moment and wondered if he would have the courage to step into the room. Gigi might have referred to him as Superman, but right now he was scared out of his mind. He took a deep breath before stepping into the room. His breath caught into his throat seeing his little boy hooked up to all the machines. Shane even had a breathing tube in as his lungs failed to breathe on their own. He walked to the bed and grabbed Shane's hand and his other hand stroked his head. "Hey there buddy," Rex said, "it's me Rex, your dad." Rex swallowed hard as he held back his own tears. "Now they are going to take you to the OR where a doctor will be making you better. You will get better because we have our whole lives together to look forward. You, me, and your mother, our little family. I love you kid," Rex said as his tears broke free from their prison.
"Rex," Michael said, "It's time to go."
Rex turned to see Michael's sadden expression before turning back to Shane. He plastered a fake smile on his face and tried to sound positive for his son. "I'll be here waiting for you," Rex said, "I love you son." He leaned down and placed a kiss on Shane's forehead. When he stepped away, Shane was immediately wheeled into towards the OR. Rex watched until Shane disappeared from his sight. He felt a presence next to him, from the corner of his eye he saw Dorian Lord looking at him. "Go away," he said simply.
"I'm sorry for what she did to your family," Dorian said.
"Your apologizes mean nothing to me," Rex said still focused on the door.
"If I had known Rex," Dorian said, "Oh my Lord, if I had known I would never have allowed for her to continue doing this to them."
"Your words mean nothing to me, just like you," Rex said walking away from her, "You didn't know and this still happened."
"I want to make amends," Dorian said following Rex.
"Well if Gigi wakes up I'm sure that she'd love to hear what you have to say…" he said as he stopped and turned to face her.
"I hired the best specialist in the world for Gigi and Shane's case," Dorian said, "Dr. Derrick Sheppard is on his way from Seattle Grace and Dr. Nathan James just arrived from New York and has already scrubbed in on Shane's surgery."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I feel responsible for Adriana's part in all of this," Dorian said gravely, "I should have known so I could have put a stop to this foolishness."
"But you hate me and Gigi," Rex countered.
"Yes I do," Dorian said, "but none of you deserved this. And I hope my daughter pays for funding that bastard's reign of terror."
"Thanks Dorian," Rex said.
"I'm doing this for them," Dorian said, "I may hate that saucy woman, but I want her to wake up to yell at me more than anything in the world. She has so much life left to live. And Shane's life just begun, it can't end now." Dorian's cell phone rang, "Excuse me."
Rex nodded and watched her walk away in disbelief, "Who knew the wicked witch of the west had a heart?" he said to himself. He looked around and his eyes settled on Marcie reading her letter from Gigi. He looked around, wanting to know where Michael was to know what was going on with Gigi. He overheard him say she was lapsing into a coma and if Dorian was calling in a neurologist, the best in the world…it could not be a good thing, right? He walked up to Marcie and looked at her with cold eyes. "How could you do this to me?"
"I ask myself that all the time now," Marcie said, hanging her head in shame.
"When?" Rex said.
"She let it slip to me before your wedding that she was she only loved one man, Shane's father and she will always love you. I put the pieces together."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Gigi," Marcie said, "she always seemed to have a reason or told me she would tell you. She just needed time. Two years later and I found out I am the messenger to her telling you. I should have known when she came to see me that day. I shouldn't have accepted her excuses no matter how much they may have made sense."
"Tell me about that day," Rex requested.
"It was two months after your wedding," Marcie said, "I hadn't seem much of Gigi since the wedding. I chalked it up to Brody being back from the dead and wanting to spend time catching up. When she came into my apartment I thought something was off…"
One Year, 10 Months Ago
Marcie was dusting around her apartment when she heard a knock on the door. Marcie was in a bad mood and was trying to clean away her frustrations. She had another encounter with Adriana and it ended ugly. Her sour expression immediately broke into a huge grin at the sight of her friend. "Gigi," she said excitedly, "I'm so glad that it's you!" In her giddiness she pulled Gigi into a tight hug but immediately let go when her friend cried out in pain. "What's wrong?" she asked, the concern was evident on her face and tone. She lightly rubbed her back and Gigi cried even harder. "What happened?" she asked as she ushered her friend into her apartment and onto the couch.
"It's nothing," Gigi said softly as she carefully sat down.
"That's not nothing," Marcie said sitting next to her, taking note of the hissing sound she made when she sat down, "You screamed in pain when I touched you. What happened?"
"It's nothing really…"
"Let me be the judge of that," Marcie said in a tone that let Gigi know she wasn't going to give up on this.
"It's silly really," Gigi said, "Yesterday I was at the park with Brody and Shane. We were playing all sorts of sports."
"And?"
"And I'm really sorely out of shape," Gigi said with a laugh, "I woke up so sore and in pain."
"Is that the truth?" Marcie asked, not sure if she believed the story complete.
"Yes," she said, "it's the truth. I really need to stretch before over exhorting myself or just let the boys do that sports stuff and I can be the cheerleader. I think my body would like that as well." Gigi laughed light heartily and hoped her friend bought the lie. The truth was that her back was covered in bruises and her stomach was so dark, she didn't know a person could bruise that dark. She hid her bruises in a sweater and brushed her hair in front of her make covered bruise on her cheek. Brody came home drunk and angry the night before and took his anger out on her. The whole time mumbling something about that bastard Rex Balsom never letting up. When Gigi defended Rex to him that is what had originally set him off, Gigi's devotion to Rex and nothing for him.
"If you say so…"
"I do say so," Gigi said.
"Okay," Marcie said before taking a breath, "It's been two months Gigi, when are you going to tell Rex…."
"I can't talk about that now," Gigi said, "I'm going to be late picking up Shane from baseball practice…"
"I thought Rex was doing that," Marcie interjected.
"Brody's not happy about how much of Shane's life is consumed by Rex…"
"He's the boy's father."
"Geez thanks for reminding me I almost forgot there," Gigi said sarcastically.
"Gigi," Marcie sighed, "they deserve to know the truth. Both Shane and Rex."
"I can't, not now," Gigi said, "but I can't stay long. I need you to do me a favor."
"You mean besides this one?"
"Marcie," Gigi said in a warning tone.
"What?"
"If something ever happens to me…"
"Where is this coming from?"
"Me, the sore woman standing in front of you," Gigi said, "If something where to happen to me I want you to give this to Rex."
"What is it?" Marcie asked at she took the letter from her friend who was acting weird.
"I'm asking you to trust me," Gigi said, "Life is unpredictable and I want Rex to have this in case something happens."
"You're scaring me."
"It's not my intention," Gigi said, "Please just trust me and do this for me."
"Sure," Marcie said, "But just so you know, I won't ever have to give this to Rex because we are going to grow into crazy old cat ladies together."
"Deal," Gigi said with her first real smile in a long time.
Present Time
"I feel so stupid right now," Marcie chastised herself, "She was hurting because of him, not because of some sports. What was I thinking, Gigi didn't play sports…but I couldn't think of a reason she would lie to me."
"Gigi hid this from the world," Rex said, "you shouldn't blame yourself."
"Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you don't blame yourself?" Marcie said to Rex. His immediate reaction was to look at the ground, "That's what I thought." She paused for a few seconds, finding the strength for the next question, "Do you hate me for this?"
"I can't talk to you about this," Rex said, "Not right now. I'm on information overload…..Michael!" Rex yelled over Marcie's shoulder as her husband approached them. Rex got up and walked with him, "Tell me about Gigi."
"Gigi has many cuts, abrasions, and bruises from the impact of the abuse and the table she was thrown onto. She has six broken ribs, right arm is broken, and her left leg is broken…"
"Why is she not awake if…" Rex interrupted Michael's explanation.
"She has serve head trauma and her brain is swelling," Michael said, "If it continues to swell we will need to do emergency surgery to drill a hole in her head to alleviate the pressure. She also has been unconscious since she came in."
"I over heard you telling John that she is lapsing into a coma," Rex said.
"She is lapsing, she has lapsed into a coma," Michael said, "If you know of any family she has, you might want to call them."
"Are you saying she could die?"
"The odds are not in her favor," Michael said, "she slipped into a coma from the head trauma and she has not been alert since her head broke the table. She has serve head trauma and already lapsed into a coma. I'm not an expert, but if she doesn't wake up soon, she might not."
"When does that Dr. Sheppard come?"
"In an hour," Michael said, "his plane was delayed."
"How could something like this happen?" Rex groaned out his frustrations, "So many people in her life, how could not even one person see this!" Rex growled out raising up one finger to emphasize his point that not one person knew what was happening. He kicked the chair closest to him to release some of those frustrations.
"You need to stay calm Rex," Michael said, "Gigi's stable now. If you want to see her you can, but first you need to calm down."
"I am calm!" Rex barked back at him. He sighed realizing that he was far from calm. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "Sorry," he said, "I'm just really angry right now."
"I understand it Rex," Michael said, "and you're not the only one who is angry. But Gigi needs positive energy around her."
"I'm calm now," he looked and saw Dorian walk by, "Dorian."
"Yes?"
"I wanted to say thank you," he said, "For the specialist. For taking care of my family. I'll find a way to pay you back."
"There's no need," Dorian said, "This is my penance for my daughter. She did this too you know."
"I'm glad she had the good sense to leave," Rex spat out.
"She didn't leave Rex," Dorian said, "She was arrested on suspicion of aiding Brody. She's at the station right now giving her statement in paying off Brody Lovett. The police will determine whether or not to press charges on her."
"When did this happened?"
"About thirty minutes ago," Dorian said.
"I need to get to the station," Rex said, "I need to know…"
"No!" Michael said grabbing his arm to stop him from walking away, "You're needed here."
"I'm going crazy here!" Rex said releasing his arm from Michael's grasp, "I need to know what that woman did to my family."
"Gigi is knocking on the 'coma forever door,'" Michael said, "You're needed here."
"He's right," Vicky said as she was walking up to the group, "You're needed here. That little boy looks up to you like you can make gold out of mud. Gigi needs you here. Rex you need to be here with your family."
"But I want to know what she did." Rex said, almost pouting like a child, "I need to know what she did to them, so I can protect them from her."
"Will it make this situation change in anyway?" Vicky challenged him to see the bigger picture and not the narrow world he was seeing now, "How can you protect them from something that already happened?"
"I want her to pay for what she did," Rex said.
"She will pay for any wrong doings on her part," Vicky said, "If not this lifetime than the next."
"Vicky…"
"Stay," she said, "I'll go to the station and fill you in on the details."
"Thank you," Rex said as he hugged Vicky. He watched her disappear down the hallway before walking to Gigi's room. She was transferred from the ER to a room in the ICU. He walked towards her bed and leaned down to gently kiss her forehead. "Morasco you were never one for the dramatics, so why start now?" he joked and even laughed a little. His laughter died down when he saw the woman who looked on the verge of death lying before him. "Now I know you don't like taking orders Morasco, but you're going to listen to me and follow my directions down to the letter. You need to wake up because your son….our son needs you. Our son, doesn't that sound wonderful on the ears?" he asked her with a smile. "Our boy is in surgery right now and it's not looking good. Brody did a real number on him and the odds aren't in his favor. But I know he will be okay, because that kid…our son, is a fighter like his mother. So if you fight like hell to come back to me and our son. Because I do not have the slightest clue how to raise him. I need your help on how to raise our son. We both need his mother. We are going to live out the dream of being one big happy family, however it may look like." He smiled down at her unresponsive body, "Come on Morasco, you need to open your eyes because I miss looking at those sparkly emeralds you have piercing through my soul." He leaned over and kissed her forehead again before resting his head next to hers on the bed. It was already long day, and it just kept getting longer.