-

Life or whatever has suddenly decided to be good to her. And she was thankful. Thankful for not having the morning sickness or the nausea that most pregnant women had. For once, life actually gave her something to be happy and thankful about.

"Hey."

"Hey back," she spoke with a small forced smile as she finished writing down some notes on the chart.

"You left Joe's so soon last night, I wasn't able to say goodbye," he walked closer to her, handing the patient chart he was holding to the nurse behind the counter.

"Cristina dragged me home," she, too, handed the chart she was holding to the nurse and walked away. Derek trudged behind her, keeping up with her.

"It was just a friendly date," he suddenly said as they got to a more barren part of the halls.

"Friendly?" she didn't stop walking but she gave him a sideway glance.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You know… Friends going out and having some drinks. Friendly date."

"Oh," she gave out a curt nod. So it was just a friendly date…

"What do you mean 'Oh'?" he walked faster to match her strides.

"Oh," she repeated the word this time flatly. "What makes you think I care that you had a date?"

"You saw me, I know you did, I can feel the heat of your stares."

"I was not staring!" she said defensively.

"We were about to melt, Mer," he teasingly added.

"Well, why didn't you?" she muttered under her breathe.

"I missed you last night," he took a hold of her arm and stopped her from walking. "Maybe we should have a date, say, on-call room later?" he winked suggestively.

She raised her eyebrow at him. This was it. Their little arrangement. S & M. Sex and Mockery. She gave him herself and he dated. Actually went out on dates, finding that someone who could most probably give him everything she couldn't give him.

"I've got a lot of patients today," she lied.

"Really? I don't recall a lot of surgeries today," he told her.

"Some post-op notes and stuff, you know," she shrugged.

He gave her a brief doubtful look which made her nervous that he was going to find out she was actually wanting to avoid him. But after a few seconds, he finally spoke again. "I'll see you tonight then? Trailer?"

"If I get out of here," she nodded a little. She knew she was going to get out of here. She just didn't want to face him right now. She had a lot of thinking to do and being with him always boggling her thoughts.

He gave her a nod and a small smile. "I'll just see you tonight then."

"Bye," she murmured as she walked away.

With no patients in the surgical wing, the day ended soon for her. She made sure Derek was nowhere in sight before she finally left the resident locker room. She headed for the elevators and waited for it to finally open. Much to her surprise, Derek and Mark were the occupants of the elevator.

Her eyes went wide and she strode away from the elevator but not far enough as Derek stopped her.

"Meredith, is something wrong?" he suddenly asked out of nowhere. His grip on her arm tightened a little as he probed for an answer from her.

"What? What made you say that?" she asked a little too soon and a little to defensively.

"See? Something is wrong," he announced. "And you're avoiding me."

"Nothing is wrong!"

"Something is," he insisted. "Tell me."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Hey, Shep! You're chick nurse is probably waiting for you already, let's go!" Mark called out from the elevator doors.

"You're going to Joe's," she looked at him with disbelief.

"You said you weren't sure if you were going to get out of here early," he reminded her.

"And so you made plans!?"

"I was just going to get drinks with…"

"Let me go, Derek," she yanked on her arm and he let go in an instant. She stalked away as fast as she could knowing that he won't follow.

"Gosh, that Grey is feisty," Mark announced his observation.

"What the hell did you do that for!" Derek turned to his friend with a deathly glare.

"What?" Mark shrugged. "You looked like you needed saving."

"You know we're just going out for drinks! You and me! No chick nurse or whatever!" Derek shouted at Mark.

"Hey! Where are you going!?" Mark shouted after Derek as he walked away from the elevators.

"Fuck off, Mark," Derek called back as he headed for the stairways to see if he can catch up with Meredith.

-

"You have got to start learning to lock you house's door. I could have been a killer, you know."

"What are you doing here?" she sat up from the couch.

"Are you jealous?" he asked as he walked slowly towards the couch.

"What?" she raised her eyebrow at him in defense. If by jealous he meant she wanted to bitch slap the women he was with, then she was jealous. Extremely.

"That I went out with Sdyney and that I had a friendly date with Rose," he sat down on the other end of the couch.

"No," she shook her head, lying. Covering up what was going on in her head.

"No?" he cocked his head sideways with a smile.

"Just S & M, remember? You have all the right to go out on dates if you want. Date the whole hospital if you want, I don't care," she said nonchalantly.

"Then I can pencil in all those nurses lining up for a date with me?" he asked with a teasing eyes.

"Ass," she rolled her eyes.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong now?"

"Nothing is," she shook her head, looking away from him.

"Nothing?"

"It's nothing…"

"Nothing usually means something when it comes to you, Mer…"

"Stop analyzing me!" she snapped at him.

"I can't help it. I can't help not know you, Mer," he closed the gap between them and he placed his hand on her face, softly caressing her cheeks and gave her his small smile. "So, please, tell me, Mer. Tell me something."

She let out a small sigh.

"What if Rose is the one…" she finally mustered the courage to say it.

"What? The one what?" he asked, his brows furrowing.

"The one who gives you what you want… What if she's the one who comes along and…"

"But she isn't, Mer…" he cut her off.

"But what if the next date you go on is… Or the next one after that… What if… What if I never get ready and you find that someone?" she looked away from him. "And what if… What if I am ready…"

"What?"

"What if I am ready… And yet you've found someone else already…"

"Meredith?" he called out her name making her look at him. "Are you?"

She looked at him. She was pregnant with his child. She was supposed to be ready for something she knew she can never get rid of. She was supposed to be ready. But she knew she wasn't. She needed to make sure she was not going to be let down again. That this was something that would go right in her life. She needed to make sure of it before she becomes ready.

"I-I…"

"You don't know," he gave out a small exasperated sigh. "You don't know. You still don't know."

"No," she confirmed his suspicions.

His face fell.

"Will you ever get ready?" he asked with a sad tone.

"Derek," she took his hand. "I-I… We have something here. Just give me the time to get ready."

"I love you with everything that I am, Meredith. Everything," he gave her a sad smile. "If you need the time, you know you have it. I just want you to know that I love you, I'll give you the happily ever after, Mer. And if you get ready, I'll be here."

He placed a chaste kiss on her lips and he stood up and headed for the hall.

"What if someone does comes along?" she called out after him.

He turned around and looked at her for a handful of seconds before giving her a reassuring smile. "The marriage, the kids, the house? The things I told you about the last time? There's no one that can come along that could give me that, Meredith. Because the only thing I want from all of those is you. Just you, Mer, just you. I want the happily ever after with you."

-

I really think Meredith's afraid of commitment because she's afraid of getting hurt again. So I want Derek to make her feel that she's never gonna get hurt again. She'll tell him about the baby once she's 'ready'. Soonish.