Isuki the seven year old, now. This... made me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants. Then again, that's not very impressive... Let's put it in perspective: this made one of my emo as emo can be friends laugh out loud in the library, and he sported a very disturbing grin the rest of the day.
SLight language at the end, but it's Hidan, people: ya'll knew it was coming.
Monsters
"Can you keep your damn brat quiet?" Hidan demanded after another round of pervasive whimpering. "Some of us need sleep!"
"It's not my fault she has a crippling fear of the dark," Michiko returned wearily, but still with plenty of menace. "I'd love to see you do any better."
After a pause, Hidan smirked. "Okay. Ha, fuck you, I will." He had this idea forming in the back of his mind. How the hells did a seven year old develop a fear of the dark? More specifically a fear of the monsters that dwell in it? (No one had told him this, but the cries were easy enough to hear, even from his room.) Especially one who had grown up in an environment rank with evil?
They didn't. He was sure there was something up with the whole thing.
Michiko seemed surprised at first, then suspicious, then finally graduated into wry acceptance. "Okay then. Let's see how you sooth a child's fears… This should be entertaining."
"Outta my way, bitch. You can't stick around for this." She became immediately more suspicious, but suddenly relaxed.
"Fine." And she walked away, ducking back into her and Itachi's room.
Hidan snorted and pushed the door open, finding a huddled form looking out at him from under a mound of protective blankets. "I want my mom."
"Mommy's not here right now, you baby. I'm going to tell you a story," he informed her as he sat down on the edge of the bed.
Isuki seemed to perk up at that. "A story?"
"Yeah. 'Cuz once I had monster problems, too," he lied.
"Really?"
"Of course. Everyone has at some point:
There were five ugly monsters jumping on my bed,
But one fell off and bumped its head.
So I called for the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monsters jumping on the bed."
"Did they come back?"
"No," he told her curtly when she interrupted. "But different ones came back, and then:
There were four ugly monsters jumping on my bed,
And one fell off and cracked its head.
I called for the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monsters jumping on the bed!"
"Why did you keep calling the doctor? Wouldn't you want it to die?"
"No, you idiot, the doctor made them go away. But then even more would come back, so:
There were three ugly monsters jumping on my bed,
One fell off and slammed its head.
I called for the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monsters jumping on the bed!!"
Hidan paused, waiting for Isuki to interrupt him again, but she didn't. Satisfied, he went on.
"Two ugly monsters were jumping on my bed,
Then one fell off and broke its head.
I called for the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monsters jumping on the bed!!"
One ugly monster was jumping on my bed,
Until it fell off and splintered its head.
I called for the doctor and the doctor said,
"OH MY FUCKING GOD STOP CALLING ME YOU LITTLE BRAT!! SOME OF US NEED TO SLEEP AND IF YOU DON'T STOP WAKING ME UP AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR I'LL COME OVER THERE AND FEED YOU TO THE FUCKING MONSTERS MYSELF!! GOODBYE!"
Hidan glanced down at Isuki, who was staring up at him with eyes the size of small dinner plates… or maybe large dessert plates. He laughed a little to himself and left, sleeping soundly that night. And every night after that.
Until that one Deidara incident, that is…