Wow, this story's just typing itself!
Ganondorf: That might be because you've been planning this since you beat Ocarina of Time.
Meh. It's not my fault it took up until 2006 to get the game. It was really hard when they don't make stuff for N64 anymore. It sucks.
Ganondorf: Yeah, even I agree there. But while you rant about that, I'll open the chapter. So here it is readers!
Ganondorf snored louder then an elephant, as Moe soon found out. He had allowed Ganondorf to crash at his house for the night, but even though they were on different floors, Moe could hear it. Ganondorf was on the couch, and Moe was in a bed. Moe had put on some earmuffs, but no help came.
The next morning, Ganondorf woke up. "Hey Moe, it's morning!" Ganondorf yelled upstairs. Moe, who was nearly asleep, was fully woken up again.
"For a king of evil, he sure is damn annoying," Moe muttered before getting up and walking downstairs.
Ganondorf was eating a sandwich when Moe arrived. "Don't you have stuff to do?" Moe asked hopefully. "Stuff really far away that you won't be back for a long time?"
Ganondorf thought for a minute. "Actually, I do," he said. "And you can come with me!"
"Sir, I'm not really too interested if you don't m-" He stopped seeing the look on Ganondorf's face that told him he was coming if he liked it or not.
After a meal and some supply packing, where Ganondorf grabbed a bag of marshmallows as well, hoping for a campfire. They set out from the ruined market, where Ganondorf saw the Hair Gel Emporium now. All there was left was a base board around the perimeter.
Ganondorf jumped across the gap where the bridge used to be (he really hated when the bridge closed at night, so he blew it up), yet Moe had a harder time, and landed in the water. "I'm drowning! I'm drowning!" Moe screamed.
"It's only up to your stomach," Ganondorf said calmly.
"I'M AN EIGHTH YOUR HEI…bulb, bulb, bulb, bulb…"
Ganondorf just chuckled, ignoring the fact that no bubbles were coming up. That night he was camping out with a campfire and marshmallows. He was singing some songs, which drew some Wolfos that planned to ambush him while he slept. Around midnight, Moe slumped down beside him.
"Do you have any idea how long it took me to get out of there?" Moe asked angrily.
"Well the sun was showing that it was two o'clock, so ten hours," Ganondorf said.
"And in ten hours, you set up camp eight feet from castle town?" Moe said loudly. The Wolfos got bored and all lunged at Moe. It was two dozen against a Gohma Larva, and the two dozen were winning. Ganondorf had fallen asleep in those six seconds, not really paying attention to the mauled happening.
After Moe had escaped, Ganondorf woke up a second later. In truth he had pretended because Moe was getting on his nerves. "So why did you set up camp here?" Moe repeated.
"It's my first time assembling a tent, and it took a while," Ganondorf muttered.
"Ten hours?"
"Well, I wanted to make a campfire so I could have this gourmet food!" Ganondorf said happily, holding up a bag of marshmallows.
"Gourmet."
"Can you name any other type?"
"Okay, well Mr. Fancy Food… Your gourmet food's on fire."
Ganondorf turned to his marshmallow on a metal pole, to find that the marshmallow was on fire and dripping into the flames. Ganondorf flung it out so fast that some flaming ooze landed in Moe's eye, causing him to run around in circles screaming. He jumped back in the moat, but this time Ganondorf helped him out… eventually.
-Next morning-
It took Ganondorf half the day trying to pack up the tent, but he eventually just picked it up and stuffed it in a heavy back before throwing it in the moat. They continued west for about an hour before Moe spoke.
"So, I've never thought about this until now," he muttered. "But now I'm curious. Where the hell are we going?"
"We're going to see my surrogate mothers," Ganondorf said.
Moe stopped in his tracks. "So we're going on a really long and possibly deadly mission to meet your mothers?" he finished angrily.
"SURROGATE mothers," Ganondorf corrected. "They aren't my real mothers, I just think of them like they are. And they said they have a dispute they need my help settling."
Moe sighed and followed farther. It took a few days of endless walking, but they were finally in Gerudo Valley. Both were panting and sweating from exhaustion of walking for four days, and both collapsed on the ground, falling asleep nearly instantly. When they woke up two days later, Ganondorf went over to the bridge.
"Aw crap!" he said, seeing the broken bridge. "What could have been done this!"
Moe walked over. "I see a lot of Gerudo corpses over on the rock part down there," he said.
"I'm still alive!" a Gerudo yelled from down there.
Ganondorf took a few steps back. "We can jump this," he said boldly.
Moe looked at him as though he was a madman, which he actually was. "Are you insane?" he asked loudly. "My mother may have been able to, but I can't even come close to leaping that!"
Ganondorf picked him up and put him under his armpit. "Fine, I'll carry you, you're light enough," Ganondorf said.
Moe closed his eye, hoping it would be painless as Ganondorf charged and jumped.
-That night-
Both were drenched and camping by Lake Hylia. Ganondorf hadn't even made it halfway, and had fallen into the river, being washed to Lake Hylia. All their supplies had either been lost or broken. Despite this, Ganondorf was trying to light every one of the ten thousand matches he brought one at a time.
"Why won't you accept that they're out?" Moe asked.
"Because it cost me twenty rupees per match!" Ganondorf said stubbornly.
Kaepora Gaebora, or Kae Gae as I call him, landed on a tree. "I see evil has taken a break to attempt to light drenched matches," Kae Gae said. Kae Gae took out a check list and checked it off by dipping a talon in ink. Above it was "Dream about kangaroos eating snails" (checked) and below it was "Find a six leaf clover" (unchecked). "Nearly seen everything," he muttered.
Ganondorf and Moe looked at each other.
-Later that night-
Ganondorf and Moe were eating freshly killed owl. "This tastes so delicious!" Moe said.
"But it's raw!" Ganondorf complained.
Kae Gae watched from the tree he was trying to sleep at. "Must you eat that in front of me?" he muttered.
Ganondorf looked at him and took a reeeeaaaal slow bite, but the second he bit it he threw up all over Moe.
"AH THE STOMACH ACID! IT BURNS!" Moe yelled before running into Lake Hylia and coming out a few minutes later.
Kae Gae snickered at this, and as Ganondorf prepared for another bite, a bottle of ink came crashing at his face.
-The next morning-
Ganondorf pulled his head up, finally finishing washing the ink out. It had taken so long because after he got hit, the three of them played cards for a long time, then Ganondorf decided to wash the ink out.
"There goes the remaining hair gel," Ganondorf said. "I severely regret blowing up that emporium (yes, this will be talked about for a long time)."
"So where are you going anyway?" Kae Gae asked.
"Why are you so interested, aren't you against me?" Ganondorf asked.
"Well actually, I'm taking my vacation and can do whatever the hell I want," Kae Gae said before putting some sunglasses from no where on.
"In that case, we're going to the Haunted Wasteland to visit my surrogate mothers but fell off a bridge," Ganondorf said.
"You left out the part of you grabbing me and attempting to jump a twenty foot gap with your eyes closed," Moe added angrily.
"The sun was in my eyes!"
"Well I was just in the wasteland, in the colossus to be more exact," Kae Gae said.
"Cool, could you help us?" Ganondorf asked.
"No," Kae Gae replied. "I'm specifically not supposed to get involved with any misadventures in Hyrule. However, that is only because I like to follow the people around and laugh at them."
Ganondorf was about ready to do that SSBM move where he punches with black energy around it when Moe slipped and fell in Lake Hylia again. "Help me!" Moe yelled.
Ganondorf rolled his eyes and drained nearly all the water in Lake Hylia, turning it into a blob monster before throwing it in the Water Temple, hoping for an amusing reaction. "Happy now?" Ganondorf asked sarcastically as Moe walked out.
TIME PASSED: 2 ¼ months
And this chapter is done, seeing as I can't think of any more misfortunes for the little Gohma Larva. However, Moe will be having some better luck in the future.
Moe: Yay!
Cir: Right then. I probably won't update three times a day like I did today, but I just happened to have a burst of ideas. Leave a review on your way out.