Chapter Twenty-four: Bad for Good

It took him all night to straighten out the mess that had claimed hold of his office. At least someone had taken the time to lock the door while he was gone. He figured that he had Jack or one of the other agents to thank for it. What would one of his clients had then seen his small office in such disarray? He always told himself that a neat and orderly office proved that he was good at his job. Though sometimes he would leave a small bit of clutter here and there to give the impression that he was working on something important. After being in the FBI building he felt a tad envious. His dwellings were nothing like theirs. They had some of the greatest resources to help people and everything they needed was right there are their fingerprints. They didn't have to dig so hard to learn what they needed about someone. Sometimes he would have trouble finding dirt on specific people which would result in a few days of leg work, asking questions that most people did their best to avoid answering. What he wouldn't give to be able to have every little thing he needed when he needed it.

But he wasn't Martin or an agent for the Federal Government.

Up until now it never really bothered him that the man he loved worked for such a place. Now he'd seen their resources, the amount of work they managed to get done in such a short amount of time. Of course, their work was way more important than his. While he spent his days trying to collect child support and settling divorces they spent their time trying to track down missing people before lives were lost. They were making a difference in the world…

He sighed, setting the stack of files on his desk, sinking into the chair. For the longest time he wanted to be a lawyer, to help the people who couldn't afford to pay the bills of high priced lawyers. He wanted to help the little man, people like himself. And that's exactly what he'd been doing with his life. Then he met Martin and finally got a taste of what it was like to be happy. He still enjoyed his job. Maybe he always would. But he couldn't help wondering if maybe he needed change.

And the change he was thinking of would be a dramatic one.

Someone knocked on the closed office door, drawing him from the depths of his thoughts. He didn't have a chance to put the files away before the door swung open. He tried to brace himself for whichever client had come to see, tried to slip into that professional mode that he had perfected over the years. But it was all for nothing because when the door open he watched as Martin slipped inside, closing it behind him. His arm was still in a sling, his bad shoulder getting a rest after the trauma.

"Martin," he said in surprise, unable to hide the emotions that were coursing through him.

The younger Fitzgerald settled into one of the other chairs, wincing in pain only once and it happened so quickly that Danny nearly missed it. "Where have you been?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, licking his suddenly dried lips. What he wouldn't give to have something cool and refreshing to drink at that exact moment. Something to wet his whistle, give him a moment longer to think and clear his head. "I've been hear cleaning up the mess that was left."

"Why didn't you visit me in the hospital but that one time?"

So the conversation he'd been kind of dreading was going to happen here and now. "I…couldn't."

"Why?" Martin pressed, a bit of his father's tenacity slipping out.

Danny got up and walked around his desk, settling into the chair beside Martin. This close he could smell the aftershave that his lover used, the laundry soap on his clothing. It brought back memories of them in happier times, memories of them touching and kissing, rolling around between the sheets. It made his heart ache in a way he never though t it would. "Martin…I…"

"Do you have problems with hospitals? I know that a lot of people are uncomfortable and that's understandable…"

"No," Danny said to cut him off. "I'm not bothered by hospitals, Martin. I actually wish that I was because than this would be an easier conversation to have and I wouldn't have to sit here trying to figure out what to say that won't upset you."

Martin frowned; worry clouding his beautiful blue eyes. "What's going on?"

Swallowing nervously Danny looked down at his hands, not a Martin. How could he do this after everything that had happened? Would Martin think that he was blaming him for the kidnapping and the memories that would haunt him in his sleep? If he ever managed to fall asleep again. "I…" he sighed, knowing that eventually the truth would have to come out. "I'm not allowed to see you anymore."

Saying the words, actually getting them out, hurt him more than he realized they would. It was like having someone tear out his heart and soul. He really did love Martin and wanted to stay with him forever. Before the events leading up to this moment he'd been thinking about broaching the subject of living together, of actually taking the next step in their relationship. Now he found himself with a slowly breaking heart and a head full of jumbled thoughts. Though he didn't want to he looked up, gazing at Martin. The agent was staring at him with those blue eyes that he loved getting lost within; only this time they sparkled with what looked like unshed tears. How could he be doing this? At that moment he wanted to take back all the unkind words, take them back and erase this moment forever. But it was too late…

"You can't…" Martin couldn't even get the rest of the words out.

Danny knew that he was going to have to explain before things got out of hand. Finding some inner strength he didn't realize he had he began to tell Martin everything. The way that his father had come to visit that night, what he'd said about their relationship. Even the way that he denied them, telling Danny to get lost if he really loved his son. Then he went on to express his own feelings about the issue, about their relationship. Despite the fact that he loved Martin with every fiber of his being he felt that they had no feature together, that their differences would eventually tear them apart in the long run. He came from a family with addictions and records while Martin had money and privilege. He tried to point out that their lives weren't part of some LifeTime movie, that this was the real world and it wouldn't work. They wouldn't work.

So it had to end.

As he spoke he looked at everything in the small office but the man he loved, the man whose heart he was breaking. When all was finally said and done he glimpsed at his lover. Martin's beautiful blue eyes looked back at him, a slight twinkle to them.

"Gee, don't look so happy that I'm pouring out my heart and-"

"Shut up," Martin said his voice firm. "I don't want to hear another word about how you aren't good for me, Danny. I never gave a flying fuck what my father thought of my life. If he can't handle the fact that I love you and only you, then that's his problem. From the very first day that we met I knew something special would happen between us." Martin climbed out of the chair, falling to his knees in front of Danny, reaching out and placing his good hand on Danny's cheek. "I have never felt for anyone the way that I feel for you. And I can't just stop these…emotions coursing through my body because one person thinks that what we have is wrong. My father can express his displeasure for our relationship all he wants, that doesn't mean that I feel the way he does. I will never stop loving you, Danny."

"You have to see the differences, Martin. I mean…look at my brother…"

Martin smiled. "He helped a complete stranger, a Federal agent, break the law so that he could get you back."

"But…my problems…my past…" Danny knew that he was fishing, that he was running out of valid reasons for the two of them to split.

"Your past is what made you the man you are today, the man that I love so dearly. And that little slip up with the alcohol? Have you already forgotten my addiction to painkillers? Just because I come from money doesn't mean I can't be just as damaged as the next guy," Martin pointed out. "We all have weaknesses. And right now mine is you."

Danny moved the chair back, falling to the carpet on his knees, putting him eye level with the man he loved. He placed a hand on each side of Martin's face, leaning in for a kiss, pressing their lips together. It may not have been some award winning movie kiss but it was all that Danny needed because it reminded him how much he loved Martin, how complete the other man made him feel. As they slowly broke apart he began to think that they just might be able to make it, that they would be okay in the end.