Lee's Kill

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

A/N: Woo!! Lee's kill!! Wait, Lee killed a guy?! No, it's just Sasuke. Lol!

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Lee walked down the streets of Konoha feeling rather youthful that day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Emo Loser's little Emo rain cloud rained on Emo Loser's emo head as he walked up the path, mumbling to himself about sharper emo razors.

"Hello, Sasuke!" Lee yelled over to Git in a friendly tone. "Is it not a wonderful, youthful day to be alive and happy?!"

Ass glared emo daggers at Lee. "Shut up, Lee. For you see, I am too whiny and angsty to appreciate how good I have it here."

Lee looked at Angsty like he just killed Santa Claus right in front of him. "What kind of attitude is that?!" he cried. "You seem to have next to no youth in you at all!"

"That's right, Lee," the Unyouthful Emo replied. "I am old and bitter, just like a cranky seventy-year-old. Now get off my lawn before I call the ANBU."

Lee was taken aback. Not at all youthful? How could this be? "This is terrible!"

"Youth isn't important when it comes to killing off your brother," Angst Monkey said. "Now scram."

"What do you mean, 'Youth isn't important'?!" Lee screamed. "Of course it's important!"

"Whatever," Whiny McWhinerson sighed as he walked away, the little emo rain cloud following him.

Lee still had that look of Santa-Just-Got-Killed-In-Front-Of-Me Horror upon his face. He snapped out of it and slammed his fist in his hand. "I know! I will help Sasuke become youthful!"

He then ran home as fast as he could and started digging through his drawers and cabinets until he found a tape recorder and a blank cassette. He held them high over his head.

"I shall use the power of subliminal messages!" Lee announced loudly enough so that the left side of Otogakure could hear him.

"Kabuto, what was that?" Orochimaru asked from the Village Hidden in the Sound.

"It sounds like someone is about to use subliminal messages, my Lord," Kabuto answered.

"How come we've never used subliminal messages before?!"

"I don't know, sir."

Meanwhile, back in Konohagakure, Lee had just set up his tape recorder in his kitchen. He cleared his throat, and pressed the record button.

"Youth," he said clearly. "Youth. Youth. Youth. . ."

This pattern went on for hours. When both sides of the tape were both used up, he stopped recording and walked over to The Unyouthful Angsty Emo's house.

Since it was the middle of the night, the Raven-Haired Jerk was asleep from drinking away his problems.

"Perfect," Lee said. He walked over to Ass' bed, taking notice of the black walls, the chains hanging on them and the spikes sticking out of them, and the Black Sabbath and Evanescence posters, and then placed the tape recorder beside Git's head and pressed play.

"Youth. Youth. Youth. . ."

Lee walked away as he smiled to himself. The next morning, Angsty Pants would be all happy and youthful, instead of being emo and pathetic.

XXX

"Hello, Sasuke!" Lee walked into Emo's room the next morning. "Are you feeling - AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What the hell was that?!" Orochimaru asked in Otogakure.

"It sounds like the sound of someone's seemingly good idea gone terribly wrong," Kabuto answered, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Back in Konohagakure, Lee was shaking Jack Ass's corpse violently, hoping that he was still alive. His attempts were in blissful vain, because Git was undoubtedly deceased.

Yes, good friends. Our not-so-good friend, Dead Loser has been youthed to death.

"Oh, no! I didn't mean to kill him!" Lee cried, letting Dead Emo drop to the floor. "I just wanted to make him youthful! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!"

A bunch of people who were reading this all nodded their heads and passed statements of agreement. Apparently, it was too much to ask.

"Well, I might as well give him a proper funeral," Lee said sadly. He wrapped Whiny up in his blanket, dumped out the nearest trash can, which was mostly filled with razor wrappers, bloodied up razors and empty sake bottles, and put Jerk Ass inside, crying uncontrollably the whole time.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to bid our fond farewells to Uchiha Sasuke. Some would call him a Pompous Ass, a Cocky Git, an Angst Monkey, but I call him Sasuke, even though I probably have as much reason or more to call him insulting, but fitting names, but if I did, Sakura would never like me. I'm not sure if I can say, 'Rest in Heaven.' because I do no think really think that you are going there, but I highly doubt that it would be appropriate for me to say, "Have fun in Hell." so I think I will just stay quiet on that . . ."

Lee's speech went on for a while longer like this, the poor thing crying all the way through. When he was finished, he put the lid back on the trash can and cried all the way to the bridge over the stream.

"Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust," he said solemnly. He threw the trash can containing The Dead Pompous Ass into the stream and watched it float away.

"If anyone asks, Neji did it."

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A/N: (pats Lee on the head) Don't feel bad, you did the right thing. (To everybody else) And that's Lee's kill! Even though it was more of an accident. Youth rules! Please review!