A/N: Hello, my wonderful readers! Yes, you, sitting there, reading this author's note. You are a wonderful person. Just wanted to make sure you knew that. Did you? Good.

Oh, and kudos to everyone who caught the Gilmore Girls reference. I love that show, and even though the context is different, I decided to throw it in there with the rest of the grand romantic gestures. So…yeah.

This chapter crazy long. This one's for you guys! ;)

This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful, loyal beta who wishes to remain unnamed…!

"When the cat's away, the mice will play. Have fun, little rodents!"

1x09: Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Chuck Bass reclined lazily on the couch in his hotel suite, music blaring. He was flipping through his contact list as per his usual Thanksgiving routine—Thanksgiving wasn't exactly encouraged in the Bass household, and his father was rarely around during that time—as his eyes landed on Blair's name.

He contemplated calling her, but realized immediately that it would be a mistake. She would probably be in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner, and he knew that she was fiercely excited to see her dad—it was her Thanksgiving tradition, after all, to cook with him.

Nevertheless, his thumb hovered briefly over the "Call" button. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and exited out of the contact list, trying his best to ignore the damn butterflies in his stomach that started fluttering every time he thought about her.

He had, as per Blair's instructions, tried to murder them. He slept with other women (well, woman…). He'd purposefully been an ass so that she'd be a bitch.

Yet the butterflies kept coming back.

And so Chuck became resigned, even used, to their presence. Secretly, he even liked the feeling.

And knowing that Blair would have laughed at that fact made it come up even more often.

Chuck lay back, head resting on a silk pillow. He closed his eyes, almost drifting to sleep, as some indie underground band called the Filthy Youth (he supposed Nate had put it on his iPod as some sort of prank, but Chuck had come to respect the band) echoed through the hotel suite.

As he was about to drift into sleep, his phone started playing the song "American Woman." His eyes popped open as Lenny Kravitz's voice filtered through the Filthy Youth, and he answered the phone without looking at the caller I.D.

"S, are you drunk dialing again?" He asked, shifting lazily into a sitting position. In their freshmen year, the Fab Four had programmed their ringtones, and kept them the same ever since. Serena had found his choice of song for her hilarious, but couldn't argue with the sentiment.

"Chuck, you would normally be the last person I would call in a situation like this." Serena's normally happy voice held a tinge of panic in it. "But, considering…" her voice trailed off, but then she returned to full volume. "Nate is with his family, and I didn't want to bother them, because of all the drama, but I need your help…with Blair."

Chuck sat up straighter, eyes widening. "Where are you?"

"Almost to the Palace." Said Serena. "Chuck, what?"

"Meet me downstairs in three minutes." Chuck didn't wait for a reply, instead ending the call and pulling on his trademark scarf before leaving the room quickly.

Serena was waiting in a taxi in front of the hotel. She cast Chuck a dubious glance but shrugged, deciding that beggars could not be choosers.

"What's wrong with Blair?" asked Chuck, bluntly.

Serena laid her head against the cool window, blonde hair sticking to the icy glass. "Chuck, do you remember when Blair had to go to the hospital almost two years ago?" She asked delicately, eyes staring out at the New York streets.

"Yes." Said Chuck, confused. "But Eleanor said it was just…" His eyes widened in realization as several things clicked. His eyes narrowed in anger. "That bitch."

Serena nodded, a sad look passing over her pretty face. "Eleanor called Harold, told him Blair hated him for leaving them, and that he shouldn't come to Thanksgiving." She sighed. "Blair…snapped."

"I am going to fucking kill Eleanor Waldorf." Ground out Chuck angrily through clenched teeth, as years of clues came together in his mind—Blair not drinking because alcohol had too many calories, Eleanor's many comments about Blair not fitting into her fashions, trips to the bathroom during meals—and he wanted to kill himself for not noticing sooner. Even Serena had known and Serena wasn't the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.

Said girl placed a hand on Chuck's arm gently. "Chuck, no. First we need to get Blair out of there, and get her some food."

"Why do you need me?" asked Chuck.

"I don't." said Serena. "But I think Blair does. Plus, it might be a bonus to have someone to go get her while I distract Eleanor and Co."

Chuck wondered at her choice of words but didn't press the issue. The two lapsed into silence until they arrived at the Blair Waldorf residence.

The first thing Chuck noticed upon entering the Waldorf penthouse was Blair's absence from the table. The second thing he noticed was the look of exasperation on Eleanor's face when she saw them. Serena, following Chuck's gaze, shook her head at Chuck and pushed him towards the stairs as she smiled politely at the guests.

The got out of view of the guests and Serena's smile dropped as her hand clamped vice-like on to Chuck's arm. Her reaction made Chuck realize just how good an actor his blonde friend was—the polite smile was hiding a girl who was obviously very angry on her friend's behalf.

"You should be an actress." He told her, slightly amused despite the situation.

"So I've been told." Serena replied. She pushed him up the stairs.

They came face to face with Blair Waldorf sitting on the floor in the bathroom. The sink was running and Blair gazed blankly ahead.

"Oh, Blair, sweetie, you've got to get up." Insisted Serena worriedly, running to her friend and helping the brunette up. Blair moaned weakly, and Serena shot a panicked look at Chuck. "Close the door and watch the stairs. If anyone—" She cast a meaningful glance at Blair. "—anyone—" she repeated "—tries to come up here, stop them."

Chuck complied, closing the door. He stood outside, listening as Serena started the shower. Blair's scream of shock made him smile instinctively. Serena opened the door slightly. "Chuck, can you get some of Blair's clothes? Comfortable ones."

Chuck nodded consent, sauntering towards Blair's room. He opened the second drawer, and pulled out a pair of jeans that he knew were Blair's favorite and a soft red shirt. He also got some of the necessary garments from her top drawer.

He knocked on the bathroom door, and it was opened by Blair Waldorf herself, clad in a towel with a toothbrush in her mouth. She was looking at Serena who was smiling, and didn't see Chuck. When she finally registered his presence, she shrieked, grabbing her clothes from him.

"Out! Out!" She shrieked, somewhat hysterically.

"Relax, Waldorf. It's nothing I haven't…" He trailed off when he realized that Serena was watching them both open-mouthed. "…seen in other examples of the fairer sex. Not you of course." He finished hurriedly and somewhat lamely. Blair stifled a snort of laughter.

Blair shut the door, though he could hear her laughter through the door and a rapid, indistinct conversation between her and Serena. About five minutes later, they opened the door. Blair's eyes swept up and down Chuck disdainfully. "I suppose he'll have to come too." She murmured to Serena.

"I guess." Her best friend replied.

"Come…where?" Asked Chuck suspiciously.

"I'm going to get an STD." Announced Chuck, eying the apartment building distastefully.

"I'm surprised you haven't already." Shot back Blair.

"Guys, surprisingly, not everyone in Brooklyn has AIDS." Serena reprimanded them.

"Oh really?" said Chuck. "Ever seen RENT?"

Blair looked at him in astonishment. "I'm surprised that you have."

They entered the Humphrey apartment, sensing tension in the air as they were met with the sight of three adults glaring at each other. They tiptoed quietly past to the relative safety of Dan's room, where Eric, Jenny, and Dan sat. Dan's face when he saw Serena. "Serena!" He noticed the two people following. "And Blair. And…Chuck?"

Jenny's head shot up. "Blair!"

"Yeah, I'm here." Said Blair, nonchalantly.

"Explanations will follow." Promised Serena. "But first…what's going on with our parents?"

Jenny snorted. "Our dad…dated your mom."

Chuck laughed. "Wait…Serena and Dan…are you two…?"

"No!" shouted Serena and Dan at the same time.

Dan took a deep breath. "We are not related."

"Ignore my roots." Said Eric, earning weird looks from the three people who were not previously part of the conversation.

"You know what's really weird?" said Blair conversationally. "There's a garage door in the middle of your room." She spotted a doll. "Oooh! Is that Cedric?" She went to pick up the doll, smirking.

"Well, this day just got a lot worse." Announced Dan as he looked at Blair admiring his Cabbage patch doll.

"Hold on…how serious were they? Your parents?" asked Chuck, directing the question towards Eric.

Dan answered. "I think it's safe to say they had sex."

"Oh. Oh no." Serena shook her head violently. "No, I'm gonna faint." Dan looked a his girlfriend with concern.

"To repeat." Spoke up Jenny. "We aren't related."

"She was a groupie," Dan elaborated, "and he was…almost famous."

Blair smiled serenely. "Suddenly my family seems so sane."

"We have to get out of here." Decided Serena.

"Well, that's what fire escapes are for." Dan hinted.

The whole group trooped down the fire escape, and walked until they got to a diner a couple of blocks away. They took an empty table, ordering fries and burgers. The Rufus/Lily/Allison conversation continued.

"Mom is such a hypocrite!" announced Serena. "And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior."

Eric smirked. "And here, she's just mad at you for being her."

Dan snorted eloquently. "And all the time my dad had been giving me advice based on a girl he dated...a girl 'a lot like Serena'." He airquoted.

"Her mom." Jenny laughed.

Blair grabbed a fry off the tray that had just been brought to the table. "If you think about it, it makes total sense that you're mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth…" She trailed off.

"…could ever marry all your step-dads." Finished Chuck, finding the whole situation amusing.

"Blair, Chuck…" said Serena sweetly. "Can we not talk about my mother's sexual appetite?"

"Or who satisfied her?" plead Dan.

"That's just…" Chuck trailed off, smirking.

"Gross." Said Jenny and Eric together.

Chuck watched as Blair picked at her food. Leaning over, he whispered in her ear. "Eat it."

She rolled her eyes but complied, taking a bite.

Chuck spotted Lily Van der Woodsen crossing the street towards the diner, and nudged Blair, pointing outside. Blair saw Lily, eyes widening, and Chuck stood up.

"I think I'm going to go." He said.

"I'll come with you!" said Blair hurriedly, jumping up. He watched as she whispered in Serena's ear, and Serena nodded. Blair then turned to Chuck. "Let's go."

Lily nodded acknowledgment to them, and they both smiled tightly back. They wandered down the street, not really going anywhere, until Blair cleared her throat.

"Chuck…what you saw today…" She began, unsure.

"Oh, you mean the aftereffects of you forcing to throw up because you think you're fat?" Chuck always cut through bullshit.

"Yeah…I'd appreciate you not telling people…" She trailed off.

"Blair, why the fuck would you do that? Why?" he shouted, angry at himself and Serena and Nate and Blair herself.

"Are you done?" she asked, regarding him coolly, despite his outburst. "First of all, I am under so much pressure that I feel like I might get lost. I am on so many different meds that I could supply an entire small country with a year's worth of Lexapro. So I'm sorry if I had to find my own way of coping, but no one cared enough to see if I was alright."

She turned away, fighting tears and shutting her eyes tightly, breathing in and out slowly. He was quiet, and she felt a pressure on her shoulder and soft lips against hers. Her eyes popped open in surprise, and she saw a pair of brown eyes staring back. He broke the kiss, leaning his forehead on hers.

"I cared." He whispered hoarsely. "I always cared, Blair."

She smiled sadly, returning the kiss gently. "Even before the butterflies?"

"Even before the butterflies." He said, putting his arm around her and they continued to walk down the street, bodies soon swallowed up by the fog and steam of New York City.

Whoa. Twice as long. Go me!

Soundtrack: Say Goodnight and Go—Imogen Heap; I Kissed A Girl—Katy Perry; American Woman—Lenny Kravitz; Comatose—Skillet; Headlock—Imogen Heap; Bitch of Living—Spring Awakening.

Oh, yeah, and I had a private joke hidden in here...to do with the music that Chuck is listening to...