Chapter XIX
Wounds

When I began to regain consciousness, I was able to hear things around me, before actually seeing anything. I heard the soft crunches of footfalls around me, and a strange keening sound. I could hear things were being laid carefully onto the ground nearby.

Then I heard the sound I'd hoped for, Edward's voice, "How can I? It isn't my choice." His voice was beautiful, perfect.

Then I heard Carlisle's voice, a slow murmur, "Edward, her spine has snapped in several places. Your choices are to love Bella as a human, but crippled, or whole as a vampire. Bella has repeatedly made her choice known, and I think she's proven she belongs to this family again and again during recent events. I'm sorry that there isn't more I can offer you Edward, I have other patients to attend to here, this is something you'll have to work out alone son. Regardless of what you decide, I'll understand."

I heard Carlisle pass by and move to my other side. I heard a low whimper, then Carlisle's voice. "I will do everything I can for them Seth, but right now you need to rest...and heal."

I opened my eyes and saw Edward's back, his shoulders sagging. I knew I would need to appeal to Edward to convince him that my choice remained the same. I wasn't ready to face that yet though, so I turned my head away from Edward's direction and saw three furry shapes, the nearest was a small grey wolf, Leah. She had several wounds that were open, but not bleeding, as though sealed. There was also a spot high on her shoulder where a large portion of flesh had been torn away, revealing bone in the center of a gaping wound. I noticed it looked as though a curved line had been embossed across the wound.

As I looked, a head lifted from the sand colored mass beside Leah. Large, scared and very young looking eyes looked back at me, then raised to look above me, a whimper escaped Seth's wolfish jaws. Edward's voice spoke from behind me. "He's afraid Leah will die." Seth whimpered again. "She was attacked by several of the Volturi guard." Edward sighed deeply, "I don't know Seth, it doesn't look great, but Carlisle is the one who knows what he's doing." My heart clenched at the look in Seth's eyes.

I saw Carlisle just then, he was crouched over the wolf on the other side of Seth. Carlisle's brow was deeply furrowed as he glanced at Seth, and then back to the furry shape before him. I realized the fur before Carlisle was long, and reddish-brown.

I screamed then, and tried frantically to pull myself up. "NO! Jacob, Jake...Oh God, Jacob NO!" I screamed.

Edward was talking to me, but I couldn't hear anything beyond my own sobbing and screaming. He held me against the ground. "You can't move Bella." He took my face between both of his cold hands, forcing me to look into his anguished eyes. "You can't help Jake. He's already too far gone, my love. I'm sorry." As Edward leaned over to kiss my forehead, I pulled him down over me into as tight a hug as I could manage without hurting myself. I felt his arms cradle me into as cautious an embrace as he dared. I lost myself in tears begging him to be wrong.

I went on, until my voice was hoarse, and my tears were spent. I was unaware of anything around me other than Edward's arms and my devastated heart for a very long time.

I don't know how much time passed, but I didn't break out of it until I heard a questioning bark, and then Carlisle's voice again, "I'm very sorry, her injuries were beyond my ability to heal them. I am truly grieved Seth."

His words were followed by that strange keening, and I realized it was Seth crying. I released my grip on Edward and looked over. What I saw was heartbreaking. Seth's head and one paw were thrown across Leah's blanketed body. Now returned to her human form, her injuries were truly grisly. It was what I imagined Jasper's body would have looked like when his wounds had been fresh; interlaced bite marks all across her shoulders, arms and neck. One section on her shoulder had been entirely ripped off. Her body was still except for the way Seth's sobs shook it.

His eyes opened just then, and he looked at me, just for a moment. I had to look away from the pain in his eyes.

I turned my head and looked the other direction, my family was there; Esme, Alice, Jasper and now Carlisle, stood in a half circle around Emmett. Emmett was kneeling on the ground, sitting on his feet, both hands curled into fists on his thighs and staring off into the distance expectantly, as if waiting for something. Edward took my hand in both of his, and I looked at him, asking the question with my eyes. Edward closed his eyes and exhaled slowly as he nodded, Rosalie had been destroyed.

I looked back at my family's faces as fresh tears began to fall from my eyes. Esme looked broken hearted, sorrow strong on her face as she looked at Emmett. Alice's face was contorted. I realized she was crying. Jasper's pain was incredible, his expression of horror accented by his slumped and sagging posture. He must be feeling Emmett's pain in addition to his own. I thought it must be excruciating. I looked up again at Edward, he looked at me and mouthed, "I can't hear Emmett anymore."

"Edward?" I said as quietly as I could, so as not to disturb the grieving all around us. He looked indulgently down at me, and put a hand on my face, his eyes searching it.

"I want you to lay me next to Jacob so I can say goodbye," a tear, sole and alone, fell from my eye, as I continued. "Then I want you to change me."

The indulgence in his features vanished, replaced by sudden defiance, "NO!"

"Edward, either you can do it, or someone else can, but I will be changed today." I snapped at him.

"No Bella, I won't allow that. Wait until things settle down, wait until we know for sure what's happened and what it all means." He begged.

"I have waited Edward, powerless as you fought James, Victoria and the newborns. As you attempted to destroy yourself, Jasper's and my abduction, illness and now this!" I pointed one arm at Seth, Leah and Jacob and the other at my family whose faces were now all pointing in our direction, except for Emmett's who was still staring and waiting, presumably for Rosalie, who would never return.

"I have waited, and I can't stand it any more Edward. I will not live this way, like Billy Black." I winced as I thought of the prone body nearby, and what it would mean to Billy, "always having to wait behind as others face the danger. I've done it long enough. There's no more questions, no more arguments."

"You promised me; wedding, my...compromise, and then we'd change you." His face was tortured.

"Edward, I CAN'T WALK DOWN THE AISE! I can't sleep with you! I'M PARALYZED!" I yelled in fury. Edward shuddered at my bluntness.

"Bella --" Edward began to argue, but was cut off.

"Just do it already Edward. There's never enough time to do everything you can to make someone you love happy, so take advantage of every moment as it comes. Quit stalling for your own stupid, selfish reasons and change my little sister already, dammit!" I turned to find Emmett glaring at Edward, who's jaw had dropped.

Emmett stood then and ran off into the trees, leaving the family staring after him.

After a moment, Edward curled his arms under me, exchanged a brief glance with Carlisle, then nodded. He lifted me and cautiously cradling me, carried me over to Jacob's body. Jake was still breathing, but it was labored. As Edward laid me down, I put my hand on Jake's shoulder, his wolf muzzle was facing me, as his eyes opened slowly. He whimpered, his eyes shifted sideways for a moment to look at Edward and then back to me.

Edward spoke, "He wants me to speak for him." Jacob growled low, but threateningly and Edward chuckled, "Okay, he doesn't want me to speak for him, but he has to let me speak for him because he doesn't have much time, and he can't phase." Edward sat on the other side of me from Jake. "He says he's sorry he won't make it to the wedding. He realized you were right, and was planning to go, really."

I began to cry again, "It's okay Jake, I told you I understood anyway." My voice broke as I tried to speak. "Oh Jake, Why'd you have to let this happen to you?" A deep sob tore out of my chest. "You're my best friend." Jake's paw moved over my arm, he whimpered a little.

"He says he told you, he's always that. No matter what happens he's always your best friend and he'll always love you too. If he can he will watch over you." Jake's breathing was becoming more ragged

Edward suddenly gasped, and I heard howling from all around us in the forest. Seven wolves appeared out of the surrounding trees. Sam stepped forward last, he alone in his human form. I looked back at Edward, whose eyes were wide with shock. "Edward?" I questioned.

Sam spoke, "Jacob has called an exception to the treaty. The Cullen's have permission to change Bella, rather than leave her injured as she is. Carlisle, Jacob wants to rescind the treaty in the next three months. He believes your presence in Forks has endangered the reservation and the city too much for things to continue as they have been. We'll have to ask that your family remove itself. No one blames you or your family. Still we have to protect ourselves." Carlisle nodded, as Sam looked up at the wolves, "Jacob ordered this as the Alpha."

I turned and looked back at Jacob, and found he'd returned to his human form. Like Leah, he was covered in crescent shaped bite marks, his face was the only part of his upper body unmarred by the marks. Jacob had slipped away as I'd listened to Sam. I sobbed out, "Goodbye Jacob. I love you." and I let my head drop, and allowed my tears to take control.

Twilight would never be the easiest time for me as a vampire, because it would mark again, each day, the moment my sun slipped away.