Chapter XXI
Clearing the Minefield

The house was a mess, a labyrinth of cardboard boxes. Esme had finally snapped. We'd all been wondering how long she would last. We'd had a bet running on it (from which Alice, as usual, was excluded), how long it would take for her to order that all the boxes be removed from the living room. Carlisle gave her only three days. He'd won the bet.

As a result, we were now clearing out the garage. It was the one place in the house that Esme didn't frequently visit, so naturally, it wasn't cleaned up. However, Esme had decided that the garage was where we'd store all the boxes. It would fit easily if we cleaned it up.

It was amazing to see all the props we'd bought over the years in Forks. We had three containers marked "charity", which were already brimming over, and a fourth only just beginning, to name just a few. And we weren't even half way into the garage.

"Edward?" Bella called, "why do you have a bicycle?" We all turned to look at where Bella was standing. She had found Alice's mountain bike.

"It's mine," Alice said. "But it can go."

"Why?" Bella frowned.

"Because bikes are slow." Again, Bella frowned. I couldn't stop looking at her. She was beautiful even when she was making faces. And yet, she did not look all that different to me than… before.

I turned around again, hoping that no one noticed my rapid mood swing. Jasper did, of course, but didn't even blink.

Ever since that fateful day, the Cullen family life had become a minefield. We'd all be relatively happy, or at least, we'd act happy, but one word would be enough to tear down our carefully guarded defense. Sometimes the mines were clearly visible. 'Rosalie', for example, was a mine that laid bare on the surface. 'Jacob', 'Jane', and 'the pack' were more examples. They were easy to avoid. It's the buried mines that we'd trip over. 'Mirror', 'BMW', 'dog'. 'Before.'

I generally didn't allow myself to think of the battle. Or its ramifications. But occasionally, like now, it was inevitable. I'd see Bella, and at first, I'd feel peaceful, knowing that she was alright, that she'd got what she wanted. Then I'd notice her new found beauty, and I'd wonder how she was different than before, because I couldn't see it. Then I would start looking for distractions, because I'd found a buried mine, and if I wasn't careful, I'd step on it. If, like now, I found no distractions, my mind would wonder to that moment just after the battle, the moment where Carlisle told me that Bella's spine was broken. The mine had gone off.

I was frustrated to remember how slow my mind had worked that day. I remembered Carlisle's quiet voice, his exact words, but the moment right after was hazy. Of course, I knew that Bella was… paralyzed. I knew that, but somehow, I couldn't see what that meant. I thought, and I don't know why, that she'd be alright. She'd heal. And then we'd marry, we'd stick to our compromise, and eventually, when she was ready, she'd become one of us. At that moment, it felt like the only thing I could hold on to.

And then Bella yelled at me. "Edward, I CAN'T WALK DOWN THE AISLE! I can't sleep with you! I'M PARALYZED!"

I can't describe how I felt that moment. Broken? Lost? She couldn't be right, could she? I didn't want her to be right. She shouldn't be right. Not this time.

I tried to argue with her, reason with her, because at the time, I was sure she was wrong. And then Emmett cut me off. He spoke, for the first time since she (a buried mine, but distractions enough at the moment) was gone. His words cut across me like a samurai sword. It hurt to realize it, but Bella was right, and so was Emmett.

Emmett had run off then, and I tried one more time to hear his thoughts. I still couldn't, and it worried me.

Over the following weeks, his thoughts had slowly become louder again. They were hard to listen to. He was mourning, and he did nothing to push it to the back of his mind. In a way, I admired him for it. I knew what it was like to try to ignore what's troubling you, and I knew that was never the right solution to any kind of problem. At least Emmett wasn't in denial. He was dealing with it.

I briefly looked over to Emmett. I could hear his thoughts right now. Paperclips… tape… printing paper? Sure, OK. In the box. One. Two. Three. He was clearing the shelves nearest to the door. Far away from Rosalie's M3.

I hadn't thought Emmett would come and help us in the garage. He spent most of his time in the living room, preferably around Carlisle and Esme, and he'd stayed away from the garage. His determination to help anyway had surprised me.

Curiously, it was Alice who struggled most with 'Rosalie mines'. At this moment, she was standing with her back to Rosalie's car, searching through the mess on the floor...always send sun-rise out of me. We also ascend dazzling and tremendous as the sun, we found or own O my soul in the calm and cool of the day-break. She was reciting Walt Whitman in her head. She hated Walt Whitman.

Having to live on without Rosalie wasn't easy on any of us, of course. Granted, I may never have considered her my favourite sister, but she was my first sister, and I, too, loved her. She was as much part of this family as Carlisle or Alice or any one of us. Her… destruction created an emptiness in our family.

I'd never lost a family member before, well, I had lost my human family, but I had no memory of it. Yet, I knew that this emptiness, this hole, wouldn't go away. Maybe, hopefully, it would become easier to deal with, eventually, but it was doubtful it would ever go away.

Alice's thoughts calmed suddenly, the poetry unhinging and relaxation stealing over her. She shot a look at Jasper, and they exchanged an expression that would have been easy to divine, even if I hadn't been able to read their minds. I tuned them out quickly, as most of Jasper and Alice's silent exchanges were of a private nature.

I watched as Alice raised an eyebrow at Jasper for a moment, and he grinned in a very mischievous way, then leaned back down to pick up the next pile of items he was moving into the new "charity" box.

Jasper's peace had recently become a bit of a haven for me. He did truly miss Rosalie, at times he felt the ache was burning him, but he'd been so pleased by taking part in Bella's change that when things had been less than pleasant during the first week following the battle, I had often taken refuge in Jasper's thoughts.

Somehow in the space of only a couple of months, Jasper had moved forward with me, and with the family. He'd been there to protect Bella and had brought her through every tribulation life had sent her, he'd managed to save me twice over, both by saving Bella, and saving me from Maria. He'd been able to sit with Bella during her transformation when I was unable to bear her screams and pain.

Now that he'd also had a hand in Bella's transition to vampire life, his mind was filled with a contentment. I'd always dismissed the slightly inadequate thoughts he'd occasionally allowed himself about not quite belonging to the family. Though no one in the family had felt they needed it, the bond that assisting me in changing Bella had created within the family had solidified that relationship. He was no longer just my brother-in-law, but my brother in fact.

The packing was briefly interrupted by the arrival of Seth Clearwater. It was odd to me, to note the soothing effect Seth seemed to have on my family. I was aware of the strain Bella sometimes felt around him, but I knew it would pass with time. Losing Jacob had broken Bella's heart, and it was the one aspect of having to decide to change her, that had made it bearable. As a human, losing so much at once would have broken her spirit forever. Her change would keep her out of a wheelchair physically, but more importantly, it kept her from a life on crutches mentally.

Now that she was a vampire, the ties of her human life, though remembered and still strong, were more tenuous as their status changed from her daily reality to her former past.

I had never been very fond of Jacob for himself. He was a crass, audacious, manipulating, young, immature and foolish boy lost in a man's world. The one thing I respected him for was the level of his devotion to Bella, his careful protection of her, and his ability to inspire such deep adoration in her. When I had accepted her love for me, it became easier to let go of my resentment of what he meant to her. No level of respect or admiration could make up for his flaws, but for Bella's sake, I would never have wished for his death. I couldn't deny that it had saddened me to see the opportunity he represented for Bella die with him, and for Bella's sake, I was deeply sorry he was gone.

Seth on the other hand was so artless, pure, and considerate. He was also, though she hardly suspected it, utterly devoted to Bella as well. Seth had looked up to Jacob Black the way young boys sometimes looked up to their larger-than-life, older brothers. He saw Jacob as a bit of a superhero. I knew from the thoughts I never spoke with him about, that he had once harbored a hope that his sister and Jacob might be together one day, but Leah's relationship with Sam had ended that hope. When Sam and Leah's love had been torn apart by Sam imprinting on Emily, he'd watched what Leah went through and knew Jacob had no chance.

Because of Seth's certainty in Jake's opinion, he never questioned Jacob's belief in Bella's perfection. As a result, Seth saw Bella in the same light as Jacob had, without the complication of being in love with her. It was this combined with his innate goodness, and child-like joy with life which placed Seth so high in my consideration.

Seth stepped up on the porch and said hi to me, as he and Bella disappeared into the kitchen. All of my family smiled as they disappeared inside, even Emmett allowedhimself an eyebrow raise in my direction as the front door closed. Seth Clearwater was going to be the one thing my family would have difficulty leaving behind.

I heard Seth's thoughts just then, loud, just like Jacob's had always been.

I don't want them to leave! I'll stop changing and I don't want to stop changing either.

Hmmm? Interesting. I thought to myself. The seed of a wild idea was planted, and my mind was very fertile ground for such a garden.