A/N: Oksy I know I took forever to update and I'm sorry but look…it's a long chapter! Plus…I promise that the next chapter will be REALLY soon. Please review and tell me what you think. Also…I'm sorry for all the typos.
Dr. Cox's POV
"You're unbelievable you know that?" Oh come on, what now! It's not like what I said wasn't true. Newbie sold his soul to the devil himself!
"What about him! Why aren't you yelling at him?"
"Oh come on, if you seriously think, for even a second that JD, of all people has betrayed you, you're even a bigger idiot than I ever gave you credit for." Ouch, I've never seen Carla this mad before. I mean, sure, the woman can scare the pants off me on a good day but god is she scary right now. Her eyes a bulging out, she's doing the hand on hip, one finger in the air."Carla from the Block" thing. And she never calls me an idiot, usually its things like, mean, selfish, self involved, narcissistic, grouchy, grumpy, loud…basically everything short of an idiot. So yes, that hurts. If it were anyone else, I'd sock him or her, but its Carla. So help me god, I actually care about what she thinks. This time though, she's wrong, WRONG, SO WRONG
"Yes, of course I'm the idiot, because I actually bother to care about every sod who comes in here, while people like Newbie go home hours before their shift's ended. While I sit here, doing over time so I can prolong the life of some old fart who should have died centuries ago, Sheela decides that she's too delicate to stay and work, all because Kelso is making her the new lapdog. Don't even tell me that's not what's going on, because there was no way in hell he would have gone home like that a few weeks ago. Hell he never even spoke to Kelso for more than a second before now. But now, all of a sudden the two of them are chums?"
"So what, you're mad at him for talking to Dr. Kelso? What are you, five? Did it ever occur to you that unlike other times, JD actually might have gotten hurt this time?"
"That's a load of crap and you know it. The Janitor may be insane but he never actually hurts JD. Besides, why would the whiniest girl in the world fail to mention this to me? He's just sold out, that's all."
"I was there Perry, he literally blacked out for two minutes and then when he woke up, he totally panicked. I've never seen him as pale as he was back there. Just because he didn't cry about it, doesn't mean he needed To take a rain check. Besides, the whole head bleeding, not walking in a straight line should give you some clue, you're the doctor! Ever heard of a concussion?"
"Please, Newbie not communicating about his bad experiences, that would be a first. How do you explain Kelso offering help? This is Bobbo here, he's ne-he-he-he-ever nice. In fact, he's the opposite of nice. He is un-nice. The only reason he asked Newbie to leave is to gloat, because he's finally got Newbie on his side. All these years, that girl was trying to be my protégé, only to be swept off her feet by the devil himself. Go figure."
"You know what your problem is? You're jealous." Okay, the woman has totally lost it.
"No no no nononono No! I'm disappointed, betrayed, angry, even disgusted, not jealous."
"You're jealous because JD isn't giving you all his attention and instead of talking to him about it, you're looking for reasons to get mad at him."
"Am not!" Am I?
"Yes you are, and if you weren't so preoccupied with being a bad mentor, you'd realize that JD went home because he's in no condition to work. He's never left early before, heck he's always here a few hours early and leaves way past his shift. So why don't you get off your high horse, put your apologetic face on, and say sorry to him first thing tomorrow, or I'll make sure you're sorry for a whole new reason."
There are two reasons why this is affecting me, one being that Carla is threatening me, which is something people around here don't take lightly. Secondly, she could, possibly, maybe, have a point. Of course, there is no way in hell I'll tell her that.
"I'll apologize to him when hell freezes over, now if you'll excuse me, unlike other people, I have work to do." I may not be from the block, but I do live with Jordan, I own defense mechanisms! This one being denial, but what hell, go for broke. "You on the other hand can waste your entire shift, telling other people what to do, for all I care." Oh My God, her face is actually changing color. I can't help but walk faster, as I turn the nearest exit. I'm a dead man.
Walking into the supply closet which I had mistaken for a patient's room, I can't help but think about what Carla said. It's true, Newbie hasn't said more than two sentences to me since he came back. While this makes me feel thrilled and downright giddy, it also makes me boil with anger when he walks right past me to chat up with Bobbo.
I don't get to rant in his face anymore because he keeps avoiding me, even when I do manage a few good ones, he doesn't even look directly at me so I can enjoy his emotional breakdown. Maybe I'm a little peeved about that, not jealous. He is my punching bag dammit, he can't go off to Kelso's team! The man does not need more people groveling at his feet, especially not dignified people like Newbie. He may be the biggest idiot on god's green earth but he's always been a good doctor and he always cares about his patients. He used to anyway, that's what really scares me. If he did leave because he wasn't his 100 percent, that's all well and good, but if not, then he doesn't care anymore. If that's the case, he is not getting away with it, not in this hospital and not on my shift.
…………………..
JD's POV
As I dramatically walk away from Dr Cox, I can't help but dwell on the black hole my life has suddenly become, because everything in it just totally sucks. I don't know what to do with myself. Ever since all this started, I've been stumbling all over myself, trying to get things under control, but the more I try, the more things spiral haywire. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I was supposed to be the guy who had all the solutions: I'm a doctor for god's sake. I'd think of better reasons for why this isn't supposed to happen to my but my head hurts so much that it doesn't seem worth the trouble. I can barely breathe at this point either. I should make a list of all the things that have gone wrong in a span of 3 weeks. Lets see
I'm dying
I've decided not to tell any of my friends
I'm still working but its getting harder to do that
Dr Cox thinks I'm a traitor
the Janitor knocked me unconscious and I woke up completely unable to breathe
One of my patients tried to hook me up with her son!!
Hot nurse Emma didn't walk by me all day
and oh yes…I'm dying, did I mention that already?
I'm such a total looser.
"Dr. Dorian? Are you ready to go?" And just like that, I had another thing to add to the list, the delivery guy who plays extremely loud and angry music is dropping me home! Why does he play such angry music anyway? I wonder if his dad was like Doctor Cox, the love for yelling and anger might explain it.
As I get into the car and try not to think about how the music is going to send my headache over the edge, to the side of mean migraine land, a thought occurs to me. I wish I had told delivery guy about my dislike for heavy metal the first time he had asked. Why do I do that? I always pretend to be okay with things so that other people feel comfortable around me. It seems like such an idiotic thing to do, when you really think about it. Is that what I'm doing right now? Just hiding everything because I want people to like me, or to be okay around me? No, not really. It's not so simple this time. This time, it's not because I'm scared of how people will see me, or think of me, its not even about having people act normal around me. It's much more. I guess it all started with Dan.
………………
3 weeks ago
I'm not sure if I'm making the biggest mistake since watching basic instinct two, but I've finally decided to take a few weeks off from work to go visit Dan. To be honest though, it was barely my decision. I've just been so exhausted these past few days that Elliot, Carla and Turk practically forced me into it. Its not that I'm complaining about the down time, that part is fantabulas. What worries me is the decision I made at a weak moment, of checking out Dan's new apartment. He isn't exactly known for his overflowing love as a big brother, nor for his hospitality. So Dan actually inviting me to his place makes me think that something horrible is going to happen to me. I'm think it's either me becoming his house elf for the next two weeks, or his lab experiment for bad pranks. Heck he might even invite all my ex-girlfriends over so that he can have a huge orgy, and make me watch. God! Why did I agree to this? It's too late to back down now, I'm already here.
Crappers!
Exiting the airport, I feel like I've run a marathon. My backpack seems so heave against my back, my legs feel weightless and weak and I've been coughing throughout the trip. I was so noisy in fact, that the little old lady with a hearing aide kept giving me dirty looks the whole time. I just want to crawl into a bed and stay there till this vacation is over, but of course, that's not going to happen just yet. I have to go meet Dan at the new bar he's working in. He won't get off work for another few hours, so I'll probably have to stick around till then so that we can both go back to his place together. It's like being forced to watch a football match when you have no idea what's going on. Admittedly that happens to me all the time, but still, I just want to sleep!
I did manage a few winks during the cab ride, but that just makes me feel even more exhausted. I feel like I watched a fantastic trailer but didn't go for the movie. I don't know why I'm making so many analogies but there it is, my tired brain making sense of the world around me. Sadly, I have no idea why I'm this tired. I just sat through the entire flight, literally doing nothing. I'm probably coming down with something. Great, more joy to add to this so called vacation.
I don't want to intentionally ruin my vacation though, so I'm going to try and stay positive. things might start looking up, maybe Dan won't be completely obnoxious and may be, whatever this is, will go away. Hey, maybe I'll find god, meet Santa clause and check myself into Hogwarts. Okay, now I'm channeling Dr. Cox. .
As I walk into the dimly lit bar called "Bobby's bathroom", I spot Dan juggling beer bottles smack in the middle of the long bar counter. I just stare at his efficiency for a little while. He seems so confident and at ease with all that alchahol He's effortlessly tossing two Coronas in the air simultaneously, catching them both and then flinging them back in the air.. People are cheering him on and hooting at his antics. I feel a ting of nostalgia. Dan and I have spent a lot of summers behind bar counters, twirling glasses, juggling bottles and sliding beer mugs. We made a good team back then, even if he took my cut of the pay to take my girlfriends out on dates. Okay, so not all good times, but it was fun while it lasted. Plus, for me it was just a way to pay for school, not for Dan. He never grew up, he never moved on. Maybe I can convince him to try something else this trip. Apply for a real job maybe? Again, being the next Harry Potter seems more likely.
Imagines himself, dressed in Grifindor robes, classes and de-gelled hair. He's waving a wand at Dan. "Geto, Jobus that's not a barus." He yells, pointing the wand at Dan's chest. A blue light shoots out of the want, turning Dan's baggy outfit into a business suit. "Thanks JD, You're the best wizard ever, and the best brother!" It sounds rehearsed even to JD's ears but he shrugs it off, trying overly hard to be modest." I'm just doing what I do."
I could brainwash people with my wand! Anyway, I make my way to the bar, sliding into a stool.
"Hey there little brother!" He says cheerfully. That's the thing about us, we're always cheerful, or at least we pretend to be.
"Hey. Nice place." It was too, there are pink and green neon lights everywhere, but its not overpowering.
"Thanks. Want a drink?" I didn't
"Yea sure, band me a beer." What? I hate beer.
"Beer coming up." He comes back with a Guinus, which I especially think tastes Ikkie. "Okay, so I'm done in a an hour, so till then, chill with the ladies little brother." He says gestures towards a crowd of drunk girls who are flailing their hands in the air, totally off key, in the middle of the dance floor. I'm too tired to bother with all that tonight.
"I'll just sit here and attract the ladies to me, right here." Dan just snorts and goes back to doing whatever he does best.
An hour passes by in a blur, as the crazy drunk guy in my head, beats the hell out of my brains on the inside. I've got such a killer headache, that I don't even notice the girl on the other side of the bar, giving me the come hither look, until she scoffs at me for ignoring her. Incidentally, she is the same girl who ultimately asked the guy sitting next to me to take her to his apartment. Honestly, it doesn't matter at that point. I'm so completely beat, I feel like something the cat dragged in, mostly because I probably asked the cat for a ride because I couldn'y drag my own sorry tush anywhere.
Finally, after Dan has asked has hit on everything with that moves, he finally notices that I'm falling asleep on my rotating stool. Unfortunately, he decides to rotate the said stool for funzies. Let me tell you, rotating a guy with a killer headache is not a good idea. Nothing can possibly make you sick faster. My only consolation was that when I did decide to throw up, Dan was definitely not the one laughing. Instead, he was at the receiving end of my breakfast from this morning. In your face! Literally!
For a moment Dan just stood there. And then as though nothing had happened, "Okay, I'm going to go with ew." I could only reply with a groan.
"So not cool. My own little brother can't hold his drink." He muttered, wiping himself with the a tissue.
"Actually I'm not drunk." I whisper, feeling slightly better, how that I'd relieved my urge. "I didn't even drink my Appletini."
"Right whatever you say little brother. What do you say, we set out of here?"
"I say, finally!"
………………….
Things didn't get better from there as I had hoped. I tossed and turned on the couch, feeling decidedly ikkie all night. I was tired but not sleepie. I had a headache which made my head feel heavy. Not to mention, somewhere along the line, I'd developed this hacking cough that just wouldn't stop. I was so bummed out that even Dan had kept his pranks to a bare minimum. In fact, he was the one who brought me some water at some point at night. Although I think it was more because I was keeping him up with all the noise and he just wanted to shut me up for a few seconds.
Next morning I was looking like death warmed over. And that wasn't far from what I felt like either.
"Good morning little brother. Pa cakes?", Ah those pancakes smelled like heaven. Fitting.
"Yes please."
"You look…what's the word (snaps his fingers) hideous!"
"Why thank you Dan, nice to know you care", my voice sounds all crackle. "Anyway, I was wondering if I (cough)..If I could borrow your car for a few hours. Go see some of the old friends."
"No way. My car cannot be seen near the chess club."
"Hey, they're humans too okay. Besides, Jake and Terry are all grown up now. They hang out at scribblers instead."
"You mean the scrabble club for group geeks."
"So not the point. Come on Dan. I let you do whatever you want when you come over. I even introduced you to Elliot. Even with your weird need to always sleep with the girls I love. Speaking of which, heard from Emma and Daisy lately?"
"Oh yea, we have one night stands every few weeks." Of course. Why did I ask him anyway?"
"Right…okay, so I'm going to go and I'm taking the car." I got up to reach over and grab Dan's key from the kitchen counter, but never made it. All of a sudden I light headed. My vision blurred, and everything started swirling anti-clockwise. I'm not sure why that was important to me. Somehow thought it was, mostly because it's the last thing I remember thinking about before everything went blank.
…………………..
The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, with Dan's and another Doctor's head staring down at me.
"Hey there little brother. Have a good nap." The usual humor in Dan's voice was missing and that scared me.
"What happened?"
"You got drunk and had a wild night, running naked across the city, not pretty."
"No I didn't" Did I?
"You fainted Dr. Dorian." Interrupted the strangely unattractive doctor standing next to Dan.
"Any Diagnosis yet"
"We're waiting on a few test results. In the main time I'd like to run a few more tests while you're up."
"I'm going to go grab a coffee. I'll be back. Want a cookie or something."
"I'm good." The truth was, I was scared. This wasn't Sacred Heart. I didn't know anyone but Dan here. This was all so surreal. What was wrong with me? I could make a few guesses. Judging by all my symptoms, but there were quite a few possibilies. For some reason, I could only think of the worst ones. I guess its harder to be a patient if you've been a doctor. I know way too much for my own good.
It seems like hours later, all my tests are done. I must have been poked and prodded in a gazzilian places. I feel like a pin cushion. Dan has been dozing of on the chair in my room and I've been keeping my brain occupied with day dreams of Dr House, picking me as a to be solved. It was fun until Dr house started to sound like Dr. Cox. Suddenly, my thoughts are interrupted by the 'Dr ugles'. Unfortunately, the moment he walked in. I knew he was going to give me bad news. He had his 'serious face' on. I've used that one way to many times not to recognize it. Strangely, the serious face makes him look better than his smiley face. He must volunteer for all the tough cases so he can feel pretty. Anyway, I recognized that look.
"Dr. Dorian. I'm afraid I was some bad news." And there they were, the fateful words."You have idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis." Oh crap.
"Whats that?" Oh Dan's up. I didn't notice. I wasn't noticing anything actually. My whole world was crashing down on me. This is bad, really bad. You know that feeling when it seems like someone place a ton of bricks on your chest, making it hard to breathe, think or even feel. That's what I was going through.
"Pulmonary fibrosis is a chronic disease which causes inflammation and scarring of the air sacs interstitial tissues of the lungs."
"So How do you treat that…thinga-majig"
"Urm, we can start Dr. Dorian on Corticosteroids to help with certain symptoms and give him therapy to help him breathe easier. Unfortunately, there is no known cure for this disease. Especially because in Dr. Dorian's case, the cause is unknown."
"So…what does that mean exactly?" I knew what it meant, but I couldn't bring myself to explain this to Dan myself. I couldn't bring myself to look at Dan. He sounded confues and hopeful at the same time. God he has no idea what's going on.
"Mr Dorian, this is a terminal illness. Which means that there is no cure for it and…"
"I know what a terminal illness is" Dan snapped. Then he just sat there, silently glaring at the doctor. He looked pissed. I wouldn't want to be in Dr Ugles' shoes right now. Then again, he wouldn't want to be in mine either.
"Is the progress rapid?" I had to know…how much time…how long till the show was over.
"Not as far as we can tell." Some how that didn't console me. I can't believe it. I'm dying. I know everyone dies eventually. But I never dreamed that I would be dealing with my old friend the reaper, quite so early: definitely not for my own soul anyway. I just want to get out of here. Run away, go back to Sacred Heart: where everything is normal. I wish Turk was here. He'd know exactly how to handle this. And Carla would be all motherly and protective. Elliot would probably…actually she'd freak out…never mind. God! What am I going to do? How will I tell them? How will I work. Wait…is there time to work? I mean, if the progress isn't rapid, then I have at least a couple of months. If my medication ad therapy work out, then I can work for at least a month before everything goes down hill. We'd have to see.
"I'd like to contine my treatment in L.A"
"Certainly. But you're going to have to stick around for a few days. We have to work out a drug dosage before we transfer you. For now, you're free to go home. As long as you come back tomorrow afternoon so that we can work things out.", giving a slight nod, he left the room.
The room was eerily silent. Neither of us knew what to say. I was to lost in dooms day thoughts to actually say anything. I bet Dan was too. It was all too weird. Then finally, Dan let one out, and the silence was replaced by a really bad smell.
"That would be our cue to leave." He said, getting up. I just followed my robotically. I didn't have anything to add. All the way home, Dan just kept on yammering. I think he was talking about purple pajamas at one point? The silence scared hi I think.
When we got home, he started getting his room ready for me to sleep in. This should have surprised me because he never lets me take the bed. But I wasn't even paying attention.
A few hours later, I lay awake, tucked in bed. I was just staring at the ceiling, lost to the world, when suddenly, a noise took me out of my trance. What the hell? That sounded like a little girl. Why is there a little girl in Dan's apartment? And why is she crying? My curiosity got the better of me. I just had to know. So I slowly got out of bed, and made my way to the living room.
What I saw took my breath away on so many different and not at all fun levels. Dan was sitting on the couch, with his head in his hands and sobbing like a child. My big brother, the most abnoxious man alive, was crying on the couch. He was crying over me. I'll be honest, this shocked me more than hearing about my impeding death. Dan never cried, hell Dan never admitted to sadness. I couldn't see him like this. Turning around, I went right back into my room. Dan wouldn't want to be caught crying, especially not by me.
I just sat on my bed, listening for the heart wrenching sounds to subdue. They didn't for a long time. It was that day when I realized two bery big things. One, that I was really going to die. And two, that no one could find out about it. I refuse to put my friends thought the things Dan is going through now. I don't even see Dan that often. I'm so much closer to Turk, Carla, Elliot and even Dr. Cox .Heck, I've spent more time with Turk than anyone else in my whole life. He will not take this well. Not to mention, I'm still madly in love with Elliot. This would send her over her already psychotic edge, and I don't want to put myself through that. Mostly though, I can't tell them because I want things to stay normal. I can't handle watching my pillars of strength crumble in front of me. I want them to be my source of strength because I sure can't handle comforting them right now. Besides, I'm going to miss my normal life, not the messed up life that follows around during a terminal illness. If I can prolong the good times, maybe the bad times won't be so hard to handle.
Maybe.
(end flashback)
Or maybe my normal life wasn't as amazing as I had made it sound. God my life sucks