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chapter thirty
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and i don't understand
all the things you've seen
but i'm slipping in between
you and your big dreams
it's always you in my big dreams
-Something Corporate, "Konstantine"
xx
August 1, 2003
New York City
10:55 am
Samantha closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, her fist hesitant before finally rapping against the door to Lisa Harris' office.
A minute passed, and no one answered. So she tapped her foot impatiently and waited, her thoughts traveling back to earlier in the week...
He tugged at her hand and pulled her excitedly up the steps to his Georgetown home. She laughed at his boyish enthusiasm, pleased that her surprise visit had gone well thus far.
Only as he began to unlock the front door did she take a step back, realizing that this was the first time she was seeing his home in Washington and wanting to catalog it in her memory. She admired the stone frame, his home appearing so regal and majestic that it was a strong reminder that she was just a poor girl from a trailer park in Kenosha.
She swallowed as she noticed him watching her. She forced the best smile she could muster, hoping it came off as 'tired' and not 'inadequate,' and followed him inside.
He gave her a lopsided grin and said, "So this is the foyer," with a roll of his eyes.
She felt a little better, reminding herself that she knew who he was, and this was more a part of his job and less a part of him. And she hurried her steps as much as she could on her sore leg.
"Samantha," the voice of Lisa Harris called out from behind her.
"Hi, Dr. Harris," she said meekly, following the woman into her office.
Lisa took a seat at her desk, looking up with expectant eyes and said, "You're early this morning."
"Yeah," Sam exhaled and shrugged her shoulders. "We weren't busy downstairs..."
"Of course," Lisa said firmly, and Samantha remembered just why she had been so opposed to seeing the Bureau therapist when Jack had suggested it. In fact, she probably would not be complying so easily if it were not a requirement for her to resume full active field duty as soon as possible. "So," Lisa straightened her posture and leaned forward at her desk. "I hear you went to DC to follow a lead this week?"
Sam wrung her hands nervously and tried to sound as nonchalant as possible as she replied, "Yeah, we went down to interview a visiting professor at the University of Maryland. He didn't have anything for us, but he did give us the name of someone who was helpful."
Lisa nodded. "That's good, then."
Sam let out a tense breath and replied, "Yes, it is."
Lisa stared at her intently, giving her a look that said she did not believe her for a second.
xx
Washington DC
Martin tilted his neck, balancing the receiver of his office phone between his shoulder and his ear as he ran his hands through his hair and massaged his temples. He was really trying to concentrate on what Caro was saying about the makeshift fort that Kelsey and Bridget had constructed out of sofa cushions and the chairs from the kitchen table, but to no avail. Every time he turned his head, he saw Sam's figure moving through his office, haunting him with memories of her visit just a few nights prior.
"Marty!" Caro's voice called out urgently.
"Yeah?" He sighed into the receiver.
"Are you there, Marty?"
"Yeah, no, I'm here," he said, silently willing away his distractions. "What's up?"
"Kelsey wants to talk to you."
"Sure. Put her on."
"Uncle Marty?"
"Hey, Kels," he smiled at the sound of her voice.
"Hi!" she said excitedly. "Mommy let us build a fort in the living room!"
"So I heard," he laughed into the receiver.
"I wish you were here to see it," she sighed dramatically. "I hate that you don't live here anymore."
He frowned and replied softly, "I know, squirt. I'm sorry. I miss living in New York, too."
There was silence on the other end of the line for a beat before she asked hopefully, "You can't move your job back to New York?"
He smiled wistfully at the blind optimism of a four year old. "I'm sorry. But I will get to see you soon, okay?"
"Right! At the beach!" She giggled into the phone, and he could practically hear the way her eyes sparked when she laughed.
"Yeah, that's right."
"Hold on --" she said, "Mommy wants the phone back."
There was a pause on the line before Caroline's voice picked back up. "So, anyway ..." Caroline started.
"Yes?" He asked, grateful that Caro seemed to be in the mood to do all of the talking.
Caro began relaying a story about two of the med students on their ER rotation that month, and he found his mind wandering off again.
His eyes shifted around the room until they landed on the glint of something in the back corner of his desk, behind his keyboard. He took his free hand to inspect the small, glittering object, holding it in the palm of his hand only to discover that it was the pearl stud earring that Sam had been looking for early the previous morning as she began to gather up her things to meet Naomi at the airport...
Martin returned from starting the coffee pot in the kitchen to find Sam still in the bathroom.
"Have you seen my other earring?" She said distractedly, as she re-emerged and entered his bedroom.
She was wearing his bathrobe -- which was several sizes too large -- and her wet hair was clipped loosely back out of her face. She rubbed the last streaks of her moisturizer into her face, and he wondered at how comfortably domestic the scene seemed.
"What earring?"
She put one hand on her hips and said, "My pearls. I was wearing them Tuesday night when I got in, but I don't even remember taking them off..."
His face flushed, and he recalled how tired she had seemed when they had arrived home on Tuesday night. "I don't remember, either."
"Okay," she sighed, bending over and looking in her overnight bag. "I guess I'll just wear the ones I wore yesterday."
"Hey," he sat down on the bed and smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry about finding it. I'm sure it'll turn up, and as soon as I see it, I'll let you know." He paused and winked at her. "And besides, it's not like I'm never going to see you again."
She moved to kiss him gently and said, "True," before returning to the bathroom to finish applying her makeup and comb through her hair.
When she had finished in the bathroom, they switched places as he shaved and brushed his teeth while she finished dressing and packing.
Once he was completely ready for work, he collapsed on the bed and rolled over on his side, propping his head up underneath one of his arms as he watched her zip up her overnight bag. "What time is your flight?" he asked, a tinge of the sadness he was feeling in his voice.
She dropped her bag at the foot of the bed and sat down, the bed dipping slightly. She answered, "9:00. I told Naomi I'd meet her in an hour."
His chest heaved and he exhaled. "I almost wish you hadn't found your guy. Then you could stay here a bit longer."
"Me, too," she replied. "But alas, some of us have to work."
"Hey now!" He held his free hand over his chest, feigning hurt. "I work!"
Sam flicked her wrist. "Yeah, yeah. Of course you do."
He grabbed her gently by the offending wrist and pulled her down until she was lying right next to him.
He felt the playful mood of the moment shift into something far more intense, and an idea that had been planted somewhere in the back of his mind suddenly became more clear.
"Hey, Sam?" He paused to make sure she was paying full attention before continuing, "What are your plans for Labor Day?"
She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't have any at the moment. It's not my holiday to be on call."
"Well... My family usually heads up to the Vineyard for Labor Day weekend. If you wanted to, we could join in."
She tensed slightly beside him and said, "What exactly would that mean?"
He shrugged nonchalantly, not wanting to put too much pressure on her in the heat of the moment. "It's not really a big deal. Just my parents, my sisters, Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Roger, Jamie and Allison. One night we usually head to the Chatham Bars Inn, but other than that, we tend to stay on the Vineyard."
"Your entire family would be there?" She furrowed her eyebrows, appearing worried.
"Yeah," he said, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "It's really nothing to worry about. They all like you; they just want to meet you properly."
She smiled at him weakly and said, "I'll think about it. Okay?"
He squeezed her hand affectionately and replied, "Take your time."
xx
New York City
Sam sat back against the leather sofa as an eerie silence fell over Lisa's office.
"What's bothering you about this trip, Samantha?" Lisa urged finally, repeating the question she had posed five minutes earlier.
Sam sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair before explaining, "I've been seeing someone long distance, and he lives in DC."
Lisa narrowed her eyes and asked, "And this is a bad thing?"
"Well, no. Not really. It was nice to be able to surprise him when we rarely get to see each other, but at the same time, sometimes it's easier when we're apart."
"How so?"
"He comes from money, and I grew up in a trailer park in Kenosha," she replied matter-of-factly, lowering her eyes. "He says his parents want to meet me, he even invited me to spend Labor Day with his family ... I'm just not sure..."
"You're worried that his family won't approve?"
Sam massaged the back of her neck and exhaled, "Sort of."
Lisa studied her intensely from behind the desk. "The fact that he wants you to meet his family is a good sign, Samantha; it signifies commitment, not the other way around. Look at the person you've become; it shouldn't matter where you grew up."
Sam sighed once again and breathed quietly, so that Lisa could not hear, "It does when you're dating Victor Fitzgerald's only son."
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