Oh. My. God. I'm sorry, but I'm really excited for this chapter! I have been working on this since... since... since BEFORE I started this fic! This is what this fic was supposed to be and then I got the idea for the past to be found out through flashbacks. Yes, you heard it - this is the BIG flashback chapter! No italics, cuz I think that would be kind of hard to read... but it's all one big flashback. Starts in 1948, ends... well, it ends a few months later, actually. HERE is what happens! And I will soon be posting a chapter in Music in the Nonexistent Soul that corresponds with this chapter. I couldn't help myself! Heehee. So, let's get on with it.

Disclaimer: I do not onw Twilight! Or Gone with the Wind or anything else you recognize! Erm... I think that includes 1984, too.

"I've been waiting for you," the little pixie with the black hair said, as if scolding me. I tipped my head ever so slightly.

"I'm very sorry, miss," I apologized, though for what, I did not know. Emotions surrounded me and I couldn't quite figure them out.

"Take a seat," she insisted, pointing to an empty stool, I looked around hesitantly, wondering how she was able to be so comfortable around humans. I sat nevertheless.

"So, Jasper, I've been waiting forever to meet you. Okay, not forever… since 1920ish. But it seems like forever," she gushed and I was taken aback. How did she know my name? Why was she waiting for me? "I'm Alice. Don't ask about my past, I don't have one." Understandable, many vampires' pasts were not to be relived. "I see the future. I saw meeting you years ago, I had visions of us being with a family- they have gold eyes, they hunt animals. I try, but I slip sometimes. But I try really hard! Maybe it'll be easier now that I have a companion…" she mused, her red eyes amused, excited, and even a little ashamed at the same time.

There was no doubt that she felt some sort of attraction to me. And there was no doubt that I felt as if a magnet was pulling me closer. She grabbed my hand and I felt a definite spark. To tell the truth, I was compelled by this "family." I had heard of armies- oh, yes, I heard of armies. I had heard of covens, even, and large ones at that. But never vampire families.

She must have sensed my curiosity, because her red eyes watched me intently. She left some bills on the bar counter and slowly led me away.

I followed blindly. I knew I should have been on alert. I was a soldier, for crying out loud! But… I couldn't help trusting this girl, who was so confident yet unsure at the same time.

She brought me into a dingy hotel nearby the bar. As we walked silently up the stairs, her hand gripped mine tighter. I smiled- the affection coming from her was incredible. I didn't know it was possible from a vampire. Then again, I had spent so many years experiencing sorrow and pain that I had forgotten anything happy.

Alice closed the door to her room behind her and sighed. The hotel was filled with the scent of blood. My mouth watered and she laid a hand on my chest gently.

"Jasper," she whispered. "Control." I breathed deeply, then decided to forgo breathing altogether. She smiled slightly.

"I don't know their last name, but they are a family… I'm sure," she began to tell me. "They drink from animals, isn't that so… fascinating? They have a permanent home, as well! They live there and go to school and go in public-"

"During the day?" I asked her, astonished. She grinned, the most wonderful sight I had ever seen.

"Yes, silly, during the day! They live in a rainy place. So, there's Carlisle and Edward… Esme, she's Carlisle's wife, Rosalie, she's a beautiful blonde, honestly, and then there's a new boy… he's only been with them for a little over a decade. He's Emmett, married to Rosalie. Edward's single."

"So many," I breathed, shocked at the sheer numbers. If I were still with Maria, knowing of this… family would be a threat to us. "And we're meant to be with them?"

She nodded her head, delight pouring off of her. I sighed and leaned against the wall. I didn't do well with people, even vampires. I didn't take orders from others, I had to be in charge. Alice's expression and emotions turned worried.

"You don't need to decide now," she prodded. "Let's hunt first. I have the perfect place. Do you suppose you'll like deer? I find it rather bland, but it'll do. I prefer tigers myself, but I've only had it once. We'll have to see with you, won't we?" She grinned at me, showing off her pearl white teeth. I followed her out the door, her words finally sinking in.

"Deer? Why in the world would I eat deer?" I hissed as she pulled me along. She turned back, disbelief in her eyes.

"I just told you- that family drinks from animals! We ought to try. I do." I grabbed my hand back sharply, wincing at the thought of animals. "It doesn't taste the same, but it's okay," she continued in a small voice. I shut my eyes again, trying to envision myself drinking from an animal… but couldn't. I couldn't fight the affection seeping out of both of us though. I reached for her hand again, and it felt warm, even with our icy skin.

"Deer it is," I gulped uncertainly, but her face lit up and my heart melted. If only I knew what could go wrong.

I grimaced, the taste still fresh in my mouth. How did she stand it? It was so bland! If this was deer, I would need to try something else. Perhaps lion would taste better. Of course, I knew what would taste better than both- human. I pushed away the thoughts as I followed her back up to the room. I had questions to ask.

"Do they accept me?" I asked her, once we had privacy. Alice sat cross legged on the bed as I stood stiffly by the wall. It was silent for a moment as she thought.

"Carlisle and Esme accept you immediately. Emmett will like you, too." I grinned. I was going to be accepted! "Edward and Rosalie will come a little harder. I don't know why Rosalie won't, but Edward has a hard time trusting people. He reads minds, he knows what really goes on, and if he doesn't like it – well, it takes a while to gain his trust."

"Oh." We fell silent, reveling in the happiness. I hadn't felt joy like this in years. It felt good. Very good.

Dawn rose several hours later. We had not moved or spoken. There was no need to. We were perfect as we were. Alice suddenly jumped to her feet. If any other were to do this I would have at least tensed, but with her presence it was not so. I was completely at peace.

"You need new clothes," she remarked. "Come on, we're shopping." She grabbed a purse and handed me a pair of dark sunglasses. She ran into the bathroom to freshen up before we left.

"Why do we need the sunglasses?"

"You're going to pretend to be blind. You can't have red eyes in public, it's just… wrong. Not right. Not good. So, you'll be blind until it fades." I slid the glasses on, the dark frames contrasting with my pale skin.

"What about you and your eyes?" She laughed, a musical sound.

"Oh, I just passed two weeks after my accident. If I stay on the animal diet after I slip, it usually fades within that time. See? Back to normal!" I peered uncertainly into her eyes, unsure at what I would find.

Gold. Her eyes were a liquid gold. Just looking at them made me long to match, made me long to have the same eyes and her approval. I could deal with the animals if it meant that.

We stood silently for just a few more minutes. Then the little pixie grabbed me by the wrist and tugged me into the day.

She led me onto a bus, where she paid the fare for both of us. She was dressed in a clean, crisp white blouse and a black skirt that reached the middle of her calves. In her desperate attempt to seem taller, she had donned high heels. They didn't work very well.

However, I felt quite dirty and disheveled compared to her. A pair of trousers and a dirty white shirt that had been worn beyond its limits. I could sort of see why she wanted me to go shopping.

"Come on, let's go here!" Alice led me into a small shop on the corner. There were racks of suits and trousers and shirts. She shoved several items into my arms as I stood dumbly, watching her dash around. "Go try them on!" I found myself being pushed into a dressing room. Before I could even slip my leg into a pair of pants, I heard her shriek.

"Oh, it's perfect! Next one!" I realized that she could see how it would fit as soon as I decided. I picked up the items, one by one, deciding to try them on. Each time, she would give her critique.

"Nope, too short… This is good… put that one away, ugh, no, not that color!" And so it went on. Alice handed over the money for our purchases (because Alice couldn't leave the store without some shopping of her own) and held the bags, since I was "blind." She skipped beside me, content with keeping pace though I could tell she wished to go quicker. We entered a store that I liked.

"What kind of books do you like? I'll get them for you." I quickly whispered my answer in her ear and she went off to look. She left me at a table to sit and wait the visit out. It was extremely hard to resist the humans, but I struggled nonetheless. For Alice.

A few moments later, she reappeared, another bag in hand.

"What did you get?" I asked as I saw that her eyes were lit up like light bulbs. I could feel the excitement leaking off of her.

"Gone with the Wind. I don't know why, I just had a vision of you liking it. And for me, I got 1984. It seemed appropriate, seeing as its about a supposed vision of the future. Have you heard of either?" I shook my head, but couldn't wait to get my hands on the book she mentioned for me. I loved to absorb knowledge, to read and learn. It wasn't exactly something I would mention willingly to the average passerby or to my armies. Not even Peter and Charlotte. But Alice seemed to be someone I could trust.

"Let's go home," I said eagerly. Odd, I thought. Not even a day, and it's home. The dingy, falling apart hotel room is home.

No, it wasn't, I realized later. Home is where the heart is, right? And my heart is wherever Alice is.

Two weeks of bliss. Two weeks with my angel. We spent every second together, her small hand always entwined with my large one. We spent hours, discussing our favorite books and movies and music.

I told her briefly of my past in the South. She could tell me nothing of hers, as it mainly involved wandering around, a life ruled by visions of me. I had always been so close! How did I miss it? How did I lose so many years of love, of compassion? I no longer felt empty, I was no longer a shell filled with ice. I even felt human.

She painted magnificent, vivid pictures of her future, our future. I found myself longing for this family of which I had only heard of, never met. I wished for a father who could accept me even with my history. I wished for a mother who would take me back no matter what. I was eager for siblings, an experience I had forgotten, though I could faintly recall them being a pain. It didn't matter. I wanted them anyways.

But mostly, I longed for this vision to be true – a vision of us, surrounded by this family, with rings around our fingers. She would be a tiny thing, the size of a child, and I would be cradling her in my arms as we walked over the threshold. We would truly be together.

It was time to move. Alice had a vision of the family again. This time, Carlisle was leaving a school building, followed by the three teens. The forecast had turned to sunny. They were being taken out of school for "appointments." Alice had a glimpse of the school sign before the vision disappeared. It was enough.

I had packed our bags within half an hour and ventured out of the hotel. It was pouring rain. I slid into the passenger seat of our rented car as Alice went to the driver's. I admired my eyes in the mirror briefly. They were gold. It had taken roughly two weeks of strict animal hunting for the red to fade out, but I was doing well, despite the horrendous taste. Alice promised that we would find my favorite one day, and it wouldn't be so bad. Larger animals were also supposed to be tastier. I sure hoped so.

We drove for a few hours, still talking. We never stopped – we never had reason to. There were a million topics to cover, we were never stopped at a dead end. Either way, we both knew that even silence would be pleasant, for we were together.

We stopped to buy a map. If we had never stopped it never would have happened. But it did.

"Jasper, can you go? I'm trying to pinpoint what state this town is in," Alice asked, a far off look in her face. "Get a map for Nevada or Washington."

I slipped out of the car quickly, and entered the small shop. There was only one human there, thank goodness, for my control was still not very good. I led myself to the counter, fighting the intense burn with all my might.

"Do you have any maps?"

"Well, that depends. What kinda maps are ye looking for?" He was a plump man, I observed, and without meaning to, figured that he would have a lot of blood. I shook the thought out of my head.

"Of Nevada and Washington. Road maps, you know." His brow crinkled as he thought.

"We might have em in the back. Follow me." And I did. We entered the storage room as he chattered.

"Where are ye from?"

"Texas."

"Do yer parents know that yer here?" He turned and looked me up and down. "Ye seem young."

Young. Ha. I was probably older than his grandparents.

"Yeah, they know. I'm with my fiancé. We're on our way to see her family." And that was true. Well, it was going to be, at least. I planned to propose very, very soon. Alice knew, of course, but after she saw my first plan, I made her promise not to look for it again. And Carlisle's family was more of hers than mine.

"Ah, young love. Is she pretty?"

"Yes. Extremely beautiful." I smiled, thinking of the dark haired pixie. The man finished digging through boxes and handed me two folded pieces of paper. He then did the one of the worst things he could have ever done in the presence of a vampire – well, at least this one.

He clapped me on the shoulder.

I snapped, the scent too much to handle. He was dead within a second. His blood was sweet and warm as it drizzled down my throat. I was right – there was a lot. The taste was so much better after two weeks of eating deer. I licked my lips when I was done.

Alice came racing through the shop, not even moments later. Her eyes were wide with shock. I sensed her emotions as they overwhelmed me. I nearly stumbled when I could not find the one that had been always present in the last two weeks.

Love.

Sure, there was disgust and disappointment, but no love. The realization came to me slowly, ice cube by ice cube, as my shell filled up.

"You hate me," I managed to croak out. "You do, don't you?" She didn't reply. "Alice, tell me if you hate me. Please."

"I don't hate you." It was almost a whisper. I sighed, relieved. Maybe everything would be okay. "I'm just disappointed. You were doing so well, and then… Maybe this isn't the best idea, finding the family now."

"Why not?"

"I mean… you… and the restraint… we should work on building it up before we go." Her body trembled and sadness erupted into the air. She wanted to find the Cullens so much!

"If I don't go, you don't have to wait."

"But, Jasper, why would I go without you?"

"You hate me, I know you do." The ice cubes clinked into place. "Don't lie to me, Alice." My voice was already getting colder. I handed her the maps. "Go find your precious family. They won't have anything to do with me." I turned, the final cube setting. And then I ran.

Oh sure, I heard her calls for me. She tried to follow, but it wasn't enough. Eventually, I let her catch up, just so I could have some closure.

"Jasper," she grabbed my hands. "They will accept you! I promise, they will! How can they not? You're amazing, you're strong, and most importantly, you're the only one for me!"

"How can they accept me? I kill humans – I like to! It's fun, it's refreshing! I'm a monster." I wrenched my hands out of hers. "So stay away from me."

"Jazz – "

"Don't look for me. I'm not coming back." This time she didn't call as I fled. She didn't follow, either. I was alone, finally, the let out the despair I had been holding in. I lost her.

The pain was too much, so I made my decision – I would need to shield myself from love. Any kind of it. No remorse, no affection. That way, when I lost it, like I always did, it wouldn't hurt so much.

Because the pain of losing her is too much to bear.

Ah, poor Jasper. Now we know why he is this way and what exactly happened between him and Alice. Honestly, I believe this really could have happened. Canon diverges (in my mind) when he tells Alice that he's not coming back, when he says "Don't look for me." In canon, this possibly happened, but Alice was able to comfort him. They stay back a little longer, to help him get back on track, but by then, the Cullens are gone from the place. They lost them. And then it takes another two years to locate them, as they joined the family in 1950. Anyhow, I'm doing my music parody of this chapter and it'll be psoted soon. To the song Dear Maria, Count Me In. I was originally going to do it between Maria and Jasper, but decided that I'd much rather Alice and Jasper fluff. I wanted to post it days ago, but couldn't until this was or I'd spoil it all! Feedback is so much appreciated!

And I don't mean to sound like a review hog, cuz I'll keep posting no matter what, but I've been getting less and less reviews each chapter. I think I only got 2 last chapter as compared to 7 or 8 a few weeks ago! Are you all giving up on me or just too lazy to review? Cuz I get lazy, too, I understand that. I'm just scared that I'm losing fans! Nooo! Come back!! Happy ending, I swear, canon pairings!! That enough to bring em back? Hope so. LOL.