With this chapter, we break the 10,000 word mark, making this the longest fic I have EVER written.

--

Link lay on his bed with Zelda in his arms. She had asked him if she could camp in with him, since she didn't want to be alone. She had fallen asleep in under 10 minutes.

He hadn't.

The memories of the past day kept playing over and over in his head, like a broken record.

--

Memory

--

"You win this time Forrester. But mark my words. I'll be back soon."

Ganon plunged his sword into Rathos belly, driving it in deep before whispering: "I wanted you alive old man. I wanted you to watch your daughter die."

--

End Memory

--

Link felt hot tears sting his eyes again. What if it was his fault? If he had reacted faster, would Rathos be alive? Would he snort as he spoke to Link in the morning?

His stomach churned as he thought of what Zelda would be doing at that moment had the wedding gone smoothly.

I'll never get to sleep, he thought, I need a glass of Lon-Lon milk.

So he got out off the bed carefully, without waking Zelda, and crept off down the hall.

--

As Link drew closer to the kitchen, he heard someone crying.

He looked into the nearest drawing room, and found Romani sitting in a chair, crying her heart out.

"Romani?"

She looked up as Link came into the room.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want?"

"Are you alright?"

"Of course. I'm fine."

Link shook his head and turned to leave.

"My mother died on this day 20 years ago."

He stopped. This had been a big old day for her.

He turned back to face her. "I'm sorry. Want some milk?"

She giggled. "Always so concerned for others. Yeah, I would like some."

The two of them kept going to the kitchens.

--

"I never knew my parents. My mother left me with her sister-in-law when I was really young. She raised me until the day I was brought here 17-odd years ago."

Romani nodded. "I can see how that would bother you. Never seeing your mother's face, never being able to hear your father say "Well done sport.""

Link raised an eyebrow. "Sport?"

"Or son, or whatever he would want to call you. I was brought here when I was 2. My entire family has been handmaidens, whether female or male. My daddy was Rathos' best friend growing up. But being close to the princess all the time makes you feel so…empty. Like there's a place in your heart that needs filled. I'll be glad when I turn 25. I want to see my mother again."

Link nodded and took another spoonful of ice cream.

"Hey, here's a question. When did we move from milk to ice cream?"

Romani sniggered. "Here's another. Why does it matter? It's ice cream."

Link shrugged.

Romani sighed. "Not that ice cream makes it hurt any less. First you get sent away and Zelda's miserable, now Rathos is dead and Zelda'll be even more miserable.

Link went back to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of Great Bay Tequila. He passed one over to her and she shook her head.

"Drink. Against the sorrow and the cold."

She thought for a moment before uncorking the bottle and drinking deep.

She coughed and gagged as she swallowed. "It's like fire," she said, rather hoarsely.

Link nodded and took a long, deep drink.

--

Hours later, or maybe just minutes, the two friends had drunk their way through half the supply of tequila.

"Who hic knew Armand kept sho much teqee-thingy in here."

Link laughed. "I think he uses it for cooking. And I also think you've had enough. You can't hold your alcohol."

He reached for her bottle, but she pulled it away.

"Romani, give me the bottle."

She shook her head.

"Romani. Give. Me. The. Bottle."

She rolled the bottle across the table, spilling tequila everywhere.

Romani giggled, and set her head down her arms, and fell asleep.

Link got rid of the bottles, and cleaned up the spilled tequila before scooping Romani up in his arms. He carried her up to her room, and set her on her bed.

She pulled him down on top of her.

"Romani, let go."

But she clung even tighter.

Link sighed. Well, this was a fine mess he'd gotten himself into.

There was a knock at the door, and in walked—

"Zelda! Help!"

"Link? What are you doing in bed with Romani?"

"She's pissed."

"What?"

"Pissed, smashed, hammered, wasted, shot, drunk, gunned, whatever you want to say. She's consumed too much alcohol. She'll have a hangover and a half in the morning."

Zelda shook her head, but helped Link out of Romani's grasp anyway.

"Teddy…" murmured Romani.

Zelda looked around for Romani's teddy, and gave it to her.

--

Zelda pulled Link into her room, and slapped him across the face for the third time in as many days.

"What did I do now?"

"You got my handmaiden smashed."

"Actually, she was feeling depressed, so I invited her to the kitchen for some milk, we somehow ended up with ice cream, swapping our life stories, she told me how horrible hers was, and I got out some tequila."

Zelda pondered this for a moment before saying, "Okay, so you didn't actually get her drunk, but still. You didn't help."

Link shrugged. "She couldn't hold it anyway. Be ready with a bucket tomorrow morning because that's how she'll wake up. With a massive hangover."

Zelda sighed. This was so typical Link.

"Get some sleep princess. Only 12 hours ago you were getting ready for a wedding. In 12 hours time you'll be getting ready for a funeral."

Zelda lay down in her bed.

"Link?"

"Yes?"

"Read me a story?"

Link sat down in a chair next to her bed.

"Howzabout I sing you something instead?"

"Whichever."

Link struggled to remember a song. The only one he could think of was one that Sheik, Porthos, Athos and himself had come up with the night before they graduated, when they were pissed out of their minds.

"I am a weekend soldier and the world is scared of me.
I've fought a million battles and I'm always home in time for tea.

When I was just a spotty youth, and tired of being ignored,
One day I said to myself, Link, why are you so bored?
I wanted some adventure, some excitement and some power,
So I went to the local Territorials. I joined within the hour.

I've been in the army for some time now. Even the sausages are nice.
Hey, this is the way to see the world, boys. I've been to Great bay twice.
And all you left-wing radicals, don't give me any of your cheek,
And have your demonstration on a Saturday, for I have to work all the week."

He noticed zelda's eyes starting to droop.

"I've been in the army for three years now. I enjoy playing at the games,
And when I put my uniform on, I feel like big John Wayne.
My camouflage jacket fits me perfectly but the trousers could be improved.
I have to take three steps or more before they even start to move."

Zelda was fully asleep.

Link gave her a kiss on the forehead before retreating to his own room.

He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

--

Sorry Solo, the story en't done just yet. Do we not want Link to get back together and get married?

I do not own "Weekend Soldier" I dunno who does. I listened to Billy Connolly and wrote it down as he sang it.

R&R or there is no cookie for any of you!