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chapter forty-one
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said there'd be no going back
promised myself i'd never be that sad
maybe that's why you've come along
to show me, it's not always bad
-Jem, "Falling For You"
xx
New York City
6:40 pm
"You realize you're not going to be able to avoid me much longer, Spade."
Sam laughed as she gathered up the last of her things, ready to call it quits after a long and draining day of being stuck in the office. She was trying not to read too much into the fact that Jack seemed to deliberately assign her to background checks and bank records, and she was glad for the distraction as she heard her friend call out from behind her. Adjusting the buttons on her jacket, she turned around to face Naomi. "You busy tonight, Russell?"
Naomi shook her head. "Nope. You want to do dinner or something?"
"Sure, dinner would be great." Sam smiled and felt her spirits lift considerably as she made dinner plans with her closest friend. Although she had her reservations about everything that had happened in the past six days, having Martin around had offered her reassurance that it would all be worthwhile. But he had been on the red eye back to Washington that morning, leaving her alone with her thoughts, fears, and insecurities. And with the New York tabloid newspapers.
From the moment she and Martin had first decided to see where things went, she knew this moment would be coming. The general public was fascinated by Martin, by the fact that on top of everything else, he was young and single. Now suddenly he wasn't, and all roads led back to her. Thankfully, Naomi easily agreed to them ordering in instead of going out somewhere. Sam did not feel up to worrying at each turn as to whether or not this person or that was giving her a second glance.
Both women eager to leave the office after a long and unsuccessful day of running into dead ends with every lead they tracked. Sam even more discouraged than Naomi as she had been stuck in the office all day, and she was extremely grateful when she found herself sitting on Naomi's sofa, sipping wine as they waited for their Thai food to arrive.
"So," Naomi emphatically folded her hands on her lap as she smirked in Sam's direction. "How does it feel to be a mini celebrity?"
Sam laughed and, on her empty stomach, felt already lighter as the wine seemed to go straight to her head. "It's not like I'm suddenly the next Carolyn Kennedy," she protested.
Naomi gave her a pointed look in reply, but dropped the subject. She looked over the top of her wine glass as she sipped her white zinfandel and said, "So tell me honestly, Sam. How was it?" She tilted her head to one side, looking straight into Sam's eyes. "I mean, you've seemed fine with everything, but it's hard to tell with you sometimes."
"No, no. We had a good time." Sam paused and considered the intense look that Naomi was giving her. She took a long drink from her glass, and then set it back down on the coffee table before her. "I'm not regretting that I went, if that's what you're asking."
"I wasn't, but that's good to hear." Naomi leaned back and brought her arms up to her chest. "But I know this must be weird for you. You're always so careful to leave your personal life out of the workplace... I just want you to know that I'm here if you want to talk about it. I may not be as wise as Viv, or have known you for as long as Danny, but we have to stick together, right? We're like Betsy-Tacy."
"Betsy what?" Sam asked incredulously.
"Betsy-Tacy." Naomi answered matter-of-factly. "You mean to tell me you've never read those books?"
"Never even heard of them."
"They were written about two girls growing up together in Minnesota at the turn of the 20th century." Naomi furrowed her eyebrows as though she could still not believe that Sam had never heard of the books before, and continued. "They were my favorite books for forever when I was growing up, and Betsy and Tacy were the main characters. At first they didn't like each other, but then they became best friends."
Sam could not fight back a laugh. "Sounds not entirely unlike someone else I know."
xx
Naomi slipped into work at the last possible second that Monday morning. It had been two weeks since she had transferred to Missing Persons, and already she found herself anxious to return to her previous assignment in White Collar, in spite of how miserable she had been when she was working there.
But even on the worst day in White Collar, she had not felt as hopelessly and desperately alone as she did in Missing Persons. It was not that her new team did not do a good job. On the contrary, she already knew each one of them to be highly motivated agents who poured all of their energy into each case.
The problem was, they all seemed to be very settled in their ways and there was no room for a new team member to break through.
Up ahead, she saw Danny stand behind Samantha at her desk, leaning over her shoulder as he inspected something on her computer screen.
"Yeah, that's him." Danny was saying, standing up straight as Samantha turned around in her chair. "My gut says he doesn't have enough of a motive; he got what he wanted when the husband paid him to keep quiet."
"But that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't know something. I say it's worth a shot." Sam countered, gesturing with her hands.
Naomi sighed. A case had come in, and they hadn't thought it worthwhile to call her. It was no secret that the rest of the team had yet to adjust to her joining them, but it still stung with each time they emphasized the fact that she had yet to earn their trust. Taking a deep breath, she cautiously approached her two co-workers. "Did a new case come in?" She motioned towards the white board, where the photograph of a young woman with strawberry blonde hair was tacked up with the words 'Mary Mazzilli' scrawled underneath in black ink.
"Uh, yeah." Danny replied, an unreadable expression present on his face. "She went out for drinks with a couple of her friends last night, never made it to the bar. Husband called it in at 3:00 AM when he realized she hadn't come home." He paused for a moment, a look of guilt flashing in his eyes before he quickly added. "We didn't want to call you in the middle of the night."
"Anyway..." Sam cut in quickly. "Danny and I were going to go talk to the bartender, who appears he might have something to hide. But we have the last five years' worth of credit card statements being faxed over here as we speak, if you want to check those out when they come in."
Naomi nodded and bit her lip, fighting back the urge to roll her eyes until Samantha and Danny had made their way down the hall towards the elevator, and out of sight.
xx
"That seems like a lifetime ago," Naomi said wistfully, pulling her knees up on the sofa and hugging them close to her chest.
"Yeah." Sam agreed. She tucked her hair behind her ear and said, "I'm sorry we weren't exactly welcoming. I know it doesn't mean much, especially now, but I wasn't in a very good place back then." She paused and bit her lower lip thoughtfully. "The more I go through therapy with Lisa, the more she reminds me that us becoming friends was good for me back then."
Naomi rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Lisa's good like that, isn't she?" Reading the silent question on Sam's lips, Naomi explained. "I've been seeing Lisa since I got out of the Academy and was placed back in the New York office. I was having a hard time dealing with everything ... after Thomas died. She really helped me get back on my feet again. Hell, she was the person who encouraged me to transfer out of White Collar..." When their laughter died out, Naomi added, "Just promise me this, Sam... When you run off to DC to marry that boy, at least make sure I'm invited to the wedding okay?"
Sam laughed nervously, grateful when the buzz from Naomi's front door signaled the arrival of their dinner. She was, so to speak, saved by the bell.
xx
September 10, 2003
7:00 pm
Sam depressed the button on the front of her computer screen, hearing the familiar whirring noise as the system shut down and her monitor went blank. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, taking a deep breath in before rising from her desk with determination.
A quick glance around the empty room told her that the rest of the team had already gone home, and she strode purposefully toward the soft light coming from Jack's office. She rapped softly on the doorframe and waited until Jack looked up from his stack of paperwork before letting herself in.
As she stepped inside and shut the door quietly behind her, she noticed that Jack looked significantly older and more worn-down. "You're still here?" She asked.
"So are you." He countered, pushing stacks of case reports to one side and leaning forward against his desk.
Sam shrugged. "I'm on my way out, but I wanted to come talk to you." Jack looked up but did not reply, and she continued. "I'm not reading too much into this, am I?"
"Into what?"
"It's been almost two weeks now, and I haven't gone out into the field once, Jack." She glared at him, folding her arms decisively across her chest. "In case you've forgotten, I've been clear to go back into the field for over a month now."
"I know that," Jack replied, his voice irritated and defensive. "But we can't risk having your new situation," he paused to emphasize his words, "compromise any of our investigations. I won't have it."
"And I would?" Sam ran a hand through her hair, braced her shoulders, and said, "I've grown up and moved on, Jack, but I'm still me. I haven't suddenly become Carolyn Kennedy here."
Jack opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a magazine, setting it down and pushing it towards her. She fingered the flimsy folded-over magazine pages as she flipped to the inside cover, furrowing her eyebrows as Jack said, "People magazine is a more reputable source than the New York Post, is it not?"
Ignoring him, she read on as the inside cover directed her to page 119. She fingered the headline as she read: SENATOR FITZGERALD'S WEEKEND GETAWAY NOT JUST A FAMILY VACATION.
Surrounding the headline were three pictures of Martin and herself together. One as they danced together at the Chatham Bars Inn, her laughing as he twirled her in his arms. The second a smaller shot, clearly taken at a distance, of them running along the beach; her leg had been cramping up on her and he had taken her along his normal morning route as she stretched it out. The final shot of the two of them in New York City, dressed casually in jeans from the night he had taken her out on a 'normal date.'
She had been oblivious to any of the photographs being taken, and an odd sensation coursed through her body, that she likened to watching herself through a fish bowl. Breathing deeply so as to steady herself, she began to read the short blurb alongside the photographs.
Extremely popular New York Senator Martin Fitzgerald did not make his annual family trek to Martha's Vineyard alone this year. Fitzgerald, 32, was long thought to be single until he proved otherwise this past weekend, arriving in Martha's Vineyard accompanied by Samantha Spade, his girlfriend of almost five months. Spade, 30, works for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, but sources close to the family deny that it was Fitzgerald's father, the FBI's Deputy Director, who introduced the pair, instead indicating that the two met at a social function linked to Spade's work at the FBI.
Though the family could not be reached for a statement, a source close to Fitzgerald said that the young couple's lack of public appearances up to this point spoke to the couple's desire to preserve Ms. Spade's privacy. "They are both private people," the source told People magazine. "But I can assure you that they are both extremely happy together."
Sam chuckled inwardly as she finished reading, thinking how much the inside source sounded like Rick Harvey. But as she remembered that Jack was still in front of her, watching her intently, she straightened her posture and said, "Jack... I'm sorry that you and Maria couldn't work things out, but you made your choice and now I am making mine."
She stood in silence for a few moments and just as Sam turned to go she heard Jack call out her name softly. She stopped to lean against the doorframe. Jack sighed and ran his hand over his face as he said, "Has it really been that long?"
Sam nodded and replied, "Coming up on five months."
He lowered his eyes, studying the framed photograph of Hanna and Kate he had sitting on one corner of his desk.
"Goodnight," she said as she strode out of the office.
He looked up as he heard her exit. But it was too late; she was already gone.
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