A/N: Okay 'nother chappie.
Sweeneysbestfriend: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.
Nala162024: I'm glad you liked that, see if you guess what my new one is from at the end, eh? Lol
Okay here we go! Time to start the show!
Disclaimer: I no own.
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A Tot O' Gin
Mrs Lovett was hard at work chopping up the nasty Italian that her Mr Todd disposed of earlier that day. She had no idea how she came up with the idea of baking Mr T's victims into pies. Stroke of genius she thought.
But there was still so much that she didn't know about her dear Sweeney. Though now she was afraid to ask anything more of him after her earlier inquiry. Next thing she would know is that he drank ink when he was a struggling writer after his wife cheated on him. Which probably wouldn't be too far from the truth…
Mrs Lovett carefully cleaned herself off before she ascended the steps of the bake house. She didn't want that boy to see her all covered in blood and get suspicious. After all, the lad might have been daft, but he couldn't have been that daft.
And Toby really was a sweet lad; she didn't want to lose him.
After cleaning properly she trudged up the stairs into her parlor to check if the boy was still breathing after he had passed out on her floor. She was surprised when he wasn't there.
Where could he be?
She went to the front of her pie shoppe and was surprised when she heard Mr Todd's voice. What was he doing down here? And more importantly, who in the world was he talking to?
She entered the front of her shoppe surprised to find Mr Todd and Toby sitting at one of her booths drinking from a bottle of gin. Both of them completely wasted.
How bloody long have these two been hitting the bottle, for heaven's sake?
The baker just stood there in the threshold of her shoppe in utter shock. Soon Sweeney noticed her standing there and called to her.
"Oi! Mrs Lo'ett!" he slurred, obviously absolutely plastered. "Come ova 'ere!"
Mrs Lovett complied none too hastily to Mr T's request. She was uncertain of his mental stability while sober, drunk she had no idea what to expect. "Yes, Mista T?"
"Me and teh boy wou' like ta know iffen yeh 'ave anyting other tha' gin?" Sweeney mumbled, unintelligibly.
"Like sum rum?" Toby piped in.
"Yesh, rum ish grood," Mr T concurred.
Mrs Lovett now noticed that the two of them had just about finished her gin stores. That was about three bleeding bottles! How were these two not puking all over her floor (not that she wasn't counting her blessings, of course)? But, she thought if these boys had one more ounce of liquor they would be finished, and she would be forced to drag their sorry hides to a bed. That was not going to happen.
"I'm sorry Mista T, but the rum is gone."
"WHY ISH THE RUM GONE?" Both Mr Todd and Toby shout at the same time.
"The rum is gone because…because of that crazy old beggar woman, you know the real ugly one? She came into me shoppe not too long ago and drank it all."
"That's despicable," Toby slurred, looking at the ceiling.
"Lad, do you even know what I was talkin' about?" Toby looked straight at Mrs Lovett and replied.
"Dragonflies?" Mrs Lovett just sighed and hung her head praying for patience to deal with these two nimrods. That's when Mr Todd spoke up.
"Mrs Lo'ett, you mean teh tell meh some ugly dragonfwy beggar came inteh yeh shoppe and sto'e all teh rum?" Mrs Lovett just stared at the man trying to comprehend what just escaped his mouth.
"Er…yes?"
"THAT EVIL WOMAN!" screamed the sloshed barber.
"Le's make 'er inteh a pie!" Toby screamed. Mrs Lovett just stared, mouth agape.
"Wha-," she started but was interrupted by Sweeney.
"I concur, Tobias," Sweeney responded. "Righ' afteh we kill teh Judge 'nd Beadle…"
"Yesh, shir," the boy nodded in agreement with the deranged barber.
"Mr…Mr T, yeh didn't tell the boy of our…business plans, did yeh?" Mrs Lovett asked, aghast.
"Why yesh I 'ave, Mrs Lovett, and 'e sheems teh be very interested in it…"
"Yesh, ma'am, I do believe itish a ingenioush businish strategy…," the boy nearly fell off his chair in his drunken state. "Puttin' peoples into pies ish a great idea! Saves lots of the monies…
Mrs Lovett did not know how to respond. Mr Todd had told the boy obviously in great detail about their plans for his victims. What was he thinking? The boy would surely tell the authorities! They were finished before they even began!
Wait.
There was still hope.
Maybe the boy was so drunk that he wouldn't remember his little chat with Mr T! Yes. And if she was lucky Mr T won't remember either.
Okay, not to worry Eleanor, no chance in the world that either of these idiots will remember a thing! Excellent.
Mwahahahahahahahahaha…
haha…ha…hm.
Evil laugh. Not cool.
Now to get the two dimwits…I mean, men…no, I meant dimwits…to bed.
Luckily, Toby had passed out shortly after his little speech and Mr Todd was having a staring contest with his gin glass.
The sad part was he was losing.
Mrs Lovett lifted the boy from the booth and started to carry his limp body to her parlor. Luckily Mr T didn't even notice.
When Mrs Lovett made it into her parlor she laid Toby out on her settee. She watched him sleep there peacefully, his mouth open slightly letting out a light snore. She heard a little mutter of "meat pies" escape the lad's mouth. The baker smiled to herself and brushed some of the hair out of the boy's face. She frowned as she felt a pang of motherly affection.
How could that be? She only knew the boy a few hours and she already felt a motherly connection to him. Damn her maternal instincts. Maybe that was the reason she was so worried the boy knew of her and Sweeney's plans. She didn't want him to be hurt with the truth of the evils she was going to help her love do.
Oh well. She was sure she would grow out of it.
Back to the front to get the other drunk.
When Mrs Lovett got back to the front of her shoppe she was both delighted and disappointed to find that Sweeney was passed out face down counter of her booth. She was delighted because she wouldn't have to put up with his drunken rambling any longer. She was disappointed because now she would have to find him a place to sleep and be the one who hauled his hide to that said place.
Joy.
The woman grabbed the man under his armpits and started pulling him towards the back of her home. His feet were dragging on the floor making it that much more difficult to carry the barber.
Now where was she going to bring him? She certainly wasn't going to drag his sorry butt up to his apartment. Toby was already on the settee in the parlor and there were no other seats good enough for sleeping in there. The only other place was…her room.
Mwahahaha…
Oh the possibilities...
The slender baker dragged Mr Todd into her room and hauled him onto her bed. She took off his shoes and did her best to pull down her sheets without waking the sleeping man. After he was settled, she undressed and untied her corset, then slipped on her nightgown, checking every once in a while to see if the man on her bed was still really asleep.
When Mrs Lovett was all changed she slipped into her bed, at first very careful not to touch the barber. Though, after a bit she felt a little less awkward and snuggled up to her Sweeney.
She couldn't wait to see his face when he woke up and realized that they slept in the same bed. She giggled to herself. He would not remember what they didn't do, but he would think that they did when they really didn't.
Oh, it will be so funny.
And of course she wouldn't tell him otherwise. Her motto was "What he doesn't know won't hurt him."
Content with her evil little plan, Mrs Lovett rested her head on Mr Todd's chest. Such a romantic moment…until he ruined it.
"Lu…cy…" he murmured in his sleep.
With that little whisper Mrs Lovett shot up. She glared at the barber utterly annoyed. She huffed and crossed her arms and came to a solution.
She kicked the barber right off the bed where he laid sprawled out on her bedroom floor for the rest of the night.
Mrs Lovett smiled to herself as she fell asleep.
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A/N: Okay there it is. Chapter 3. Hope you enjoyed it.
I don't know I thought it was kind of bad. You tell me what you think. I didn't think the last one was funny either, but a lot of you disagreed. So…I dunno shrugs
Hope you like.
BTW Go watch the Hillywood show if you don't already. It is absolutely fabulous. It's my favorite webshow on the internet! You'll like it too, I know it! So go watch!
Reviews are friends, not food.