Oh dear, looks like I've written another chapter in which Eveleen gets in trouble, Sirius wears frilly pink underpants and James and Lily get stuck to each other. No mention of Paris Hilton this introduction. But lots of mentions to many awesome people. Like Mischa Barton, who I would like to play me in a movie if there was one to be made of me. nod
Oh, and I wrote this whilst ridiculously sick and supposed to be writing a science essay on genetic recombination. This won over ethical issues that the world has on genetically modified food.
THEME SONG!!
Yay.
7 minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen) - Fall Out Boy.
By the way, first chapter has been BETA read by Trapped Rabbit and completely changed.
Again, here's Eveleen Draconis.
He'd taken me outside, it was the middle of the day and the sun was quite bright. But not warm, it was kind of always cold here.
"What the HELL do you think you're doing?" I asked the moronic arse-face that had, What. The. Fuck., just tried to kiss me.
"Well," He stumbled but caught his haughty manner "You should be privileged."
"I've known you a total of two seconds." I looked at him in disbelief, eye bulging dangerously, like, about to burst out of my eye socket dangerous-like.
"Don't think that I bought that you didn't know who I was. Lily told you, she always tells everyone that I'm a pimp." He pouted.
"Actually she told me that you were a 'player'." I corrected him.
"Same thing."
"Actually, Not."
"Well, to prove to you that I'm not, say, a player, or pimp or whatever... I'll play a little game with you. It's called the dare game, at which you get to dare me with something, and I'll do it. Same for you, a little trust building exercise. "
How incredibly odd… Seriously, a trust building exercise? Though I do suppose that it would be fun to see if he would actually participate in such a game… He'd look hilarious in frilly pink underpants.
"Weeell." I like to stretch my words. "What's in it for me?"
"The pleasure of my company."
"I mean an actual motivator."
"You get to make me wear frilly pink underpants." Yeah… definitely participating.
"You're on."
Ah, back to Black:
"Excellent. I'm sure dare one is to make me wear frilly underpants."
Ah, I knew this one was coming, it was generally a great dare and my outstanding masculinity made me look like I would never do such ah thing to hurt my manly, manly reputation.
"Uh, yeah…Great Hall, Breakfast. Tomorrow."
What was a dare worse than this, worse than the worst fate that anyone could imagine?
Ah, the answer was clear, the wrath of Lily Evans.
"So, I have thought of a dare for you, ten times worse than the frilly underpants, because they would look quite attractive on you."
I know, aren't I charming?
"You have to stick Lily and James together with a permanent sticking charm."
insert evil laugh here
"Um, okay?"
She really didn't know much about Lily Evans then… This was the worst dare I could think of, and I wasn't even scared of death.
"You don't get it, do you?" I asked, appraising her up and down, she'd only been here a day and yet I was sure she'd get how hopelessly in love with Lily James was: and thus how much Lily hated James in return.
"James loves Lily. Lily hates James." Her brow furrowed adorably. "This dare will probably get you killed."
"I know that. I'll do it." She smiled, and it was hot.
Leaning in…
"Don't even think about it."
James Potter: Breakfast table
"So, as I says to Mable…"
"Which Mable?"
"One in Hufflepuff…"
Insert giant awkward collective pause from the whole of the school right…
…
Here.
"Sirius. Are you aware you are only wearing frilly pink underpants in the middle of the great hall?" Ah, Moony, Captain Obvious.
"I'm fairly sure Sirius is aware that he is wearing frilly pink underpants in the Great Hall at breakfast, unless he is not and then there is a major problem with his memory."
"I was actually asking Sirius if he was drunk in a way that wouldn't be offensive to his… condition." Moony said and promptly turned back to his food.
"And are you Padfoot?"
"No."
"Really?" Moony seemed quite surprised.
"Yep."
"Then why are you wearing such frilly knickers in the great Hall at breakfast? You seem to be attracting the attention of our headmaster." Dumbledore was indeed looking this way somewhat interestedly…
"All will be told in time." He nodded knowingly, which was strange because Sirius did never know of anything.
Why is there a Lily Evans on my sleeve?
What a pleasant surprise!
Lily Potter, uh, I mean Evans…
What the fuck is this? WHAT THE FUCK!
Why is my shirt attracted to James? I'm most certainly not.
It's like magnets or something, it's magic, someone's fucking with me.
And not in the way I'd like.
OMG. OMG. OMG. It's not coming off. Stupid traitor of a shirt, get off him, get off, get off!
"Lily, why are you sobbing?"
"WHY DO YOU THINK POTTER?!" -Fuming hatred for Potter- should be my middle name.
"Because you're stuck to me?" Good answer.
"Yes, and do you have any idea why?" Oh, I bet he does. I bet he just wanted to keep me permanently stuck to me.
Wait, did I just say permanently?
Oh GOD.
No.
No, No, No.
Not permanently. For a very, very small portion of time, like, by the end of breakfast, or else someone will be dead and it will not be me.
"GET ME UNSTUCK NOW! Why is Sirius wearing frilly pink underpants?"
"I have no idea how or why…"
"Figure it out James."
"I think Sirius must be coming out of the closet. And your shirt is maybe showing your obvious attraction to me that have now become so potent that it was unable to resist mine?"
resisting urge to kick in balls
Oh dear, looks like I failed.
Eveleen Draconis meets the new DADA teacher.
Ah, DADA.
I was actually quite comfortable in this class back home. Apparently, here though, the DADA professor teaching position was cursed, where most of them didn't last the year and had to resign or died. So, it was sure to be interesting…
Oh yeah, that and the fact Lily and James were now connected. Permanently, or at least until Lily actually realized she loved James. Call it a girl's sentimental touch… I thought it was effective and would get her to stop muttering in her sleep about how much she lusted over James Potter.
Ah, here come the conjoined duo now.
Aw, isn't that adorable….
She's stuck to his sleeve and he's… doubled over his groin.
…
"Um, is everything alright James?"
"Oh, he's fine, I suppose he's stupidly happy that I touched his… man-bits. OH, AND THAT I'M STUCK TO HIM."
"Uh, yeah… how'd that happen?" Warning glance at Sirius, who had, unfortunately, changed out of pink frilly underpants.
"YOU THINK I KNOW EVELEEN?" She looked me over incredulously.
"Um, no?"
The new DADA teacher had just walked into the class, he was a man wearing a sweater vest and pants too small for him. His glasses were square and made his face look a little too big.
"SIT DOWN GUYS!"
Yelling, yet still trying to be our friend?
"I'm YOUR TEACHER AND YOU WILL SHOW ME RESPECT! But you all look lovely today."
What an inconsistent paedophile.
"I'm professor Newton and today I will be teaching you about Elvis inferi."
He nodded solemnly.
He droned on and on.
"Black." I whispered to Sirius.
"Yes Blondie?" He asked, trying to stifle laughter as he watched Lily and James struggle to write notes and not touch, well, more Lily.
"I'm bored and based on our previous agreement, I believe it's time you get your next dare..." I said in a matter of fact tone.
"What is it?" He asked me looking not at all worried.
"Entertain me please Sirius." I smiled. Hey, don't look at me like that it's not my fault I like to make my minions dance. DANCE MINIONS, DANCE! Hem, slight case of hysteria induced by boredom.
"With what?" There was a small crease between his eyebrows. His pride wouldn't let him back out though.
"Dance for me." I said simply.
But before I knew it he had picked me up and started swirling around the classroom with me in a fast waltz.
"Sirius." I growled. "This is not what I meant."
Sirius Black thinks he can dance.
The classroom was filled with cheers and whistles. Well that was until professor Newton decided to intervene.
"Sit DOWN!" He shouted. We stopped spinning around the room and I blushed to my fullest extent. Which was not at all and smiled in Lily's direction, where she was still stuck to James.
"Detention for BOTH of you tonight."
"This is not part of the DARE GAME Sirius! It's my second day here and I can't have detention!"
Oh dear, it seemed that Lily put two and two together.
Please block your ears.
Lily Evans:
"IS THIS PART OF A SICK PLAN? IS THIS A DARE ONE OF YOU IS COMPLETING? I'M FUCKING GOING TO RIP OUT YOUR JUGALAR WITH MY CANINE TEETH! AND THEN BLEND IT AND FEED IT TO THE OWLS IN THE OWLERY."
I would have attacked by now if I didn't have James weighing me down.
"TELL ME HOW I CAN GET OUT OF THIS AND ONE OF YOU MIGHT SURVIVE WITH YOUR LIVES!"
"I know a way." I always knew I liked Eveleen... "Um, you have to learn to be nice to James and be joined to him in… a different way."
"What do you mean a different way?" My voice was now just a low hiss.
"Um, you have to want to be around him… Like, love him…"
I always knew I hated that blonde skank. I mean, who does she think she is coming in here and then condemning me to a lifetime of Potter.
Why is that arse of a teacher speaking? Someone stop him before I hex him.
"I used to have a girlfriend named Emily, and then I knew she was cheating on me by the hickies on her neck."
Oh dear, too late.
"Detention for Lily Evans too."
I swear, I'm going to cut off Eveleen's hair and bake it into muffins for that new DADA teacher.
Oh yeah,
Detention and McGonagall next chapter.
Mr. Newton is a teacher at my school. Cutting off hair and putting it into muffins is an actual plan which will happen and will be hilarious.
xx