Chapter Six

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"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

-- Nietzsche

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With a strange tumult of emotions running through his veins like fire and water, Kam returned to his cabin. He slipped in quietly; Fletcher was sound asleep. He was a heavy sleeper. "Thank God," the younger man muttered under his breath. He'd managed to get through two whole days without having to service his cabin mate or his friends.

He slipped both books, his own and The Land of Oz, which the Captain had lent him, into the footlocker at the end of his bunk. He couldn't get the parting look Captain Harkness had given him out of his head... the way he'd looked when they said good night, those blue eyes seemed to take in every bit of him… hold him just a moment… let him go.

Kam double checked the lock before pulling off his shirt and crawling between the thin sheets. The crew cabins were warm, owing to being so close to the engines. He wouldn't have slept in clothing if it weren't for having to share a room with someone like Fletcher. It wasn't that wearing pants stopped him, it just made Kam feel less exposed.

It took him several minutes find a comfortable position on the narrow cot; finally Kam ended up pulling his pillow tight against his chest instead of under his head.

Over and over he played the kiss back in his mind… the wonderful, terrible trill in his stomach got worse with each replay… but it felt so good. And it hurt. He knew most he would ever be to someone like Captain Harkness was something to pass the time.

But when sleep finally took hold, he dreamed of blue eyes and strong arms and for the first time he could remember, he saw the face of the man holding him. He knew his name. Jack Harkness…

I will always love you… I will never forget you…

Even when the last star goes out, I'll be there waiting for you in the dark… I'll love you forever…

Jack...

The tiny alarm under his pillow brought Kam out of the dream and back to reality. He silenced it quickly; his best chance of having the showers to himself was to get up before the rest of the crew. His only chance of avoiding Fletcher's 'morning wood' was to get out of their cabin as quickly and quietly as possible.

As a result, he was usually in the mess before anyone else, although sometimes Mr. Smeed was up early, too. When Kam walked in, he saw that Jack… Captain Harkness… was sitting with Smeed at Smeed's little table off to the side. He froze… felt his cheeks burning… they appeared deep in conversation, but he was sure he saw Captain Harkness glance his way, just once, his expression unreadable. Cold. Kam closed his eyes a moment and forced himself to walk over to the coffee station without looking back at him.

If the Captain was telling Mr. Smeed that he wanted to void his contract, dump him at Omega station, there was nothing Kam could do about it. In real life, there were no Dashing Heroes.

"Mr. Anders," Smeed's voice boomed across the empty room, making Kam jump. "A word, if you please."

Kam swallowed, managed to finish filling his cup without spilling hot coffee all over himself. When he turned to head towards the officers' table, he saw that Smeed was sitting alone now. The Captain wouldn't even face him… he forced himself to ignore how much that hurt and walked across the room. "Yes, Sir?" he managed to say in a neutral tone. As he hadn't been invited to sit, he remained standing.

"When we leave Omega…"

Oh God, here it comes… he nodded to indicate that he was listening.

"…we'll be running shifts 'round the clock. You drew the short straw, I'm afraid."

"Sir?" he blinked, not understanding.

" 'Night' shift."

Kam nodded, still not fully understanding. He understood what 'night' shift meant, even though there really wasn't any such thing as day and night aboard a ship that spent most of its time in space. He just wasn't sure what made it the 'short straw'.

Twelve hours was twelve hours. Comets, meteors and magnetic fields didn't care whether the crew clocked those hours as day or night.

"Do us a favour," Mr. Smeed continued. "No more sending the Captain rolling around his own ship," he warned in a gruff tone, although there was unmistakable mirthfulness in his eye. "Night shift's his shift on the bridge."

Which explained why some people might consider it bad luck to be selected for the night shift, Kam realized. "Yes…erm… I mean, no, Sir. I'll try my best, Sir."

Smeed chuckled; it wasn't an unkind laugh. "Just keep yer eyes on the sensors. We'll be flying though a lot of unmapped territory."

"Yes, Sir. Is there anything else, Sir?"

"You're off duty today."

"Sir?"

"We dock at Omega in 'bout another hour… crew'll have twenty four hours' leave, but my suggestion is that you use it to get used to the new schedule, 'stead of getting drunk and doing whatever it is kids your age get up when you think us officers aren't watching."

Kam felt his chest tighten at the implication… multiple implications… "Yes, Sir. Thank you." Suddenly he wondered if he'd really 'drawn the short straw' of if Captain Harkness had requested him.

But why would a man like him bother with somebody like me? The most he would ever be was something to pass the Captain's time… not that that seemed like such a bad situation any more.

As Mr. Smeed was clearly done with him, Kam gave a polite nod and excused himself before heading over to his usual table to sit down and drink his coffee. He finished it quickly, so he could be out of the mess before Fletcher appeared.

Please let him still be part of the day crew, Kam prayed silently. If they were on opposite shifts, he might just survive the next six months after all…

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"Not taking shore leave?"

Kam jumped at the sound of the Captain's voice in the empty corridor. "Sir!" he scrambled to his feet. The bemused look on the older man's face told him that he wasn't angry… he wasn't sure what he was thinking, but… but he told me I could be here… "With all due respect, Sir, you're going to give me a heart attack if you keep sneaking up on me like that."

Jack chuckled, "I'll keep that in mind." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and crossed the distance between them, stopping a polite distance from the younger man. "So?"

"Sir?"

"Shore leave?"

Kam shrugged, "Mr. Smeed suggested I acclimate myself to the night shift."

"Which should put you in bed about now," Jack smirked.

The younger man found himself blushing under the scrutiny of those blue eyes.

"Relax, crewman, I really don't bite."

"Unless one asks very nicely," Kam reminded him, wondering for the hundredth time what it was about the Captain that loosened up his tongue so much. It was going to get him into trouble and he knew it.

Jack chuckled, "There is that," he his eyebrows shot up in a lascivious expression.

And then there was quiet… "Erm…" Kam began, "Was… there something you wanted, Sir?"

Ah the ways I could answer that… Jack mused to himself. But the truth was he didn't know what he wanted. His feet had just brought him here as if of their own accord, although realistically he wasn't surprised to find the young crewman sitting reading the book he'd lent him, right where he'd found him yesterday. "Let me buy you a drink," he said suddenly. "I know this great little out of the way place on the Station – Bessie's..."

"I… really don't know, Sir… I mean… I appreciate the offer, but you wouldn't want anyone to think… " what? That he was trying to be the Captain's pet? He didn't dare say something like that aloud.

"You did catch the announcement that I was picking up the first couple of rounds for the whole crew, right?" Jack asked him. Two rounds at the main cantina and one meal… mostly because he didn't want them drinking on empty stomachs.

This was the last chance the crew would get to blow off steam and he knew it. He also knew that most of them had arrived with nothing but lint in their pockets, so he'd advanced the each a small percentage of their contract pay out. Enough for them to have a little fun, not so much that they could get into serious trouble.

"I wouldn't want anyone to think the wrong thing of you, Sir," Kam admitted, his eyes focused on the floor.

"And what would that be?"

He swallowed. Fletcher had caught him in the corridor after the shift split had been announced. He hadn't said anything, but his expression was enough for Kam to know he'd better watch his back. After the incident in the shower, when he'd stayed behind with the Captain… and now, being assigned to the night shift, on the bridge, directly under the Captain... Leese and Fletcher wouldn't be the only crewmen starting to think he was playing up to the Captain and Kam knew it.

"You know," Jack took a step closer, "If… if there's ever anything you want to say to me, anything at all, my door is always open to you. To all of you," he added quickly. "I'm really not the ogre Mr. Smeed makes me out to be. Just don't let word get around about that. My reputation will be ruined if people start thinking I'm a nice guy."

Kam flashed him a shy smile, "Your secret's safe with me, Sir."

He didn't understand the smile he got in return, the way the Captain looked at him… but he liked it. His own smile deepened.

"Mr. Anders," Captain Harkness said then, his tone hesitant. "Yesterday… if I was out of line…"

Kam shook his head quickly. More than anything, he didn't want an apology, he didn't want to hear the Captain say he was sorry for that kiss.

"All right. If you change your mind about that drink, Station security usually knows where to find me."

Kam blinked; that was a statement that could be taken in entirely too many ways… and given his expression, the Captain apparently knew it. "Gotta love a man in a uniform, Mr. Anders," he smirked, flashing a quick wink before turning and sauntering back down the corridor.

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Bessie's Tavern was located off a small passage way two decks up from the main arcade. Bessie's was small, with only two dozen tables, and was rarely frequented by visitors.

The lighting was comfortably dim and the décor was all faux wood and red and yellow glass lighting fixtures, giving it an almost old Earth feel. It was as close to stepping back in time as Jack was going to get unless he ran into the Doctor again. But it had been centuries since he'd seen the Time Lord… sometimes he wondered if he'd abandoned him, too… if so, he wasn't sure why.

"Jack Harkness," a familiar voice greeted him almost the instant he stepped in the door.

Jack's mood lifted immediately, "Henry Fitzroy," he pulled Henry into a warm embrace. They exchanged a closed-mouth kiss than onlookers would have mistaken for something far more intimate than either meant by it. "It's been too long," Jack's grin warmed to a smile that went all the way up to his eyes as Henry guided him over to his table.

"I'm always here, Jack. You know where to find me."

He shrugged, "Been busy."

Henry smiled up at the server who came over with their drinks… it had been five years since Jack had been by, but he tended to leave a lasting impression. "So what are you headed out looking for this time?" he asked. The only time Jack came this way was when he was heading out into the 'fringe' region.

"Just the usual, anything salable…"

Henry gave him an incredulous look. They'd known each other for far too long for him to believe that old line.

"I've got a lead on something," Jack admitted. "A friend of mine came across the log entries from a ship that was salvaged a few years back." He drank his beer, clearly not wanting to say more.

Henry didn't push the issue. "How long are you here for?"

"Giving my crew twenty four hours."

A companionable silence fell between them as Jack drank his beer and Henry didn't drink his wine.

"Something on your mind?" Henry asked at last. It wasn't what Jack was saying – or even what he wasn't saying – it was his expression.

Jack regarded him a moment before nodding.

"Why don't we go back to my place where we can talk."

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A/N:

From the last chapter: Adonia is the creation of Margret Weiss, not me. It's the only thing from her universe I'm borrowing.

Henry's mother was Elizabeth Blount – Bessie for short.