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chapter forty-seven
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and you stand at the crossroads
of highroads and lowroads
and i've got a feeling it's right
if it's real what i'm feeling
there's no make believing
of the sounds of the wings
of the flight
-Travis, "Love Will Come Through"
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September 30, 2003
11:25 pm
After an hour of watching the Baseball Tonight crew harp on the same three "key facts" over and over again in their postseason preview, Martin sighed in exhaustion and picked up the remote, changing the channel just in time to pick up the end of the 11:00 news.
His chest felt tight and his spirits hung heavy and low after spending the evening with Aunt Bonnie following her chemotherapy treatment this afternoon. Sam was going to come over whenever she finished at work, but she was tied up in a case and had no idea when she would finish up tonight. So instead he found himself sitting in solitude, acutely aware that she was not with him.
Over the last few weeks, she had been such a huge support network for him. He was traveling back and forth to New York even more frequently, wanting to be there for Aunt Bonnie whenever he could, and he did not honestly think he would have found the strength to put his own fear aside to be of any help without her instinctively knowing when he needed to talk about it or when he simply needed to be distracted. Just the night before, they had gone over to Caroline and Tim's for dinner and Sam had, once again, been the force that kept everything - and everyone - from falling apart.
xx
"Mom! Mom!" Kelsey skipped quickly into the dining and ran right up to Caroline's chair. The little girl was followed quickly by her younger sister and shadow, and both Kelsey and Bridget surrounded their mother, leaning their small bodies against her sides as Kelsey asked impatiently. "Is it time for dessert yet? We're still hungry!"
Martin sipped his coffee slowly but still managed to nearly burn his tongue as he watched his sister with her daughters. He did not know how either Caroline or Tim ever said 'no' when they gave the puppy dog eyes they were giving Caroline now.
Caroline rolled her eyes. "The grown ups need some time to talk and have our coffee," she replied, turning to Kelsey. "But if you're really good and you run upstairs right now and help your sister get ready for bed, I'll warm up a brownie for each of you before it's bedtime."
The girls quickly chorused their approval of this plan and scampered off, their footsteps easily heard pounding up the carpeted stairwell.
Tim laughed. "They really inherited your sweet tooth, Caro," he teased.
"Oh please," Caroline protested playfully. "I'm nothing compared to Martin when he was little. Aunt Bonnie could have had him cleaning the toilets daily as long as she promised him a snickerdoodle."
She stopped short as she realized what she had said, but it was too late. The mood was already instantly dampened.
Caroline sighed and ran one hand across her face. "Her final pathology reports really look good," Caroline said matter-of-factly. "There was just that one axillary node on the right side, but nothing else."
Irritated that his oldest sister once again was hiding behind medical terminology when referring to Aunt Bonnie's prognosis, Martin frowned. "What does that mean?" he snapped.
"The same thing Dr. Levin basically explained when she had the biopsy last week," Caroline shot back. "She's got a stage I tumor but stage II nodes. She still has a really good prognosis."
"You could have just said that," Martin barked in reply.
He felt Sam reach out for his hand. "Hey, calm down," Sam said quietly, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "She's just trying to help. You guys are both on the same side here."
It was almost uncanny the way her voice automatically seemed to snap him out of his bad temper.
xx
On the television, the recap of the 11:00 news began to blare in the background, and Martin grabbed the remote and turned the volume up just in time to hear the newscaster mention the same case that Sam was out working on.
"... The lead agent in the FBI's efforts to locate missing Rockville housewife Doris Lovett has announced he is stepping away from the case and taking a medical leave ..."
As the reporter went on to recap how Jack Malone was one of the agents who worked the original Rockville Killer cases twelve years previously, Martin considered what Sam had already told him about the case, from how Graham Spaulding was orchestrating the entire copycat act from his prison cell as an act of revenge against Jack Malone to the missing woman's jealous husband. He even hadn't found himself jealous when she mentioned how the rest of the team was really worried about Jack's reaction to the case. Her concern was nothing more than as a friend and a colleague, and he had no reason not to trust her.
After all, Jack was single now and there was nothing that would stop her from going back to Jack if she wanted to, but she chose him instead and that made all the difference.
He shivered and lay back against the sofa cushions; somehow, it didn't seem right to go to bed when she wasn't home yet.
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October 1, 2003
12:40 am
Sam sighed heavily as she hung up her desk phone, contorting her face is disgust.
From the second the team got the call about the copycat Rockville killer, to putting the pieces together to find Graham Spaulding orchestrating the entire thing from behind bars, to finding Doris Lovett's body just two hours too late, the case had been nothing short of emotional turmoil for the entire team. The worst part about all of this for her was that she knew Martin spent time with Bonnie after her chemotherapy treatment this afternoon, and she wanted nothing more than to be with him right now so that he would not be alone.
Rising from her chair, she strode across the bullpen and rapped her fist against Jack's closed office door. She turned the knob without waiting for affirmation, and the door creaked open to reveal a very silent, sullen Jack, staring blankly into space in the general direction of the plaques and diplomas hung on the wall.
"Jack?" Sam spoke in a half-whisper, afraid to speak any louder for fear that she would startle him.
He shook his head quickly, whipping his neck around as he registered her voice. "Sam?" he replied. "What is it?" His voice sounded even and calm, but in reality she could hear the defeat that engulfed his entire body. This case had nearly broken him.
"I just got a call from the state prison," she offered cautiously. She waited for him to look up at her, confirmation that he was in fact listening. "Graham Spaulding hung himself in his cell. The guards found him just half an hour ago."
He nodded, his expression blank and numb. "Are Vivian and Naomi still with her husband?"
"Yeah," she breathed. She paused for a beat, then added, "We sent a team into Hoover Bailey's place, but they came up empty. No sign of him. We've put out an APV on his vehicle but nothing yet; DMV is aware that he may have painted it red."
They had only gotten a 15 year sentence on the evidence they accumulated on Graham Spaulding in the Andy Deaver case, mainly the photographs Naomi found during the search of his home and the testimony of Patrick McCullough, the other office aide from the Spaulding Academy. Spaulding spent months in the prison library researching about Jack in an attempt to get his revenge, and he found the perfect case with which to do so: the case of the Rockville killer, who tortured, raped and killed five women twelve years previously.
Unable to carry out his plan on his own from behind bars, he bounded with Hoover Bailey, a psychologically unstable fellow inmate who was easily convinced to do Spaulding's bidding upon his release from prison. Spaulding, of course, had not counted on Bailey being so unstable and getting a little carried away. Bailey screwed up his last meeting with Randy Thorton, the original Rockville killer, and in a panic, had killed Doris ahead of the scheduled plan.
"Even when we do find him," Jack said, his eyes fixed again on the plaques and framed diplomas that lined his wall, "It's always just a little bit too late."
Jack spoke with such a subtle forlorn look in his eyes that Sam suspected had heavily to do with his mother's death, although she did not know the specifics of her suicide.
"We can only do so much, Jack," she replied quietly, folding her arms protectively across her chest. She could sense that Jack was extremely needy right now, and she knew it was not appropriate given his emotional state to get too close.
"It's not enough," he commented, not aiming his comment at her specifically, but at the world in general. He repeated, "It's never enough."
"Sometimes," Sam countered, trying to sound more comforting and less argumentative, "it has to be." Sam felt suddenly very uncomfortable and shuffled back towards the office door. With one hand on the doorknob, she bit her bottom lip thoughtfully and turned back around. "Listen, Jack," she began, holding off until he made eye contact, "I know that you're going through a lot right now between Maria and," she paused for a beat before emphasizing, "all of this, and we haven't been the greatest of friends recently. But I want you to know that we are still friends if you need something."
She was definitely worried about Jack's psyche at the moment, and she was certain she wasn't the only one of the team who was likewise concerned. Jack had been sullen and withdrawn for several months now, and tonight was the worst she had ever seen him. She was used to his dark disposition, but his depressed affect tonight was downright worrisome.
"Thanks, Sam," he replied finally. "I don't feel like going straight back to an empty place just yet, so I could give you a ride back downtown if you want," he offered.
Sam chewed her bottom lip harder, feeling her heart sink somewhere deep into her chest. "Thanks, but uh, I drove to work this morning," she stuttered awkwardly. As an afterthought, she added, "And I'm not going back downtown tonight."
"Oh, right," he replied, his expression now not only depressed but crestfallen. "Of course you're not."
"Goodnight, Jack," Sam answered quickly and made her way out of his office, shutting the door firmly behind her.
She gathered up her things and left the office. Jack stood and wistfully watched her leave out of the corner of his eye, but she did not give him a second thought.
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