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Chapter Nine

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"The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams."

-- Elizabeth Gilbert

……………….

Jack took his own copy of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz up to the observation deck so he could watch the crew come stumbling back aboard his ship. It was the best way to assure that all were present and accounted for when he took off. By his estimation, he had at least a couple of hours to kill before anyone actually showed – except for Smeed, who was more likely buying equipment and supplies than off getting laid or pissed or both.

He was just settling into the story – and remembering how once upon a time the being Dorothy's friend had a not so secret meaning – when the proximity alarm alerted him to someone's approach. Jack couldn't help the smile that spread across his face when he saw it was Kam.

He had hoped the younger man would be back before the rest of the crew; he'd even held off eating his dinner.

The smile faded only a moment after it appeared when he realized his young crewman was limping badly, favouring one side, his hands clutching at his midsection.

Jack ran to the young man's quarters, intending to intercept him, only to find him not there. He found him a few minutes later in the showers.

Kam jumped when the door opened… his eyes were wide with fear, even after he recognized the Captain. The last thing he wanted was to be seen in his current condition, to have the older man ask questions… not that Captain Harkness should care. No one cared. Disposable…

Fletcher was right, he was just something to be used and abused. Little fuck toy… that Fletcher's latest insult. The words burned in Kam's mind, reminding him that he had no right to ever hope for anything better. The only place he would ever find a man with blue eyes and strong loving arms was in his dreams and at the moment even dreams seemed light years beyond his reach.

Jack stood a moment taking in the sight of the younger man, unable to speak as his gut tightened into a hard knot. There was fresh – and not so fresh – bruising all along his stomach and ribcage and a latticework of angry red welts on his back. Blood washed down the drain at the young man's feet.

Kam turned his face back into the water. At the very least, he didn't want his Captain to see him crying like a little baby.

Jack abandoned the notion of trying to speak and walked over to the younger man, heedless of the fact that he was fully dressed. Owing to the 'beauty' of the technological age, all it took was a tap of a button on his wrist strap to cut the shower and force the other man to turn and face him again. His eyes were red-rimmed, bloodshot.

"It's not as bad as it looks, Sir, really," Kam found himself saying, although why he expected the Captain to care, he wasn't sure. He was probably just here to take his turn…

"What happened?"

Kam bit his lower lip so hard it started to bleed. "Nothing."

"Who did this to you?" Jack demanded in an angry tone. He reached out and wiped the blood away from the younger man's lip.

Kam was startled by the softness of the Captain's fingertips. He felt that trill in his stomach again, the one he'd felt before, thinking about Jack… Captain Harkness… he turned his face away from his Captain's blue eyes.

"Tell me who did this," Jack repeated.

"I… no one… it's nothing," hot tears stung at the younger man's eyes as he silently begged the Captain to go away, leave him alone. He shivered as much from fear and shame as from the chill in the air.

Jack yanked a clean towel off the rack so hard the entire pile hit the wet floor. Kam scrambled to pick them up...

"Leave it," he snapped; he realized that the younger man was shaking and he wasn't helping. He took a breath and let it out. "Come here," he said in a softer tone, holding his hand out. Kam didn't move, he just sat there, rooted to the spot, staring up at him. "Please," Jack edged a little closer.

My door is always open… that's what the Captain had said… and those eyes… but in real life there were no Dashing Heroes, Kam reminded himself. No matter how much he wanted there to be… "Please, Sir, it's nothing I can't handle."

Jack knelt down and wrapped the towel around the younger man's shoulders. "Come on," he kept his tone carefully under control. "Let's at least get you down to the infirmary and make sure you're ok," he coaxed.

Jack gathered the reluctant young man into his arms, pulling him gently to his feet. "Come on… shhhh…." He wrapped his arms around his shaking body when he lost his battle with the tears. "I am so sorry I didn't do something to stop this sooner," he whispered. "I should never have let it get this far."

"It's nothing…" Kam tried to protest, but those arms… so warm… holding him while he cried…making him feel safe. Secure. Just like in the dream… he let his head rest against the Captain's shoulder… if this is a dream, please don't ever let me wake up. Let me stay like this forever… Suddenly he was lifted off his feet… the Captain cradled him against his body and he was too startled and too tired to fight.

"We're going to the infirmary so I can make sure there's no internal damage," Jack said to the questioning, almost frightened look Kam gave him. "Then you're going to tell me what happened." He carried the young man out of the showers.

"It's nothing. Really, it's nothing."

Jack remembered another stubborn man he used to know… but this was more than just not general obstinace. "You can trust me," he brushed his lips against the younger man's forehead. "I know… believe me I know… what it's like to feel you can't trust anybody. But sometimes you have to." Have a little faith… Henry's parting words… "Kam… Sorry," he flashed an apologetic grin to the startled expression that crossed the younger man's face. "Mr. Ander," he corrected himself.

"No… I mean… you can call me anything you want." He wondered if that could have come out any worse…

"Don't tempt me," Jack teased him.

Kam laughed; it hurt, physically, but it felt good in other ways. He closed his eyes and tried to let himself just enjoy the moment, enjoy having somebody seem to care… it was such a remarkable feeling.

The infirmary was small. One exam table, two beds, a bank of equipment. Jack didn't even have a medic under contract, although he supposed he should… he'd heard enough complaints about his first aid skills from Smeed over the years.

Jack set him down gently on the exam table and pulled a blanket off the shelf; he wrapped it around Kam's shoulders in case the cold was more than just having had his hot shower interrupted. He was aware of the younger man's brown eyes watching him carefully as he began the scan. "This won't take long," he offered up a tight lipped smile.

Kam said nothing.

Jack went to work… it really didn't take long. "The good news is that there's no internal bleeding," he said when he finished. "But there is a lot of deep bruising and your ribs are pretty badly banged up. Two hairline fractures," he showed him the image on the screen. "I'd like you to get a couple of days' rest…"

Sudden panic overtook the younger man's features. "No, please, I'll be fine… really…" Rest meant time in his cabin. Time alone with Fletcher. But he didn't dare say that aloud, he'd have to explain himself. Fletcher would make him regret it if he told the Captain. "I can't afford…" he tried to come up with an excuse the other man would understand.

Jack cut him off, mid-argument. "I'm not going to dock your pay. You just need a little rest. It's no big deal. I'd do the same for any one of my crew," he added.

He swallowed, trying to sound less afraid than he felt. "I can fly. Really. Please, Sir…"

"The answer's no. I want you to spend a couple of days in bed. I mean it. No wandering the decks. I will make that an order if I have to, Crewman."

"Please… just let me do my job. I promise… I'll be fine."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

Kam couldn't look into those blue eyes. He wanted to trust them so much… he wanted to trust the man behind them… but it wasn't just Fletcher. It was Leese. It was the other two. There were others besides them. He knew what the crew thought of him. Even if the Captain had some kind of interest in him, he couldn't choose a bed-warmer over four or five or six of his crew.

"No, Sir," he said softly. "There's nothing I want to say. Just… thank you. For everything." It would be better, Kam realized, if he just left now. Fletcher would kill him one way or the other. If he told the Captain about Fletcher, someone else would do it. There was no way he would survive six months, his only chance was to… to go.

He had a few more hours before the Bonny Welshman was scheduled to depart. He could slip off the ship unnoticed. The Captain had been quite clear, anyone not on board would be left behind.

But why did the thought of leaving those blue eyes hurt so much…? A note, Kam though. I can at least leave him a note, tuck it into the book… he wouldn't leave with the Captain's book. He might be a lot of things, but he wasn't a thief. He didn't know what he would say, but he felt like he needed to say something, even if it was just good-bye.

Not that he'll even care…

Jack settled his hands on his hips. "Fine. Until further notice, I'm assigning you to new quarters. Mine."

Kam's jaw slacked open.

"I want you to get some rest. Apparently that isn't going to happen in your cabin. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn't happen in mine either," he raised his eyebrows suggestively. "But I'll be sleeping on the couch, just to make sure we both behave ourselves."

"Sir…I…"

"That is an order, Mr. Anders. Am making myself perfectly clear?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good." He helped the young crewman man down off the table. "By the way, I hope you're hungry. I brought you some dinner back from the Station."

………………………………………………………….

Jack settled him down onto the settee, the blanket still wrapped snuggly around his shoulders. He put the kettle on and put the take away onto a couple of hot-plates to warm up. "It shouldn't take long."

"Sir…"

"Door's closed," Jack reminded him.

Kam just looked up at him, no longer sure what he should call the man or how he should feel. "Why are you doing this?"

"A good captain takes care of his crew."

The younger man's gaze fell… he knew that the Captain's actions went above and beyond those of a Captain taking care of his crew… but if that's all he thought it was…

Suddenly Captain Harkness was in front of him, sitting on the coffee table. "Just get better," he said in a soft, sincere tone. "Then…" he shrugged instead of finishing his thought.

Kam forced himself to look at the man sitting in front of him. He wasn't some spectre out of a dream. He was real. He was human. He had amazing blue eyes and strong arms… and he uses the coffee table as a chair. He wasn't some Dashing Hero. But he did seem like a Good Man.

"You kissed me yesterday," Kam's voice was so soft, Jack almost missed the statement.

"Yes I did."

"I liked it," he admitted.

"Me too."

Kam looked away from his gaze. A Good Man deserved to know what kind of man he'd kissed… "There's something… something I have to show you."

Jack's chuckle startled him. "Twice in one day…" he raised his eyebrows. "What is it?" he asked. He could see the younger man's discomfort and regretted his laugh.

Kam slipped the leather bracelets off his wrists, exposing the tattoos. "You see, Sir, they have every right to do what they're doing… I… I am what I am." I'm not a Good Man…

"This," Jack picked up the younger man's hands, his fingers tracing the lines around his wrists, "doesn't give anybody the right to hurt you."

Houses marked their 'property' so that they couldn't easily run away… not that many of them ever did. Most were taken into Service at an early age, taught that were only good for one thing. Batter away at a person's self esteem long enough… Jack let out a heavy sigh, pressing his lips to the young man's wrists. Most kids were contracted into Service by their parents, the very people who were supposed to love and protect them from the evils in the universe.

"Did you buy your way out?" he asked.

Kam swallowed, but the lump in his throat refused to budge. "Please… I'll do anything… whatever you want… however you want it. It would be my pleasure to Serve you…"

Jack felt his jaw clench. "The only thing I want is to make whoever's hurting you stop. And I will," he promised.

A soft chime alerted him that the food had warmed back up to serving temperature. Jack let go of the younger man's hands and brought the plates over to the coffee table, but he didn't sit down. "Go ahead and start without me."

"Where…?"

Jack flashed another one of his famous smirks. "As much as I love having a beautiful young man sitting naked in my quarters, I think you might be a little more comfortable with some clothes on. And I can guarantee you I'll catch less flack from Smeed if you're dressed when he gets back," he shot the younger man a wink. In a more serious tone he told Kam to help himself to whatever he needed. "I won't be long," he promised. "Trust me."

………………………………………………………….………..

Jack did a quick search of the cabin, but it looked as if everything Kam owned was stowed in the footlocker.

He was just about to leave when the door opened; it was Torren Fletcher.

"Erm…" the kid took a step back when he saw the Captain. "Sir… is… there a problem, Sir?" he looked nervous.

Jack forced an easy smile, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "No problem. Mr. Anders has been assigned to new quarters."

"I… hope everything's all right, Sir."

The Captain shrugged. "Mr. Anders is fine. Of course if I find out that it was one of my crew who was responsible for cracking his ribs, I'll put them off my ship. It might take a couple of days…"

"So we'll be staying on Omega, then?"

Jack allowed his tone to betray just a small portion of the anger he felt. "I will put the guilty party out the nearest air lock whether there's an atmosphere outside this ship or not."

Fletcher paled.

Jack wished him a good night and hefted the footlocker up in both hands. He didn't expect to see Fletcher again…