Chapter Twelve

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"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."

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Infatuated… hot tears burned in Kam's eyes… remember the last time you did this… a clear implication that there had been a last time, although exactly why Kam thought he might be special was beyond him. Everybody knew Captain Harkness had a reputation. He knew he was just something to help the Captain pass the time. A bed warmer. He shouldn't care. It was what he was used to.

No, it's better than what I'm used to, Kam told himself. Jack talked to him. Listened to him. Danced with him. He'd tucked him into bed and told him to get better… he'd held him close. No one had ever done that before. No one had even acted like they cared.

He had memories made hazy by the years of his mother tucking him in, telling him she loved him. Holding him close. He could almost remember what she smelled like… what she looked like. If he tried, he could remember not being scared all the time. He wanted to feel that way again. Here. With you… Jack. His Captain.

He closed his eyes tight against crushing sensation in his chest.There were no Dashing Heroes in real life.

Ask yourself what he's supposed to do when you get tired of playing knight in shining armour? Mr. Smeed had asked. You have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to bed partners…

Kam didn't know what a gnat was, but was betting that its attention span was short. That would fit with the Captain's reputation, anyway.

He slid into his pants… a clean shirt…

I will love you forever, said the voice, a voice he was sure sounded like just like Jack's.

That was just a dream. The reality was that because of him, Jack was short six crewmen. The remaining crew were sure to know why. And I'm going to have to face that. Face them. He swallowed hard, trying to make the lump in his throat go down.

Trying not to cry.

Just enjoy the moment, he told himself. Enjoy this little bit of kindness… take it for what it is…

But then what?

………………………………………………………

"This is different," Jack repeated his previous argument to his first officer, keeping his voice low.

Smeed gave him the same dubious look he'd given earlier, too.

"I don't know how to explain it, James," not without sounding completely insane, anyhow, "but there's something… different about this. About him. Even if you're right and this is just some passing infatuation," he decided to go for a more logical argument. "When have you ever known me to turn my back on someone?"

"It's not that easy this time. I checked. There's a nice little sum on his head…"

Jack's frown darkened.

"I'm not suggesting… you know me better, Jackie! I'm just trying t'say that you have enough trouble in your life without getting involved a fight with a Red House over some kid you don't even know."

"He's more than some kid," Jack hoped his tone conveyed how much more.

"I know how you feel about the Empire…"

He shook his head. "That's not it. This is… it's personal. Besides, I've already asked Henry to discreetly pay Kam's contract off for me."

"That's… Jackie, you can't buy off the contract on every kid whose parents sold them to some House. I know you hate those people… "

"He's not just some kid," Jack repeated, although clearly Smeed didn't believe him. Hell, I'm not even sure I believe myself, he admitted silently. "You're just going to have to trust me on this one."

"You know this kid from somewhere or something?"

"No."

Smeed gave him another dark, dubious look.

"No where that would make any sense," Jack admitted. "I'm asking you to trust me. If it blows up in my face you can tell me you told me so."

The other man was quite a long moment before asking Jack if he was going to tell Kam about his contract being paid off.

"When I think he's ready to hear it."

"Be careful, Jackie. For both your sakes."

…………………………………………………………………..

Jack took a deep breath and let it out again before tapping on the bedroom door to ask Kam if he was ready. He'd seen how much Smeed's presence had rattled the young man and he had been in the bedroom for far longer than it took to get dressed.

The bedroom door cracked open. Jack smiled. "You look good."

Kam just shrugged. He wasn't wearing anything the Captain hadn't seen him in before. "Thank you," he said anyway, swallowing back the cotton in his mouth.

He took a step closer to the older man, everything he'd heard Mr. Smeed say still playing through his head. He was what he was and that meant he was only useful for one thing. If he could do that one thing good enough, maybe the Captain would let him stay. He knew his hands were shaky, but he reached out and pushed them lightly between the older man's legs.

"Kam…"

"I just want to show you," he tried to look up, but he couldn't make himself meet those blue eyes, he was too afraid he would find disappointment there. I'm a good bed warmer, he thought at the Captain. I can keep your interest.

Jack captured his hands and held them, gently. "You don't have to… do… anything. You have two cracked ribs… you were raped," saying the word aloud felt like pouring salt in a fresh wound, but he didn't know how else to make Kam understand why he wasn't going to accept anything more than a few kisses right now. "You need to let your body heal. Your mind," he brushed his lips against younger man's forehead. You need to let your heart heal.

"I… you can't rape a Service Provider, Jack," Kam told him simply, trying not to be afraid of using his first name. The permission to do so hadn't been explicate, but it felt right. Everything about being with the older man felt right.

The matter-of-factness of the statement made the knot in Jack's gut tighten into a hard, cold ball. "Unless you initiated it… unless you were there willingly…unless you wanted it..." he tried to supress his growing anger.

"My body is meant to be used. That's why they took me to the Houses in the first place."

"No. No… that's not… it's not what it's supposed to be like. Your body is yours and who you give it to is up to you. Nobody should have the right to just take what they want."

Kam bit his lower lip, but not hard this time. He eased his hands away from Jack's and touched him again, a gentle rubbing motion that elicited an immediate response. "If that's what you want… I would be more than happy to give you my body, Jack. My ribs might be cracked, but my mouth isn't damaged at all," he added, looking up at the older man through his eyelashes, a coy smile playing across his lips.

He took Kam firmly him by the shoulders and held him at arm's length, ignoring the frightened, pained look on the younger man's face. "Stop it. Stop trying to be who you think I want you to be," as much as he wanted to, he couldn't keep the anger out of his tone.

"I…"

"I don't want the Red House act, Kam. I want you."

The younger man's breath hitched in his throat.

"I'm not angry at you," he eased up on his grip and slid his hands down the younger man's arms until he came to his hands. He held them, letting their fingers intertwine. He leant I and coaxed a gentle kiss out of the other. "For right now, that's the only thing I want from you… and only if you want to."

"I want to," Kam told him in a tone he prayed the Captain would believe. He leant in again, following his words up with another kiss… what if Mr. Smeed was wrong? What if Jack Harkness really was his man with the blue eyes…?

What makes me think I could possibly be anything to him? The voice of doubt nagged at the back of his mind. He was nobody… he was nothing.

But when the Captain wrapped his arms around him, he felt special. He felt like he was the only person in the whole Universe. It felt so good. So real.

"Come on, let's go get some breakfast," Jack said when their lips parted. His smile seemed so sincere… Mr. Smeed had known him a long time, Kam was sure, but maybe he was wrong…

Only there really were no such things as Dashing Heroes in real life.

……………………………………………………………………….

Self-consciousness washed over the young man like a wave of nausea as they were seated at a little table near the rear of a quiet little bistro. He'd never been in a real restaurant, not like this. Not a place with a hostess who smiled at them (or at least at Jack, whom she greeted by name) and tables with tablecloths and fresh flowers in little vases. The chairs were padded and none of them patched or falling apart. The servers looked like they were only interested in serving food, not Serving the customers.

"Coffee, gentlemen?" the server queried with a polite smile.

"Please," Jack grinned at her. "Kam…?"

"I… erm…" he looked up, uncertain. He couldn't afford to spend the advance Jack had given the crew.

"Coffee for him too," the Captain told the girl, flashing a warm smile.

He tried to swallow back some of his nervousness as he glanced over the menu. There was very little print, but meals were all clearly pictured. And very cleraly priced.

"Have whatever you want," Jack told him.

"I…" he hesitated. He couldn't afford any of this, he was going to need every bit of his pay to get the tattoos removed. If he was lucky, he would have just enough to scrape by on afterwards.

"I invited you, remember?" the Captain's tone remained friendly, his smile warm. "This is my treat."

"I really… " he didn't know what to say. When Jack had suggested breakfast, he'd expected he main cantina, something cheap. Easy. He blushed. "Why… why did you bring me here?"

"This place serves the best breakfast on the Station," the other man shrugged. He unrolled his silverware and placed the linen napkin in his lap.

Kam mimicked the actions as best as he could. "No… I mean… why are you… why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Being so nice to me."

"Because I like you."

The coffee arrived.

Kam watched Jack fix his coffee, not knowing what to say. "It's a wonder you have teeth left," he murmured without quite meaning to. The Captain took his coffee the same way he took his tea.

Jack smiled. He was sure Ianto had never nagged him about his teeth. He wanted to appreciate Kam for who he was not who he might have been five hundred years ago. He wanted to see him for who he was, here, now.

"Did… did you really mean what you said?" the younger man asked then, his tone uncertain. Even though he had the bracelets on, Kam was sure everyone knew what they were hiding. Cyprians weren't meant to be polite company… they weren't meant to be taken out… they were just… I want you… had Jack really said that? Had he meant it? Did he really like him?

"What I said?" the Captain asked.

"Back on the ship," he bit his lip again. He looked up when he felt Jack's fingers brushing his lip very, very gently. His expression was difficult to read.

"I don't make a habit of lying," Jack told him. Which wasn't strictly true. If anyone asked, he would say he was thirty five, born on an outlying colony – which technically was the truth, it was just a colony that had yet to be settled.

The younger man studied him a long moment. "I… I've never been in a place like this before," he admitted. "Or on a date." Because that was what this was… it had to be. The Captain's soft smile seemed to confirm that yes, he considered it a date, too. "I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do"

"You're supposed to enjoy yourself. Order something, whatever you want. Eat. Talk to me."

"Do people really do this all the time?"

Jack nodded, sipping his coffee.

Kam forced himself to meet the other man's gaze. Those blue eyes… "Do you?" he asked. Because you make me feel so special, but if I'm just a bed warmer… if I'm just a bed warmer, I'll take it because even bed warmers can be special, at least a little bit.

"I see my reputation precedes me," Jack couldn't help the smirk that played across his lips.

"I suppose it's really none of my business."

"It's your business if you want it to be."

Kam swallowed. "What… what does that mean?"

"It means I like you. It means I want to get to know you. I want to be your friend."

"Just friends?"

Jack chuckled and coaxed him into another long sensual kisses over the table. "Even in my book, 'just friends' don't kiss like that, Crewman."

Kam found himself smiling too, "I guess not, Captain."

The older man chuckled again, kissed him again…

When the server came back to see if they were ready to order, Jack very carefully held his expression in check when Kam ordered the crepes with pineapple and whipped cream.