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Chapter 11.

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Zhen's POV.

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I walked in cautiously into the conference room where Brassel was waiting for me. Roberta was already sitting before him, looking as if she were already getting yelled at, even though the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Luther was standing close by as well with his eyes to the floor and his hands folded neatly in front of himself.

I sat down next to Roberta in utter silence, feeling as if any noise I made would set Brassel off.

"You are aware of why you are here," Brassel said quietly and decidedly. I figured that was a statement more than a question and felt it best not to respond yet.

"You are aware… that during the course of your mission… you disobeyed a direct order from your pointman and observer Mr. Stickell."

I kept my mouth shut still, but obviously that was a question he felt I should've answered.

"Miss Lei, are you aware you disobeyed your pointman?"

"With all due respect," Luther defended me. "Sir, I made Declan point. I remained the observer."

Brassel put on a face that showed a mocking curiosity.

"Luther, was I looking at you?"

"No, sir."

"Did I say your name?"

Luther sighed and looked elsewhere.

"No, sir."

"Then why did you feel that you were allowed to talk at this time? I was asking Miss Lei; so Miss Lei, if you could answer me now, that would surely make my day."

"I am aware I disobeyed the rules of mission conduct, sir," I replied quietly.

"Alright… Mr. Stickell, since you are so eager to speak, I will ask you this… Did I not order you pointman of this mission?"

"Yes, sir, so I figured--"

"And was it not you who ordered the abort?"

"Yes, sir, but--"

"So you gave all the orders but Agent Gormley was point… I see… And did you ask Miss Lei to go after agents Martin and Gormley?"

"Well, no, sir, but--"

"That is quite enough, Mr. Stickell. So, back to you, Miss Lei."

I noticed Brassel begin to pace now, which meant I was really in for it.

"What gave you the motivation to put not only your butt on the line, but every butt currently residing in this building by compromising our security?"

I lowered my head and didn't speak. I had a feeling he wasn't done yet.

"I like my job, Miss Lei," he said, his voice falling eerily calm. "I am not quite ready to give it up until my thirty-year retirement and the pension that comes with it, so that I might go buy a lake house with my wife and sit around a dock on a lawn chair with sunglasses and a piña colada and I am NOT going to let a couple of over-zealous agents get in the way of that future—do you understand me?"

I nodded.

"Yes, perfectly, sir."

He shook his head sadly at me.

"You bewilder me, Miss Lei. Now I can understand Miss Blake doing something like this… but not you. You graduated at the top of your class, with honors, and you were even recommended to me personally, with boasts of how strictly you followed your orders. 'Anal', I believe, was the word they used. I have to ask, before I discipline you thoroughly for the grief you have caused this bureau… what made you do this?"

I glanced at Roberta and she only looked back as if awaiting my answer with interest. Maybe she was daring me to tell the truth about what really happened back in Paris. That was not going to happen.

"I felt it was wrong to leave two great agents to die when there was a chance of safe retrieval."

"Which is why Agents Martin and Blake found you bleeding to death beside Agent Gormley, is that it?"

I was cornered. I shut my mouth again and simply awaited my sentence.

"Seeing as you have never done anything like this before… and since everyone around here seems to favor you and your past work enough to stick up for you personally, I am going to let you off with a warning."

I perked up in utter surprise. He was letting me off?

"But do NOT be mistaken, Miss Lei. I hear one rumor of you stepping out of line again and I will have you behind a desk for the rest of my IMF CEO career, so help me God, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, crystal, sir."

"Now go."

I got up to go and gave Roberta a shaky smile of encouragement before I walked towards the door.

"And Agent Lei," Brassel called. "Though it was the stupidest thing you have ever done, you and Blake were successful in saving the lives of two of our top agents. For that you will be receiving stripes of courage in your files. But do understand: that had absolutely nothing to do with me."

"Yes, sir," I said while fighting a smile. "Do tell the person who did… that I thank them."

He nodded and waved me off, turning to face Roberta to chew her out next, and I exited the tense room. I was glad that was over.

I headed to my assigned dorm. No one really lived in their assigned dorms, and who could blame them? They were really assigned rooms to store our personal stuff in and happened to have a bed and shower in case we wanted a quick nap or rinse in-between assignments.

I lay down to rest my head after the stress of the mission and conference with Brassel. It wasn't easy listening to that man, and most everyone here thought he was unjust in the way he handled things, but one had to admit, he got the job done.

I looked to my door, sensing someone there suddenly, and saw Declan leaning against my doorframe with his hands in his pockets.

"Hi," he said naturally.

"Umm… hi?" I said, wondering why he was out of a hospital bed and standing in my doorway.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"You mean Brassel."

I sighed and leaned my head back down.

"It was pretty brutal, as usual. But he let me off for some reason."

"Yeah, I know."

I looked up at him again.

"How? It just happened right now."

"Calm down, detective," he said with a taunting smile. "I arranged it."

I was surprised and a little unbelieving.

"How?"

"Aren't we full of questions? I told an ol' high-end colleague of mine t' approve it with the Head of Office."

"Let me guess: you slept with this colleague too."

He chuckled and looked at the ground.

"Actually, I didn't with this one, you nosy git. Hunt's not really my type."

"Ethan Hunt?" I smiled too. "I might've known."

Silence overcame the room and I just stared at him as he examined my floor.

"Did you have something else to say?" I said curiously.

"Not really. A simple 'thank you' might be nice from you, though."

"Oh, I see why you came," I said sharper than I meant to. "For a pat on the back. Is your self-esteem so low you need to go looking for praise?"

"I just said it might be nice."

"I'll thank Ethan when I see him next."

"Are you angry with me?"

I didn't know how to respond to this, so I shut my mouth. I was angry with him, but I couldn't place why. But I had theories.

I think it was the fact that he was being so nice and I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle him in my doorway looking like he had just rolled out of bed and even still, looking as unbearably handsome as he did. I especially couldn't handle that I desperately hoped that what Lucas had told me was true.

He loves you, you know…

So I did what women did best. I lied.

"I'm not angry with you. I just… I'm grateful. I really am."

Declan smirked.

"I know why you're angry," he said decidedly, disregarding what I had just told him as if I had never even said it. "You think you have t' owe me now. Well, you don't have to, just consider us even fer the whole 'saving my arse' thing."

"It's going to take more than your pitiful job-saving strategies for us to be even, Declan…"

He smirked again, finally stood up straight from leaning on the wall, and took a step to me. His head lowered slightly then. His eyes narrowed next and he looked at me very intensely.

It was a look I had seen once before—when I was telling him about the cat prayers. He had given me that look just before he asked me to teach it to him. It was a look that made me crumble and break under it like unwatered flowers under harsh sunlight.

"So tell me what I can do fer you," he said at last, his eyes locking on mine and not letting go. "To make us even, I mean."

Stunned, I found myself unable to speak. My voice had abandoned me. I got up slowly, rising to his eye level. I stepped up close to him, and he stepped up close to me. Much too close.

Immediately my conscience swarmed in on me and I stopped moving. What was I doing? What if I was wrong, and he didn't love me at all? Was I assuming too much here?

As he leaned for my mouth slowly, I realized I wasn't assuming too much at all. Whether he really loved me or not, he wanted to kiss me now, and was waiting for me to lean for him as well. It was so tempting…

Don't get me wrong… I did no such thing.

Oh, man, but how I wanted to. It was so hard to hold back that I thought I'd pass out from the mental strain. It was like I said before though: not only was this prohibited-- it was impossible.

When he realized I wasn't returning his advances, he pulled back, looking offended. It was a look that killed me inside to see.

"Declan…" I said and to my surprise, my voice cracked like I was choking on tears. "We can't…"

"Fer you I would," he replied without hesitation.

He seemed so confident… so self-assured. Why was he so ready to risk it all for me, just like that? Did he really love me that way?

"It's just one li'l kiss," he coaxed, leaning for me once more.

"No, it's not," I replied, pushing him back again. "If I kiss you, I won't stop."

He smiled and before he even spoke, I knew what he was thinking.

"What's wrong with that?"

Then I gave him a look that made him back away indefinitely and sigh heavily. He was quite obviously disappointed. I tried my best not to feel anything.

"Fine," he said in a low voice. "Another time, another place."

"No, Declan," I countered firmly, going to the door and holding it open for him to leave. "Not now, not ever."

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Signed,
--RedRogue