A/N: Ok, you've got to love that Dr. Seuss said something like the quote at the start of this one...

Thank you again for your continued reading and support of this piece! I was so nervous about posting it... the response has been overwhelming.

Chapter Fifteen

………………

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Dr. Seuss.

……………….

Jack knew that given enough time, Fletcher would come back to where Henry had found Kam. It was a long wait, but he didn't need to sleep and it was worth sitting there in the dark to see the look on Fletcher's face when he saw him still alive…

……………………………………………………………………

"You should try to eat something," Henry coaxed gently. He knew he could force the younger man, but he'd been through so much already... you don't need somebody forcing themselves onto the only thing you have left. Free will.

He gave a tight smile, but the young man turned away.

Kam had recognized his voice… Jack's friend… the man he'd been entertaining the other morning, the one with the velvet laugh. The man who found him. Who brought him here. Who was taking care of him.

"Why don't you get some sleep," Henry suggested at last. "If you need anything, I'll be in the next room."

"Thank you," his voice was a ghost of a whisper. He slid down into the silk sheets, pulling the pillow tight against his chest. It smelled like the man… expensive cologne. Henry Fitzroy had good taste… expensive taste.

He seemed nice.

Kam wasn't sure what he was going to expect in return for taking care of him like this.

Henry dimmed the lights and left him to rest. He contemplated contacting Jack's ship again… but how many times could he call? Jack knew where Kam was.

It was several hours later that the light tap came at his door. There was only one person Henry knew who still knocked on doors.

Sure enough, it was Jack.

"Where the Hell have you been?" He made no attempt to hide his anger, crossing his arms over his chest and standing more than a polite distance from the other man.

Jack didn't answer. "How is he?" he asked instead.

"He won't eat. He hasn't come out of the bedroom. It's been over forty eight hours, Jack. What's going on?"

"I found Fletcher. I needed another shower."

"Do you feel better?"

Jack was surprised by derisiveness of Henry's tone; he wouldn't have expected it. "No. But he'll never hurt anyone ever again." He met Henry's gaze for the first time since his arrival. "That does make me feel better."

The other merely nodded, though whether it was approval or simply understanding, Jack didn't know. He wasn't sure he cared.

"Station Security arrested the other one," Henry told him. "They're charging him with assault and rape. He'll probably be transferred to one of the penal colonies."

It was Jack's turn to nod. He moved further into the living room without sitting down. Henry followed. "Have you told Kam about me?" his tone betrayed his uncertainty.

"It wasn't my place."

He took a breath and let it out again, trying to put what he wanted to say into words, trying to ignore how much what he wanted hurt.

Henry didn't rush him. Finally, Jack asked if he could make Kam forget his being here tonight.

"You want him to forget you're alive?"

"I want him to forget the last two days."

He eased his arms away from his chest, his expression softening. "I can't take make him forget something that traumatic, Jack, I'm sorry. It's… etched… onto his psyche."

The Captain nodded, suspecting that if he could have, Henry would have already taken away what they'd done to him.

"He's a strong young man, Jack. He can recover from this."

Jack turned to gaze out the large window overlooking the docking bay a long moment. All those stars… all those planets… people… all that space and yet somehow they'd found each other… Kam had found him.

Kam… Ianto… he didn't know what he believed any more.

For one brief amazing moment it had felt like being with him again and it felt so good… he had different eyes… different hair… but he was so much like Ianto that he could almost believe…

But what do I really remember about someone I buried five hundred years ago? Jack asked himself again. He'd had a lot of time to think, sitting there waiting for Fletcher in the dark.

Maybe when he looked at Kam, he was seeing things that weren't there, hearing things he wanted to hear, making connections out of coincidences.

He knew there was nothing out there… cold… darkness… there was nothing after life. When the stars all went out, there would be nothing left but blackness, a great big Universe full of Nothing. His only consolation was the knowledge that some day something was going to happen and he was going to die… the Doctor… Martha… they would be witness to it, even though they wouldn't know it was him… The Face of Boe… leave it to me to come up with something like that to give myself a clue that someday I'm going to be a pickled head in a jar.

Smeed was right, Kam deserved so much more than he could give him.

"Can you make him forget I was here?" he repeated the question.

"If that's what you really want," Henry's tone was cool, but otherwise Jack didn't know how to interpret it. His expression gave nothing away.

The Captain wandered over to one of the chairs and slid into it. "I want… I need… to tell him good bye, but he can't remember I was here." he closed his eyes. I just want one more moment with him… One more kiss. One good thing to hang onto…

Henry sat down opposite him. "Don't you think that's a little selfish?" This time there was no mistaking the irritation in his tone.

Jack gave him a plaintive look, "He saw me die."

"A lot of people have seen you die."

"But they haven't seen me come back, not in the last few hundred years. This century is so… frightened… of anything it doesn't understand…anything it thinks is alien." Xenophoboic. "It's like 1869 all over again."

"Do you honestly believe that boy would do something to hurt you?"

"I don't know what he'll do. I just know… I know he deserves… more."

"More than what? Somebody to love him as much as I know you're capable of loving? Somebody to care for him… somebody who cares about him? What more is there, Jack?"

"Someone to grow old with."

Henry let out a long, exasperated sigh. "So it's back to that again."

"What?"

"You live forever, Jack. It's who and what you are. You can't change it. I'm not sure you would even if you could. And yet you keep using your immortality as an excuse not to live. Love is the essence of life. It's what makes life worth living. Why are you constantly running away from it?"

"I… I don't want to hurt him. He saw me die…"

"Tell me something – better yet, answer it for yourself – even if Mr. Anders isn't Ianto, even if you never come to believe in anything beyond the mortal coil, did Ianto ever once regret being with you? Did he ever regret that you were going to outlive him? Or did he simply love you for the time you had together?"

Jack didn't answer. He didn't have to. They both knew Ianto had never expressed any remorse about their life together. Short though it had been, it had been more than either of them had expected and it had been so good… promise me you'll love again…don't wall yourself off, Jack… "That doesn't make it fair, Henry."

"Perhaps you should let Mr. Anders decide for himself what he thinks is fair."

Jack swallowed, but the lump in his throat refused to go down.

"Talk to him Jack. Tell him the truth. Give him that much consideration. Then if you still want me to take the memory of your being here away from him, I will, even though I believe that doing so would be a great discourtesy."

……………………………………………………………………..

In the hazy place between slumber and wakefulness, Kam noticed a familiar scent… musk… heat… spice… he shuddered, but willed himself to lie still, to keep his eyes closed. To hang onto the fragments of the dream he didn't remember having as long as possible.

When he felt the hand on his shoulder he knew at once that it wasn't Henry… but it couldn't be anyone else. Even his dreams had been empty of those blue eyes. He didn't know if he'd ever see them again, but that scent… please go away, please let me hang on to the dream, he begged the intruder silently.

Next to him the bed sagged as someone sat down. "You awake?" said a voice. A familiar voice…

He opened his eyes and his breath hitched in his throat. He shuddered again…

"Don't…" Jack didn't get the rest of it out, a plea for the younger man not to be afraid of him, because Kam had already shifted closer, wrapping his arms around him.

He was shaking. Crying. Jack pulled him closer, holding him as tightly as he could without hurting him. "It's all right…Kam... shhh, I'm here..."

Soft brown eyes looked up at him. "Please tell me you're real," he begged. "Please tell me I'm awake," tears trickled down his cheeks.

Jack brushed them away with his thumbs. "I'm real. You're awake."

The younger man looked up at him for only a brief moment – it was an eternity of fear for Jack, who couldn't read his expression – before pressing his mouth to Jack's. He kissed him long and hard, his tongue playing at Jack's lips until the older man finally gave in.

"I thought I'd never see you again," Kam whispered when he eased away, his arms were wrapped securely around the Captain's shoulders. "I thought… oh God… I thought… I just found you and then… then you were gone…" he kissed him again, a kiss so familiar.

Like finding the piece that's been missing for so long I forgot what it felt like until I found it again… "I'm right here," he promised, giving the younger man's lips another soft kiss before settling them so they could talk. "I'm here, but there's something I need to tell you, something I have to say."

Kam nodded, although he refused to let go of Jack's hands. It was like he was afraid if he let go, he might lose him again.

"You're not human," he said simply. "No human could have survived…" he closed his eyes. "Oh God, I thought I'd lost you…" he didn't care any more how foolish he sounded.

"I'm here," Jack repeated, squeezing his hands gently to emphasize the point. "I was born human, Kam." He waited until the other man was looking at him again before continuing. "But… then… something happened to me. A long time ago. And I'm not really sure what I am. Here…" he took Kam's hand and moved it to the back of his head, to where he'd been hit.

"That's incredible," the younger man breathed, realizing that there wasn't so much as a scar where Jack's skull had been split open.

"I can't die."

Kam blinked a moment, seeming to digest that. Jack waited… however, "you weren't breathing," was all the young man said.

"I know. I… I die but then… then I come back. I always come back. I've been shot… stabbed… drowned… burned alive… javelin," he almost rolled his eyes. "I was buried alive for… for a long time. But I came back." I came back for him… for you... He couldn't meet the younger man's gaze for fear of what he would see…

"That means you're really all alone," Kam's tone wasn't what Jack had expected.

He swallowed. He shrugged. He didn't know what to say.

"I know what being alone feels like, Jack," Kam told him softly. "The last couple of days… this is the first time I haven't felt all alone. My whole life… which I guess must really seem sort… you're older than thirty five, aren't you?"

He couldn't help the half smile that played across his lips. "A lot older."

The younger man just nodded. "My whole life I felt like I was… alone. Empty. Even before… on the Archimedes… I'm not saying I was unhappy there, it was a good life. But there was always something missing…" he bit his lip.

Jack brushed his fingers over his lips. "You really shouldn't do that," he said gently.

"It's a stupid habit. I only do it when I'm nervous."

"I make you nervous?"

Kam shook his head. "I make myself nervous when I'm around you. I… I like you. I want you to like me. Only I don't know anything… I was taken to a Red House when I was thirteen. I've been Serving since I was fourteen. I can please…" he closed his eyes a moment, fighting back the tears. "I know what to do in between the sheets, but I don't know anything about being with someone. I don't even know how to make someone understand that that's what I want."

"You could try just saying it."

"What if the other person doesn't want the same thing?"

"It's a risk you have to take… if it's something you really want."

"I… I want to be with you."

Jack held the younger man's gaze a long moment. Those brown eyes… blond hair… so very, very different… so much the same… he leant in. Kam met the kiss half way.

"I'd like that, too," Jack admitted when they parted again. He knew what Smeed would say... but it was his ship... his rules... he could change the rules... he lifted Kam's hands, gently running his fingers over the young man's wrists. "It'll be a few days before we can leave. There's a doctor on the Station who can remove these..."

"I can't afford that."

"I'll advance you your contact."

Kam shook his head, "Jack... a real doctor...? I can't afford that," he repeated.

"Will you let me make up the difference?"

"I don't want... I don't want to be the Captain's pet..." he bit his lip. "I want to be with you because I like you..."

He brushed his fingers over the other man's lips. "All right. Then how about this. You'll owe me the difference. Of course that means I may have to extend your contract," he flashed a mischievous little smile. "If you think you want to stick around that long."

Kam returned his smile, "I suppose if that's my only real option, Sir, I'll find some way to make do."

Jack leant in and found those lips again...

I will love you forever, Kam thought at him, for the first time understanding what the words really meant.

Jack would live forever; he couldn't die. Someday the last star would go out and he'd be left alone in the dark… but I'll be there waiting for you. Whatever happens, I'll be there and you won't be alone.

-xxx-

"When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you.
When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever."

-annon.

Again, I want to thank everybody who has read, reviewed, fave/alert listed this... yes, this really is the end, the last chapter... next week I should be getting back to Blood Moon and Black Rose and Short Stories... although maybe not all in one week!