A/N: Some suggestive themes in this chapter. You have been warned.
(PS. This is my favorite chapter yet)

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Chapter 16

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Declan's POV.

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It so quiet we could hear each other breathing. I was breathing heavily from my sudden outburst of rage not a moment ago. I don't know what came over me, but it was too late to back down now. Far too late. I had said too much.

But there was no remorse. I was tired of this, of this game and us not being able to just say what we meant to, to do what we wanted to. I loved her… and I loved her only. There was no shame in this. Not anymore.

All she had to say was that she meant… even if it tore me in half.

When she said nothing, I nodded, not knowing what else to do. My anger was still strong in me, but I was now rendered speechless at this revelation. There was no love in her to give to me. I couldn't will my feet to leave, though that's what I felt like doing. It was over for real now. She was determined not to feel anything for me and it was best to just leave it at that.

That look of hers was making me uncomfortable. She looked at me as if she had x-ray vision again. I hated that.

I also hated the way that single lock of hair always fell in her face, just begging me to push it back into the rest of her hair. I hated the way she never smiled around anyone but me.

But most of all, I hated that the expression currently on her face told me she craved every one of those simple fantasies I always desired when I looked at her. It was such a familiar begging, when women are so completely lost to you that you could ask them anything and they would do it for you.

Lies, I reassured myself. All lies, Declan.

I frowned and kept repeating in my mind that she wouldn't care that way. She had made it quite clear the last time I had risked everything to try and just go for it. I just needed to back off, to leave her alone and let her live out her career dreams. I decided to stick with the plan and get reassigned as soon as I could. It was surely the only way I would stay sane.

"Get some sleep," I commanded roughly, then headed for the door.

But as I stepped toward the door, I felt four small fingers slip into my hand, then grasp it firmly to prevent me from walking any further.

My heart stopped and so did my breathing. My brow furrowed in confusion as I looked down to those little golden fingers as if to make sure they were actually there.

Oh, God…

It wasn't a lie.

I dropped my favorite puffy green jacket to the floor in my surprise and didn't bother to pick it up again.

"Even if we are civilians today, Declan," she said seriously. "We'll still be agents the next day."

I grinned broadly.

"Then we'll have to enjoy it while we can, won't we?"

She smiled at me sweetly, the cold, hard woman from yesterday disappearing for good, it seemed.

I let out the breath I couldn't hold in anymore. We stared at each other for a long moment, saying it all between our eyes. I would've kissed her had I found some hint of invitation in her, but this moment was delicate and I didn't want to blow it.

With that hand of hers holding mine gently but firmly she led me onward, her smile promising me it would all be worth it in a few seconds.

She led me through the tables to the swinging door of the women's lavatories and as soon as that door closed behind us her mouth leaned close to mine, breathing heavily in anticipation.

"This will change everythin', you know," I warned her, but as soon as the words slipped from my throat, I regretted them. I could've kicked myself for letting myself say something so foolish. Of course she knew that… we both did… we knew it so hard that it might as well have been burned into our foreheads.

Then she looked at me with those eyes. Those eyes that said she was beyond caring for anything else but me. The eyes that said she would love me even when our beauty faded and IMF burned to the ground.

"It's worth it," she confirmed this in a voice barely above a whisper, then lightly brushed her lips on mine lightly, just to bashfully ask for full contact. Any prior hesitation vanished at her words, which spoke of a feeling that was mutual in both of us, and I now knew it.

Hell yeah, it's worth it, I thought to myself as I crashed my lips onto hers hard, claiming them as my own. She let out a soft moan in pleasure.

It was bliss. She was heaven in a woman. I had been waiting for this for years and now I realized that it was rightly so.

She was most definitely the dominating power in the kiss at first, shoving me into the tampon dispenser hard and pressing her whole body against mine, but I recovered quickly, shoving her back right into one of the stalls. I palmed her cheeks tightly so she couldn't disconnect from the kiss and still I managed to kick the door closed behind us. She grasped my shirt to pull me closer and I just sank into it.

Suddenly she disconnected from my mouth, catching her breath, but I wasn't near done yet and trailed my mouth to her jaw line and neck.

"Wait," she breathed. "Declan, hold on."

I reeled myself back even though it pained me thoroughly to do so.

"Don't you want to go someplace cleaner?" she asked me. I answered by kissing her neck again and muttering:

"I can't wait anymore."

"Let's go to my place," she pleaded. "I want to do this right."

I sighed heavily and hung my head.

"So do I," I agreed. "I'll follow you there."

As we left the bathroom and headed to the door, I spotted the bartender smile my way and give me a 'way to go' thumbs up as I held the door open for Zhen. I grinned at him enthusiastically and gave him the same gesture back as Zhen exited.

We parted ways to our own cars once outside though we both were a little reluctant to do so.

Much to my amusement though, once we were out on the highway, I noticed that Zhen was speeding. I also noticed she was putting on more gloss over her lips as she drove. It made me smile. She couldn't wait either.

Her apartment was in a nice, quiet part of town, and it was a pleasant walk though a small garden to get to it.

I walked patiently with my hands in my pockets, trailing behind her as she hurried up the stairs and fished for the right key. In her excitement she couldn't seem to find the right one, but suddenly, I was in no hurry. I had all the time in the world for her, because I knew what was surely beyond this door.

Heaven in a woman.

Once inside, she seemed a little flustered, racing here and there to put her keys down, to close the curtains, to tidy up a few leftover dishes…

I grabbed at her as she rushed past and put my arms around her to calm her down. It was immediately affective, as she melted into me. I nuzzled my nose into her hair and just held her for many minutes, breathing in the scent of her fully.

At long last she led me down the short, narrow hall to her bedroom. I was immediately surprised at the lack of furnishings, for it was rather empty. The bed was without a frame, just a boxspring and a mattress on the floor covered with red sheets and a black down blanket. The small area rug looked new for how clean and fluffy it was. There was a desk in the corner with many papers on it, and a shelf of many old books. Save for that, the beige room was plain and empty.

"I'm not home much," she explained.

I cupped her neck and pulled her lips to mine again, this time kissing her slow and steadily, savoring every taste. I herded her toward the bed, smooth and gradual, so that she wouldn't notice.

Again, she disconnected. I was let down that she had stopped such a kiss, but I realized I needed desperately to catch my breath, as I was feeling a bit lightheaded.

"Protection?" she asked, panting as well. "Did you bring any?"

I sighed, beating myself up for forgetting it. For a moment I considered just saying 'to hell with protection', but quickly threw the thought aside. It would be hard to explain indeed to IMF if Zhen ever turned up pregnant…

"It's in my glove compartment," I replied with a look of true sorrow. "I'll be right back."

"I won't go anywhere," she promised. I grabbed a hold of her shoulders and sat her down on the bed. She sat with her hands folded neatly like a well-behaved child.

Then I headed for the door, watching her like a hawk in case she moved.

"Stay," I commanded her like a dog.

She smiled in amusement.

"Stay…" I insisted again, then took off running out the door.

I could've kicked myself for being so stupid and I scolded myself all the way back down the stairs, through the garden, and out to my beat up old mustang. I opened the door furiously and flung open the glove compartment.

And it was just my luck:

I had none.

I was insistent in my mind that I had to have one somewhere, so out in the middle of the night, there I was, fishing under the worn leather seats of my convertible desperately for a little square piece of plastic.

Finally, success came, and I found one under the passenger seat. By this time I was delirious with my find. Speed flew me like no other through that garden and up those stairs to her apartment door. My heart raced with new fervor, not being able to wait a second longer or it was surely going to be the end of me.

I opened the door to her room softly to gaze upon my lady again. I immediately saw her where I had left her, her chest rhythmically rising and fallen, her eyes closed in peaceful dreams.

She had fallen asleep.

I sighed for the last time that night, my shoulders falling though I wasn't thoroughly disappointed. It was good enough for me to know that we had come this close-- that we had wanted to-- and it was a start.

I pulled off my boots and socks and set them on the floor, and quietly laid on the space beside her, staring into her closed eyes and feeling the happiest and the most satisfied in this simple moment than I had ever been, even more so than any afterglow… with any woman… ever.

I stared at her for a good half-hour at least, before I fell asleep too, right beside my lady.

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Oh, this story isn't over yet. Like they keep saying: You never know with the Rogue. Please review.

Signed,
--RedRogue