Making Adjustments
5
How far is Alexis willing to go? Too far!
"It's good to be home again, isn't it?" Alexis asks cheerfully, holding the door open for Sam. She looks around the foreign house and wonders why she can't feel the connection to it. This was her home. Granted she only lived here for about a week, but it was her home. Then why is it when she thinks of that word, she thinks of a different place all together?
"I think I'm going to go up and rest," Sam says quietly, giving Alexis a tired smile.
"Are you okay, Honey?"
"I'm fine," Sam tries to assure her. But even her words sound hollow in her own ears. "Just tired. It was stressful at the hospital last night. I didn't sleep well."
"Well, get some rest," Alexis says, trying not to sound concerned. "I'm sure you'll feel better later. Molly and Kristina will be anxious to see you."
Sam tries to hide her wince at the mention of Kristina's name. She's not sure why thoughts of the little girl bring her actual, physical pain. But everytime she hears her name or sees her face, Sam can't stop the involuntary physical reaction.
If Alexis notices, she doesn't say anything. She just walks Sam up to her room and waits at the door until she gets into bed. Sam closes her eyes and prays for a dreamless sleep. She doesn't get her wish.
--
"I want you to come with me. I want you to see her. I want you to see Kristina. I want you to see her lying in her bed. I want you to see how pale she is. I want you to see that her chest is barely moving. I want you to see that she's dying and that you can save her, but you won't."
"Don't say that. Please don't talk . . ."
"Please, I'll make you see what you're doing, because you're letting her die. You're going to let her heart stop beating, you're going to let her slip away, and you're going to stand there and you're going to do nothing. Where's your compassion? For god's sake, where's your humanity? How are you going to be able to live with yourself knowing that you could have saved her life and you didn't? I want you to look at her because I can't make you induce labor, but I can by god make you see the price of your selfishness because it's easy to ignore death when it's not staring you in the face, when it's down the hall in some corridor, when it's somebody else's child. I want you to look at my daughter!"
"Ok, I will do it!"
"I want you to see what you've done! If she dies it's on your head!"
"I will induce my labor for you, ok? Oh -- ow!"
- - - - - - - - - -
Sam sits up in the bed, ripped abruptly from her not so peaceful sleep. So much for not having any dreams. She reaches over with a shaking hand and grabs the glass of water on her nightstand. She tries to take a few sips, but her stomach rebels, the quesiness almost making her lose the small breakfast she was given at the hospital.
It was the same dream from before. Alexis yelling, screaming at her. Jason coming in and saving her. She doesn't know what to make of it.
The strange thing is that she remembers everything about that day. She remembers Kristina being so sick and she remembers going to labor and waking up learning that although her baby died, her stem cells saved Kristina's life. But her memories of that day are as if someone told her about it. Almost as if she's watching it happen to someone else. In her dream, she lives it. Every painful moment of it. Every hateful word her mother screamed at her. And also the loving way Jason wrapped his arms around her.
She sucks in a surprised breath at the thought of Jason. He's another enigma. When she thinks of him, she thinks of pain, anguish, trouble, and danger. She knows she's better off without him. But her heart is telling her something different. That dream is telling her something different.
'This is the last time this ring leaves your finger.'
She looks down at her finger, the ring sparkling like a star in the night sky. For some reason, those words mean something to her. She remembers him saying them to her just a few days ago, but for some reason, she can't feel what she felt when he said them. But at the same time, she can't seem to take off the ring either. It's the only thing that seems real to her.
She decides to leave it for now. Instead she goes downstairs to see about the rest of the family.
"Sam. Welcome home," Ric says. He sounds cordial, but not exactly genuine. "Are you feeling better?"
"A little. I'm still a little fuzzy and confused about some things. I guess Jason . . .," she pauses and shrugs, not quite sure what shes's thinking. "I guess he had more of a hold on me than I thought. It's a good thing Alexis helped me when she did. I mean, he's a bad guy. He kills people. He kept me trapped in an abusive relationship. It's good I'm away from that, right?"
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Ric asks her curiously. "Because two days ago, you were convinced that losing Jason was the end of your world. What changed your mind all of a sudden?"
"The doctor Alexis took me to helped me to . . . "
"Doctor? I thought the two of you went to a spa for the day. What doctor are you talking about?"
"I don't know," Sam shrugs.
"You don't know? You go away for a day, come back suddenly not hating your mother and hating the man you loved more than anything in the world? And you don't know how that happened?"
"Ric, what are you talking about? Alexis is my mother. Of course I don't hate her. And Jason is the man who kept me trapped in a dangerous and abusive relationship."
"Stop saying that!" Ric snaps, startling Sam with his outburst. "Those aren't your words or your thoughts, Sam. What's really going on?"
"No, Ric. You need to stop. Why are you trying to make me doubt what I'm feeling?"
She turns and runs back upstairs, not wanting to deal with him anymore.
He just sighs and shakes his head.
"Because it's not what you're really feeling."
He has a horrible feeling of his own growing in the pit of his stomach. When Alexis gets back from the museum with the girls, she's going to have a lot of explaining to do. Something tells him he's not going to like what he hears.
- - - - - - - - - -
Sam waits until she hears the door to Alexis and Ric's bedroom to close before sneaking down the stairs. She doesn't remember ever having to sneak out. Cody didn't care enough about her to notice her comings and goings. Funny how she can remember those days as well as feel them fully. Her fuzziness only appears to be where Jason and Alexis are concerned.
Just as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, the door bell rings. She ducks out of site as Ric comes to answer the door.
"Viola? I thought . . ."
"I'm sorry to just show up like this, Mr. Lansing," she says, looking nervously into the room. "I saw Ms. Davis with the kids downtown and knew she wouldn't be here. I just wanted to give you this."
Sam watches Ric take piece of paper from her and read it quickly, his eyebrows furrowing with tension.
"You're quitting?" he asks her.
"Effective immediately. I can't work here anymore."
She turns to leave, and when Ric grabs her arm, she jerks away from him.
"Wait a minute, Viola. We've been good to you. I think you at least owe us some kind of explanation. Is this about how Jason attacked you the other day? I can assure you, that won't happen again. Sam has told him she doesn't want to see him anymore and we're in the process of getting a restraining order."
"Mr. Morgan didn't attack me. He was upstairs looking for Sam at the time. There's no way he could have hit me."
"Then who . . ." Ric pauses midsentence, a thought coming to him that he can't believe he's even considering. "You think Alexis did it? Is that why you waited until she wouldn't be here? Are you afraid of her?"
"I have to go," Viola says, shaking her head. "Just watch your back. Those girls are her life. She'd never physically harm them. But if anyone dares get in her way . . ."
Viola leaves Ric standing in the doorway in complete shock. Sam waits a few minutes before deciding to join him.
"Do you think it's true?" she asks, startling him with her seemingly sudden appearance.
"I don't know what to think anymore, Sam. I honestly don't know what's going on with Alexis. She's done things that . . . " he sighs, shaking his head. "I just don't know what to think."
"Me neither." She goes to sit on the couch. He follows suit, sitting next to her. Both are trying to make sense of what's going on.
"Do you know that I can feel my heart breaking when I look at Kristina? Or even when I think about her or hear her name? And when I dream about that day my baby died, I feel so much hatred for Alexis that I feel like I'm going to burst. Where is all of that coming from?"
"Sam, Alexis is your mother. She's very protective of her girls. She'd do anything for them," Ric starts, trying to explain what could possibly be motivating Alexis. "You were shot and dying when she found out about you. She blamed Jason and his lifestyle, so she did whatever she had to do to get you away from him."
"Jason is dangerous. He's a criminal. He kills people for a living, Ric. Why would I want to be near someone like that?"
"Why are you still wearing his ring?" he counters, pointing down at her hand.
"Sam, two days ago, you loved Jason with your whole heart. You didn't care about his job or what he did or the danger you faced being with him."
"Then why . . . "
"I don't know," he interrupts. "I don't know anything. But you need to figure out what you think and feel. Not what Alexis has made you believe you think and feel."
"Alexis is my mother. She wouldn't hurt me," Sam insists. "She only wants what's best for me."
"But it's your life, Sam. You need to figure out how to live it for yourself. Not for Alexis. Not for Jason. For you. You need to figure out what you really want."
Sam just nods. Ric is right. She doesn't know anything anymore. All she does know is that being in this house isn't helping her confusion any. She needs to get out.
"I'm going out. I need to think."
If she thought about it, she would have gone somewhere safe. The park. Kelly's. The docks. But she didn't think. She just followed her heart and was shocked to find herself an hour later standing in front of Harborview Towers.
- - - - - - - - - -
"What is it? What's the emergency? Is it Sam?"
Alexis manages to get all of that out before even closing the door. Ric feels bad for worrying her, but he didn't have a choice. There's no other way she would have let Emily take the girls with her over to Sonny's otherwise.
"No emergency," he says, trying to calm her. "We really need to talk, though."
"But the girls . . ."
"They're fine at Sonny's. I called and made sure Leticia would watch out for them. Glass of wine?"
He puts the glass in her hand, earning a suspicious glare from her.
"What's all this about, Ric?"
"Actually, I think you're the one who should be answering the questions here. What exactly have you been up to these past few days?"
"In what respect?" she asks, feigning innocence.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe you can start with explaining why our nanny up and quits on us. Or why your previously distant and aloof daughter who merely tolerated you on a good day, now practically worships the ground you walk on. How she can hate the man who two days ago meant the world to her. And all after some mysterious trip to an equally mysterious doctor."
"You obviously have this all figured out," she snaps. "So if you have something to accuse me of, then why don't you just get right to it, Counselor."
He ignores her biting, sardonic tone and decides to just jump right into this with her.
"Tell me about the doctor you took Sam to. What did he do? Drug her? Brainwash her?"
"He didn't brainwash her," Alexis scoffs. "He merely . . . reconditioned her reactions to certain stimuli."
"Namely you and Jason. He made her forget about her love for Jason and her hate for you."
"Not forget. She just reacts differently now. She knows the truth now. That I am her mother and that I love her. That my love will protect her while Jason's "love" will only hurt her."
"And that's okay with you? That some quack screws around in your daughter's brain. You think letting him do that to her is going to "fix" her. What about side effects, Alexis?"
"She'll love her family and hate Jason. She'll be safe and happy. What kind of side effects could there be?"
"Dreams. Memories. Misplaced anger and hate, namely at Kristina. She feels in her dreams, you know. And her feelings are confusing her. You made it so that she doesn't hate you. So now who do you think she blames for her daughter's death?"
"Kristina? Her own sister?" Alexis drums her fingers on the wine glass, the wheels in her head turning. "We'll have to have the doctor fix that the next time, I suppose."
"Next time?" Ric gasps in shock. "Alexis, you aren't seriously taking her back, are you?"
"You aren't seriously trying to stop me, are you?" she challenges him, the wild look in her eye scaring him. He remembers Viola's warning and sees now that the woman had reason to fear.
"You really did it didn't you? You hit knocked Viola out and then took Sam to frame Jason, didn't you?"
"And if the cops had done their jobs, he should be in jail. I practically handed him to them on a silver platter. I still can't believe they didn't find any evidence of criminal activity in his apartment."
"Alexis, this is not right. You can't take the law into your own hands like this. You're the DA. I can't in good conscious let you get away with this. You need some help. Maybe take a few weeks off and try to cope with all the changes that have occurred."
"You think I'm crazy?" she asks, hurt at his accusation.
"No, Alexis. Not crazy," he assures her. "You're just stressed right now."
He stands up and goes to the phone, not really sure to call. Probably Lainey Winters. She can evaluate Alexis and then recommend a 'vacation' to give her some time away from all the pressure.
"You think I'm crazy. I'll show you crazy," he hears her mutter behind him just as the sharp edge enters his back.
He gasps in pain, dropping the phone to the floor. His first thought is one of disbelief that she would stab him. His second thought is that he wishes he had decided against leaving the cheese knife on the table. When that thought threatens to make him laugh, it is then that it occurs to him that he's about to die.
She shoves the knife in even deeper and the pain brings him to his knees. He finally collapses onto the floor, his last, labored breaths making him cough up blood.
She stands over him as if in a daze, watching him gasp for breath. His blood begins to pool around her feel and she jumps back to keep it from getting on her shoes.
"Sleep, my love," she whispers to Ric. "Jason will be joining you soon. Then me and my girls will truly be free."
He tries to call out to her as she walks away and out the door. But he just can't get the strength. And when breathing becomes too much of a chore, he stops.
To be concluded!!