It's Not My Job
These good fellow's don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and return them safely home.
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." Charles Caleb Colton
This chapter was much harder than I anticipated. I always think of my Carson fellows as happy, happy, happy. It was hard to make a serious confrontation between any them. But since it was a pivotal part of the story, here it goes. Thanks so much for all the positive feedback.
Chapter 4
The ride back to the station was quiet. Both men were exhausted from the ordeal of the day and just looked forward to some dinner, then hopefully some down time. Roy knew it was gonna be a long shift and he just wanted some aspirin and a hot shower first thing. Johnny on the other had dreaded every mile that took them closer to the station knowing that Cap would be waiting for him. As soon as Roy backed into the bay he climbed out of the cab. Johnny might have noticed the stiff pain filled movements had he not been lost in his own silent world of panic. Once out of the squad he leaned on the hood.
"Roy."
"Yea," Roy answered hoping this would be quick; his mind focused on relieving his own discomfort.
"I think I might be in trouble." Johnny looked up at him and immediately Roy saw the dread in his partner's eyes.
Roy moved towards the front of the truck, "Over what Johnny?"
But before he could answer they both turned to see Hank come out of his office, "Can I see you two in my office now." He turned back into the door without waiting for a reply. Roy watched Johnny step towards the door with his head hung low.
Roy entered the office first and stood by the desk knowing his body couldn't sit again so soon. Johnny moved towards one of the chairs. He knew this was something he wanted to hear sitting down.
"Have a seat fellows." Hank was writing on a piece of paper but turned back towards them. Gage sat down as his captain asked but he noticed that DeSoto remained standing, leaning against the wall.
"I'm good Cap, what's up?" Roy asked, a little apprehensive about what was going on.
Hank paused for just a moment as he looked at the men before him. It was apparent that both men were tired. Knowing what he had already been through today he didn't want to make this any harder than possible on DeSoto. It was his first encounter on a one to one basis with either of them so he couldn't be sure how they would react. DeSoto was the senior paramedic and just appeared to have a more mature and easy going nature about him. His concern was Gage. He was young, impulsive and almost childlike in his behavior around the station. However, he had not seen anything but professionalism at his job, both as a fireman and paramedic.
Hank leaned forward in the chair, "I need to talk to both of you about what happened today."
Johnny was ready to jump out of his skin with dread so he spoke first, "Cap it was all my fault. I'm the one that lost Roy in the warehouse." The guilt that Johnny had been holding close all this time was now tumbling out.
Roy was shocked, "Johnny, you didn't loose me. I kept walking and didn't look back to see if you were still there. It was my fault."
Shaking his head, "No Roy you almost died because I wasn't covering your back." He hung his head down, "I shouldn't have lost you. It's my fault."
Roy stepped in closer, "It's not the first time we've been separated during a rescue and it won't be the last." Roy could feel the guilty feelings radiate from his friend. "Johnny, the boxes coming down on me was just an accident. It wasn't your fault."
Hank sat back and watched the two men's interactions. It was like they had forgotten he was even there. He was trying to understand this pair. This was more than just 2 partners having a discussion. There seemed to be a bond that reached beyond work between them. He also noted that each man was ready to take the fault for what happened. "Wait a minute both of you. I need to know exactly what happened. Gage, why did you get separated from DeSoto to begin with?"
"He was right in front of me until you radioed me. I stopped to take my mask off, to answer you. By the time I was finished I realized that Roy wasn't there anymore."
Hank turned to Roy, "You didn't hear the radio go off?"
"No Cap, I was already entering the warehouse and the only thing I could hear was water and sirens."
Hank leaned back, "Ok, Gage, I gave you two direct orders which you disobeyed. What is your explanation for that?"
Roy looked at Johnny, surprised that he would ignore orders from the Captain, even if he was in trouble.
"Cap, you told me to get out but I knew I was too far from the exit at that point, wouldn't have made it. When you called I had fallen and dropped the radio. By the time you called again I'd found it and was able to answer you." Johnny was pushing his fear aside now and was beginning to feel a little annoyed. There were reasons that things happened like they did. He didn't just disobey like the Cap accused him.
Hank wasn't gonna let this drop with 2 of his men almost getting killed today, "I told you to sit and wait for us and you didn't do that either." This time his own voice reflected his frustration. He was going to make sure that this dark headed hothead knew who the Captain was at this station.
Johnny stood up, "I couldn't just sit there knowing that Roy was buried. I had to get up and try and find him."
Roy stepped forward seeing that this was quickly getting out of control between the two men. "Cap, if Johnny was already in the room then what was the harm in him searching? It's my understanding that he was able to figure out where I was." Roy stopped and looked directly at Hank, "EXACTLY where I was."
Hank had not anticipated this senior paramedic coming to the defense of his younger partner so fervently. He remained sitting but was now on the edge of his seat realizing he was prepared to take this decision one step further if needed. "The harm is that this man didn't seem to be able to listen to anything I told him. For me that's a liability."
"Liability? I'm not a liability, I'm a rescue man!" Johnny was angry now, "My partner was missing and I wasn't gonna sit all comfortable like and wait for you to come hold my hand." This was Roy's life they were talking about. Who was this man to tell him he can't be there for him?
"Wait Johnny," Roy tried to step forward to calm his partner but Johnny was pushing his chair out of the way. One might even have said he pushed the chair at Cap. Roy moved sideways to avoid the chair but neither of the other men saw the flush of pain that crossed his face. Roy kept going, he was suddenly scared for his friend and the professional suicide he was about to commit. He put his hand on Johnny's arm while turning to Hank. He spoke quietly, "There was no evidence of children in the warehouse and I had already decided to bring us out as soon as I had found him. It was Johnny's job to find me. He only did his job and the only reason I'm standing here is because he's damn good at it."
Hank was standing now, "DeSoto, that's not the point here. I know you are rescue men but you are also under my command. I have to know that when I give an order it will be followed."
"I was right there! What's the difference in sitting on a box here or digging for a box here?" Johnny waved his hands across the small office. He was getting more furious at what was going on. "If I had waited until you arrived it would have delayed us finding Roy until," he faltered for a moment, "it would have been too late."
Hank mentally conceded that point, he knew that was very much a possibility. He also knew that Johnny was right about the fact that when he went looking for Roy he had not actually left the area. But before he could tell him Johnny was heading towards the door. He turned back, "So what now? If I'm such a liability then maybe I need to just find another job." He turned to Roy and saw the flash of panic across his blue eyes.
"Gage!" Hank barked.
"Johnny!" Roy called out as the door slammed with Johnny heading out into the bay.
"DeSoto you better get your partner under control or he will be looking for another job." Hank sat back down.
Roy had been disconcerted through all this but now he was mad, "Cap I know that you don't know us or how we work together yet but Johnny is one of the best rescue men and paramedics the department has. He's never had a discipline report or action against him. He has saved my life more than once and I plan on having him at my side for a long time to come. So if you move him out, you move me out too." With that being said Roy also headed to the door.
"DeSoto." Hank's voice had come down several octaves. He was upset but he was also a fair man and he wanted these men to see that.
Roy took a deep breath then turned around.
"I have no intention of loosing either one of you but I need to know that he can follow my orders whether he likes them or not. You know that all of our lives could depend on it one day."
Roy also softened his attitude, "I know Cap. Please let me talk to him before you do anything. He's a good man."
"I will," Hank said as he stood up and reached out for his hand to shake it. For the first time he felt that he had made a connection with one of his men. "Thanks Roy."
Roy moved out into the bay and started to look for Johnny. He knew his friend was upset and hurting and knowing Johnny he would want someone to rant too. Wandering around the squad he found him sitting on the back running board. He was leaning back, his long legs stretching out before him and crossed. Roy casually moved around in front of him, "You ok?"
Johnny looked up at Roy and for the first time since leaving the hospital took note of Roy's fatigued appearance. "Maybe I should ask you that question partner?" The anger was now gone as he focused his energy on his friend. His paramedic mode kicked in as he studied the man standing before him. Tired looking but he has good reason for that. Hell, I'm tired too. Pain? Is he hiding pain?
"I'm fine, just tired and becoming more sore by the minute." He looked towards the locker room. "I'm gonna grab some aspirin, be right back."
Johnny started to say something but Roy was already walking off. He started thinking again, his reprimand from Cap was still fresh but the anger had dissipated. It just wasn't in his nature to hold ill thoughts for long. Standing up he rubbed his own bruised shoulder. Maybe I should go get some aspirin too. Instead he went into the dayroom following the smell of dinner.
Roy looked into the mirror and sighed. He felt like crap. Turning on the sink he splashed some cold water on his face and rubbed his eyes. He was already tired but after the fiasco in the Cap's office he felt even more drained. What am I gonna do with that partner of mine? Then he smiled, what would I do without him? Just have to last through the shift and make sure he doesn't do anything else stupid. Then I'll have Brackett take a look at me. He took a paper towel and dried off then headed back out to find Johnny again.
Entering the dayroom Roy found Mike, Marco, Chet and Johnny sitting at the table fixing their plates. He grimaced as he immediately realized the conversation between Chet and Johnny wasn't going well.
"Look Johnny you just need to calm down," Chet said as he put some pulled off some garlic bread.
Johnny leaned back, "I was perfectly calm until you had to start." Roy knew that Johnny was upset because he was once again flailing his arms about.
"Start what? I just asked what you did wrong this time is all?" Chet knew that he was stirring the pot but didn't really care. He just loved getting a rise from his favorite pigeon, whatever the reason.
Roy pulled out a chair and sat at the table, but didn't reach for any food.
"Eat up Roy. It's been a long day." Marco said noting that Roy wasn't fixing a plate.
"Oh I will Marco, thanks." Roy continued to watch the battling twins.
Chet shook his fork at Johnny, "Johnny boy you're just jealous cause you know you wouldn't make Captain in a million years."
Johnny sat up, "Of course I could make Captain; that is when I'm good and ready for it. Let's see you take the paramedic exam Chet buddy. You couldn't get the band aide open. You'd just be at the bottom of the list like with the engineer exam." He sat back smiling smugly.
"Anyone can be an engineer but you'd fall apart over the Captain's chair."
"Hey!" Mike added with a mouthful of lasagna.
"Sorry Mike, you know what I mean," Chet said backtracking quickly.
Mike quickly swallowed, "No, what do you mean? I'd like to see you do my job for a day." Mike gave him a stern look.
Johnny laughed, "Chet wouldn't know where to find the water much less work the gauges!"
Marco and Mike laughed. Even Roy had to chuckle at that one.
Chet looked offended, "Now look at you Johnny boy, you're getting me in deep with Mike and all the trouble today was over you, not us." There was no way Chet wanted on the bad side of Mike.
Roy sat up and watched his partner. Johnny slid his chair back. "Go play on the interstate Chet. I didn't do anything wrong and you know it. Might want to hope I have that much interest in finding you one day when you need it."
Marco laughed and slapped Chet on the back, "Better listen to him Amigo, he's right. And we're all grateful for what ever it took to save Roy today."
"Well." Chet just finished his mouthful, now speechless.
As everyone finished up Marco again took note that Roy didn't eat. "Gonna clean this up Roy, grab something real quick if you want it."
"Nah Marco, I'm good." Roy sat back in the chair.
Marco looked over to Johnny with the 'can't you make him eat?' look. "You feeling ok Roy?" Marco asked.
Johnny once again became concerned but not sure what it was specifically he was worried about. It was just a feeling that was brewing in his gut.
"Just tired and getting really sore. I'm fine. I'll grab some leftovers later." He smiled and tried to look relaxed even though the pain in his side was starting to make him feel queasy. He had to keep it together and not let Johnny see how uncomfortable he really was. Realizing that everyone's attention had now been drawn to him he scooted his chair back, "I'm gonna check the boxes." They all watched him get up with slow methodical movements that were not usual for him. Roy headed out the door and everyone then looked at Johnny.
"Is he ok?" Mike asked, concerned.
Johnny moved towards the door without answering Mike's question. He had a friend to check on.
Johnny came around to the side of the squad and found Roy bent down checking boxes.
"Ok, what's going on with you?" Johnny asked.
Roy looked up, "Told you I'm fine. Brackett said I'd be sore and I am. I'll go take a hot shower as soon as we have the boxes checked."
"Maybe I should take a set of vitals on ya to be sure." Johnny reached in the trauma box and pulled out the BP cuff and stethoscope.
Roy stood up. He couldn't let Johnny check vitals on him. He didn't think that right now they would be very stable with the way he felt. Unstable vital signs meant a trip to Rampart followed by being admitted. He couldn't leave yet. It was a deep feeling that was telling to stay. "Let me grab a shower, if I still feel bad then you can play paramedic on me, ok?" He tried to give Johnny his best charming smile possible.
Johnny hesitated.
"Gage, can I see you in my office. Alone." It was Hank again and he had made it clear that Roy wasn't invited this time. Roy lost his smile and got a more serious look with his young partner.
"Johnny, please keep calm. I think he's a fair man. He's just trying to do his job and get to know us at the same time. Don't assume the worst of him, ok?"
Johnny was distressed at having to return to the Captains office so soon and looked at the BP cuff in his hand. For a moment he was torn. He knew that Roy was his responsibility right now but didn't want to stir the already boiling pot with the Cap.
"I will. And don't think I've forgotten about vitals pally." He shot a crooked grin to his friend and sauntered back to the office.
Great. Thought Roy. Where would he find the energy to hide from his persistent partner all night?
Hank sat in his office and tried to finish up some paperwork but his mind kept returning to the paramedic team. He had seen the team work together and knew they were good at their job. Mulling over Gage's explanations he understood them but then would again get lost in the temper tantrum that the youngster had shown him. He knew that he needed to talk to him again. It was fine balance about being a Captain that Hank Stanley was still trying to learn himself. Asking for and expecting respect, balancing the individual needs of the man to the needs of the shift as a team.
Johnny entered the office for the second time in as many hours.
"Have a seat Gage," Hank spoke calmly and with control.
"Think I'll stand this time Cap, seems me and the chair didn't along too well last time." Johnny's demeanor was also much more relaxed.
Hank felt he should start, "I just wanted to say that I have full respect for your ability to be a rescue man, fireman and a paramedic. I have no doubts about your skills at this job." He paused and was pleased to see that Gage was remaining relaxed. "Being the Captain I am responsible for making sure we all do our jobs and ultimately that we all make it back home alive."
Johnny knew that he had made a big mistake the last time here and he wanted to make amends with his new superior. "Cap, I know and I'm sorry for getting upset before. I know it's my job to listen to you and carry out your orders. It's just that when it comes to Roy, well." He looked down at the floor, "Well, were like brothers Cap. He's the closest thing to family that I have. Him, Joanne and the kids, they took me in and I'm a part of their family. The thought of leaving him behind or loosing him." Johnny stopped, afraid to go on or he wouldn't be able to hold the tears back.
Hank leaned forward in his chair, "I will never knowingly leave a man behind as long as I'm in command. That you can trust me on John."
Johnny looked up and saw before him a man of compassion and strength.
"I will Cap." Was all Johnny could say.
Hank leaned back again feeling that now was a good time to change the subject. "How's Roy doing? He looked pretty wiped out earlier."
"Well Brackett released him to work. He says he's pretty sore right now and was heading to the showers."
"Well let me know if he needs to be released to home. Hopefully we will have a quiet night."
"I'll keep an eye on him Cap."
Chet met Johnny in the bay, "Trying to get the Cap's job again there Johnny?"
"Oh go sit on a hose Chet!" Johnny said as he simply walked past him.
That wasn't going to slow Chet down, "Aww com'on Johnny you know you think that you can do everyone's job around here don't you."
Johnny whipped around, "Well apparently you think you can do Mike's job. But I guarantee I can do your job!" He turned at walked into the locker room in search of Roy.
Roy had to force himself out of the hot soothing shower knowing they could be called out at any moment. Drying off he pulled the towel behind him to dry his back and sharply took in his breath as the towel made contact. He was too sore to reach around to his back and try to feel for any damage so he went to look in the mirror. Even with the towel wrapped around his hips he could see the large bruised area at his right flank where he made contact with the air tank. He looked up, hearing Chet and Johnny in the bay, then hurried knowing Johnny would be looking for him. Dressing quickly was almost too much causing him to fight the wave of nausea that tried to reach his throat.
Johnny came into the room to find Roy putting his shoes on, "Ok, ready?" Johnny asked knowing that Roy was working hard to avoid him.
"Well, I said if I didn't feel better. I do feel better so you're out of luck partner." Roy quickly turned towards the door.
"Oh no you don't. You're not getting out of it that easily. I can tell you're hurting more than you're letting on." Johnny was hot on his trail as Roy continued to ignore him.
They came into the day room to find everyone sitting around the TV watching Adam 12. Hank had also joined the crew. Roy took some milk out of the refrigerator and poured himself a small glass. Finally making eye contact with Johnny he asked, "Want some Junior?"
Johnny just stared at him. What is he trying so hard to avoid me finding out about? He thought about telling Cap but decided that he had enough 'conversations' with the man for today.
Before he could voice his thoughts the sirens went off, "Squad 51, unknown rescue …………………
They climbed into the squad and headed to the rescue. Johnny didn't pursue the subject anymore for now. Maybe the victim would need a checking out at Rampart and he could get Roy checked at the same time.
The rescue had been nothing short of annoying for Johnny and completely exhausting for Roy as they had to chase down 2 small children to check them for swallowed marbles. Neither one was in any distress so they transported them to the ER for x-ray's with their mother riding along. Heading back to the station Roy was quiet and Johnny was uneasy.
"You're worrying me partner," Johnny said.
Roy kept his eyes on the road. "Don't know why."
"Don't know why? First you almost died today, then you haven't eaten all day and your avoiding a set of vital signs like the plague is chasing you down." Johnny crinkled his brow at him.
Roy just sighed. "Johnny calm down. I didn't die. I'm too sore to be hungry and right now you are the plague chasing me down." Roy gave him a little smile and twinkle of baby blues to ease his worried mind. "I just want to go to bed. "
"Ok fine." He turned back to face the front of the cab. "Just trying to help is all." Shifting in his seat, "Brackett told me to keep an eye on ya but didn't say you'd be such a difficult patient."
"I'm not a patient Johnny and I know you're only concerned but I'm fine. I want to finish my shift then I have 2 days off to recover, ok?" Just a little longer. I can make it through the rest of the night.
Roy rolled over and the burning urge hit his throat almost immediately. He pushed up on the bed and winced in pain. A brief glance at Johnny showed him sleeping, classic Gage style, with his arm over his eyes. Roy could tell he was sleeping by the steady rise and fall of his chest. He quickly darted to the bathroom trying to not disturb anyone along the way. Hugging the toilet he heaved until he saw stars and felt ready to collapse on the floor. Pulling himself up, he flushed and absently watched the red tinted material swirl and disappear. At the sink he looked at himself in the mirror. He was pale, diaphoretic and beyond bone tired with lack of sleep. He had done nothing but toss and turn so far with the growing pain that had spread from his side to his whole abdomen.
BEEP….BEEP….BEEP…..BEEP….BEEP….BEEP
Johnny reached over and slapped the alarm clock as hard as he could and finally hit the snooze button. He started to drift back to sleep but was greeted by the persistent mewing of his kitten demanding to be fed. He drug his self into the bathroom and grabbed a shower. Hopping out of the shower he suddenly realized he had moved too slowly this morning and he was at risk of being late. That would not do at all. As he pulled on his blue work shirt he took a soft cloth from his dresser and polished the Captains badge. Quickly he fed the loud feline and rushed off to Station 51.