It's Not My Job

These good fellow's don't belong to me but I promise when I am done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.

"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends." JJTK31

Ok, this Chapter turned out longest of all. It was difficult to pick a stopping point as we have all watched Roy suffer for 4 chapters now. This isn't the end, so continue to hang in there with me and the fellows as we continue our little journey. And again, thanks so much for the reviews and support!

Chapter 5

Johnny drove to the station feeling a little anxious about this 24hr shift. He wasn't exactly sure why though. Pulling his Rover into the back parking lot he noted that he was the first one here. Chuckling to himself he seemed to remember a time when that wasn't always the case. He headed through the bay, seeing that both the engine and the squad was out and made his way to his office. Entering the office he approached the desk, opened the first drawer and dropped his keys in it. Looking around the office it was a very familiar place to him. The pictures on the wall, the books on the shelf and the clutter on the desk was like he had left it. Picking up the name plate he read it 'Captain John Gage'. He definitely liked the sound of that. He shook his head to remove the fog that his brain seemed to b e wrapped in today as he heard his crew coming into the station. The clutter on the desk was not fitting of a Captain so Johnny started cleaning up while he waited for roll call time.

Looking at his clock Johnny realized it was time for roll call so he moved into the bay with his clipboard in hand. The A-Shift crew was lined up and ready for morning inspection. As he passed by them he greeted them, "Morning men."

"Morning Cap." They each returned the greeting, standing straight and tall.

He looked down the line of his co-workers and friends. Looking at the roll on his clipboard he started reading the names.

"Lopez." Marco. Paramedic the board said.

"Stoker." Mike. Paramedic.

"Kelly." Engineer. He wasn't sure why but that one was funny.

"Stanley." Fireman.

"DeSoto." Fireman.

I know these men but there's something I just can't put my finger on about today. "Ok, we have 300 feet of hose to do. Mike and Hank you have that. Roy the bay and dayroom. Marco dorms and dinner. Chet latrine duty and trash. Yes, now that one seemed right. Dismissed."

Coffee sounded good so he headed into the dayroom with everyone else. Chet moved to the couch with Henry who laid his head in the man's lap. Marco and Mike finished their coffee and headed out to the Squad to do inventory and get ready for a supply run to Rampart. Hank and Roy stood over by the coffee and talked over what they planned to do on their day off. Johnny sat back and watched all of them, taking comfort in their presence. Being in the dayroom everything seemed fine, like normal.

"Hey Cap, is that your phone?" Chet's voice brought Johnny out of his reverie.

"What?" He asked.

"Your phone, it's ringing."

Johnny jumped up and ran to the office to grab the phone.

"Yes. Good morning Chief."

"Yes sir. I will get that to you as soon as possible." Johnny hung up the phone and reached for the daily report. Now where would that have been put? He sat in the chair and started pulling open drawers. Nothing made any sense in this desk. Shouldn't he know where everything was in his own desk? Lord, who arranged all this stuff? Pencil, hooray I found a pencil. Now for the report, where would I have put that thing? Johnny was quickly frustrated and ran his fingers through his dark wavy hair. Why is this so confusing?

Back in the bay Marco and Mike had pulled out all the boxes from the Squad. They both looked through them then looked at each other. "Seems all here," Mike said shrugging his shoulders.

"Seems? We have to know what to restock. We need to know what's missing." Marco was feeling a little off today and he didn't know why.

"Ok, let's start counting," Mike said feeling the same brain fog as his partner.

Chet made himself get off the couch and he moved out to the bay. Passing Mike and Marco he could hear them mumbling to themselves. Slowly he approached the large red engine feeling somewhat intimated. He moved over to the gauges and ran his fingers along the dials, tracing the silver edges and counted the numbers in his head. This was what he had wanted for a long time and now it was his. Why did he feel so unready?

Johnny finally found the report the Chief wanted. He read it and realized that it was something he should have known about. One of his men had been injured at a rescue. Reading the report he discovered that Roy had worked overtime the previous shift and was injured when something fell on him at a fire. It continued to say that he had been seen at Rampart and was released back to work. Johnny felt uneasy about this for some reason. He stepped out of his office into the dayroom, "Hank, Roy, can I see you in my office?"

"Sure Cap," They both replied and put down their coffee cups. Hank and Roy followed their Captain into the office.

Johnny sat down in the chair but had to catch himself from leaning to far back. He suddenly felt like he would land flat on his back in this thing. He looked up to see them come in. "I was reading an injury report made out last shift. Roy, you were injured at a fire yesterday?"

Johnny watched Roy and thought he looked uneasy about the conversation. "Yea Cap but I'm fine, they released me back to work."

"I see that. Says that Brackett wants us to keep an eye out on ya." Johnny shifted in his seat. "Let me know if you need a replacement called in, ok?"

"I will Cap, but I'm fine," Roy was trying to avoid the Cap's eyes, he didn't like the attention being drawn to him.

Johnny next turned to Hank, "Keep an eye on him and let me know if he needs a run to Rampart." He knew that Hank would be around Roy the most this shift and could watch him.

"Sure Cap. I can do that." Hank wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to see that a doctor would have missed but he would try.

"Ok fellows, you can go." Johnny needed some more coffee or something to settle his uneasy stomach.

Johnny wandered out into the bay behind Hank and found Mike and Marco arguing over the supplies. "Problem fellows?"

They both looked up like children caught with a proverbial hand in the cookie jar. "Nothing Cap." Marco stuttered.

"Anything I can help you with?" Johnny tried to sound casual but for some reason he was very disconcerted with the state of the jumbled boxes scattered on the floor in front of him.

"No, thanks though Cap, we got it." Mike tried to sound in full control of the situation.

Johnny wandered off heading towards the dayroom this time.

"Should have told him Mike," Marco chided his partner.

"I'm not telling him you lost the keys, you tell him," Mike whispered.

"It wasn't me that lost um."

"Well, it doesn't matter now does it?" Mike scoffed.

"Mike, we need the keys. Don't you think he will realize when we get called out?"

Mike stood up, "Let's get the boxes cleaned up and maybe we'll find them."

Roy had the dayroom duty and began picking up items off the floor in preparation of mopping. Bending over he groaned with pain as his sore muscles protested the strain. There was no one around to hear him as Hank was outside hanging hose with Chet.

The alarms sounded as Johnny entered the kitchen.

"Station 51, traffic accident………………….."

Marco and Mike ran to the squad driver's door and about ran into each other. Mike looked at Marco and dangled a set of keys in his face, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Hey, where did you find those?" Marco was disappointed. He always wanted to drive the Squad.

Mike gave an evil little laugh, "In the OB box, next to the umbilical cord clamps." He couldn't wait to drive. I'm sure it's my job to drive, he thought. Marco moved around to the passenger side grumbling all the way.

Johnny jogged to the radio and almost ran right smack into Hank, "Problem Stanley?"

Hank looked momentarily confused, "Uh, no Cap, sorry." Hank kept moving and climbed in the jump seat opposite of Roy.

Johnny wrote down the address information and handed it over to Mike then went to climb into the passenger seat of the engine.

Chet grabbed his turn out coat and jumped into the seat and almost sat on Roy.

Roy winced with pain as Chet pushed against him, "What are you doing? Get in your own seat." He manually pushed Chet off the truck.

Hank just laughed, "Twit." Watching Chet run around the truck he missed Roy's response.

Chet moved to the only seat left for him, the driver's seat. Climbing in he grabbed the large steering wheel and smiled like a kid with a triple scoop ice cream cone with sprinkles on top.

Marco and Mike sat in the squad. Marco looked at him, "Well, Go!"

Mike pulled out of the station first and took the lead on the way to the scene. Marco watched him fidgeting his legs and body all around in the seat. "What's wrong with you?"

"Don't know this just feels weird," he complained. He felt out of place and there wasn't enough room for his legs. "I feel claustrophobic."

Great, Marco thought.

Chet was nervous and drove safely. Very, very safely as the little squad pulled ahead and left them in the dust.

Johnny looked over at Chet, "Think we can pick up the pace a little here Chet?" Johnny was pushing an imaginary gas pedal on his side trying to help Chet out.

Chet pushed on the gas a little bit more but Johnny's groan of disapproval told him he still wasn't going fast enough. Hank watched from behind as the scenery went by like molasses and wondered what was going on. Turning in his seat he glanced past Roy, who was stoic and seemed to not notice then looked at Chet. "Good lord, Kelly, DRIVE!" He bellowed. The sudden voice from behind startled him and his foot hit the gas making the engine lurch. Everyone reached for something to grab a hold of. Johnny just looked at Hank, thankful for the assistance. Hank turned around and just shook his head, "twit".

Roy held his breath and his stomach until the pain in his abdomen eased up. No one noticed.

Upon arriving at the traffic accident Johnny got a quick report from the on scene police officer and determined that the injuries were minor. "Stanley and DeSoto pull an inch and a half and unplug those battery cables. Stoker and Lopez, check on the drivers, an ambulance has already been dispatched."

Chet moved from the driver's seat and stood before the gauges, so many of them. He reached up and began working while holding his breath until the necessary water flowed through the hose. Deep breath Kelly, you can do this. He looked over to Mike working with a victim like somehow he could call on him for help if needed.

Marco moved to the small blue car which seemed to have rear ended the red pickup truck at the red light. He looked inside to find a woman in her 30's shaking her finger at the said truck in front of her. "That man's crazy up there, he stopped, he started, and then he stopped again. How was I supposed to know what he would do next?" She cried.

Marco did a quick visual assessment and determined that she seemed ok but did note a laceration on her arm. "It's alright Mame, we'll get you out of here and fixed up ok?"

"Just get me out of here. I'm fine."

Marco pulled on the door and was able to get it open. "Do you hurt anywhere Mame? Your neck or back? Is anything broken?" She nodded negative to all his questions and he helped to move her out of the car and over to the curb. Mike was already over there with the driver of the truck.

"What'cha got Mike?" Marco asked as he set up the biophone.

"No injuries Marco. Vitals are normal and he just wants to follow up with his doctor." Mike answered.

"Ok, think were ok here too, just a cut on the arm. Can you help me here with her?" Marco was reaching into the trauma box and was digging around trying to find the bandages. Mike reached over and was also looking.

Having the battery's disconnected and the small engine fires out Hank and Roy put the hoses down. Roy was walking past the accident victims on the sidewalk and heard Marco asking Mike for help. Without pausing Roy reached into the box and grabbed the roll of tape, wound cleaner and gauze. Dropping it into Mike's hands he kept on walking.

"How did he….." He didn't finish the sentence because Marco was taking the supplies out of his hand to use. Opening the cleanser he pushed on the bottle too hard and a stream of it went across his hand and right onto Mike's shirt. "MARCO! Watch what your doing." Mike began trying to brush the liquid off him only managing to smear it everywhere.

Marco tried again, cleaned the wound and put on the bandage. Johnny walked up behind them and would have laughed if not for the victims looking at him. Mike was covered in something, Marco had about 10 pieces of tape on his arm and the poor victim had a crooked bandage that barely covered the cut. He didn't even point any of it out to the poor paramedics but simply continued walking. Looking around the scene he notified LA they were almost done and watched as Hank, Chet and Roy pulled up the hose. He especially watched Roy. The man was quietly going about his job but the expression on his face told of his discomfort. Johnny reminded himself to check on DeSoto when they returned to the station.

Johnny felt like a caged animal. Every run apparently meant a stack of paperwork for him. Luckily their runs today had been minor but he was concerned that this was not a well oiled team. He wasn't exactly sure what it was but everyone seemed disjointed with each other and unsure of their jobs. Just out of sorts and well, out of place but he couldn't put his finger on it exactly. He leaned back in his chair and promptly forgot how far it went back. With a smack of wood on the floor Johnny found himself flat on his back with his feet in the air. He looked up to see Hank towering over him.

"You ok Cap?" He asked with a smirk on his face.

"I'm fine, said I'm fine." He pushed the helping hands away as he stood up brushing his pants off. Looking at the chair like it tried to kill him, "I don't get that chair at all."

Hank pulled the chair back upright and rubbed the top of it, "Well, I don't know now Cap, looks pretty comfortable to me."

They both were drawn away by Chet's loud voice and went into the bay area.

"What is going on in here?" Johnny asked.

"Cap, can you tell Mike to polish his own vehicle. Every time I turn around he's over here polishing the engine!"

Johnny looked at Mike, "Stoker, you are aware that you are responsible for your own truck right?"

Mike slumped his shoulders down, "Yes cap." He trudged back over to the squad beside Marco and began rubbing little tiny circles with the polish, obviously not happy.

Johnny turned to Marco who was cleaning the Squad windshield, "What's for dinner Lopez?"

"I'm making beef stroganoff."

"Sounds good," he replied. But he couldn't help but think that chili sounded really good for tonight.

Roy worked on cleaning the nozzles, quietly and uninterrupted. No one noticed the change in his demeanor, how quiet he was today. He wasn't sure who would anyway.

The rest of the afternoon was quiet and the men gathered in the dayroom following lunch. Johnny could hear them laughing and having fun at something but he was still stuck in the office. It was hard to focus on what he was supposed to do because he longed to be out there with them.

"Hank, could you get me some coffee please?" Chet asked from the couch.

"What's wrong Chet suddenly unable to get your own coffee?" He reached to open the cabinet and was immediately slammed in the chest with a huge wad of grape jelly.

"KELLY, you twit!" Hank yelled in such an authoritative voice that Chet jumped up and started apologizing. He even helped Hank clean up the mess, offering to clean his shirt. Chet then decided he would rather clean the bathroom than stay here, Geeze, think I need a different pigeon.

Mike and Marco were laughing but also got quiet quickly when Hank shot them a glare.

In the dorm Roy decided to lie down on his bunk. He felt weak and the pain in his stomach was making him nauseated. He could hear the men laughing in the dayroom and knew that Cap was in his office buried in paperwork. But somehow Roy knew that things were wrong. He felt alone. It didn't seem right to ask for Hank's help. He was a friend and co-worker but he wasn't very close to him. Instead he lay on his bunk and thought about his wife and children. Why did they seem so far away from him right now? Feeling a wave of nausea he moved into the bathroom as quickly as possible. Hank came into the bathroom as he was washing his face.

"Hey Roy, you ok?" Hank asked with concern.

"Yea, just trying to clean up for dinner." Roy intentionally perked up and smiled.

"Do you need me to get Cap?"

"No, I'm fine, just tired."

"Ok, see ya in there." Hank replied as Roy went back to the dorm room.

Hank passed through the bay and was startled by Mike who was standing by the engine with a rag in his hand, looking very guilty.

"Uh Mike, what'cha doing pally?" Hank asked with a half smile on his face.

"Nothing." He simply answered, trying to look casual.

"So… what's the rag for?"

"Just in case." Mike was getting restless. For whatever reason he felt like he had been caught by the boss.

Hank put his hands behind his back and walked around Mike, "Case of what?" He was enjoying watching Mike squirm.

"Fine! I was cleaning the Squad." Mike had to step towards the squad to wipe it.

"Squad huh?" Mike didn't look at Hank this time. "Well keep up the good work."

Hank walked into the day room with a big smile on his face leaving Mike to use the rag to wipe the sweat off his forehead.

Following dinner the men remained around the table. Everyone was sitting in quiet contemplation. Chet spoke up first and broke the silent thoughts that they were all unknowingly sharing.

"Mike did you ever think of being an engineer?"

Mike looked up in surprise. "Why do you ask that?"

Shrugging Chet pressed on, "Just wondering, you know if we could do anything else at the station what would we like to do?" Looking at Mike again, "So?"

"I think I would, yea." Mike answered.

Chet continued, "Marco what about you? What would be your favorite job?"

Marco thought about it, "Guess I'd be perfectly happy being a hose jockey. I grew up wanting to be a fireman." Turning to Johnny, "What about you Cap? If you could do any other job, what would it be?"

Johnny knew what he wanted to do but it would be a demotion so it wouldn't happen, "Always wanted to be a rescue man, then maybe a paramedic."

Chet laughed, "Can you see Johnny as a paramedic?"

He was stopped cold by everyone looking at him like he had just spoken the words of ultimate wisdom.

Mike leaned back, "Yea, I can see Cap as a paramedic. Not sure why, but yea."

Johnny liked the thought, no more little tiny office, no more paperwork, no more answering directly to the chief? It sounded good to him. He tried to picture himself riding with Mike or Marco but shook his head. No guess that wasn't his calling; didn't seem right somehow.

Marco looked across the table, "What about you Hank?"

Hank leaned forward on the table, hands clasped as he thought for a moment, "I'd like more from the job. Something where I can offer more to the station." He looked at Johnny, "Think I might want your job Cap." Then he smiled.

Johnny chuckled, "If you'll do the paperwork then you can have it today Hank."

They all laughed.

Chet thought back to the prank he tried to play, "Well, he yells like a Captain anyways."

Mike spoke up, "What about Roy?" He looked around, "Where is Roy anyway?"

They were so lost in their own land of confusion and thoughts that no one had noticed the fireman had missed dinner; in fact they realized they hadn't seen him for a while.

"That's not like Roy to not join us for dinner." Marco said.

"I saw him in the bathroom earlier, said he was cleaning up for dinner," Hank remembered.

The hairs on the back of Johnny's neck went up and his stomach felt like a knot. He didn't know why but he had to find Roy. His intuition was telling him that something was wrong. Jumping up he pushed his chair back, "We have to find him." Everyone looked at him but for some reason felt the urgency he was exuding and stood up themselves.

"Mike, Marco go check the locker room. Chet check out back. Hank lets go check the dorm." Everyone moved out to their designated areas to find him.

Johnny and Hank ran into the dorm and on first glance saw nothing but as Johnny moved forward he saw feet. His heart jumped in his throat as he looked around the brick partition to find Roy collapsed on the floor between the bunks, unconscious. He quickly knelt down beside him.

"Roy? Can you hear me?" He got no response. Looking up at Hank, "I need the boxes."

Mike, Marco and Chet came up behind Hank. "I'll get um Cap," Marco replied and Mike followed him.

Johnny felt for a pulse, it was rapid and thready. Placing his hand on his abdomen, he could feel Roy's breathing.

"I'll go call it in," Hank said as he ran to the bay. Once there he took the radio, "LA Station 51. We have a Code I and need an ambulance dispatched. Also place us 10-8 to Rampart."

"10-4, 51. Ambulance dispatched."

Hank returned to the dorm to find they had slid Roy to the main corridor for more room to work on him. He reached for the biophone and set up the link. Mike and Marco worked on obtaining vital signs.

"BP is 60/40, pulse 140," Mike reported.

Johnny opened his shirt and found that his abdomen was rigid, from internal bleeding.

"God Roy, why didn't you tell us?" Johnny was anguished over this, they could all see it.

Chet put the oxygen on him but Roy began to open his eyes. Johnny leaned in close to him, "Roy?" But he remained quiet. "Don't worry partner, you're gonna be ok."

"Don't think ….this time….it's ok…..Junior."

Junior? Roy had never called him that but for some reason it was comforting to him. He heard Hank's voice on the radio, "Station 51 to Rampart, do you read?"

It was Kelly's voice that came back, "We read you 51, go ahead." Johnny moved over to take the phone.

"Rampart we have a fireman down. He was injured yesterday in a fire. There is tenderness along the right back ribcage with bruising, abdominal tenderness with rigidity and distension. He is pale and diaphoretic. Pulse is 140, respirations are 20 and shallow. BP 60/40. Pupils are equal but sluggish. He is in and out of consciousness Rampart."

"51, is this Roy?" Kelly knew that he had seen Roy last evening and released him.

"10-4 Doc."

Kelly cursed under his breath, "51, start lateral IV's of LR. Run one wide open and the other at 100 drops per minute to start. Send me a strip."

The strip came across to the hospital station, "Sinus tachycardia 51. Transport him as soon as possible."

Johnny looked at Hank, "Can you check on the status of the ambulance?" Hank nodded and ran out to the bay again. Johnny turned his attention back to Mike and Marco. "Get those IV's started," he said as he started running the IV lines with fluids. The whole time he kept his eyes on the monitor and Roy.

Shortly Hank ran back and Johnny did not like the look on his face, "What's wrong?"

"We have a problem Cap, the ambulance was in an accident. They have dispatched another one but it will take 20 minutes to get here."

"What!" Johnny looked at Roy; he could see him fading before his eyes. "We don't have 20 minutes." He picked up the biophone, "Rampart?"

"Go ahead 51." Kelly was hoping they were already on the way by now.

"Doc, we have a problem. There's not an ambulance available for 20 minutes. Roy's BP is down to 50 palpable, pulse is now 70 and he's unresponsive. I need to bring him in on the engine."

"10-4, 51, just get him here fast."

Mike heard the interaction and jumped up. He ran to the bay doors and opened them then jumped into the engine to start it. Hank moved back to the station radio, "LA Station 51 we are transporting our Code I on the Engine, be advised."

"10-4 51."

Marco started gathering up the boxes and equipment as Chet brought in the stokes. Johnny, Chet, Hank and Marco picked up Roy's limp body and secured him in the transporter then picking it up moved out into the bay. Mike already had the lights and sirens running and was sitting behind the wheel ready to go. Once they had Roy on top of the hoses, Marco handed the boxes and equipment up then jumped into the squad to follow them. Chet climbed up with Johnny and Hank ran and jumped in the passenger seat next to Mike. Looking back Hank could see Johnny wave, "Let's get moving Mike."

Mike pulled the engine out without any hesitation and deftly moved it down the street towards Rampart. Hank sat sideways and watched as Johnny did a cardiac thump on Roy's chest and Chet began compressions. Johnny was on the phone with Rampart, pushing medications, throwing boxes and looking like he was in shock himself.

From the squad Marco said an endless litany of prayers for Roy and then cringed as he could see Johnny insert the long needle into Roy's heart.

Mike expertly backed the large engine into the ER parking by the emergency doors. The orderlies met them and assisted with lowering the stokes down. Brackett watched as Johnny got down and climbed onto the stretcher to continue the chest compressions. Mike, Marco, Chet and Hank followed as they wheeled Roy into the treatment/surgery room only to be stopped by Dixie. In a daze they moved to the waiting room.

Hank paced, worried about his fellow worker. Mike and Marco talked quietly while Chet stood outside the treatment room door. Soon Johnny emerged from the room with tears in his eyes.

"Cap?" Chet asked.

"There doing surgery right now." Johnny felt lost somehow like the person he needed to talk to so bad was no longer there with him. He looked up at the crew in front of him and could see they were all worried about Roy. "It doesn't look good."

About an hour later Brackett and Early came out of the room. Johnny knew by the way they walked, hung their shoulders and avoided eye contact with him that it wasn't good news.

Brackett spoke first, "Johnny." He paused, "There was too much blood loss, and there just wasn't anything we could do."

Johnny felt like his world was falling in around him. "No." His voice was breathy, "Roy." Hank moved over and took Johnny by the arm and guided him to a chair.

"He must have been hurting all day. I can't believe he didn't tell anyone." Brackett said, feeling his own guilt over what had happened.

Hurting all day? Roy, why didn't you tell us? "I want to see him." Johnny stood up.

Brackett didn't hesitate, "Of course." Of all the firemen standing in front of him it only seemed natural, for some reason, that Johnny was the one to be at Roy's side.

Johnny turned back to Hank, "Can you try and reach Joanne again?" Down deep he was glad Hank was there. There was something reassuring about his presence for all of them and he knew then how much they needed him.

"Sure Cap."

Johnny entered the room, littered with surgical supplies, opened packages, bloody towels and instruments. Roy was lying in the middle of it all. Roy. His friend. Yes, his friend. Johnny stood beside him and brushed the blond hair from his face. "We were all to busy to see. To lost in our confusion to know what was happening to you. Somehow I feel like I should have been there, the one to see your pain. But I was also lost. Lost in paperwork, phone calls and everyone else's confusion. None of this is right Roy. It's not right and it's not fair. It should have been me that watched out after you. I don't know why or how but it was my job to keep you safe. To make sure you went home at the end of every shift. What am I going to say to Joanne? Please forgive me partner."

Johnny laid his head on Roy's chest and cried. He hadn't been there for his friend when he needed him most and now he felt there was no reason to go on. Captain no longer meant anything to him. It never felt right anyway and now he suddenly realized why. He realized too late. And something deep in his soul told him he had lost the most important thing in the world to him. His friend. His brother.

He didn't hear the sound of the door opening or feel the arms of Dixie guide him to the floor as he collapsed in her arms.

Johnny tossed and turned in his bunk until he darted straight up, drenched in sweat. He gasped for air like a fish out of water, struggling to fill his lungs. His heart was pounding in his chest hard enough to cause real physical pain. His eyes went straight to Roy's empty bunk. The bed was nicely made; his boots and turn out gear were now gone. God, what happened? Roy? Are you really gone or was it a horrible nightmare? Are you still here? Is it too late?

His whole body was shaking as he swung his legs around to put on his boots and turn out pants. Grasping at the suspenders, pulling them over his shoulders, he moved towards the kitchen. As he passed each bunk he watched the other men tossing, muttering and fighting demons of their own in their sleep. Their faces glistening with sweat; their faces full of anguish. Johnny pushed open the kitchen door pausing to quickly look around the room. His heart sank when he found it empty. Wiping his arm across his forehead again the hairs on his neck stood up as he felt the surging panic build in his chest. Running through the bay he headed to the locker room.

As soon as he pushed open the door he saw him standing there looking in the mirror. He had his turn out clothes on, washing his face in the sink. Roy, through the mirror, saw Johnny's grand entrance into the bathroom and he got worried. Johnny looked terrible and scared to death. Almost as bad as he did.