"What?" Lucas heard what Julian was saying but was in a daze. Did he just say he knew Peyton in L.A.?
"Oh, she didn't tell you?" Julian grinned. "Knew here well, went out for a while. But things go too serious and I ended it." He turned to look at a picture of Lucas and Peyton.
"No she didn't tell me," Lucas said shell shocked.
"Yeah, well, she just got weird after losing the baby," Julian dropped his second bombshell. "And I got out of there. But I always wonder what would have happened if we had had that baby."
"Baby?" Lucas sat back down on the couch.
"Wow, I really got the impression you two had the kind of relationship where you shared everything," Julian said smiling. He was loving this. "Guess I was wrong."
"Look, I gotta' shove off," Julian looked at his watch. "But I will call you later and we can talk more about the movie. This is going to be a good partnership. I can feel it."
Julian looked at Lucas still in stunned silence. Lucas didn't say a word as Julian walked out the door.
Peyton tried not to worry as she tried Lucas for what seemed like the 100th time and her call went straight to his voice mail. She had tried calling him when she first arrived in Chicago and at first didn't think anything about it. But as the day wore on and it became night she did begin to worry. She dealt with Mia's little problem and then boarded the first flight back to Tree Hill the next morning.
It was still early morning as she had caught a 6 a.m. flight. It was 8:30 a.m. when she walked into her house. The sun was shining through the windows but the house was dark. She used the back door that led into the bedroom she shared with Lucas and noticed the bed was already made. Lucas must have had an early day.
She lay her bag on the bed and went into the living room. That is where she found Lucas, sitting on the couch just staring into nothing. He was wearing the same jeans and blue shirt she watched him put on the morning before.
"Lucas," she said in a worried tone as she went to him. Peyton sat on the couch beside him and touched his leg. "Lucas, honey, what's the matter?"
"You had a baby," he said turning his gaze to her. "With Julian."
There it was. The truth that was haunting her for so long finally came out. Her breath escaped her and she felt tears form in her eyes.
"No," Peyton began. "I didn't have a baby. I lost a baby." She corrected him.
"Yes, but you knew him," Lucas said. "And you didn't say anything."
"Julian was part of a past I would like to forget," Peyton began. She scooted away from Lucas giving him the physical distance she could see had already formed metaphysically. "It wasn't a great time for me and it was something I would just soon forget."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Lucas narrowed his gaze at her. His tone accusing.
"I was trying to find a way to tell you." But then Peyton stopped. Her sadness of her past began to be replaced with anger. "But you know what? The truth is, it is my past. And my choice if I should tell you or not."
"How do you see it that way?" Lucas stood and towered over her.
"Because you lost that privilege to know that part of me when you left me in that hotel room in L.A.," Peyton said. "You broke my heart that day Lucas. And I really thought we might get a second chance when you called me a year later to come to your book signing. But I saw you with Lindsey and I guess I felt it truly was over. I know now you weren't dating then, but what is done is done."
"Is it done, Peyton," Lucas fumed. "Because it looks like your past is back again."
"You arrogant bastard," Peyton said lifting herself from the couch to challenge him. "How much of your past have I had to swallow? Your ex-girlfriend who just happens to be my best friend, and an ex-fiance'e who just happens to be your editor. How you treated me, what you have said to me."
"Peyton," Lucas began.
"No," Peyton pointed her finger at Lucas. "This has finally got to be said. You had Lindsey but you chased ME Lucas, brought all my feelings back up when I came back to Tree Hill. And then I tried to be a friend to you, tried to bury my feelings. And then you reward me by telling me you hate me. But I got over that, because I was fighting for my happiness. And then you called me, and I came. Because I love you, I have always loved you."
"Peyton," Lucas tried again. But Peyton cut him off.
"So, then you sit in this house and don't answer my calls," Peyton continued. "Have me worried sick about you. And you accuse me about my past."
Lucas just stared at her.
"Nothing to say?" Peyton shook her head. "You are good at that. Just standing there staring. My God, Lucas. I lost a child. I was pregnant by a man I knew would never be you. And I prayed every night, after I found out I was having a baby, that I would lose it."
"I know it was hard, Peyton." Lucas tried to reach for her.
"Do you, Lucas?" Peyton walked further from him. "Do you know what it is like to lie in a hospital bed knowing your life is in shambles? That you lost a life that was growing inside you - equally mourning its passing and celebrating it. And then having someone come to you and tell you he was leaving you because it was getting to serious?"
"Peyton, please." Lucas tried again to reach for her. "I just got crazy with jealousy. To think someone else.." he stalled.
"What, to think someone other then you wanted me?" The tears were streaming down her face. "I wasn't a saint while we were apart, Lucas. And I had sex, lots of it. And I paid for it. I will pay for it the rest of my life. Because no matter what the future holds for me and if I am lucky enough to be gifted with a child, I will always know that child was not my first. That there will be a child that was a part of me that never was."
Peyton took a deep breath and walked away from Lucas.
"Where are you going?" Lucas chased after her. "Peyton wait."
She picked up her purse and went to the door. "I am going to Brooke's for a while," Peyton told him. "Don't follow me, please."
"Peyton, please stay."
"I love you, Lucas," Peyton said brushing a tear from her face. "I trusted you with my heart. I am just not sure if I should do that anymore."
With that she opened the door and walked out leaving Lucas in silence. So silent he heard the click of the door as it shut, wondering if he would ever hear it opening again and see Peyton walking through that door to him again.
What had he done? What could he do to fix it?