New Jersey API Murder Case

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. But… I own… Your mom.

Wolflink93: This Chapter is for the background of what happened in New Jersey with L, apparently what happens in New Jersey doesn't like to stay there.

"I wanna be the very best like no one ever was!" L sang, on the drive to New Jersey, to solve a murder case. Currently they were in a dented, dirt covered, hill billy truck, with Watari as the driver. L was bored so he decided to pop out the Sony portable DVD player, to watch some Pokemon.

"To catch them is my real test! To train them is my cause!" L sang loudly, bobbing his head up and down. Watari clenched the steering wheel in annoyance.

"I will travel across the land! Searching far and wide!" L sang.

I knew I shouldn't have gotten him that Pokemon DVD for Christmas. Those things are like crack to him.

"Each Pokemon to understand! The power that's inside!" L sang, punching his fist on the door right next to him.

"Pokemon! It's you and me! I know it's my destiny!" L sang.

Watari had enough. "Soon enough it will be you're destiny to be stranded out in the middle of nowhere if you don't shut up!" Watari screamed, shaking his fist at L. L after that… somewhat unexpected outburst, decided to shut up, for the sake of Watari.

"Pokemon! Ooh you're my best friend! In a world we must defend!" But, it wasn't L singing… It was Watari! L just looked over toward him, and started to sing with him.

"Pokemon! A heart so true! I know it will pull us through!" They sang, with a bird hitting the windshield. They were driving into a flock of birds. Though they kept singing, with birds hitting the windshield with a loud 'thud'.

"You teach 'thud' me and I'll 'thud' teach you! Pokemon! Gotta 'thud' Catch'em all! Gotta 'thud' Catch'em all! 'thud' Pokemon!" After they were done singing, L stuck his head out the window to look behind them. There were birds of all species, littered all over the ground, twitching, in a giant puddle of blood.

"See L that's why we don't sing when we drive!" Watari scolded.

L ignored him, and started to eat his Danish, that he kept safe in his pocket. "Are we almost there?" L asked, coolly.

"We're here." Watari said. They pulled up to a hotel called, Grasshopper Hotel. L got out of the truck, followed by Watari. After a few hours, of getting everything out, checking out a room, and unpacking. It was already night, and Watari had already gone to bed. L was staying up (Of course) looking at files for the case.

All of the murder cases happened during the weekend. And an apple was left at the scene of the crime. Also everybody who was killed owned a product from Apple Inc. What is that information doing on a police report anyway? L contemplated, dangling the paper with his thumb and forefinger. After a few minutes L knew what to do.

"One Apple I-Phone please." L said, in a grocery store. There was a lady at the cash register.

"Wrong place." The lady said.

"Then where can I purchase this fruity queer phone?" L asked.

"You can get one at Best Apple." The lady said, pointing to the store that was conveniently across the street.

"Oh… then can I have a lollipop to go?" L asked.

"We don't have any!" The lady said, alarmed.

"Gumdrops?"

"We're out."

"Chocolate?"

"NO!"

"Do you at least have doughnuts?"

"Did you even look around when you walked in here?" L looked around to see there was nothing but empty space, and a cash register, which L was right in front of.

"Then why are you here?" L asked, scratching his head.

"Who says I am?" The lady said, falling on her face. It was a cardboard decoy!

"Damn it! Why does everybody do that!?" L screamed, walking to Best Apple. He walked in, and went up to the cash register.

"One Apple I-Phone please." L said.

"Wrong place." The guy said.

"But the lady across the street said you sold them here." L whined, pointing across the street to an old woman, who happened to be standing there, smiling, and waving.

"No."

"But…"

"No, damn it!"

"Can I have a lollipop?"

"Sure!" The guy exclaimed, pulling a lollipop from the register.

"How much?" L asked.

"YOUR SOUL!!!"

"What?"

"Sorry old habits, I used to work for Nightmare (A/N: Not the band. If you play Soul Caliber you'll know what I'm talkin' about.) That will be 50 cents." L paid the man, and walked out of the store, sucking on the lollipop.

Where am I going to get an Apple I-Phone? L thought.

"Psst, over here." A guy said, in a dark alley. L looked around, and walked toward the darkest alley in all of New Jersey.

"I couldn't help but here a couple blocks away that you were looking for an Apple I-Phone." The guy said. L took the lollipop from his mouth, and started to bite his thumb.

"Yes, but how do you know this?" L asked, suspicious.

"Uhm…"

Flashback…

"I'll just set up my Apple sound device. So that I can hear when somebody needs an I-Phone." The man said, plugging it in to an electronic trash can, and then putting the headphones on.

Flashback end…

The guy moved to where he was blocking the sound device from view. "I… have… good… hearing?" The guy said, sweating.

"No human could possibly hear from this far—" L began to say.

"Are you going to buy an I-Phone, or not!?" The guy interrupted.

"Sure, how much?"

"500 big ones."

"Big what?" L asked, confused.

The man sighed. "I mean $500."

"Oh… then why didn't you say so before?" L said, pulling out the money for the phone of the I, and handing it to the man.

The man smiled. "Thank you! And here's your I-Phone." The man said, handing L a black rectangular device. L nodded and walked off, happy that everything worked out.

Several hours later…

L was sitting on the couch of the apartment, in his famous pose, fiddling with the phone, to see why everybody who owned an Apple Inc. product was killed. Watari walked into the room, and seeing the phone in L's grasp, rolled his eyes.

"Why would you want a phone that costs $500? When you could get a Wii for half the price?" Watari scoffed.

"I'm trying to figure out why people are dying from owning an Apple product." L explained, touching the screen.

"It's probably because they didn't have enough money for dinner." L ignored him, and kept messing with the phone. After a few minutes, the sound of glass breaking in another room broke L's attention from the phone. L immediately jumped off the couch in surprise. Watari ran toward the dresser and pulled out a sniper rifle.

"It's snipin' time!" Watari yelled.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that." A mysterious voice said, in a mono-tone like voice. The figure stepped out of the shadows.

"Wait, if you're here… then who busted through the window?" L asked, confused.

"I… don't… know." The figure said, also confused. Watari popped his head in the room where the offending sound came from.

Watari's eyes widened. "Nobody move… It's a badger." Watari whispered, so he wouldn't startle the animal. Everybody froze. Then L remembered something. L stood up and walked to the other room.

"L, what are you doing?" Watari whispered. L ignored him and walked toward the badger, and held out the I-Phone. L then touched the button on the touch screen that said: Badger Repellent. A spray came out of the touch screen, spraying the badger. The badger hissed, ran, and then jumped into the toilet, flushing himself into the sewers.

"That was close." L said, relieved.

"Yeah, I hate badgers." Watari said.

"Thank god for Badger Repellent." The figure said.

L walked back into the room. "Where were we again?" L asked.

"Oh, yes, I'm afraid I can't let you do that." The figure said, in a mono-tone like voice.

"Wait, I know you. You're Apple Inc. what are you doing here?" Watari asked.

"You're here to kill me aren't you!?" L yelled.

"Why would I do that?" Apple Inc. asked, confused.

"Didn't you kill all those people?" L asked.

"No… but I kidnapped them."

"They why were there dead bodies!?"

"I really don't know…"

Flashback…

"He did leave me!" A woman sobbed, pulling a knife out of nowhere, and then cutting her wrists, completely ignoring the note that read he was 'vacationing'.

Flashback end…

"No matter, you're coming with me to invent new Apple products." Apple Inc. commanded.

"Over my dusty carcass!" Watari yelled, lifting the rifle up. But it was shot out of his hand by Apple Inc. Apple Inc. was holding an I-Phone!

Apple Inc. smirked. "My I-Phone can do anything."

"Ginger bread ninja stars!" L yelled, pulling out pink frosted, ginger bread, ninja stars, and then throwing them. The stars flew forward slicing Apple Inc.'s arms. One of the stars was also able to make him drop the I-Phone.

L smirked. "You're fruity phones are no match for my deadly sweets."

"Yes but you're deadly sweets are no match for my mouse nun chucks." Apple Inc. said pulling out two mouses, from a computer, that were tied together. Apple Inc. ran towards L and hit him in the face with the nun chucks. L though was unfazed, so he decided to counter attack with a foot to the chin. Apple Inc. stumbled back in surprise. He caught himself before he could fall and using the nun chucks as a rope lassoed one of L's foots, tripping him. L of course wasn't going to be taken down so easily.

"Gumbomb!" L yelled pulling out a gun powdered filled gumdrop, then throwing it toward Apple Inc.'s face, blinding him. When Apple Inc. cleared his vision he was able to see he was out numbered. Here stood L with five ginger bread ninja stars in his hand, and Watari right next to him holding the rifle up. Apple Inc., knowing that he had lost, decided to run away. Apple Inc. jumped out of the window, throwing apples to block the bullet and ninja stars.

"Damn those apples and there infernal juiciness," L said, frustrated. "Quick, Watari, to the truck!" They both ran down the stairs of the hotel, then running across the lobby out the doors, getting a few strange looks on the way. Watari got in the back of the truck, and L got the drivers seat. Watari positioned the rifle on the roof of the truck, so he could get a better aim.

"Watari, be careful, were dealing with Apple Inc. If he can make a $500 phone then who knows what else he could do." L said.

Watari nodded his head. "Don't worry this bitch is going down." L nodded, and looked forward. L started the car, and drove away, with a loud screech coming from the tires. After a few minutes they were able to see Apple Inc.'s car coming into full view. Apple Inc. was in his Applemobile. Apple Inc. looked in his rearview mirror to see that L was behind him in his hill billy truck, and that Watari was aiming for his car, with the rifle.

Apple Inc. pressed a button in his car. "That should stall them." Apple Inc. said, laughing. In the back of the Applemobile, in the lower section, a compartment opened out letting sharpened apple stems loose all over the ground, covering the street.

"L, watch out for the apple stems!" Watari yelled, over the roaring winds. After Watari said that, herds of sheep were crossing the road.

Damn sheep! Wait that's it! L thought, accelerating. L was now going 250 mph. L hit the sheep, splattering them all over the road. Using them as platforms, L was successfully able to drive over the stems, without getting a hole in the tires.

"Didn't really like sheep anyway." L muttered, driving past an angry farmer.

"Damn those city folks and there flying machines." The farmer said, angrily waving his fist in the air at L's truck. L was starting to catch up to the Applemobile. Watari was now aiming for the tires of the car. Apple Inc. saw this, and pushed another button in the car. The compartment opened up again, except this time instead of stems pouring out, it was apple juice. But since L had recently ran over some sheep, the wool on the tires were able to soak up the apple juice, not diverting L from his path. Watari fired and successfully hit the tire, blowing it off.

"Damn sheep!" Apple Inc. yelled, before crashing near a forest. L parked the truck near the wreck, but before he could get out, Apple Inc. crawled out of the wrecked car and ran into the forest. L walked to the back of the truck to help Watari out.

"Come on Watari we need to catch the criminal before he escapes." L said, calmly.

"No, I'm staying here." Watari said, sitting back down in the back.

"What?"

"I'm fucking old what do you expect me to do," Watari complained, getting in a more comfortable position. "Plus it's time for my 5 o'clock nap… you ass." He said, closing his eyes. L was about to complain, but was stopped when Watari started to snore really loudly.

"Give me my damn waffles!" Watari yelled, talking in his sleep. L, not wanting to face the wrath of Watari, decided to go in the forest, alone. L started to walk through the forest, looking for the apple criminal.

These days it seems like Watari is going through PMS. L thought, walking into a clearing. L looked around to see Apple Inc. across a bridge, which was over a shallow pit, which seemed to go on for miles and miles. When Apple Inc. opened his eyes it started to rain, and thunder. Apple Inc. was holding his I-Phone in his hands.

"L, it's time to end this." Apple Inc. said.

"I agree." L said, pulling out his I-Phone. They both lifted them up at the same time, but before they could fire they were interrupted. A red headed little girl, started to float onto the bridge, from the pit, smelling like strawberries.

"I'm Strawberry Shortcake." Strawberry introduced herself. "Can't we all be friend—Bang! Bang!" Strawberry began to say, before she was shot by L and Apple Inc. Strawberry was shot in the arm and leg, she tumbled over the side of the bridge falling back, from whence she came.

"No! We're not having any friendship speeches! Fuck you 4kids!" L and Apple Inc. said, at the same time.

"There on to us! Go! Go! GO!" The leader of the 4kid agents yelled. The car they were in, watching the fight between L and Apple Inc., started up and with a screech, they drove off

"Damn that was my last bullet." Apple Inc. said.

"Mine too." L yelled, touching the touch screen trying to shoot more bullets. L put the I-Phone away, and pulled out his candy cane dagger. Apple Inc., in return pulled out a keyboard.

"I'm going to stab you with this sugary sweet of peppermints." L taunted.

"I'm going to Ctrl, Alt, and Delete you." Apple Inc. taunted, pressing the keys as he said them. They charged forward clanging there weapons together. L pushed forward and then slashed at Apple Inc.'s stomach, scoring a direct hit. Apple Inc. stumbled backwards in a daze. L was about to slash again, before he was hit in the head with a keyboard.

"I got to take a screen shot of this." Apple Inc. said, looming over L, pressing the F9 button to take a screen shot. L took this as a chance to hit Apple Inc., L kicked him in the knee. Apple Inc. almost stumbled over the rope, but kept himself from falling by clinging onto it. L held the I-Phone up.

"I thought you were out of bullets?" Apple Inc. asked, dazed.

L smirked. "I lied." L fired, and the bullet pierced Apple Inc. in the other foot, causing him to fall into the pit. L looked down to confirm he was dead, and walked back to the truck.

After packing everything up and getting rid of any trace that they were in New Jersey. They were now on there way to Japan, for the Kira case.

"You know Watari, this reminds me of the BB Los Angeles Murder Case."

Flashback…

Flashback end…

"L, you can't do that." Watari said.

"Why not?"

"Because the author hasn't read that story yet."

"Why?"

"Because he's too damn poor!" Watari exclaimed, frustrated about the author's dilemma. L was again sitting bored in his seat.

"Can I sing?" L asked Watari.

Watari looked over to him and smiled. "Okay, fine, but only because you defeated Apple Inc." Watari said. L cleared his throat, and prepared to sing the song that every single Death Note character knew by heart. (A/N: Whether they liked it or not.)

"Dare ni mo mirenai yume o mite. Iranai mono wa subete suteta. Yuzurenai omoi Kono mune ni yadoshite." L sang.

"Mada riaru to idearu no hazama ni ite. Gisei no kase ni ashi o torarete mo. Afureru shoudou osaekirenai. Tsuyoku motomeru kokoro ga aru kara." L and Watari sang together, with birds hitting the wind shield.

""Itsuwari" 'thud' "Osore" 'thud' "Kyoshoku" 'thud' "Urei". Samazama 'thud' na negateibu 'thud' ni. Torawareru 'thud' hodo yowaku 'thud' wa nai. Kodoku 'thud' mo shiranu 'thud' trickster." They both sang, with L laughing at the end.

"Watari, you're singing sucks." L chuckled.

"Shut the fuck up, L." Watari said, smiling. And they drove into the sunset to Japan where there next case lays, The Kira Case!

Wolflink93: I hope you liked this chapter… And please review or else L and Watari will sing at your house. Trust me; you don't want to have to clean up the mess. And just in case you didn't know, the song at the end is Alumina by Nightmare. (How could a Death Note Fan not know that?)