LxSoichiro Forbidden Taboo

A Basinga Productions

By Wolflink93

"L! I'm home!" Soichiro sang, slamming the door. L was sitting in the corner of the living room, in a fettle position. L immediately crooked his head to look at Soichiro with his bug like eyes.

"Did you bring the candy?" L asked, hurriedly.

"No…But I got milk." Soichiro said, pulling out a carton of milk and showing L.

"Soichiro! You know I don't like two percent reduced fat!" L said angrily. "I like the real thing damn it!" The detective added. Soichiro flared his nostrils with an intensity of a thousand burritos.

"I come home from a full day of work...to hear this!" Soichiro yelled. "I'm leaving!" He added, walking out the door, slamming it.

After a few seconds of listening to Soichiro's footsteps fading away. L decided to give a statement. "He'll be back." L muttered. The footsteps came back with the door slamming open.

"Oh, yeah! And here's your milk! WHICH IS UNPATURIZED!" Soichiro yelled, throwing a bucket full of milk at L. The bucket hit L, covering him in calcium goodness.

L then shivered and said. "OhHHhhhhHHHHhh yeah! So sexy." Soichiro then started to babble, and scold L of his selfish behavior. While he was babbling. L started to think.

I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor. Oh Oh Oh I'm a tumor. L's thoughts were interrupted by Soichiro saying.

"Are you listening to me, L?" L then looked at his moustache and thought.

It's so big and fluffy… and sexy. L thought.

"Well?" Soichiro said, impatiently tapping his foot L then looked up at Soichiro.

"I love you." L whispered, lunging at Soichiro.

1 hour later…

"That was awesome." Soichiro said, on the couch with L, playing checkers ,when he won. "Now where's my dinner?" He asked.

"It's thawing out in the sink!" L shouted in a low stupid voice. Soichiro stood up grumbling, and walked into the kitchen. Soichiro then walked to the sink and said.

"There's nothing in the sink!" Soichiro shouted, so L could hear him.

"It's in the European sink!" L shouted back. Soichiro then looked back toward the sink and then back at the doorway.

"What the hell's a European Sink!?" Soichiro shouted.

"It's in the bathroom!" L shouted back. Soichiro's eyes widend.

A 5 second walk to the bathroom later…

Soichiro was holding the lid of the toilet, praying that his dinner wasn't actually there. Soichiro then lifted up the lid and peaked in.

"Phew!" Soichiro said, relieved. "It's not in here!" Soichiro yelled.

"Hold on! Let me see!" L yelled back, walking into the bathroom. He rolled his eyes as he walked toward the toilet.

"You need to learn about your sinks." L said.

"And you need to go on a diet you fat whore." Soichiro mumbled. L then lifted up the lid off the back of the toilet.

"It's right here." L said, pointing. Soichiro looked over his shoulder.

"You were trying to thaw… ICE CREAM BARS!?" Soichiro yelled in surprise. "Why the hell would you thaw ice cream!? He exclaimed.

"I was making ice cream soup." L calmly said.

"Then why did you put it in the back of the toilet?" Soichiro asked.

"I thought it would give it more flavor… Like that pickle that I foun—" L was stopped by Soichiro.

"I don't wanna know." Soichiro immediately said.

"Come on, let's go make sammiches." L suggested, knowing Soichiro wouldn't eat the ice cream soup. Soichiro nodded and walked off towards the kitchen. L waited a few seconds after Soichiro left. He then pulled out a ladle and a zip lock bag.

"No since letting it go to waste." L muttered.

Back in the kitchen…

"You got the mayonnaise?" L asked. Soichiro nodded.

"Tomato?"

"Yes." Soichiro said.

"Then were ready!" L said, dramatically pulling out two pieces of bread, and slamming them on a plate. L started to spread the mayonnaise.

"Yeah! Yeah! Spread that mayonnaise!" Soichiro screamed hungrily. "Now add the tomato!" Soichiro moaned in L's ear. L then got two tomato slices and slowly put them both down on the bread.

"Oh yeah! That's how I like it uh-huh uh-huh I like it uh-huh uh-huh!" Soichiro sang. Just as L was about to pull out the ham, the door slammed open.

"What are you two doing?!" Soichiro's wife yelled. The camera turns toward Soichiro and L naked, making sandwiches.

"Making sammiches…" Soichiro said. You then hear the sound of a record skipping, and the scene then pauses with Soichiro's wife's mouth still agape, as if she were going to speak. Light then walked onto the screen.

"Wait wait wait." Light said. "Why would my dad be cheating on my mom with L… in their own house… I mean… that doesn't make any sense." Light stated. The author, Gyaretto, then walked onto the screen.

"Light, you and I know this story doesn't make any sense." Gyaretto said. Light then blinks a couple of times.

"Good point." Light said, walking off the screen followed by Gyaretto. The scene then returns to normal with Soichiro's wife's mouth moving.

"Oh… but you never make them naked with meeeeeee." Soichiro's wife whined.

"Maybe I would… If you weren't such a FAT WHORE!" Soichiro shouted. His wife, who we will now call… ummmmm…. Casandra, squinted her eyes. She then walks over and takes the two pieces of bread filled with the tomato and mayo. She then splats them onto both of her ears.

"They sound like tomato and mayonnaise." She said, looking at her husband. "But, I still think you're up to something." She added, walking out of the room. After the door closed you could hear bread, tomato, and mayo splattering against skin. You could also hear moaning followed by the splattering. L looked over at Soichiro.

"When do you plan to tell her?" L asked.

"Right before our anniversary so she will be in more pain." Soichiro explained, smirking. L smirked, and gave Soichiro a high five. Then Soichiro realized something.

"Wait, why are we making sammiches. You don't even like sammiches." Soichiro stated. L was looking at Soichiro's chest hair.

"I like you." L droned, smashing his face into the bush that is Soichiro's chest.

Sometime later…

L and Soichiro were both sitting on the couch making out when all of a sudden Watari walked into the room.

"Stick your moustache in my mouth." L moaned.

"I knew it would happen… but not this soon." Watari said, pulling out a camera and filming it, after 5 minutes Watari started licking the camera lens for no reason.

"Old man snipper! Will you get the hell out of her were trying to have a conversation!" Soichiro yelled to Watari, pulling his moustache out.

"It's Watari jackass!" Watari yelled, leaving the room.

"Now where were we?" Soichiro said, seductively.

"I think we were at the part where you suck… on… my… bags… under my eyes." L said, twitching his face to move the bags under his eyes. Soichiro was about to continue until…

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Soichiro walked up and looked out the door hole.

"OMFG! Salesmen! Hide!" Soichiro exclaimed, throwing himself over the couch, followed by L. They then slowly peaked over the couch to look at the door.

"What does he want!" L screamed in agony.

"I don't know… But… for some reason… I feel like where we are behind the couch… reminds me of cereal… and a lot of milk…" Soichiro said in wonder.

"MILK!" L exclaimed. "He's selling milk!? Well why the hells are we hiding behind here, answer it!" The detective exclaimed, looking over at Soichiro.

"No dumbass he's not selling milk. I told you where were hiding now reminds me of cereal and milk." Soichiro stated.

"Oh…" L said.

"Open up! There's a bomb in your house! Get out quickly!" The guy outside the door yelled.

"Don't do it he's trying to trick us!" Soichiro said to L. L was just staring at the wall. "What is it?" Soichiro asked.

"I think he's right." L said, pointing up at the wall showing what appears to be a digital timer. "That's a bomb timer." L added.

"Why the hell didn't we notice that before?!" Soichiro yelled.

"It's probably because we were too busy making sammiches" L exclaimed, in surprise.

"Come on let's get out of here." Soichiro said, with L nodding. They both then put on tuxedo suits, and ran up to the highest window in the house their was. They both then jumped out with the timer saying zero, followed by the house exploding. L and Soichiro were jumping from the explosion in slow motion. Screaming "Nooooooo!" The guy then appeared behind them jumping up to them with a briefcase.

"Would you like to buy a house!" The man screamed, revealing some sort of accent. He then opened the briefcase with the pictures of houses flying out.

"No you terrorist salesman!" Soichiro yelled, pulling out a gun and shooting him. The guy then exploded with Soichiro and L being pushed further back into the air. They then suddenly landed on sand with them both making out, while there was tanks and men shooting at each other, and they were suddenly in army outfits. They then took a moment to breath.

"My suspicions of you being Kira have gone up 3 percent." L gasped.

"Even if I was Kira you'd never lock me up." Soichiro said.

"You're right…" L sighed. With them both hugging each other. But as they were hugging each other Soichiro suddenly had a crazy look in his eyes. He then slowly pulled out a Death Note drenched in mayo. Just as the scene was fading out Soichiro smirked and said. "Checkmate…"

In the real world…

It now shows Light sitting on a stool with L standing right next to him, watching an orange TV that had the words "What-if machine" labeled on it.

"And that's what would happen if yaoi fans got a little too carried away." L said, as if he were telling a story, when actually it was a virtual reality being shown on the what-if machine. L then looked over toward Light.

"Light… you okay…" L asked. Light had a surprised look on his face as if he had been scarred for life. Light then slowly began to breath with his breath being cut off between intervals. And then without warning Light screamed with his hands raised in agony.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Light then stood up and ran out of the room with his hands still raised.

"Hm……… Time to eat this banana pudding." L said, pulling out a bowl of banana pudding out from behind his back. He then slowly began to eat it, with him moaning.

In the real real world…

It now shows L sitting on a stool with perfect balance, watching an orange TV that had the words "What-if machine" labeled on it.

"So, that's what would have happened had I made that banana pudding. To think reality can be shifted with just a bowl of puddin'…" L said, putting his thumb in his teeth in contemplation.

"What if I don't make the pudding myself…" L thought to himself. "…Watari! Make me some puddin'… banana puddin'." L yelled.

"Whatever you freak!" Watari yelled. L then smiled as he waited for his banana pudding. The moral of this story you're wondering? Well, it's don't ever make banana pudding yourself or it will have dire consequences.

Wolflink93: And that's the end of this. That'll teach you people not to believe me when I say I'm going to do something. Now I know I haven't posted a chapter for quite a while… Well you see… You know what I don't need to make an excuse. You got your damn chapter! So, why the hell would you complain… Now to you L.

L: First I would like to thank Wolflink93 for giving me the privilege of being the main character in this chapter.

Wolflink93: Your welcome…

L: Now to real business… Ahem now it has been drawn to my attention that this story isn't getting as much reviews as it should since… well… I'm in it… So on that note if you'd like to help us with this problem maybe some of you can tell your friends about this fanfic. Well, I don't know maybe send a post card of one of the jokes from this. Or make a T-shirt with the address to this fanfic on the shirt. Really,we don't care how you do it. Just try to help us because well we understand that we have probably a decent amount of fans. Here are the stats of this story as of 8-19-08 6:15 P.M. (Pull's out piece of paper) 1,174 hits 1st chapter 519, 2nd chapter 193, 3rd chapter 143, 4th chapter 130, 5th chapter 118, 6th chapter 71. Now the reviews 22 I will now list them in order from first chapter to last chapter 4, 6, 5, 4, 2, 1.

Did you see how it suddenly dwindled down to 1?... Fav 12, Alerts 4. Now I'm not going to name names on who's on the fav and alert list, who have never reviewed for this story. I mean, at least you're saying that you like it. Now if this is pretty decent on what a somewhat good story should be. Then were fine with it, but if it's not then we'll need to fix that. But, please people were just asking you to review and tell us like if were doing something wrong with our grammar. I mean, how else is Wolflink93 going to become a better author if no one tells him about his grammar mistakes. Aside from the usual OMGs or OMFGs... Those were on purpose. And I think that's all I have to say and please review!

Wolflink93: (Looks above him) I walked down the street and was hit by a wall of text. Well, on that note please review! And look forward to the next chapter… Whenever it comes out… Also sometime in the future there will be a chapter or part of a chapter that will be dedicated to bloopers for this chapter. (Even though it's funny enough) So please review! And I might do it sooner than you think.

L:Yeah and if you don't review I won't smile anymore.