Title:
Characters: Donna, the Doctor, Kirk, Spock
Rating: G
A/N: This was inspired by some comments by profpangaea to another story I wrote, in which the Doctor teaches Donna how to play Fizzbin. So I'll dedicate this piece of crack to him.
Donna and the Doctor entered the dimly lit tavern and paused to take a look around. There was a large group over by the bar, and smaller groups of twos and threes around tables scattered about in the gloom. "Are you sure this is the place?" Donna asked, doubtfully. This did not look like the 'best place for Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters this side of the Andromeda Galaxy' as the Doctor had advertised it. It looked like the type of place where you wanted to wash your hands as soon as you walked in.
He tightened his grip on her arm. "Yes, yes, quite sure. Well, almost sure." He looked at her, and she raised an eyebrow. "No, I'm positive this is the place. I just haven't been here for some time." He scanned the room again, and Donna felt him tense as his gaze stopped at one table. "Great Seal of Rassilon, it can't be!" He took Donna's hand and pulled her toward a table in the corner.
"Great seal of what?" Donna asked, as she let him drag her along.
The Doctor stopped at a table where two men were sitting. They stopped talking as she and the Doctor reached the table. "Captain Kirk, you old dog, what are you doing in a place like this?"
One of the men stood up, a smile spreading across his face. "Good Lord. Doctor! I could ask the same of you." They shook hands warmly. "You remember Mr. Spock, of course." Kirk gestured to the other man at the table, who inclined his head in a nod of recognition. Donna noticed his ears tapered to a point, confirming her impression he was an alien. Kirk reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips in a chivalrous kiss, his eyes sparkling. "And who is this lovely creature?" Ah, a charmer, Donna thought.
"Donna Noble," she answered, before the Doctor could say anything.
"Very pleased to meet you, Ms. Noble," he replied, releasing her hand. He turned to the Doctor. "Last time I saw you, you were travelling alone. I see you've remedied that situation." He winked at Donna.
The Doctor smiled at Donna, "Yes, you could say that."
Kirk sat down again and waved toward the other chairs. "Sit, sit, tell us what you've been up to." He signaled the bartender.
The Doctor sat, pointedly sitting between Kirk and Donna. He and Kirk were soon competing over who could tell Donna the more outrageous story, with Spock interjecting occasionally to correct a fact. Naturally, Kirk first wanted to know how Donna had come into the Doctor's life.
"She just appeared in your ship?" Kirk looked astonished. "Why doesn't that ever happen to me?"
The Doctor replied, winking at Donna, "You just aren't as lucky as I am, it seems."
They were well into their second bottle of something blue, and Donna had forgotten why the Doctor had initially brought them to this little place, when Kirk said, "Do you remember when I taught you to play Fizzbin?"
The Doctor put his glass down suddenly, looking sideways at Donna. "I think you'll find that I taught that to you."
Kirk said, "No, no, I'm sure I taught it to you. It was on that dismal little space station near Tau Omicron Seven. We were waiting for the shuttle after we fixed the power converter that was damaged by that bomb – remember? I had you convinced it was an old Ferengi game, and took you for fifty credits, didn't I? You never did pay up."
The Doctor shook his head. "No, no, no. It was Apollonia Seven, in the capitol city. I taught it to you while we were waiting for your crew to get us out of the brig there. I took you for fifty credits, and you never paid up, as I recall."
Kirk shook his head, "No, no, no. I made it up and taught it to you. I remember it perfectly clearly."
"No, no, no, I made it up on the spot and taught it to you," the Doctor protested.
"Wait a minute. You mean it's not a real game?" Donna asked, looking from Kirk to the Doctor.
Kirk answered, "No, it's a total fabrication. I've used it to get out of a tight spot more than once. The rules are nice and flexible, shall we say."
Donna glared at the Doctor. "You used a made up game to get me to –" she blushed, looking at Kirk and Spock. She lowered her voice. "You were losing at strip poker, and you used a fake game to get me—"
"On an even footing, shall we say," said the Doctor. "Yes. I'm sorry. You didn't seem to mind at the time, though." He winced as Donna smacked him on the arm.
Kirk laughed, "You made up a strip version? Even I've never done that. Well done!"
Mr. Spock cleared his throat. "If I may, I believe I can settle the question of who first invented the game."
They all looked at him, expectantly.
"The Doctor was not on Tau Omicron Four. I believe you taught the game to a con man named Jack Harkness," Spock said, looking at Kirk. "You are correct that he did not pay you your winnings."
The Doctor choked on his drink, "Jack Harkness?"
Kirk nodded, "Do you know him?"
"You could say that." Donna couldn't read the expression on the Doctor's face.
Spock continued, as if he had not been interrupted. "The Doctor did teach it to you on Apollonia Seven—"
"Ha! Didn't I say so?" the Doctor interrupted.
"However," Spock continued, "I believe I ended up winning fifty credits from each of you, and neither of you have paid." Donna thought he looked quite self-satisfied.
Kirk and the Doctor looked at each other, then burst out laughing. "Right you are!" the Doctor said, slapping the table with his hand. "First time anyone ever managed to best me in that game. Considering I made up the rules, and often change them, that is no small feat!"
Donna said, "If you recall, I managed to win a few hands when you taught me."
The Doctor took her hand. "So you did."
"Well-matched, then," Kirk said, raising his glass, "To games well-played."
They all raised their glasses, "Hear, hear." Donna took a small sip.
Kirk set his glass down, looking at their hands still linked on the tabletop. "Well Mr. Spock, I think we should be getting back, and leave these two to their business."
"Agreed, Captain. Very nice to see you again, Doctor. And to meet you, Ms. Noble. I hope it will not be long before we see you both again," Spock said.
Kirk rose. "Doctor, Donna. I hope to see you again. Until then, try not to cause too much trouble."
The Doctor grinned, "I was about to say the same to you. Do stop creating time distortions, won't you? I'm getting tired of dealing with those."
"No promises, but I'll do my best, Doctor," Kirk replied. "And you take care of this lovely woman, or I'll track you down myself."
The Doctor turned to look at Donna. "That I will promise," he said. "If she doesn't kill me as soon as you leave, that is."
Kirk laughed, then left with Spock. Donna saw him stop to settle the bill at the bar, and he flashed a smile at her when he caught her looking. Charmer.
Donna looked at the Doctor and squeezed his hand. "You have the most interesting friends," she said. "Now, I think I know a game we should play when we get back to the TARDIS. I'll tell you the rules as we go along."
She thought he looked a little nervous, but he smiled. "I suppose turnabout is fair play," he said, "I look forward to your…inventiveness."
She stood, pulling him with her. "Oh, I intend to be very inventive. Revenge is sweet," she said, with a smile.